“Are you sure?” Sadie ate the last bite off her own plate and rose to put it in the sink as well. “I mean, if it really hurts that much . . .”
“No, I need to do this,” Mathis said grimly. “And I need to do it pretty damn quickly.”
“Why?” Sadie looked up at him curiously. “You said it didn’t have to do with the moon being almost full so why? Just to show me?”
Mathis didn’t want to tell her about his rut but somehow, looking down into those big, brown eyes, he knew he couldn’t lie or put her off.
“I . . . have a problem,” he said reluctantly. “Something to do with my Buck—my animal form.”
“What?” Sadie was still looking at him innocently.
“It’s autumn,” Mathis said, trying to think how to explain. “And that’s when male deer usually go into rut.”
“What’s that? Sorry . . .” She shrugged. “I guess I would know if I’d ever been hunting or anything like that but I’m pretty much a pacifist. I don’t know anything about the life cycle of deer.”
Mathis scrubbed a hand over his face, trying to think of a way to explain that wouldn’t scare her.
“It’s kind of like . . . going into heat. Only that’s a female thing. Rut is the male equivalent. It only happens once a year, usually in the fall, and when it does the Buck gets this . . .” He cleared his throat. “This violent urge to mate.”
“You do?” Sadie’s eyes widened.
“Yeah, but don’t worry,” he hastened to reassure her. “Like I told you earlier, I can control myself. It’s just harder this year because . . .”
“Because I’m around.” Sadie bit her lip. “I’m so sorry, Mathis. Do I really smell that, uh, tempting?”
“Like you wouldn’t believe, sweetheart,” he growled. “Your scent plus my rut makes me want to rip off that shirt, lay you on the bed, and lick you all over your sweet little body.” He looked her up and down, taking in the outline of her luscious curves, teasingly visible beneath the thin white cotton T-shirt. He could just imagine cupping her full breasts in his hands, pinching her nipples lightly until she moaned, then sliding down to kneel between her thighs and lapping her sweet wet pussy open with his tongue, tasting her until she cried and begged and pulled his hair . . . “Lick you and taste you and a whole hell of a lot more,” he said.
“Oh!” Sadie’s cheeks had gone bright red. “You . . . I . . .”
“Don’t worry,” Mathis said again quickly. “I’m as Alpha as they come—I can control my urges. I’m just telling you what it’s like, being around you. It’s enough to drive a male crazy.”
“I’m really sorry,” she said quietly, crossing her arms protectively over her breasts. “I honestly didn’t know anything about any of this until you told me.”
“I believe you,” Mathis said. “And I don’t blame you either—this isn’t your fault. It’s mine—it’s what I am.” He sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face. “Just wish the fucking pills would work. That would make things so much easier.”
“Your pills? You mean the ones Fiona makes for you?” Sadie asked.
“Yeah, you were right—they’re not erectile dysfunction pills.” He looked down at himself in disgust. His cock had been standing at attention for what felt like hours by now, making it nearly impossible to think straight. The Buck inside him was insisting that he had to claim Sadie, to make her his mate and breed her to mark his territory and tie her to him forever.
Mathis fought the urge grimly—he had his promise to himself to consider. Not to mention the fact that he’d already formed one life-bond back when he’d mated Kathleen and one was all his kind of Shifter got.
Besides, after all the crazy things she’d been through, Sadie probably didn’t want anything to do with any male in Cougarville right now. He wouldn’t blame her if she wanted to shake the dust of the little town off her feet and never come back again.
Of course, he wasn’t exactly sure how leaving without a mate would work with her Juvie cycle—there was still a lot he was unsure about when it came to her. She should probably go talk to Fiona first thing in the morning. But in the meantime, she was under his protection and he had an obligation to take care of her—not take advantage of her.
“So your pills?” Sadie prompted him and he realized he’d been silent too long.
“Oh yeah—they’re anti-rut pills. Fiona’s been making them for me for about ten years now. Ever since . . .” He swallowed hard. “Ever since Kathleen passed.”
“Your wife?” Sadie asked softly. “Was . . . was she a Shifter too? A Juvie, like me?”
“No.” Mathis shook his head. “I mean, she had the Shifter Gene—most everyone in Cougarville does. But we fell in love and got married young. We knew that if we stayed together she’d never Rejuvenate and we’d never have any Shifter kids, but that was okay with me. All . . .” He cleared his throat. “All I wanted was her. I didn’t care about passing on the Gene as long as I could have her.”
“Oh, Mathis . . .” Tentatively, Sadie put a hand on his arm.
Mathis could see the compassion in her big brown eyes and knew she was just trying to comfort him, but the light touch still lit a fire inside him.
“It’s okay,” he said, pulling away as gently as he could. “It’s been ten years now. I should be over it, I know. But I can’t help myself. I . . .” He took a deep breath. “I made a promise to myself after she died, never to take another mate. In fact, I haven’t even been with another female since she passed. Fiona’s pills helped a lot with that—with controlling my, uh, urges. Just wish they still worked.”
“I’m sorry if I’m making it harder for you,” Sadie said. “I can still spend the night in my car. The storm seems to have blown over and—”
“Hell no, you’re not spending the night in your car!” Mathis growled. “You’re staying with me.”
“But if my scent is making you hard, I mean . . .” Her cheeks were pink. “Making things hard on you . . .”
“It’s okay,” he said, waving her off. “It’ll be a lot better after I Shift. That always helps control it some.”
“So that’s why you need to Shift.” A look of understanding came into her eyes.
Mathis nodded. “Yeah. I know it seems strange since the urge to mate comes from my Buck in the first place, but being in my other form—my animal form—helps control the rut. Maybe because I’m giving in to it just a little—letting myself embrace the Buck and his needs for a while. I don’t know.” He shrugged. “I just know it helps.”
“Well, I’d love to see it,” Sadie said. “Honestly, I don’t know what to expect, though.”
“You’ll see,” Mathis said. “Come on—let’s get you ready to go outside.”
When at last Sadie stood under the light of the nearly full moon just outside the fence surrounding Mathis’s back garden, she was as ready as she could be—at least for the cold weather. She had on Mathis’s lined down jacket (which was much too large for her) a pair of his thick woolen socks that came almost up to her thighs, and oversized galoshes.
Her own clothes still weren’t dry so this was the best Mathis could do for her. Sadie didn’t mind—actually she felt fairly toasty. Thanks to the jacket falling so low and socks coming so high, the only part of her that was really cold was her knees.
“Why such a high fence?” she asked, to distract herself from the sight of Mathis stripping out of his navy-blue pajama bottoms.
He made a face. “My Buck isn’t always good with self-control. Before I put up the fence, I ruined my own damn garden more times than I can count.”
Sadie had to smother a smile. “So you had to put up a fence to keep yourself out of your own garden?”
“That’s about right.” Mathis shrugged his broad, bare shoulders and handed her his pajama trousers. “Hold these, will you?”
“Um, sure.” Sadie bunched the navy-blue material in her hands, trying not to notice how extremely huge he looked when he was naked. Huge all over, whisper
ed a little voice in her head and she tried not to look between his legs where his truly massive equipment was standing up straight and hard against his flat belly despite the cold.
Concentrate on something else, she commanded herself. She turned her eyes determinedly up to his broad bare shoulders and muscular chest. He was in incredible shape—Forget a six-pack, he’s got a freaking eight-pack! Sadie couldn’t help thinking. But then her eyes slipped down from his rippling abs to the area between his legs again and she bit her lip at his size. How could he even use equipment that big? Sadie bet herself she wouldn’t be able to wrap her fingers all the way around it if she tried.
Which of course led to the mental image of her stepping up to him and taking his long pulsing cock in her hands. She could almost imagine the hot, hard feel of him throbbing at her touch . . . the soft animal growl that would come from his deep chest as she stroked him . . . the feel of that broad head slipping between her thighs to rub slowly against her open pussy . . .
Stop it, Sadie—stop it! What is wrong with you thinking like that? She could feel her cheeks getting hot with embarrassment as she realized she’d been staring at Mathis’s hard cock and having dirty fantasies about him. What was wrong with her? With an effort, she ripped her gaze away.
“Look, I don’t want you to worry that I’ll hurt you in my Buck form,” Mathis said, clearly misreading the look on her face. He seemed as comfortable naked as he was dressed. “Because I won’t—I’ll still recognize you and know you’re a female to be protected. I just don’t . . . think quite like a human in that form. That’s all.”
“It’s okay,” Sadie said, being careful to look at his face and not his equipment. “I’m not afraid of you, Mathis. Or whatever you turn into.”
Because really, who could be that scared of a deer? Even a prehistoric one?
“Good, I’m glad you’re not,” he said. He cupped her cheek in one hand and looked at her earnestly, holding her eyes with his. “I would never hurt you, Sadie—I hope you know that.”
“I know.” The warm brush of his fingertips against her cheek seemed to light a fire inside her, one that wasn’t easy to hide or control. For a moment, she wanted so badly to kiss him again she could barely restrain herself.
Stop it, Sadie! Don’t make a fool out of yourself. Didn’t he just stand there and tell you he’d made a promise never to marry again after his wife died? He’s so serious about it he hasn’t even been with another woman in ten years. So don’t go making things awkward again!
“Okay, I’m going to try to Shift slowly so you can see it all.” Mathis’s deep voice broke into her stern self-lecture. “Usually it’s faster than this.” He took a deep breath and looked up at the moon. “Here goes.”
Sadie watched him carefully, his big form gilded silver by the moonlight. At first nothing happened . . . then Mathis began to change.
It started slowly with the movement of bones and muscles under his bare skin. Sadie stared as his torso grew longer until he was leaning over and his muscular arms grew down to the ground. She could almost see his arm bones lengthening as they changed. The fingers of his hands grew together and hardened, becoming hooves. His knees bent backward and his face, which bore a look of stoic agony during what was clearly an extremely painful process, began to lengthen into a muzzle.
Sadie couldn’t believe what she was seeing. She stood watching in awe as he kept changing and growing—getting bigger and bigger. Reddish brown fur flowed over his body and his eyes grew so large she could see herself reflected in their dark depths. Last of all, antlers sprouted from his forehead, growing like two trees that had decided to take root in the wrong place. They grew and grew until they were farther apart than she was tall—it was amazing.
“My God,” Sadie whispered as the transformation was finally complete. The animal that stood before her was nothing like the sweet, gentle deer she had imagined. This was no shy Bambi-like creature—Mathis as a man was big enough but Mathis as a Buck was huge.
The shoulders of the immense creature were at least three feet higher than her head and his rack of antlers was something like twelve feet across from tip to tip. No wonder he’d said he wouldn’t fit in the bathroom in this form—he wouldn’t fit anywhere except outside.
Sadie had been a horse lover as a girl and her mother had even made sure that she and Samantha got riding lessons for a couple of years. In the stables where they had ridden were massive Clydesdale horses, which were some of the biggest in the world. Now, looking up at the Irish Elk Mathis had become, Sadie thought it would dwarf even those massive equines—he was that big.
“Wow,” she whispered in breathless awe. “This is amazing.”
The Buck snorted and tossed his head, his huge antlers clattering against tree branches. Then he dropped his massive muzzle to look at her, his liquid brown eyes studying her intently.
Tentatively, Sadie put up a hand to pet him. The vast head was so much larger than hers that she felt like a Lilliputian reaching up to touch a giant. But Mathis’s Buck lowered his nose and accepted her caress with a low rumble of pleasure.
“You’re beautiful,” Sadie told him softly, still filled with awe. It was like a piece of the past had come to life right in front of her. A gorgeous, amazing, immense piece—a creature she never would have dreamed she’d ever get to see and now she was actually touching it.
Touching him, she reminded herself. This is Mathis.
The Buck snorted gently, blowing hot air into her cupped palm, as she stroked his velvety nose. Then he nudged her hand, as though asking for more.
“I want to pet you more, but you’re so big,” Sadie told him. Then she saw a conveniently sized rock, a few feet away to one side of the garden gate. “Maybe over here?” she said to the Buck, walking to the rock.
He followed her agreeably enough and waited as Sadie scrambled up. When she got upright, she found she was at least three feet higher than she had been. This time when the Buck lowered his head, she was able to reach him more easily.
Using both hands this time, she patted and stroked him, scratching around his ears and the bases of his vast antlers, which he really seemed to like.
Sadie was delighted. It reminded her more and more of her horse-riding days, except Mathis as a Buck was much huger and wilder than any of the tame mares she’d ridden as a teenager.
“I wish I could ride you,” Sadie said out loud. “I mean, that’s probably not something you’d go for but—”
To her surprise, the Buck cut her off with a snort. Then he folded his legs under him and lay down right beside the rock. Looking up at her expectantly, he snorted again.
Sadie stared at him in disbelief. Had he understood her? Was he actually inviting her to take a ride? And if so, should she?
“I don’t know,” she said, looking at him. Though he had his legs folded under him and she was still standing on the rock, they were still eye-to-eye—the Buck was that huge.
He snorted again and tossed his head—but carefully, so as not to hurt her with his antlers. To Sadie the invitation seemed clear. Hop on. Why not?
“Well . . . all right,” she said at last. “But you have to be careful—I haven’t ridden in years.”
The Buck nodded his head again, and Sadie swore he was agreeing with her.
“Okay then,” she said. “Here goes.”
Leaning over, she threw one leg over his massive side and climbed aboard.
The broad ridge of his spine rose up between his shoulders, making a kind of shaggy hump that was too high to sit on, so Sadie scooted forward until she was sitting just at the base of his massive neck, behind his head.
It was so broad she could feel the stretch in her inner thighs and there was nothing to hold on to but his slightly shaggy coat. Sadie threaded her fingers through it and leaned forward to whisper in one furry ear.
“Is it all right with you, Mathis?”
The Buck snorted again and tossed his head up and down, which seemed to mean he was fine
with it.
“Good,” Sadie told him. “In that case, I’m ready when you are.”
The Buck scrambled up, blowing a little as he heaved his massive bulk into a standing position. Sadie held on tight but she had the feeling he was being extra careful not to dislodge her. He started off at a walk, his vast antlers clattering against tree trunks and branches occasionally as he walked through the forest.
Sadie thought later that she would never forget that moonlit ride and the view from between his huge antlers. The moon was bright and soft in the sky, almost but not quite full, and it shed a silvery light over the trees and undergrowth, gilding each leaf and branch, making the forest seem magical and otherworldly. The air was filled with the scent of growing things after the rain—a rich, loamy smell—and under it was the Buck’s scent, which was partly Mathis’s scent as well—wild and musky and warm and very male.
It was chilly enough that Sadie could see her breath but she didn’t feel cold at all. The down jacket kept her warm up top and below her, the heat of the Buck’s body was vast and all-encompassing.
There was one thing Sadie hadn’t counted on, though—straddling him as she was, the ridge of the Buck’s spine was right between her thighs. As he walked with that slow, measured tread, she was rubbed back and forth in a pleasurable rhythm that was really beginning to affect her.
I should stop this, she thought, trying to rearrange the T-shirt she was wearing to put some padding between herself and Mathis’s Buck. Ought to get off . . . er, dismount.
But she had no idea how she was going to manage that unless he laid down again. She was almost ten feet off the ground and she had no desire to jump from that distance. At the same time, though, she was getting rubbed over and over between her wide-spread thighs, which was making her body react even though she didn’t want it to.
God, this is crazy! I can’t—
Her thought cut off abruptly when Mathis’s Buck stepped out of the forest into a long, open clearing between the trees. Shaped like a wide oval about twice as long as a football field, the clearing was silver as a placid lake in the moonlight. The Buck stopped at one end and stamped twice.