'It's pretty silly to say that a person with an IQ of say, two zillion should sweep the roads,' Bliss continued, showing off her artificially whitened teeth as she smiled her way around the room. 'And it's just as silly to say that a nought could be . . . well, Prime Minister one day. I mean, that is soooooo never going to happen.'
'Time's up, Bliss,' said Mrs Paxton.
Finally!
'Therefore, I'd like to end by asking that you all vote "no" because, well, you know I'm right,' Bliss said on fast forward.
She sat down and not a moment too soon. I'd met paperclips with more insight.
'Thank you for your views, Bliss,' said Mrs Paxton. 'Your turn, Tobey.'
Tobey stood up slowly, without saying a word. And for some reason he was looking at me. He hadn't looked at me all lesson; now all of a sudden, he couldn't take his eyes off me. He smiled, a brief tentative smile. Before I realized what I was doing, I smiled back. As Sammi and some others turned to look at me, my face began to get hot and I could feel myself blushing.
'Tobey, the clock is ticking,' Mrs Paxton reminded him, glancing down at her watch.
'Bliss is making the mistake of thinking that "equal" means "the same". It doesn't,' Tobey began quietly. 'Yes, people aren't the same. We're all different. But we are all equal, or we should be – from the poorest to the richest, from the most intelligent to the likes of Bliss.'
That made me and most others in the class laugh. Bliss, however, failed to see the joke.
'If a decent education is only available to those who can afford it, what does that say about our society? If I get ill and my treatment differs from yours because I'm a Nought and you're a Cross or because I can pay and you can't, what does that say about our society? And if the law won't protect the worst of us, then it can't protect the best of us. You can't say, we'll have one law for the rich and one for the poor. You can't say we'll have one law for Noughts and another for Crosses. The law has to apply to everyone equally or it can't apply to anyone. Equal should mean equal opportunities, equal choices, equal treatment. So is an "equal" society desirable? Yes, of course it is. Is an equal society possible? Well, it's up to us to make it possible.'
'Time's up, Tobey,' said Mrs Paxton.
'That's not fair, Mrs Paxton. I'm sure he had longer than a minute,' Bliss complained.
'No he didn't, Bliss. He just didn't waste half of his summation saying "soooooo" after every other word and making that one word last ten seconds at a time. Now let's have a show of hands. Those of you who agree with Bliss, hands up.'
I looked around as hands began to go up. Mrs Paxton counted.
'And hands up those of you who agree with Tobey?'
I looked around as my hand went up and so did some others.
Bliss won the debate by three votes. I couldn't believe it. We were all supposed to clap the winner but I was damned if I was going to applaud Bliss's views. The buzzer sounded just as Mrs Paxton called out, 'The topic for next week's debate is animal experimentation so I'd like you all to read up on the subject.'
Books were stuffed into bags, chairs were scraped back and already people were heading out of the door and towards their next lesson. I had to say something. I just had to. I turned to Tobey, who sat at the table behind me.
'I'm sorry you didn't win, Tobey.'
'I did win.' Tobey smiled at me.
'How d'you work that out?'
"Cause I only lost by three votes.'
'Huh? That's called losing, Tobey,' I pointed out.
'Matthew Moore in senior year told me that Mrs Paxton runs this debate every year.'
'So?'
'So in Matthew's year, only four people voted pro equality. The rest voted against it. I'd say losing by only three votes is a result.'
I was the last one in the room as I watched Tobey leave.
I wondered what Uncle Jude would've made of his attitude.
one hundred and two.
Meggie
If it wasn't for doors slamming in this house, there'd be no noise at all. Callie Rose won't tell her mum where she really was over the last three weekends and Sephy won't let the matter drop. I'm trying to stay out of it but, to tell the truth, I'm just as worried as Sephy. Just before each of the last three weekends, Callie told us that she was going for a sleepover at Audra's house, then Sammi's, then Rafiya's. By the third weekend sleepover in a row, alarm bells were sounding in my head so goodness only knew what they were doing in Sephy's.
Right or wrong, Sephy phoned Sammi's mum, then Rafiya's mum. Sephy said it was to reciprocate and invite Sammi and Rafiya to spend the weekend with Callie Rose. And of course, then it all came out that Callie hadn't been to any of their houses in months. Sephy swears she just wanted Callie to enjoy herself by having her friends round. But Callie didn't see it that way.
And now the silence has begun. Callie Rose and Sephy don't speak and when Sephy enters a room, Callie leaves. So after lots of shouting, we had lots of doors slamming followed by lots of silent anger and hostility.
And more than a little sorrow.
one hundred and three.
Callie is 15
'I'll take your coat,' said Lucas.
I shrugged out of it and looked around the beautiful hall, which was the size of a room in itself. A grandfather clock by the stairs chimed the hour. Opposite the clock was a small burgundy sofa, next to a telephone table. I walked over to Lucas to give him my coat, my heels clicking on the wooden floor.
Bad idea . . . this was a bad idea . . .
The alarm bells in my head wouldn't stop pealing.
Very bad idea . . .
Lucas led the way into a room almost as big as one in Nana Jasmine's house. 'This is the lounge,' he said.
'I'd sort of gathered that,' I replied. 'The two settees, the walk-in fireplace and the flat screen TV taking up practically that entire wall were subtle clues.'
'Sarky trout!' Lucas said pleasantly.
'Only 'cause I'm nervous,' I admitted.
Lucas and I had been going out for over a year now – visits to the cinema, the theatre once, the National Art Gallery twice and a number of meals. Plus quite a few kisses and some under and over-the-clothes groping action. I longed for more, but gladly settled for less. I longed for someone to hold me, but I didn't really like to be touched. I guess, I wasn't used to it. So we were hardly 'love's young dream' – not that I was looking for anything like that. Far from it. Being with Lucas was fun, but it was like playing a waiting game. I was waiting for him to jump up and shout, 'April Fool! It was all a joke, as if I'd ever be interested in someone like you
And what was a 'someone like me'? I was still trying to figure that one out.
There was a huge part of me that was like the dark side of the moon, the part that Lucas never got to see, would never get to know. It meant I could never truly relax with him. What would he do if I told him about me and the L.M.? Would he think his dad was right about me? Would he turn his back and walk away? Or would he understand? I didn't know. He's a Cross, he didn't have to walk in the shoes of the Nought minority. He didn't have to put up with stares and jeers and biased media reporting and all the one million and one other gnawing details that the minority had to put up with, which the majority never saw. And I was biologically in the middle. I had yet to work out my place socially. What did Noughts see when they looked at me – a light-skinned Cross? What did Crosses see when they looked at me – a dark-skinned Nought? I had to stop seeing myself through anyone's eyes but my own. But it made me wonder how Lucas saw me. He'd never said. I'd never asked.
The problem was, I really liked him. He was a strong person, strong enough to make up his own mind about me when his dad was trying to make up his mind for him. I liked being with him. I liked his arm around my shoulder. I liked kissing him. But every time I did so, it made me feel . . . unfocused.
'So where's the rest of your family?' I asked, sitting down at the end of one of the Jacquard patterned sofas. Lucas sat down at the oth
er end.
'Ella's at one of her friends' sleepovers. Audra, I think.'
So my friend Audra was having a sleepover, and I hadn't been invited. Ironic really, after telling Mum I'd been at sleepovers for the last three weekends. Such a silly lie. I shouldn't've told Mum anything at all. Audra was having a sleepover . . . I wondered why she hadn't said anything to me. I guess I didn't currently have anything she wanted or could use.
'And where're your mum and dad?'
'They've gone to visit friends in the country. They won't be back till tomorrow night.'
'I see.'
Lucas was actually beginning to look a bit uncomfortable. 'I just thought it would be nice to stay in for a change. And you never invite me back to your house,' he pointed out.
'This is fine,' I told him, asking dryly, 'But your dad probably wouldn't appreciate my bum on his sofa or my presence in his house.'
'Sod him!' said Lucas. 'I live here too.'
'What would he do if he found me here?' I asked.
'D'you want the truth?' Lucas said seriously.
I nodded.
'He'd probably be very polite until you left, then he'd tell me never to bring you here or see you again.'
'And you would follow his orders
'No way. Like I said, I live here too.'
'Aren't you afraid of incurring Daddy's wrath and being cut out of his will?' I teased melodramatically.
But the joke was on me. Lucas stared at me, stunned, for a fraction of a second, then tried to cover it up with a shrug. But quick as it was, I'd seen by the expression on his face just how dangerously close I'd come to the truth.
'You know what, I'd better go.' I stood up.
'No, please don't. It's fine, honestly.'
'Lucas, tell me the truth. It won't make any difference to my being here, I just want to know. Am I only here to antagonize your dad?'
'No,' Lucas replied at once. 'I promise you're not.'
I didn't believe him. No matter. At least I knew now what he stood to gain. Hell, I'd probably do the same thing if it'd wind up my mum.
'So what's the plan?' I asked. 'A couple of microwave meals, a drink or two and then up to your bed or do you plan to shag me here on this settee?'
'Jeez, Callie, you sure know how to kill a moment stone dead!'
I tilted my head to one side, puzzled. 'You did bring me here for sex, didn't you?'
'Well, I thought we might . . . if we both wanted to . . . later. But it's not compulsory.'
'Hhmm! Want to do it first and get it out of the way?' I asked.
'Bloody hell!'
I pulled off my cardigan and dropped it on the settee. 'D'you want to take off the rest?' My body was trembling beneath my white linen shirt and matching long skirt. I just hoped Lucas couldn't tell.
'What're you doing, Callie?' Lucas asked, his eyes narrowed.
'This is what you want, isn't it?' I said.
Why pretend otherwise? I was so sick of pretence and prevarication and lies.
'And you've done this before?' asked Lucas.
'No, but what difference does it make?'
Lucas walked over to me, calling my bluff. My heartbeat was suddenly audible in my chest. Not faster or slower, just audible. Lucas took my hands in his but they remained at our sides. His head lowered. I closed my eyes. And just like that we were kissing. Only this time felt different to all the other times. Slower and stronger and with the promise of much more to come. Lucas was a fantastic kisser. He didn't just plonk his mouth on mine and try to force all the blood out of my lips. He was soft and gentle, like he cared about me enjoying it too. Lucas let go of my hands and his fingers went to the top button of my linen shirt. He started to undo it, still kissing me.
Something inside me froze.
My mind stepped out of my body and watched, detached, from across the room. Lucas's hands moved to undo the second button, but then they stilled momentarily and to my surprise, he stopped kissing me. I watched him, he watched me, then he did up the button he'd just worked so effortlessly to undo.
'Aren't you . . . going to . . . ?'
'Thanks for the kind offer, but no thanks.' Lucas's forehead was a plethora of frown lines. 'I'll go and get us something to eat.'
What was that about? I wandered after him, across the hall and towards the back of the house into the kitchen. Standing in the kitchen doorway, I watched as Lucas took two chicken supreme and rice meals out of the fridge.
'Want some help?'
'No. Thanks,' said Lucas. 'These OK?' He held up the boxes to show me. I nodded.
'Lucas, what's the matter?' I asked, moving further into the kitchen.
'Let's get something straight, shall we?' Lucas threw the two meals down on the work counter and kicked the fridge door shut. 'Contrary to what you obviously think, I'm not going out with you to piss off my parents. And I didn't just bring you here for a quickie before throwing you out the door. Understand?'
'I didn't say—'
'You didn't have to. Your body did your talking for you,' said Lucas. 'I like you, Callie. Very much. But it's like . . . it's like you're watching me, just waiting for me to mess up.'
'What d'you mean?'
"Sometimes being with you is like taking a test where I don't know the questions and I know I'm supposed to fail.'
'Lucas, it isn't like that.'
'Isn't it?'
He turned back to our dinner, ripping open the boxes to get to the contents.
I stood in front of him, forcing him to look at me.
'I like you, Lucas,' I said. 'I really do.'
It took a good few seconds for the resentment on his face to fade. I smiled. At least he wasn't quite so ready to explode any more.
'Ready to eat?' he asked.
I nodded.
'And after our meal, we could watch a film if you'd like.'
'That'd be great.' I forced a smile.
'And then I'll take you home,' said Lucas.
I opened my mouth to argue, but he shook his head.
'And then I'm taking you home.'
one hundred and four.
Jude
Callie Rose was very disappointing last weekend at training camp. I expected her to perform better. I guess I was hoping to see more of Callum in her. When he joined the L.M., he went through training in double-quick time. He could put his feelings aside and get on 'with the task at hand. He was a good soldier that way. Callie Rose can't do that. Her feelings are part and parcel of anything and everything she does. If she's set a task, she has to believe in it, body and soul. I'll have to be sure to remember that when I use her in the future. I obviously pushed too hard too fast. She phoned me this morning to say she didn't want to go back to training camp. I'll give her time to cool off then start working on her again. I'm not going to lose her now, not after all the time and effort I've put in to get her to fulfil my dreams.
I rolled over onto my back and stared up at the ceiling. It was all coming together. Almost two months ago the election had been called and all my commanders were hard at work, aiming to make this an election campaign no one in this country would ever forget. My gaze moved across the ceiling like a lethargic spider. Dark, hairline cracks weaved like tendrils down the adjacent wall towards the large bay window. The wind blew against the window, rattling the panes. It sounded like the frame might need some attention. Anna put her arm around me and kissed my cheek. Then she snuggled up, putting her head on my shoulder. Her ash-blond hair tickled my nose.
I wasn't sorry I'd accepted Anna Tenski's invitation to come back to her flat. Better her place than my hotel room. I'd give it ten minutes then make my excuses and leave. All I wanted to do was get out of the bed and back to work. But for now I had to lie still, my arm around her. It wasn't terribly politic of me to sleep with one of my regional commanders but she was the one who'd made all the running. And it'd been a long time since I'd been with a woman.
'What're you thinking?' Anna whispered, her warm breath irritating my
ear.
What is it with women always needing to ask that question? My thoughts are my own, I thought with annoyance. And if I wanted to share them, I'd tell you without having to be asked.
An image of Cara came into sharp and unexpected focus in my head. What would it have been like to make love to her? Not as mechanical as it had been with Anna, I'd put money on that. She wouldn't've expected anything from me, she wouldn't've wanted anything but me. She had class. And she wouldn't've asked me what I was thinking because she would've already known . . .
'You look so far away,' Anna said softly.
Her voice brought me back to the present with a jolt. What the hell had I been thinking? I flung myself out of bed and headed naked towards the shower.
'Did I say something wrong?' asked Anna, sitting up.
I turned round. 'No. No, I just want to have a shower. I need to get back to work,' I told her, remembering to smile.
'Jude, you work too hard. You have so much on your plate. I wish I could do more for you,' said Anna.
'You do enough,' I told her. 'And I appreciate it.'
'All us commanders are thrilled to be working with you on this latest initiative,' Anna told me. 'We're all waiting with bated breath for this masterstroke of yours. It sounds like it'll be something people will be talking about for years.'
'That's the idea,' I told her. 'Ironic, really. The election is just a few weeks away and the biggest coup in L.M. history will be thanks to a child.'
'A child?' Anna said sharply. 'I don't understand.'
'You don't need to.' I leaned over the bed and kissed her forehead before heading back to the shower.
The water sprayed like blunt needles against my skin, just the way I like it. I hate showers where the water trickles like limp drizzle. I reached for the shampoo to wash my hair, when the shower door opened.
'D'you mind if I join you?' Anna asked silkily.
She stepped in before I could tell her that yes, actually, I did mind.