Our matching eyes met and stayed locked as a guard marched him toward me. I saw concern and hope in his eyes, not the evil I’d feared. As he got closer, every shred of anger I’d been harboring fell from me.
He stood in front of me now, on the other side of the table, and I found myself standing, too. Both our eyes filled with moisture. Maybe it was him I needed to thank for the curse of overactive tear ducts.
The guard unlocked my father’s handcuffs, keeping his ankles shackled, and we reached out for each other across the table. His hands were warm and rough. Mine were cold from nerves, but they would thaw now.
“Have a seat, LaGray,” the guard said, and we sat, never looking away from each other. The guard left us.
“I can’t believe you’re here,” he said. His voice was as scratchy and gruff as I recalled. “I wrote so many letters over the years,” he continued, “but it wasn’t safe to send them to you. And... I wanted you to have a chance at a normal life.”
“There was never any chance of that,” I said as gently as I could.
He nodded and sniffed. He looked like a hard man—a scary man.
“You’re probably right about that. I hoped you would learn from that nun when the time was right.”
“Sister Ruth?” I asked. “I haven’t met her yet. She talked to my adoptive mother.”
“Have they treated you well, the people who raised you?”
I was shocked by his openness with me, his obvious sensitivity.
“Yes. Just one woman. Patti. And she’s as close to an angel as humans can be. I’ve never been without love.”
He relaxed, lowering his shoulders, but his eyes still brimmed with moisture.
“That’s good. That’s what I hoped for. What did Sister Ruth tell her?”
“She said you and my mother were in love.”
He half smiled, and for a moment his face was dreamy, a far-off look passing over it.
“I’ve got a lot to tell you, and that’s a good place to start,” he said. “Back when I was an angel in heaven. If you want to hear it.”
“I want to hear everything.”
We still held hands, and there was no chance either of us was letting go. His rough thumbs rubbed the soft peaks of my knuckles. We sat with our chests leaning on the table, heads inclined toward each other, keeping our conversation as hushed as possible. I listened as he began.
“Before there was earth, there were angels in heaven, billions of us. We were content. Well, most of us. Angels are genderless. So our relationships in heaven weren’t clouded by the physical. It was a community of friends, which may not sound compelling to a human, but it was good. It was right.”
His face softened, reverently, as he remembered. I couldn’t believe I was sitting there having a civil conversation with my father. I watched him, marveling, as he continued his story.
“Even though we angels could feel the full range of emotions, there was never any need to feel dark for more than a moment or two, and then we let it go and moved on. Everyone had a role, and we were all used to the best of our abilities. We felt secure and important.
“When I met Mariantha, our personalities clicked right off.” He paused, bashful at the mention of this angel, Mariantha. His tender expression was so contradictory to his hardened outer appearance.
“Mariantha is your mother, Anna,” he explained.
My heart leaped. I nodded and bit my lip, savoring each detail.
“I was drawn to her. I say ‘her,’ but remember—we were genderless in the heavenly sphere. Our feelings were strictly emotional. I made excuses to see her time and time again. Our souls complemented each other to the point where, eventually, we couldn’t stand to be apart. During that time there was an angel in the highest hierarchy who had the kind of charisma that quickly made him like a celebrity in the heavens.”
“Lucifer,” I whispered.
“Yep. I’d never met anyone like him. He had the kind of personality that draws others in. I wanted to hear everything he had to say. Mariantha said he gave her a bad feeling. She didn’t think that a single angel needed to stand out so brightly. It was the only thing we ever disagreed on.”
His face and tone were steeped in melancholy as he looked down at our hands.
“I started going to meetings to hear Lucifer speak. He was, and is, the master of deception. He would glorify God’s work and the work of the realm, and then sneak in one backhanded comment to leave us pondering. Over time, the tiny seeds of doubt started to grow, and so did the number of angels who gathered to listen. Lucifer used partial truths mixed with lies, and we fell for it. I was shocked the day I realized my feelings about everything had changed. I didn’t tell Mariantha.” He whispered that last line with regret. Dread filled me, knowing where the story was headed.
“Lucifer gained a huge following. He knew he’d succeeded in warping our thoughts, and was ready to go full force. He told us with total conviction that God was secretly creating a new race and a whole new realm just for these humans. Lucifer said that the Maker was obsessed like a child with a new toy. He planned to use us angels as no more than slaves to the new race: the humans. Humans would have luxuries and freedoms and experiences that angels would never be allowed. We angels would be used, and trampled, and forgotten. I was pissed— Sorry, hon. Excuse my language.”
I held back a smile. How cute that this giant demon was apologizing for a light curse.
“I was such a fool.” He shook his head, remembering. “I really believed God was fallible. I thought he’d lost his mind. And I wasn’t alone. One-third of the angels in heaven stood behind Lucifer. An angry mob of angels. Who could have imagined?”
He let go of my hand for a brief moment to smooth down his facial hair, in thought.
“I had to tell Mariantha everything at that point. She begged me not to fight, but I knew that when it was all over and she saw the truth, she would forgive me and understand. So I left and joined the war. You know what happened after we lost, don’t you?”
I swallowed. “You were cast into the pits of hell.”
He nodded, looking painfully glum. “It wasn’t till I found myself down there that I realized Lucifer’s deception. Others realized it, too, but most still blindly supported him. I kept to myself ’cause I knew it would be dangerous to speak out against him. My silent nature earned me respect. They thought I was broody and vengeful, but in actuality I was hating myself for what I did to Mariantha. I couldn’t stop thinking about her.”
He stopped to look up at the ceiling. His heart still hurt after all this time. I rubbed his hands, encouraging him to continue.
“So, time passed and we heard stories about earth and humanity’s creation. Lucifer sent up spies. He became bolder and bolder, sending up rebel angels to turn humans against the Creator.”
His head suddenly snapped up and he looked over my shoulder. A strange hissing whisper came from deep in my father’s throat, and his eyes flashed bright red. I yanked my hands away. When he looked back at me he seemed completely normal.
“Sorry about that,” he said, distracted. “They’re not supposed to work in my territory.”
I couldn’t respond. The entire episode, lasting no more than two seconds, had been the most terrifying thing I’d ever witnessed. Was that inhuman hissing some sort of demon language? I looked around, but no one else had noticed.
“I didn’t mean to scare you. This isn’t exactly a conversation for their ears, you know?”
“Yeah,” I said. “I just didn’t understand at first, because I can’t see them.”
“Really?” His forehead wrinkled as his eyebrows came together in worry. “That could be a problem.”
I touched my necklace, still shaken.
“I might be wrong,” I said. “But it sounds to me like you actually respect God. I don’t understand how that can be, though, considering your... line of work.” I lowered my eyes, hoping he wasn’t offended.
“Ironic, huh?” His mouth hitched int
o a satirical grin. “I deserve hell. I was led astray too easily.”
His forearms were still on the table, open palms up. I slipped my hands into his again, and he squeezed them.
“I worked my way up the ladder in hell for selfish reasons. I heard each human was assigned a guardian angel, and I became obsessed with the possibility of seeing Mariantha again. Something about my dreary attitude and hard work must have impressed Lucifer, because I found myself earthbound in the 1700s, with the job of leading humans to eventual addiction.”
I felt a flicker of shame at the thought of drugs, and although I was careful to keep my colors hidden, my face was harder to control.
“I’m afraid I’ve been too successful,” he whispered. “I knew when I was made a Duke that I would have to do a good job to keep the position. It was horrible when I came to earth and saw the human souls trapped in their physical forms. They were miraculous creations, truly a work of genius and love. But they’re at odds with their own bodies. My job was too easy. I focused on seeing as many guardian angels as I could across the world, hundreds of thousands of them. It was the only thing worth existing for. I’d already lost everything.
“And then, seventeen years ago, I was in a small town not too far from here called Hemet, checking on one of my dealers there. I went into his house, and I’ll never forget the moment I saw her. Damn, she was a beautiful sight,” he whispered, pausing as if to replay the memory. “She was leaning over a human woman who was passed out on a mattress in the corner curled up real small—I thought she was a kid at first. You’re a pipsqueak like her.”
His grip tightened on my hands as he studied my midsection where my aura would be.
“You feel a strong pull to drugs, don’t you?” he asked.
I nodded and he shook his head, unhappy.
“I can see it. And you’ve got a double whammy: the pull from me, plus the addiction in your genetics. That’s got to be hard.”
“I’m used to it now. My body might pull, but my mind knows better.”
“Good. That’s what I like to hear.”
“All right, back to the story,” I said, gripping his fingers.
“Yep, this is where it gets good. When I saw Mariantha she was whispering to that human woman like a mother with a feverish child. Nobody in the dealer’s house cared when I picked the lady up and took her. That is, except her guardian angel, my Mariantha.” He chuckled. “She saw what I was, but didn’t register who I was at first. She went apeshhh—um, she went crazy trying to protect her human. And then she recognized me.”
He said the last sentence with such adoration that our eyes watered at the exact same time. We both laughed, wiping them dry before clasping hands again.
“Mariantha and I took the human woman to a hotel and cleaned her up. It took a whole day for her to come to, and even then she was so far gone. Her body was ruined and her soul was barely hanging on. We both knew that if the lady died, Mariantha would have to escort her soul to the afterlife. Mariantha wouldn’t be allowed to come back to earth afterward. We would never see each other again. So, hoping for the best, she climbed into that body, something no angel of light had done since Old Testament times.”
I squeezed his hands, hanging on to every word.
“The human soul didn’t fight her; she moved easily aside. It took almost three days to detox and heal the body. It was a lot for Mariantha to deal with her first time in physical form. It was hard to watch. I had to force her to eat and drink. She fought me, but she made it through. And when her mind was clear and we were together again, it was like it’d always been, only different. For the first time we weren’t just souls; we were a man and woman overcome with physical attraction and... well, that’s how you came along.”
I blushed and he looked down, shamefaced.
“I shouldn’t have let it happen,” he said. “Not that I’m not happy you’re here. Don’t get me wrong. But in all my years as a demon, I’d been careful not to father any children of my own. It didn’t seem right to me.”
I was thankful for that.
“She knew right away that you were with her. We couldn’t help but be happy. We knew we didn’t have long together, so we cherished every single second. I left her side only once, to make my report to Azael, hell’s messenger. I couldn’t let them know about you two. Mariantha heard stories through the other guardian angels about one last angelic Nephilim. We didn’t know where else to turn.”
“Wait, what do you mean, angelic Nephilim?”
“That nun is a descendant of an angel of light, probably a guardian angel. I’m not sure of her exact story.”
I wanted to know how she had escaped the attention of the Dukes and Legionnaires, but I didn’t want to ask my father and risk exposing the source of my information about demons. I somehow didn’t think he’d be pleased by my relationship with Kaidan.
“We got to the convent just in time,” he said. “You came early. Do you remember that day?”
“Yes.” I pressed my lips together, feeling guilty about how I’d questioned his motives all these years. He squeezed my hands and tugged them so I’d look up at him. His face was open, full of love.
“I want you to know, baby girl, after I saw Mariantha go, I never led another soul to sin.”
His eyes held mine, pleading for me to believe.
“Never?” I whispered. “This whole time you’ve been in prison?”
“I’ve given false reports to Lucifer for sixteen years. I know it doesn’t make up for all the damage I’ve done, but I had to ensure my place on earth long enough to see you and tell you. Funny thing is, now that I’ve met you, it makes me want to stay even longer.”
When I smiled at him, he gave me a look similar to the one Patti had given me the day she broke the news about my identity. He was thankful I wasn’t mad at him, and it wrenched my heart open further, letting him all the way in. I squeezed his big hands.
“Dad,” I said. We both jumped at the surprising sound of the word between us. I pressed on. “Do you know what Sister Ruth needs to tell me?”
“What do you mean?”
“Sister Ruth told Patti there were things she needed to discuss, but she’ll tell me only in person.”
He shook his head. “No idea,” he said. His hold on my hands tightened. “I need you to listen to me, Anna. This is important. Whatever the nun tells you, you can’t tell anyone about it. Anyone. If it’s something big and it gets back to Lucifer, he’ll have you killed. Hell, even if it’s something small he’ll have you killed. Who else knows about this besides us?”
“Just Patti...”
“Okay. That should be okay. Is that it?”
“And Kaidan,” I added. My eyes darted everywhere but his face. I was in for it.
“Who?” There was an edge to his voice.
His eyes searched mine. I didn’t want to tell him a single thing about Kaidan. I knew how it would sound. I took my hands from his, pulling the braid over my shoulder to mess with it.
“He’s my friend. He’s the one who drove me here to see you.”
“You told some human kid?”
I coughed, buying time. “He’s Neph, too.”
Jonathan LaGray went rigid and his ruddy cheeks paled. I squirmed as his eyes bored into mine.
“Which one’s his father?” he asked through clenched teeth.
“Richard Rowe. I guess you’d know him as Pharzuph.”
Oh, boy. He wasn’t pale anymore.
“You came across the country—”
“Shhh!” I warned him as people looked over. He lowered his voice to a shouted whisper.
“—with the son of the Duke of Lust?! Son of a—”
He pounded a fist down on the table and a guard stepped toward us. I waved and nodded at the man, trying to reassure him it was fine, and my father pulled his balled hands down into his lap. After a moment the guard walked back to the wall and looked away.
“Don’t worry!” I whispered. “I told you; we’re
just friends.”
He closed his eyes and massaged his forehead with his fingers to calm his temper.
“You tell him that his father is never to know about you or whatever Sister Ruth tells you. Understand?”
“He would never tell his father anything. But, um...” I swallowed. “Unfortunately, Pharzuph already knows about me.”
His eyes flashed red again and it nearly stopped my heart. I pressed my back into the seat, causing it to wobble.
“Aren’t you worried people will see your eyes when you do that?” I asked, sure that my own eyes were gigantic at that moment.
“Humans can’t see it. And don’t try to change the subject. I know Pharzuph,” he growled. “He’s a real bastard on earth and in hell. He’d do anything to gain favor.”
“Kaidan thinks he’ll forget about me if I lie low.”
“Maybe momentarily, while he’s busy or distracted with his work, but you’ll cross his mind again someday.”
He fidgeted in his chair. “I need to get out of here,” he said.
“Out of prison? How?”
“I’ve got a parole hearing coming up. I’ll use my influence to make sure it goes through. I will get myself out of here, one way or another, in a matter of weeks, and I’ll contact you when it’s safe. Don’t do anything until I’m with you. I want you to go straight home after this trip. Get there as soon as possible and stay there. Will you do that?”
“Yes. I promise.”
“Stay away from the Rowe house.”
“Definitely.”
“Good. Good girl. We’ll work this thing out together. Do you trust me?”
“Yes, sir.”
We took each other’s hands again. With him by my side nothing seemed impossible, and I felt happy.
“You’ve got a pretty smile,” he said. “A natural beauty.”
Nobody had ever called me a beauty except Patti. Parents didn’t count as far as compliments went, but it still made me feel good. I looked at the clock and was shocked to see how much time had already passed.
“We’ve got an hour left, gal. What else do you want to know?”