“We can’t,” he barely whispered.
“Kai?” He was pulling himself away from me, and it was such torture that I could hardly bear it.
I made one final attempt to revive the closeness, reaching for him, but he had gone to stone above me.
“Damn it, Ann, please! Don’t. Move.”
I lay still, breathing hard and staring into his deep blue eyes until he ripped his gaze away.
He rolled to the side of the bed and got up, moving an agonizing distance away. He groaned and grabbed his hair hard in both of his fists, then began to pace, shaking his head from side to side. His bloodred badge pumped as hard as my heart.
I sat up, mindful of my heated, exposed skin in the room’s cool air. I grabbed a pillow and pressed it to my chest in a tight hug. Every inch of skin he had kissed felt like it was on fire.
Rejection swept over me, turning my heat to ice. Saying he wouldn’t be my boyfriend was one thing. But this?
“You don’t want me.” Such a pathetic revelation would have been better left unsaid.
He groaned again, louder this time, and squatted to the floor, pushing his fists into his eyes. He was in obvious pain. I wanted to reach out to him, but I knew I couldn’t.
“Don’t do that.” His voice was jagged. “That was the single most difficult thing I’ve done in my entire life.”
He stood again, the sight of his body slamming into me full force.
“I don’t understand, then,” I whispered.
“You didn’t do anything wrong, okay?” His voice edged on frantic. “And don’t think for a second I don’t want you—” He had to stop and growl at this, pressing his knuckles to his forehead. “It shouldn’t be like this,” he said.
“Like what?” I asked.
“Uncommitted. In a hotel room.”
“Then commit,” I said. His face tightened and he held his arms out in frustration.
“I can’t!” he shouted. “And I’m not taking your virginity. You would regret it.”
He turned away from me, leaning his forehead against the wall. He was still out of breath as he slid downward, turning and slumping in the corner of the room, elbows on his knees, face in his hands.
I let the meaning of what had just happened soak in. We’d come so close, and Kaidan denied himself. For me. He’d made his very first self-sacrifice. For me. He’d defied his demon father. For me.
A vibrant energy rushed through my body as the pieces slammed into place. Oh, dear Lord. I was in love with him. And there wasn’t a thing on earth, in heaven, or in hell that could have stopped me.
In that moment of shocking realization, he turned to me and stared. My emotional guard was down. I snapped my mind back into hiding mode, but it was too late. He’d seen it. I held my breath for his reaction. He closed his eyes and let his head drop to his chest, posture slumping. Not the response of my dreams.
I focused, finding it difficult to contain the hugeness of my emotion for him. Now that I saw it for what it was, it was all-encompassing. I closed my eyes and kept it hidden with every scrap of willpower in me.
I stood, still hugging the pillow, and walked quickly over to retrieve my shirt from the top of the television. Dropping the pillow, I pulled the tank top over my head and buttoned my shorts. I needed to leave—take a walk to clear my head and give him time to himself.
And then the phone rang. Oh, geez!
He didn’t move, so I walked over to the nightstand where it lay and peeked at the caller ID. My heart leaped and my fingers fumbled to pick it up and press the green button.
“Hello?” I said.
“Miss Whitt? It’s Sister Emily.”
“Is she awake?”
“I’m so sorry, dear. Sister Ruth has gone to be with the Lord.”
What?! My stomach plummeted and I sat hard on the bed, a profound sense of loss inundating my soul.
“No,” I whispered.
“I’m afraid so. Several years ago she had a will drawn up, and she left everything to you. I’ve gone through her personal effects and there was only one thing besides her clothing and her Bible. A small box. Can you come to the convent?”
“Yes. I’ll be right there.”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
GETTING ZAPPED
Nestled within the big city was the small convent, quaint and hidden among a border of evergreens, overshadowed by the larger orphanage next to it. It wasn’t the kind of place that would attract interest from tourists. It would go easily unnoticed by most locals, too.
Kaidan pulled the car through the open gate. Past the trees and a small lawn was a simple, two-story faded brick building, overrun on the sides by vines. We parked in a gravel area and looked at the building. I remembered it, only without as many vines.
We’d been silent the entire ride. I wished I could somehow ease the tension between us, but it had to run its course. Things had shifted tonight. In a big way.
“I’ll wait here,” Kaidan told me. I got out and made my way to the entrance on a cracked concrete walkway. The early evening air was still hot, but made bearable by the sweetness of honeysuckle in the air.
At the door, I read the small placard: convent of our mother mary. I pulled up on the heavy brass knocker and let it fall three times. A young nun answered wearing a long-sleeved flowered dress falling below her knees, with white tights and sandals. Her hair was pulled into a bun, and a crucifix hung around her neck.
The sister touched a hand to her heart. A thin stream of navy blue grief ran through the lavender peace in her aura. “You must be Anna. Thank you so much for coming.”
She invited me into the foyer area and gave me a warm hug, which I needed, even from a stranger. As she left to retrieve the box, I looked around the creamy walls of the foyer and felt comforted. I could remember being there in Patti’s arms as she said good-bye to Sister Ruth sixteen years ago. There was still a fountain against the wall, trickling a stream of water like a rush of nostalgia.
The young nun came down the wooden steps and handed me a small box. It was over a foot in length and sealed with layers of tape.
“Thank you for everything,” I told her.
“You’re welcome, dear.” She clasped her hands in front of her. “I’m sorry you didn’t get a chance to meet Sister Ruth. She was the most precious soul I’ve ever known.”
“I’m sorry, too.”
She dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief, and I felt the huge regret of loss as we hugged one last time and I turned to leave.
Sister Ruth was gone, and with her went whatever knowledge she’d held. Kaidan didn’t glance at me when I climbed back in with the box on my lap. He made a fast turn and exited the lot, kicking up gravel. His mood hadn’t improved.
I wanted him to say something. I ran my fingers along the taped edges of the box, sorting through a list of meaningless topics that could fill the space between us. Sister Ruth’s death only deepened the void.
When we got back to the hotel, we walked to the room together. I climbed on my bed and sat with the box on my lap. I looked up at Kaidan, who was half sitting, half leaning on the table across from me with his arms crossed and his eyes far away in thought.
“May I use one of your knives?” I asked.
“Here, let me.” He sat across from me and pulled out a knife, slicing around the edges. I opened the cardboard flap. Inside was a wooden box so old and smooth that the wood looked petrified. I pulled it out and set the cardboard box on the floor. A small gold clasp held the lid shut. I undid the clasp and lifted the lid. At first I couldn’t process what I was seeing. It was made of silver... no, maybe it was gold... no... What was it? It glimmered with a range of metallic colors from bronze to platinum, as if it were alive.
“Is that a sword hilt?” I asked. Just looking at it frightened me. “What’s it made of?”
Kaidan was leaning toward it and staring with rapt disbelief.
“May I?” he asked, gesturing toward it.
“Go ahead.”
>
He gingerly picked it up and cradled it in his hand, turning it from side to side. The metal shimmered like nothing I’d ever seen.
“I don’t believe it,” Kaidan whispered.
“What? What is it?”
His face seemed to register the object, and he dropped it back into the wooden box, rubbing his hands together and staring down with awe-inspired terror.
I reached down to feel it myself, but when my finger touched the warm metal, a bolt of energy zapped through my finger and up my arm. I yelled and yanked my hand away. Kaidan sat up straight and stared at me, hair hanging in his rounded eyes.
“What is this thing?” I asked.
“It clearly wasn’t forged on earth,” he stammered. “I think... But it’s impossible. A Sword of Righteousness?”
“What’s that?”
“They were used by the angels in the war of the heavens.”
Now it was my turn to gawk down at it with that same fearful respect.
“But why is she giving it to me?” My heart accelerated.
“Only the angels of light could use them. The old legends say the blade will appear only when needed if the wielder is pure of heart. Anna... it’s the one known weapon that can take out a demon spirit.”
We stared at each other, sharing a secret that could doom us.
“And why is she giving it to me?” I asked again, my heart beating as fast as it could.
I have no idea how long we continued to stare at each other, searching for meaning, before he stood up and moved away from me. He felt for his phone in his pocket and spoke to me as he was getting on his shoes and heading for the door.
“I need to clear my head. Patti called while you were in the convent and I told her about Sister Ruth. Call her on the room phone and I’ll pay the charge.” The door shut behind him and I sat there stunned.
Sister Ruth gave me a weapon. I didn’t know what to do with a sword! Was I expected to kill demons? If only I’d come to L.A. sooner so I could speak with her.
I called Patti with the intention of telling her everything about the visit with my father and what Sister Ruth left me, and then I remembered how careful the nun had been with the information. She would tell me only in person. So I told Patti all went well and I’d give her every detail when I got home. The phone felt unsafe.
“You sound exhausted, honey,” Patti said when I was finished. “Why don’t you go get some rest. We can talk more tomorrow, ’kay?”
I was worn out when we hung up. As I climbed into bed I wondered what Kaidan was doing and who he might be calling, not that it was any of my business. But I was worried about him. I thought about trying to listen for him, but if he wanted privacy he would be more than a mile away by now. Kaidan didn’t come back to the room until after I’d been in bed awhile, half in and half out of sleep.
I tossed and turned all night, even crying out and waking myself once with a dream I couldn’t recall. Kaidan lay still all night in his own bed. I never did hear his deep-sleep breathing.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
UNACCOMPANIED MINOR
I must have finally dozed off, only to be awoken by a screeching buzz. I sat straight up. It was four thirty in the morning. Kaidan hit the alarm.
“We need to get an early start,” he said, sounding wide-awake and just as forlorn as last night.
“Oh. Uh, m’kay.”
It was still dark out as we sped down the interstate. Despite a hot shower, I was still sleepy. The city was calm at this early hour on a Sunday morning. There were hardly any cars on the road. We passed a sign for LAX, which bothered me, because we hadn’t passed the airport on our way into the city.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
He cleared his throat and said without kindness, “You’re going home today.”
My jaw dropped.
“Everything’s been arranged,” he said. “Patti will be waiting for you when your flight arrives in Atlanta.”
There it was again—rejection punching me in the stomach.
“Why?” I forced out.
His voice was soft, but still held that serious edge. “Things have gotten too complicated.”
“Do you mean because of the sword, or is it me?” I asked.
“It’s you.” What had I done, besides care for him? This was unfair!
“Is it so unbearable to be around someone who cares for you?” I asked.
“I’d say that you’re feeling a bit more than ‘care’ for me, Anna.” He was getting snippy now, gripping the steering wheel. “I could see your emotion popping around you like pink bubble gum last night.”
“So what?!” I was fully awake and working up the volume now. “I haven’t tried to say it to you. I’m sorry that I lost focus for a second and let you see it!”
He took the airport exit, speaking to me with maddening calmness bordering on coldness. “Don’t be dramatic about this.”
“You don’t call this dramatic? Abandoning me at the airport before daylight?”
“I’ll see that you’re in safe hands before I leave.” His calm demeanor unnerved me.
“Don’t bother,” I spit. I could see now how people said hurtful things to the ones they loved out of anger. In my mind I ran through all of the cutting things I could say to him.
He pulled up to a departure curb and put the car in park.
Just as quickly as my anger had come, it was now replaced by sadness.
“I’ve never even been on a plane,” I said, grasping at straws.
“You will be fine.”
“I want to stay with you.” Desperation.
“You can’t,” he said in zombie mode. “Your father was right. You should get home as soon as possible. I don’t trust myself with you.”
“Don’t trust yourself? Or don’t trust me?”
He stared straight ahead as we sat there. I grabbed the fabric at his shoulder and tugged. “Answer me!”
He turned his face, and as our eyes met his calm facade cracked, unleashing his anger and fears.
“I don’t trust either of us! We can’t be together in any capacity ever again. It’s a damn-near miracle you’re still a virgin now. If that Sword of Righteousness is intended for you to use, then you should want to stay away from me, too, because I promise I could not resist if you told me to pull the car into the parking garage right now.” He leaned closer. “Could you resist a drug if I repeatedly placed it on the tip of your tongue, Ann? Could you? We’re playing with fire!”
He looked beyond me to the airport, breathing hard.
“So, what are you going to do now?” I asked him. “Go back to doing your father’s work and pretend you never knew me?”
He sighed and his demeanor softened. “What would you have me do?”
What would I have him do? Have meaningless sex with girl after girl, or deny his father and be killed? Both thoughts shot through me like iced arrows, piercing my heart.
“You have to work,” I choked out. I hated the truth of it.
The look he gave me was full of bitterness.
“Do you know what my father said when I came home the night after he met you? He said God was a fool to put you in my path. And he was right.”
“No.” I gritted my teeth. “Your father was wrong! And how do you know it wasn’t you who was put in my path? There’s a purpose for you in all of this, too.”
Kaidan shook his head. I could see his jaw clenching in the indention of his temple. He looked at me hard.
“Do you want to know why my father chose to live in Atlanta, even though his job was in New York? He’s got this infatuation going on with that human woman Marissa. She’s the madam of an underground prostitution ring in Atlanta. International sex slavery. Young girls from starving families are sold to her. And guess who gets to introduce those girls to their new lives?”
I held my breath and froze. There were no words to comfort this kind of pain. My stomach clenched.
“Marissa calls the girls her nieces. The gir
l they brought me the night before our trip was the youngest ever. She couldn’t have been twelve.”
Dear God.
“For the first time ever I refused him, told him I couldn’t. And do you know why?”
I shook my head, riveted by his eyes as the words poured out of him fast and powerful.
“Because all I could think about was you, Anna, and how good you are, and what you’d think. You put thoughts into my head that Neph shouldn’t have!” He paused, staring out the window. “My father let it slide for now, but he was furious. He’ll be watching me now, testing me. I can’t afford to have anything more to do with you.”
We were quiet a long time. I didn’t want to leave him yet. Not like this. I had no idea what to say.
“Kai... I know you’re scared and freaked out. I am, too. But maybe this sword is a sign that something’s going to happen. Something good for the Neph.”
His head was lowered. He was staring blankly at the console between us.
“You felt power when you touched the hilt, didn’t you?” he asked, lifting his blue eyes to me through strands of hair. I nodded. “Well, I didn’t. I’m not worthy to help with whatever plan they have for you. So just go back to your sweet and innocent life and stay away from me.”
“Please,” I begged. “Don’t push me away. We can be friends, and—”
He took my chin in his firm hand and looked at me.
“We can never just be friends, Anna. Get it through your head now. There can be nothing.”
He released me and got out of the car. I sat there, hating the stinging in my eyes and throat. I watched in the side mirror as he spoke with an airline worker at the outdoor check-in. With a short extension of my senses I heard him tell the man my ticket had been purchased over the phone last night and I was traveling as an unaccompanied minor for the very first time. The employee assured him they’d look after me.
Kaidan thanked him and walked back to the car, opening my door. I took my time stepping out. I thought about making a scene, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. He showed me a small wad of money and then pushed it into my pocket.