“Last week. It’s a girl.”
“Really? That’s great, Alissa.”
“I named her Shawna Christy after you and, well, after Shawn. She’s beautiful, but she doesn’t have any hair yet.”
Christy giggled along with Alissa. “You’re doing all right, then?”
“Besides being twenty pounds overweight, yes. I’m probably doing better than ever before in my life, thanks to you.”
“What did I do?”
“Christy, if you hadn’t written me and encouraged me and told me that God cared about me and everything, well, when I found out I was pregnant, I probably would have killed myself or had an abortion or I don’t know what. I never would have gone to the Crisis Pregnancy Center. The only reason I went was because you kept telling me to go to church and meet some Christians. I knew I couldn’t just walk into some church, pregnant and everything, and expect people to accept me.”
Todd’s words flashed before Christy, and to get rid of them, she used them in her reply. “You know, Alissa, people look on the outside, but God looks on the heart.”
“I know that now. That’s what my counselor, Frances, tells me. She has a support group for expectant and new mothers at her home. I’ve been going every week. They talk about God a lot, and I’m starting to understand some of the things you told me in your letters about trusting God enough to give Him your heart.”
The words stung. Right now Christy felt like she and God were having a tug-of-war with her heart, and she was winning. Apparently, Alissa and God were having the same struggle—only God appeared to be winning with Alissa. “Well, have you?”
“Have I what?” Alissa asked.
“Have you done that yet? Given God your heart?”
“Not exactly. Frances has explained it all to me: how I need to be sorry for what I’ve done to hurt God and ask Him for forgiveness and then surrender my life to Him. I just haven’t done all that yet. It’s always been hard for me to say I’m sorry, and I have an even harder time trusting someone to take control over my life, or however Frances explained it.”
Christy felt disappointed. Ever since last summer she had wished Alissa would surrender her life to the Lord and become a Christian. She seemed so close to making the decision.
“How’s Todd? Are you two still together?” Alissa asked, changing the subject.
“Not exactly.”
“What’s going on? Your brother said you were in trouble for not having a date or something.”
“He got it all mixed up.” Christy hesitated then decided to tell all to this faraway friend who had been so transparent with her. She concluded the whole saga by adding, “And things with Todd are not very great. He’s taking some girl named Jasmine to his prom next Saturday, and since she’s in a wheelchair, he seems to think I should feel sorry for her, like he does.”
“She’s in a wheelchair?”
“Yes, from a car accident. She’s probably got long blond hair like yours, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s elected prom queen.”
“Really?”
“Well, I don’t know, but he’s crazy about her, so I figure there must be more going on than he’s telling me. I’ve put him on my list of ‘just friends.’ ” Besides, he might not even be around this summer.”
“Where’s he going?”
“Hawaii. Don’t you feel sorry for him?” It came out as sarcastically as she meant it.
“I loved Hawaii when we lived there. My dad and I used to walk on the beach every night.”
Christy knew Alissa’s dad had died a year ago. She wondered if she should venture a question about Alissa’s alcoholic mom.
“Are you still living with your grandmother?”
“No, she kicked me out a couple months ago because I embarrassed her in front of all her proper Bostonian friends. She hasn’t seen Shawna yet. Neither has my mom.”
“How is your mom?”
“The same. She’s been in and out of the same treatment program twice.”
“So, where are you living?”
“With Frances’s daughter. She’s married to a really nice guy, and they have two little girls, so Shawna has built-in playmates.”
“That’s great! I’m so glad things are better for you.”
“I think about you a lot, Christy, and how you said that God knows and cares about everything in my life. It’s hard for me to believe, but I think about it a lot.
“Would you tell Todd hi for me? That is, when you start speaking to him again. Did I tell you he wrote me the most incredible letter a couple of months ago? Five pages long. I think I’ve read it a hundred times. I’m going to save it forever and let Shawna read it when she’s old enough.”
Todd wrote her a five-page letter? He’s never written to me!
“I really need to go. And don’t worry, Christy. Things with you and Todd will work out. They always do. But when you do talk to him, tell him I think he should have taken you to the prom.”
“Right, I’ll tell him.” She said good-bye to Alissa, hung up, and added silently, That is, if I ever speak with him again in my life.
On her way up the front steps of the school building Monday morning, a girl Christy barely knew came up to her. “Are you the girl who dumped Rick Doyle?”
“Excuse me?”
“I heard you gave Rick a taste of what he’s always dishing out. Good for you!”
Christy ignored the girl’s comments and entered the building. Out of the corner of her eye, she thought she saw Rick coming in her direction. She got up the nerve to look at him, but when she looked, he wasn’t there. She didn’t know if he’d turned and gone the other way in the crowded hallways or if it hadn’t really been Rick to begin with, but she just expected to see him.
Someone bumped hard into Christy’s shoulder as they passed in the hallway. She turned and recognized the girl as one of Renee’s friends.
“What is going on?” Christy muttered to herself. She hurried to meet Katie at their lockers as usual.
Katie gave her a cool look. “I don’t know if I’m speaking to you or not.”
“You too? Take a number. Or better yet, why don’t you call me and when I answer you can hang up on me.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” Katie said, giving Christy a disgusted look.
“I mean, I’m sorry. I know I messed everything up. I tried to tell you Sunday before the toddler class that I hadn’t asked my parents yet, but then everything got going so fast …”
“You’re trying to say this is my fault?”
Christy leaned against her locker and looked her friend in the face. “No, I’m not trying to say that at all. This whole mess is my doing. And I’m sorry it didn’t work out the way we planned. I was hoping it would work out, Katie. I was dreaming big things. But my parents absolutely won’t let me go.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m positively sure.”
Katie seemed to soften. “You could have called me, Christy. It’s pretty awful hearing it from one of Rick’s friends.”
“I’m sorry.”
“What’s worse is when I tell Rick’s friend he doesn’t have the story straight because I know what’s going on and he doesn’t, and then Rick walks up and says I’m wrong.”
“Katie …”
“I don’t know if I want you to apologize. You see, Rick’s never been stood up before. I’d probably be more mad at you, except I think it was time he got some of his own medicine, and you were just the one to give it to him.”
“I wasn’t trying to—”
“Lance and I will have a miserable time without you, you know.”
“No, you won’t! You two will have a wonderful time. Besides, isn’t Rick going anyway?”
“How would I know? He’s playing it so cool. Nobody knows what he’s going to do. Besides, why would he still want to go with me and Lance? He’s not exactly friends with either of us.”
The bell rang, and Katie gave Christy a playful slug in the ar
m. “Don’t look so depressed. You’ve got to come up with a few smiles for cheerleading tryouts this Friday, you know. Wouldn’t hurt to start practicing now.”
Christy forced a pathetic grin.
“Never mind. Go ahead and be depressed all day today and get it over with. I’ll check on your smile again tomorrow morning.”
Christy shuffled to class. The luxury of being depressed all day didn’t sound so bad.
“How was your weekend?” Liane, a girl in her algebra class, asked.
“It was interesting,” Christy answered cautiously. She wondered who else knew about Rick. Liane didn’t usually talk to her. Had her life become an open book at Kelley High School?
“Oh really? What was so interesting about it?” the girl probed.
“It was a hard weekend, that’s all.”
“Well then, I sure hope your week turns out better than your weekend!” Christy couldn’t tell if the girl was being serious or sarcastic.
Class started and Christy thought, This week has to get better. Everyone is watching me! I have to work hard at tryouts, and on Friday I have to make the squad. It won’t make up for the prom and Todd and Rick, but it’ll show everyone that I did it. And I did it on my own.
The algebra teacher passed out the corrected quizzes from Friday. He handed Christy hers first. A huge, red F had been circled on the top of the page. She had never received an F before. Ds and Incompletes, but never an F. In horror Christy discovered she had missed every problem. This was not the way to begin a week that was supposed to turn out better than her weekend.
“One-third of the class failed this exam. Those of you who did will need to take a makeup test,” the teacher announced. “I’m giving the makeup tomorrow after school.”
Oh, great! How am I going to be in two places at once? I need to be at practice, but if I don’t make up this quiz, I’m in deep trouble. And when am I going to find time to study?
Her troubles didn’t get any easier at practice. Renee huddled with her friends gossiping, and all three turned to look Christy over as she came on the field.
When Christy got close enough to hear, Renee said, “Well, at least my mommy and daddy are letting me go to the prom, not like some people we know, who are still too young to play with the big boys.”
The girls giggled. Christy ignored them, doing her stretching exercises by herself.
“Watch, she’s going to admit she’s too young to be a cheerleader too. Just wait. Yoo-hoo,” Renee mocked, “change your diaper before practice? We wouldn’t want any accidents, you know.”
Christy closed it all out, pounding a single sentence through her mind over and over: Ignore her. Ignore her. Then she added, I can do this. I can do this.
As the rest of the girls gathered, it became obvious that the hopefuls had dwindled down to the determined. Eight girls remained. On Friday the judges would select seven cheerleaders. That meant all but one of them would be chosen.
The girls were highly motivated now, each trying to prove that she deserved to be one of the chosen seven. As they ran through the cheer a few more times, Christy concentrated on making her arms the straightest, her moves the sharpest, her voice the loudest.
We’re on our way
Straight to the top
We’ll never give up
We just won’t stop!
“Okay,” Mrs. James reminded them after practice, “those of you who are here today know that it’s between you eight. We might have one or two more who just couldn’t come today. The next three practices are crucial. Please be here for all three; otherwise, I’m sure it will affect how you do on Friday. Any questions?”
Christy waited until the other girls had left before asking about Tuesday. “I need to take a makeup test in algebra tomorrow, and that’s the only time he’s giving it.”
“It’s up to you,” Mrs. James said. “These last three practices are the most critical. You’re doing well, Christy, but I think you need the practice. You’ll have to decide which is the most important to you.”
“I could help you,” Teri said. She had stood up to Renee last week, and now she was being nice to Christy again. It was wonderfully refreshing after the way the rest of her day had gone. “If you take the test and then come late to practice, I could stay after and show you what you missed during the first part.”
“Are you sure?”
Teri nodded, her brown eyes showing her sincerity.
“Is that okay, Mrs. James?” Christy asked, still amazed at Teri’s generous offer.
“It’s up to you, girls. I’ll be here until four-thirty. After that, you’re on your own.”
“Thanks, Teri,” Christy said.
“Sure. See you tomorrow.”
That night Christy spent at least two and a half hours on her algebra. She decided not to tell her parents about the F. Why get them all upset when the teacher would be recording the makeup grade?
She busied herself with her homework until ten o’clock, trying hard to concentrate. Wanting to get her homework done was only part of the reason for plunging in so diligently. The other reason attacked her as soon as she climbed into bed.
It was her thoughts. And her feelings, which she had so carefully guarded in her heart. Churning around like sneakers in a dryer, her thoughts and feelings now bumped into each other in the darkness: Todd, Jasmine, Rick, Katie, Renee, and all the pressure she had put on herself to make the squad. All the issues in her life spun around in her subconscious through the night.
She didn’t pray. She hadn’t since Friday. She knew she would feel better if she did, but her stubbornness kept her from yielding. Instead she chose to stay motivated by anxiety and jealousy.
Katie noticed at lunch on Tuesday that Christy wasn’t wearing her Forever ID bracelet. Christy told Katie that she would keep it as a memory, but it didn’t really mean anything anymore.
“What are you saying?” Katie questioned. “That you’ve dismissed Todd from your life? I find that hard to believe. I thought you said once that he would be in your heart forever.”
“Did I?”
“Yes, of course you did. You want to know what I think?”
“No.” Christy bit into her peanut butter and honey sandwich, knowing that Katie would disregard her reply.
“I think you really, truly love Todd deep down, but you’re afraid to get hurt because your relationship is so up and down.”
“No, Todd’s only a fantasy. I’ve wanted him to care as much about me as I care about him, but he’s always been off in his own dimension. We’re not good for each other. I’m too jealous.”
Christy didn’t even realize she felt these things. It amazed her to hear what was coming out of her mouth. “Did I just say that?”
“What, that you’re jealous?”
“Yes.”
“That’s what you said. But do you want to know what I think? I think jealousy is normal when you love someone, and it’s a good way to tell how much you care about him. The more jealous you get, the more you care.”
Christy questioned whether that was true. After all, Katie had no experience in love. How would she know what’s normal? Plus, when Todd quoted those verses on love, he had said that love was not jealous. She remembered that part.
“I don’t know, Katie. All I know is that this Jasmine girl obviously means more to Todd than I do, and I must be pretty worthless if my competition is a girl in a wheelchair.”
“Oh, low, Christy, low!” Katie cringed. “I can’t believe you said that. I don’t think you’re looking at this the right way. I mean, even if Todd had asked you, do you honestly think your parents would have let you go?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. They treat him as if he’s a long-lost nephew or something.”
“I don’t blame them! I’d treat Todd that way too. He seems like the perfect guy.”
“Yeah, well maybe he’s a little too perfect—a little too spiritual. He’s always trying to see things from God’s point of view, and it’s too
hard for me to catch up. I just don’t think the way Todd does or see things the way he does. Besides, weren’t you the one who was telling me only a few days ago to let Todd go and to move on since Rick wanted to go to the prom with me?”
Katie wadded up her lunch bag, aimed, and made the shot into the trash can. She shook her head, her straight red hair swinging like tassels.
“I don’t know what I said then. But if you want my opinion now, I think Todd’s worth trying to catch up to. I mean, wouldn’t you rather be with a guy who’s a few steps ahead of you emotionally or spiritually or whatever? Seems as though the few guys in my life have only been ahead of me physically, if you know what I mean.”
Christy smiled and nodded. She knew exactly what Katie meant.
“You do know, don’t you,” Katie leaned over and spoke in a hushed voice, “that a bunch of couples have rented hotel rooms at the Coronado for, you know, after the dance.”
“Are you kidding? People from our school?” As soon as she said it, Christy realized she was being awfully naive. Of course, other students at her school were doing stuff like that. She just never thought of who was doing what. She tended to think all her friends were innocent in the same way she was—except Alissa. And she certainly hadn’t caught on until much later how intimately involved Alissa had been with her boyfriends.
“I heard that last year after the prom six of the guys on the football team and their dates were arrested for having a party in a hotel room. They were drunk and loud and smashed a bunch of furniture. The hotel security kicked them out.”
“That’s disgusting,” Christy said. “Why can’t it be a nice, sweet, innocent dance like, well, in the movies?”
“I know,” Katie said as the bell signaled the end of lunch. “I really hope another couple goes with us because, to be honest, I don’t exactly know what Lance’s idea of a good time is.”
Christy hurried to Spanish class, but Katie’s final comment stayed with her. Would Lance really have a different idea from Katie’s of what prom night should be? He did lean toward the dramatic, as the limo already represented. And Christy had learned enough to know that just because a guy said he was a Christian didn’t mean he was operating out of the same value system that a deeply committed Christian would live by.