This time I don’t feel any need to tell her not to call me that. I just don’t care. I also don’t care that I was ever able to act like the Alpha’s ‘wife’ and that it didn’t feel odd but felt completely natural.
I rush out the front door and jump into Raul’s SUV and he takes me back home.
~~~
I spend the rest of the day in a haze and I start to feel like how Sebastian felt just before he left for home. I don’t blame him one bit because I see more and more as I’m confronted with unbelievable truths and obstacles that this isn’t an easy life to live. My life before, the lonely one I felt stuck in with Jeff and my mom, it was frickin’ Disneyland compared to this.
After lying in Isaac’s bed for several hours while he’s out with Nathan, I finally lift up from the pillow and look across the room at myself in the mirror. I get up and walk over to stand in front of it and I see that I look exactly the same as I always have, yet I look completely different. Maybe it’s the eyes. The differences are all on the inside and can only be seen through the eyes. I peer even closer, propping my hands against the dresser and leaning in, practically pressing my face into the glass and I look deeply into my own eyes. I don’t know what I’m looking for, but I know that something’s there, staring back at me and I just can’t find it. I let out a deep breath and lower my head, letting it hang freely between my shoulders.
The bedroom door clicks open.
“I need to make amends,” Alex says coming inside.
I turn around and lean against the dresser, looking at her questioningly.
“With Aunt Beverlee and Uncle Carl,” she says.
It takes a second to notice I’m actually smiling. I let my hands drop to my sides and I walk over to put on my shoes. “I think that’s a great idea,” I say, stepping down into them and not even bothering to bend over to tie them properly. “We’ll go right now.” Her suggestion couldn’t have come at a more appropriate time; I need to breathe some human home-life air for a few hours.
Alex looks surprised and then shrugs. “Awesome. Who’s going to take us?”
“We’ll take Isaac’s Jeep.” I reach into the nightstand drawer and pluck out the spare set of keys.
Alex raises a brow. “You haven’t even gotten your license yet, have you?” She’s grinning like a trouble-maker.
I shrug and slip my purse over one shoulder. “No, I’m too busy turning into a werewolf and watching people die and all that freaking awesome stuff, to worry about crap like driver’s licenses and graduation.” Of course, I’m being totally sarcastic.
Alex smiles. “Well, you’ve gotta admit one thing.”
“Yeah, what’s that?” I stop in front of her, dangling the keys in my hand.
“You’d never go back to that old way of life even if you could.”
I hate to admit it, especially after my little inner tantrum at the mirror, but she’s right.
“Let’s go,” I say walking past her and stepping into the hall.
We pull into the driveway of Uncle Carl and Aunt Bev’s house and Alex looks halfway nervous sitting in the passenger’s seat. And I’m always a little nervous nowadays when I visit or talk to them over the phone because I feel so guilty for everything. Not so much anymore what happened to Uncle Carl—though I’ll always feel somewhat guilty for that—but because of what I am and how I can’t tell them anything. I have to lie to them constantly about why I’m gone so much and it’s really hard because I know Aunt Bev feels abandoned. Uncle Carl probably feels the same way, but he’s not as easy to read as Beverlee. I told Alex yesterday all about what happened to Uncle Carl last winter and she was taken aback by it. And then the anger followed because it was someone from the Vargas pack that caused the car wreck that put Uncle Carl in the hospital.
I put the Jeep in park and we sit here for a moment.
“What if they still don’t want me in the house?”
“They’re too forgiving for that.”
Alex sighs and gazes at the wrap-around porch.
“I think it’ll make them feel better knowing that you’re alright and this time, sincere about your apologies.”
She is definitely a far cry from when she came here the last time to ‘make amends’. She still has that cocky Vargas attitude, but it doesn’t feel uncomfortable to be around her.
I open the front door of the house and wait with Alex as Beverlee meets us. She’s smiling hugely at me until Alex steps up from behind and into view.
“Alexandra?”
Alex smiles weakly and raises her hand to wave awkwardly. “Hi Aunt Beverlee.” And then she puts up both hands and says, “I swear I’m not here to cause trouble.”
Beverlee casts a skeptic glance at Alex and then at me, before pushing the door open the rest of the way and replacing skepticism with happiness.
“Come in,” she says.
We spend the rest of the day with them and I couldn’t be more pleased with how things turned out. Alex was on her very best behavior and she even got up numerous times while we were all talking in the den to get Uncle Carl a fresh glass of tea and to top off his cheese dip and bowl of Tostitos. She really shocked me when she started a load of Aunt Bev’s laundry. I laughed under my breath, thinking about how she’s laying it all on a bit thick. But it was genuine and that’s all that mattered.
And to make the day even better, I got a call from Harry. He wouldn’t say where he’s hiding out at because he doesn’t want to risk Minna finding out where he is, but at least I know he’s safe. Of course Daisy is with him.
By six o’clock, Alex and I migrate upstairs to her old room where she just scans it for a brief moment instead of diving into everything like I thought she would.
“What’s wrong?” I say, standing at the foot of her bed that hasn’t been slept in in months. The bedspread is still plastered tightly over the mattress.
“It’s just…well none of this is me anymore,” she says looking around. “I try to picture myself coming back here and finishing out school, but I just can’t imagine it anymore, y’know?” Her gaze falls on me.
I nod, but it takes me a moment to answer because I’m thinking about what she said except replacing her feelings with my own.
“Yeah, actually I do know.” I walk over and sit on the chair that is always overlooking the window. “I intend to graduate, though I’m not sure why it matters anymore. Not like I’m going to get to go off to college or anything.” I pause because I realize that I’m not making a good case. “It’s just that nothing normal feels necessary anymore.” I nod at my own words, finally finding something that actually holds true and hoping that I can make some sense of it. “Alex, I feel weird when I go the grocery store. Seriously. Or, when I pumped the gas in the Jeep on our way over here. I don’t know why or how I’m supposed to feel about it.”
Alex sits on the end of her bed and leans over, resting her elbows on her legs.
“I don’t trust myself here, Dria.” She looks away from me. “I don’t trust myself around humans at all. I know I can never go back to this.”
I swallow down my agreement.
“Can I come in?” Beverlee says from the doorway and Alex and I turn our heads around swiftly.
I wonder how much she heard and already I’m rewinding the things we said back through my mind looking for any incriminating keywords. But aside from those, pretty much our entire conversation was not something I wanted Beverlee to hear.
Aunt Bev walks in, smiling warmly and just seeing her face like that makes me feel worse.
“I can’t force either one of you to stay here,” she says. “Adria, you’ll be eighteen next month—but I’m really concerned.”
I start to speak, but Beverlee stops me.
“Let me finish,” she says kindly, “I need to say a few things.”
Alex and I just look at her, giving her the go ahead.
“You both always have a place here; I hope you’ll never forget that. But whatever you decide to do or wherever you c
hoose to live, I don’t think I can sleep at night—.” She lets out a sharp breath. “I don’t sleep now, but I’d like to again someday. I just worry you’re getting wrapped up in a dangerous lifestyle and that’s the last thing I want for you.”
Wow, there’s absolutely nothing I can say to that. Dangerous doesn’t even begin to cover it. But I know that Beverlee is referring to things like drugs and alcohol and abuse.
I stand up from the chair.
“Aunt Bev,” I say, “I can promise you that neither one of us are into drugs or anything even remotely close to that. No one that we hang out with is, either. Isaac and his family are wonderful and he wants the best for me as much as you do.” I feel guilty telling Beverlee this at all because the last thing I want is for her to feel that I’m choosing another family over her. She has been nothing but great to me and no one could ever replace her in my heart.
I make a decision in this moment, though I think it’s one that I made after I returned from Athens Regional not long ago and I step right up to Aunt Bev, cupping her elbows in my hands.
“You’re not like a mother to me,” I say and her face becomes faintly confused. “You are my mother.”
It felt so right to say it.
Beverlee’s eyes coat with moisture and in seconds tears stream down her cheeks. She grabs me and pulls me toward her, wrapping her arms tightly around me. Her chest rattles with happy sobs.
“That means a lot to me,” she says, pulling away.
“Well, I’m serious and I want you to know that when I decide I need to move away from here, that it’s just your very grateful not-so-teenage daughter moving on with her life.”
“Yeah,” Alex says from the bed, “all mom’s go through it and you won’t be an exception—so just suck it up and be happy that your daughters are grown up and making you miserable with their absence…Well, that is until you realize you can turn our rooms into some kind of mom-only zone.”
Beverlee laughs through her tears and my smile just gets bigger.
“Thanks,” Beverlee says. She wipes her finger under her eyes.
~~~
It almost felt like closure, going to see Aunt Bev and Uncle Carl because I do feel so much better. And I know they feel that way, too, especially seeing Alex again.
Before we left, I assured Beverlee that I would finish school and she and Uncle Carl talked with me for a little while about taking out loans so that I can go to college, but I’m not about to let them go in debt for me and neither is Alex. I ended that conversation with a blatant thank-you-but-no. Alex was bit more open about her intentions and she told them that she might graduate, but that anything beyond that just isn’t for her.
It was a much-needed visit, but aside from how well everything went and how good I left feeling about it, the entire thing also somehow feels like a means to an end, like I had to do it because I might not get another chance.
I don’t know why it feels that way, but deep down it worries me. It’s like I know that fate has something much bigger in store for my life, and it has little to do with my so-called fate that Harry said I’m supposed to fulfill. I don’t know how in the world he could ever believe that I could be the cause of a war. A war! It even sounds ridiculous rolling off my tongue. It’s not possible. And even if it was and I was perfectly capable of pulling something like that off, why would I do it?
No one in their right mind would ever consider it. And I’m perfectly in my right mind.
Isaac laughs when he finds out that I stole his Jeep.
“Baby, everything I own belongs to you.”
He kisses me hard, lifting me from the floor with his arms tightly around my back.
“And that reminds me,” he says as I slide back down the front of his body and my feet touch the floor again, “you should stop saying ‘Isaac’s bed’ and ‘Isaac’s room’ and ‘Isaac’s house’. It bugs me.”
I blush. I think he’ll make me blush even fifty years from now.
“Okay, so I hate to break the news,” I say, half-smiling because I don’t like what I’m about to tell him, but I also don’t want to ruin the moment, “but looks like I’m not going to be sleeping in our bed for a while.”
His playful smile evaporates in two seconds.
“Your father wants me to stay everyday with Aramei until he gets back from Serbia.”
His right hand lifts level with his chest and his knuckles jut out as he balls it into a half-fist; his lips press together in a hard, angry line and his breath explodes from his nostrils.
He starts to hit the wall, but retracts his hand and calms himself.
“It’s almost over,” I say, cupping his face in my hands. “I’m so close to finding out what Aramei is trying to tell me. I can feel it, Isaac.”
His jaw works abrasively beneath my hands. I hold my gaze on him, taking in all of his anger and impatience and worry and finally his surrender.
“Did he say for how long?”
I shake my head. “But how long is he usually away? You know he won’t leave her alone for too long.”
Isaac’s eyes drift from mine as if he’s thinking really hard about it. And then he nods slowly. “You’re right,” he says, finally looking at me again; my fingertips still touching his face. “But after this, I’m putting a stop to it. You can’t keep doing this….”
I soften my eyes and smile faintly up at him. “I know,” I say and peck him on the lips once. “I admit that a part of me loves Aramei and that I feel this burning need to help her in whatever way I can, but I love you more and I don’t want my obsession with her to overshadow my obsession with you.”
That lightened the mood; Isaac’s mouth lifts into a grin. “You’re obsessed with me?”
I smile and draw back my chin, wrinkling my eyebrows. “Baby, if I wasn’t so rational, I’d totally stalk you.”
He growls under his breath and pulls me to his chest again.
Chapter 26
ON THE DRIVE TO the cabin, I fill Isaac in on mine and Alex’s time with Aunt Bev and Uncle Carl.
“You can still go to college, you know?”
I look at him in the driver’s seat and kind of laugh. “Isaac, I’m a werewolf. It’s just…I don’t know, I…,” I’m getting frustrated because I’m still having a hard time pinpointing this issue, why everything humans do just feels unnecessary anymore.
“Your life doesn’t have to be so different than you always imagined it,” he says.
I just listen because I feel like maybe he’s about to solve this issue for me.
“It’s like…I don’t know—take your uncle for example. He can’t walk anymore. He knows his life has changed dramatically and for a long time it might feel like nothing will ever be the same. But nothing around him has changed. The only thing that’s changed is him and how he can interact with it all.” He pats my thigh. “Babe, before you can get past this you have to accept that you’re different and stop trying to understand why.”
Maybe that’s it. It kind of feels like it might be, but I’ll have to think about this more later.
“But still, college is just not feasible.”
“Why?” he says looking back out at the road.
“Because it costs like a trillion dollars—besides, what would I go for? Zoology?”
He breathes out a laugh through his nose.
“You can go for whatever you want,” he says, “and it doesn’t have to be for something animal-related.” I catch him rolling his eyes and I can’t help but smile to myself.
“Well, it still costs too much and I’m not about to let my aunt and uncle refinance their house or start donating plasma just so I can go to school.”
“You can go to New York,” he says, glancing over.
He seems serious, but I just roll my eyes and stare out ahead at the road.
We pull up to the front of the cabin.
“Nate’s not doing so well.” We sit in the Jeep with the engine running. “This whole Blood Bond thing with Minna is really
starting to mess with his head.”
My face falls.
“I’m going to the racetrack with him tonight. Hopefully it’ll help take his mind off things.”
He leans across the seat and kisses me. “I love you.”
I whisper it back onto his lips and kiss him, too, before stepping out and waving him goodbye.
As he drives away, I watch him go until I can’t see the Jeep anymore and I feel this strange flutter of emotion in the pit of my stomach.
Aramei is sitting upright on the end of the bed when I make it upstairs.
“She’s only been awake for a few minutes,” Eva says, greeting me. She walks over to meet me halfway and stops directly in front of me, interlacing her fingers down below her belly and lowering her head into a small bow.
I just walk past her. I don’t want to risk her trying to apologize for yesterday because then it’s just like going right back into the subject all over again and I want to avoid that at all costs.
I walk over and sit next to Aramei. Her eyes are peering toward the candle burning on the bedside. The whole space is becoming darker as the night falls, leaving a dancing shadow on the wall from the tiny candle flame. The walls are bathed in a dark orange glow and everything feels eerie, maybe because it’s always early in the morning when I’m here and venturing into Aramei’s mind.
“I think she knew you were coming.”
I nod, agreeing with her.
“Would you like for me to bring you anything?”
“No,” I say, putting up my hand, “but thank you.”
“Then I will leave you to her.”
I can sense that Eva bows before she leaves.
I stand up again once Eva is gone and I lean over into Aramei’s view as her gaze lies softly out ahead. I take her hands into mine and gently coax her body up and to my surprise, she stands.
We are the same height. I look into her seemingly desolate green eyes and a flicker of acknowledgment moves through her irises. I cradle her hands more firmly and kiss her softly on the forehead.