“But you knew him, because you’d grown up together.”
“Yeah. So?”
“I don’t know Daniel. My body, my heart reacts to him, but there is so much that I don’t know.”
“So you’re going to go out in the woods tonight and play Twenty Questions?” She arched a dark brow in a way that said I was kidding myself.
“Maybe Five Questions,” I said.
She laughed. “Two. Then you’ll be kissing and…” She shrugged.
“It just seems that I should know my possible mate before my transformation. It binds you, right?” I grimaced. “Sorry.”
She waved her hand. “That’s okay. Sometimes I mourn that I’m not a Shifter, but it doesn’t seem to make any difference to Connor. He says he fell in love with me the human way, which is slowly and over time, instead of the Shifter way, which too often is simply bam!”
“With Daniel it’s something in between that. For the first time in my life I want to feel someone’s emotions and I can’t even guess what’s he’s feeling most of the time.”
“And you think tonight…”
Might be all I ever had.
Daniel and I headed out after dinner. The moon, a bright silver orb in the night sky, looked so close that I thought I could almost reach out and touch it. The stars were like diamonds spread across velvet. It was such a clear night. The air brisk. Not a hint of wisps, fog, or clouds to mar the brightness.
We didn’t take the snowmobile; we hiked. Maybe Daniel worried about alerting the elders to our unsanctioned leaving. But I thought the reason we were walking rested in the camaraderie that came from our trudging along together. We were holding hands, and I realized how much I liked that aspect about him: that he was so comfortable touching, that he seemed always to yearn for it. He never missed an opportunity to touch me.
I’d gone so much of my life not being touched by Shifters. While I’d sometimes embraced girls at school, it wasn’t the same. Their history, their world, was so different from mine.
The moon was high in the sky when Daniel finally led me into a cave. It was pitch-black. I felt the chill of the air against my cheeks.
“Wait here,” he said quietly.
A click sounded, and the flame from a lighter illuminated his face as he bent and lit a candle. Something magical unfurled around me as I watched him circle the room, lighting the various candles, and the flames began to flicker, slowly revealing the haven he’d created for us.
I knew he must have come here earlier in the day to prepare everything. A mound of blankets formed a pallet on the floor, wide enough that we could sleep separately if that was what I wanted. I knew Daniel wouldn’t push for anything tonight. Tonight was just about us growing closer, learning more about each other. Choosing a mate wasn’t to be taken lightly. And it certainly wasn’t a decision that resided with the elders. I knew they meant well, but in the end a connection had to exist between the two Shifters who were destined to be mates.
I knew I cared about Daniel. Knew he cared about me. But was that enough?
He returned to my side, took my backpack, and carried it to the corner, where he deposited it along with his own. Then he returned to me. “It’s not cold once you get used to it.”
“When did you arrange all this?” I asked.
“First thing this morning before everyone else was awake.”
Taking my hand, he led me into another chamber. I heard the familiar click of the lighter. As he lit the candles, the flickering flames unwrapped his gift to me. An underground pool, with steam rising from it. Stacked neatly along the rocky ledge were towels.
“This is what amazes me,” he said, his voice echoing off the cavernous walls. He flicked on a flashlight and shone it in the pool. The water was astonishingly clear. I could see clear down to the rock-covered floor.
“No gunk,” he said. “No algae, no crap. It’s the kind of place that health nuts would have used a hundred years ago.”
“No critters or creatures?” I asked.
“I’ve never seen any, and I’ve been here quite a few times since I discovered it.”
“For solitude?” I asked.
“Yeah. I…Sometimes I need my space. I love Wolford, I appreciate that everyone has accepted me, but groups aren’t really my thing.”
I remembered how my impression of him that first day in Athena was that he was a loner. He’d done nothing to dispel that notion, but it seemed more profound when he put the idea into words. Being alone wasn’t the way of our kind. Although I’d spent a good deal of my time away from Shifters, there was always that yearning to rejoin them, to belong. It was the reason that I subjected myself to visits every summer and winter. “But being a Shifter is all about being part of the pack.”
“Yeah, I know. But it’s never been that way for me. Which is why what I feel for you is so special. I’ve never before wanted to have someone with whom I belonged.”
Before I could even think of a response, he flicked off the flashlight, set it aside, came back to my side, and took my hands. Although I still wore my gloves, I could feel that his hands were steady and sure. “I thought you’d like to go swimming,” he said tenderly, his voice filling the small cave. “It’s almost like a hot tub. In some areas you can feel the water bubbling up from somewhere even farther underground.”
I squeezed his hands, tried to look sassy but probably only appeared ridiculous. I’d never anticipated anything so much in my life, and I wanted to do it right. “Are you going to join me?”
I saw the appreciation for my invitation in his eyes. Maybe I hadn’t sounded totally silly with my efforts.
“Once you’re in the water. Just call for me,” he said.
“All right. I can do that.”
He brushed his lips over mine. It wasn’t enough, but I figured once we were in the pool together, we’d share more. Much, much more.
He left me alone. Removing my gloves, I crouched and skimmed my fingers along the surface of the pool. The water was incredibly warm, almost like a sauna. Hard to believe in the middle of winter, but it was probably coming up through an underground hot spring.
Quickly I removed my clothes and slipped into the pool. It felt wonderful as the silky moisture wrapped around me. I wasn’t going to think about tomorrow night. I wasn’t going to think about the dangers headed our way or how scared I was when my mind slipped off-task and I thought about the harvester. I was going to make the most of this gift from Daniel. I was going to enjoy it as though my life depended on it. Treading water, I relaxed, allowed the warmth to ease the tension in all my muscles. Then I called out, almost giddy with anticipation, “Daniel!”
I watched as a shadow appeared on the wall near the entryway. Low. Four legs. He was coming to me in animal form. At last I was going to see him as a wolf. My breath backed up in my lungs and I glided over to the lip of the pool.
But what stalked into the small cavern wasn’t what I expected. It wasn’t a wolf. It was a panther. The panther. The one I’d seen in the woods that first night after we left Athena. I was sure of it. But it couldn’t be Daniel. That night he’d been back at the camp—
After the panther had sprinted away. Daniel had seemed surprised by my revelation that I’d seen a panther. But if he was the creature, then his response had simply been a ploy to throw me offtrack. “Did it frighten you?” he’d asked. I was beginning to understand why he’d been interested in my reaction then. And I had a feeling he was gauging my reaction now.
The panther was as sleek and beautiful as I remembered. It prowled over to me. Its sinewy muscles undulated with its movements. Its strength and power were evident in each motion. It purred low, a rumble in its throat that echoed around me.
Only when it came to a halt before me and lowered its head did I get a good clear look at its eyes. Green. Like emeralds. And I saw more. So much more.
Because when we shift, everything changes except our eyes. They’re the window to our soul. More than our fur, more than the c
ontours of our face, our eyes give us away.
With a tentative hand, dripping with the water from the pool, I reached out and touched its head. “Daniel?”
With a smooth move, like an Olympian scoring a perfect ten, the panther dove into the pool. Daniel emerged from beneath the dark depths.
For several quiet moments, we did nothing except stare at each other, our breaths echoing around us. I didn’t know what to say. In a way I felt betrayed that he’d held this secret for so long. This was huge. All along I’d viewed him as one of us, had expected when I did finally see him transform, he would be all that I was accustomed to: thick fur, barks, and canine growls. I knew there were different clans of Shifters, that not all of them transformed into wolves—but I’d never seen members of one. For me they were as much a legend as the harvester had been.
“I thought you should know,” he finally said in a low voice. “Before you decide whether or not to accept me as your mate.”
Then, because I remained silent, I guess he felt compelled to add, “I’m not a wolf.”
I nodded, blinked, knowing that my first words were crucial, but I wasn’t sure what to say, and what I did eventually say was a disappointment even to me when it echoed around us. “Yeah, I just figured that out.”
“It bothers you.”
“No, I…I just wasn’t expecting it. It was you rubbing your shoulder against that tree that night in the woods.”
“Yeah, I had an itch.”
“Why didn’t you tell me then?”
“Because you’d told me earlier—again—that you wouldn’t accept me as your mate. I figured knowing I wasn’t exactly the same breed as you wouldn’t earn me any points. I—” He looked up as though he was struggling to find the right words. Then he lowered his gaze back to me. “I told you that I volunteered to find you. The first time I ever saw you, I was intrigued. Yes, the elders selected me to be your mate but only because I stepped forward before anyone else could.”
Tears stung my eyes. I’d never felt such a loss for words.
“I know you didn’t feel the same when you first saw me,” he said. “I thought if you came to know me, to see what we had in common, that what was different about us wouldn’t matter.”
I was overwhelmed to think he had put so much thought into this, that he had wanted me that much. I thought of all the times he’d touched me, reached out to me.
I shook my head emphatically. “It doesn’t matter. That you shift into a panther. I think you’re gorgeous.”
I couldn’t be certain, but I thought he blushed.
“Is that why I can’t feel your emotions? Because you’re a different breed?” I asked.
“I don’t know. I guess.”
I’d known something was different about him, but I’d have never guessed this.
“Who knows?” I asked. “That you’re not a wolf?”
“No one, as far as I know. The elders may suspect, but they’ve never said anything. I’ve worked really hard not to let anyone see me shift.”
“Why? Why did you keep it secret from everyone?”
“We’re not like you.” Shaking his head, he leaned back, stretching out his arms and gripping the sides of the pool. “We don’t live in packs. We don’t mate for life. Wolves come together and fight for each other. We take on the characteristics of our species. Black panthers, leopards—whatever name you give us—we’re loners. We don’t seek each other out. Coming here was against my nature.”
“Why did you stay, then?”
Leaning his head back, he again studied the rock ceiling as if it held the answer. When he returned his gaze to mine, I couldn’t have looked away if I wanted.
“Because we’re so solitary, there are only about a dozen of us left. But you won’t find us on any endangered species list. I thought if I came here, if I watched the way the wolves worked together, that I’d learn a way to bring my own kind together, to find a way to ensure that as a breed of Shifter we survive.”
I gave him a crooked grin. “And instead you almost found yourself with a wolf for a mate.”
“I don’t want it to be almost, Hayden. I want it to happen.”
Tears stung my eyes. “It can’t. Don’t you understand that? If there wasn’t a harvester—” What was worse? To know that if there was no harvester, I’d accept him in a heartbeat or to think that I wouldn’t accept him under any circumstances? I wanted to be with him so badly. But the timing sucked.
“I’m not afraid of what might happen tomorrow night,” he said.
“Well, I am. And you’re a fool if you’re not.”
“Which is why you need a mate. To be there with you. Completely. I think you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met. If you accept me as your mate, I promise that I’ll follow the tradition of your kind and be loyal to you.”
“Daniel, I can’t decide this now,” I muttered. He cared enough for me to risk his life, and I cared enough for him not to let him do it.
“Are you…appalled by what I am?” he asked.
I almost came up out of the pool. “God, no. Why would you think that?”
“I’m not exactly what you’re used to.”
“And you’ve met a lot of girls who experience others’ emotions?”
He grinned. “No. I can honestly say that I’ve never met anyone like you.”
And I thought he was talking about more than this ability I possessed, that in an offhanded way he was giving me a compliment. He was baring so much of himself to me. It was what I’d always wanted from a guy. I didn’t expect it to be this hard. Because if I gave him reason to think we could be together, if I encouraged him, then tomorrow I could lose him. Was it better to lose him tonight? To reject his heartfelt declarations?
Maybe. But not at that moment. Not yet. I wanted more time with him. But not here.
“I think I’m starting to shrivel,” I said. “Can we get out now?”
“Sure. I’ll go first and wait for you in the other part of the cave.” He started to submerge.
“Daniel?”
Stopping, he looked at me.
I swallowed hard. “It doesn’t make any difference to me. What you shift into. Well”—I rolled my eyes—“I’d probably be weirded out if you shifted into a rat or something, but I like you…a lot. A whole lot.”
“Even though I dragged you back to a place where you didn’t want to be?”
Before I could respond, he went beneath the water and emerged from the pool in panther form. In spite of the fact that we had to tear off our clothes in order to shift, we were modest. I watched as his long, sleek body practically stalked out of the cave. He really was gorgeous. Whether he was in panther or human form.
But I didn’t know how the bonding worked between different species. I couldn’t tap into his emotions. Would he be able to read my thoughts? Would we be able to communicate telepathically when we were in animal form? When we weren’t, would we know each other’s thoughts like other bonded couples?
Everything he’d told me should have made what I was going to face tomorrow easier. Instead it only made it that much more difficult. Now I had so much more to lose.
“So what does it mean exactly?”
I was lying on the mound of blankets, trailing my finger over Daniel’s tattoo. It looked like black fire outlined in brilliant blue bursting out of his shoulder, flames trailing down his bicep. But over the back of his shoulder was a series of Celtic knots. I didn’t think they represented my name. I thought he’d respect my wishes enough not to get the symbol for my name tattooed on his shoulder. Besides, this was his right shoulder and the tattoo associated with one’s mate usually went on the left, closer to the heart.
Propped up on his elbow, he was stretched out beside me. After I’d left the pool and gotten dressed, I’d joined him. He’d been wearing his shirt until I asked him to take it off. I’d wanted to see his ink, to learn everything about him.
“The different tentacles represent the separation of my kind,??
? he told me now. “Each standing alone. The knots represent your kind—the way they’re woven together. They’re stronger.”
“Wow. You gave it a lot of thought.”
“Don’t you think we should—to anything that’s going to be permanent?”
I knew he was talking about mates. About how the bonding ritual shouldn’t be taken lightly. I could honestly say that both of us were giving it a great deal of thought.
“I wish we had more time to be together, to explore our feelings,” he said quietly.
I’d always heard that cats were aloof creatures, but I thought Daniel was searching for a connection, wanted one as badly as I did.
“Before my full moon?” I asked.
“Yeah.”
But I wasn’t convinced it’d make any difference. I knew how I felt about him. I was falling for him. That wasn’t going to change.
“If you’re hurt, do you still heal more rapidly in Shifter form?” I asked, thinking how dangerous tomorrow night would be. No matter how much I tried not to let it into my thoughts, it was slithering through anyway. When it did, despair would hit me and I’d fight it back. I didn’t want anything to ruin this moment.
“Yes. I’m like you in every way except I turn into a panther. Oh, and I don’t feel others’ emotions.”
“So you can read the other Shifters’ thoughts when you’re in panther form?”
“Yeah. That’s a common connection between us, I guess.”
“Can you read my thoughts now?”
Disappointment flashed in his eyes. He knew where I was going with this. “No.”
“They say true mates know what the other is thinking, even when they’re in human form.”
“Maybe it happens after the bond is created with the first shift.”
“Maybe. So how did you…I mean, if your kind doesn’t hang out together, how did you learn about your family?”
“Came home from my first year at college—found them. My family was close, but I couldn’t tell you where any other Shifters in the area lived. We didn’t seek each other out. My mom had mentioned Wolford, talked about other clans of Shifters. She knew a little of the history. Enough to get me here.”