Chapter xii.
In which the Man of the Hill continues his history.
"I had now regained my liberty," said the stranger; "but I had lost myreputation; for there is a wide difference between the case of a manwho is barely acquitted of a crime in a court of justice, and of himwho is acquitted in his own heart, and in the opinion of the people. Iwas conscious of my guilt, and ashamed to look any one in the face; soresolved to leave Oxford the next morning, before the daylightdiscovered me to the eyes of any beholders.
"When I had got clear of the city, it first entered into my head toreturn home to my father, and endeavour to obtain his forgiveness; butas I had no reason to doubt his knowledge of all which had past, andas I was well assured of his great aversion to all acts of dishonesty,I could entertain no hopes of being received by him, especially sinceI was too certain of all the good offices in the power of my mother;nay, had my father's pardon been as sure, as I conceived hisresentment to be, I yet question whether I could have had theassurance to behold him, or whether I could, upon any terms, havesubmitted to live and converse with those who, I was convinced, knewme to have been guilty of so base an action.
"I hastened therefore back to London, the best retirement of eithergrief or shame, unless for persons of a very public character; forhere you have the advantage of solitude without its disadvantage,since you may be alone and in company at the same time; and while youwalk or sit unobserved, noise, hurry, and a constant succession ofobjects, entertain the mind, and prevent the spirits from preying onthemselves, or rather on grief or shame, which are the mostunwholesome diet in the world; and on which (though there are many whonever taste either but in public) there are some who can feed veryplentifully and very fatally when alone.
"But as there is scarce any human good without its concomitant evil,so there are people who find an inconvenience in this unobservingtemper of mankind; I mean persons who have no money; for as you arenot put out of countenance, so neither are you cloathed or fed bythose who do not know you. And a man may be as easily starved inLeadenhall-market as in the deserts of Arabia.
"It was at present my fortune to be destitute of that great evil, asit is apprehended to be by several writers, who I suppose wereoverburthened with it, namely, money."--"With submission, sir," saidPartridge, "I do not remember any writers who have called it_malorum_; but _irritamenta malorum_. _Effodiuntur opes, irritamentamalorum_"--"Well, sir," continued the stranger, "whether it be anevil, or only the cause of evil, I was entirely void of it, and at thesame time of friends, and, as I thought, of acquaintance; when oneevening, as I was passing through the Inner Temple, very hungry, andvery miserable, I heard a voice on a sudden hailing me with greatfamiliarity by my Christian name; and upon turning about, I presentlyrecollected the person who so saluted me to have been myfellow-collegiate; one who had left the university above a year, andlong before any of my misfortunes had befallen me. This gentleman,whose name was Watson, shook me heartily by the hand; and expressinggreat joy at meeting me, proposed our immediately drinking a bottletogether. I first declined the proposal, and pretended business, butas he was very earnest and pressing, hunger at last overcame my pride,and I fairly confessed to him I had no money in my pocket; yet notwithout framing a lie for an excuse, and imputing it to my havingchanged my breeches that morning. Mr Watson answered, `I thought,Jack, you and I had been too old acquaintance for you to mention sucha matter.' He then took me by the arm, and was pulling me along; but Igave him very little trouble, for my own inclinations pulled me muchstronger than he could do.
"We then went into the Friars, which you know is the scene of allmirth and jollity. Here, when we arrived at the tavern, Mr Watsonapplied himself to the drawer only, without taking the least notice ofthe cook; for he had no suspicion but that I had dined long since.However, as the case was really otherwise, I forged another falsehood,and told my companion I had been at the further end of the city onbusiness of consequence, and had snapt up a mutton-chop in haste; sothat I was again hungry, and wished he would add a beef-steak to hisbottle."--"Some people," cries Partridge, "ought to have goodmemories; or did you find just money enough in your breeches to payfor the mutton-chop?"--"Your observation is right," answered thestranger, "and I believe such blunders are inseparable from alldealing in untruth.--But to proceed--I began now to feel myselfextremely happy. The meat and wine soon revived my spirits to a highpitch, and I enjoyed much pleasure in the conversation of my oldacquaintance, the rather as I thought him entirely ignorant of whathad happened at the university since his leaving it.
"But he did not suffer me to remain long in this agreeable delusion;for taking a bumper in one hand, and holding me by the other, `Here,my boy,' cries he, `here's wishing you joy of your being so honourablyacquitted of that affair laid to your charge.' I was thunderstruckwith confusion at those words, which Watson observing, proceeded thus:`Nay, never be ashamed, man; thou hast been acquitted, and no one nowdares call thee guilty; but, prithee, do tell me, who am thy friend--Ihope thou didst really rob him? for rat me if it was not a meritoriousaction to strip such a sneaking, pitiful rascal; and instead of thetwo hundred guineas, I wish you had taken as many thousand. Come,come, my boy, don't be shy of confessing to me: you are not nowbrought before one of the pimps. D--n me if I don't honour you for it;for, as I hope for salvation, I would have made no manner of scrupleof doing the same thing.'
"This declaration a little relieved my abashment; and as wine had nowsomewhat opened my heart, I very freely acknowledged the robbery, butacquainted him that he had been misinformed as to the sum taken, whichwas little more than a fifth part of what he had mentioned.
"`I am sorry for it with all my heart,' quoth he, `and I wish theebetter success another time. Though, if you will take my advice, youshall have no occasion to run any such risque. Here,' said he, takingsome dice out of his pocket, `here's the stuff. Here are theimplements; here are the little doctors which cure the distempers ofthe purse. Follow but my counsel, and I will show you a way to emptythe pocket of a queer cull without any danger of the nubbing cheat.'"
"Nubbing cheat!" cries Partridge: "pray, sir, what is that?"
"Why that, sir," says the stranger, "is a cant phrase for the gallows;for as gamesters differ little from highwaymen in their morals, so dothey very much resemble them in their language.
"We had now each drank our bottle, when Mr Watson said, the board wassitting, and that he must attend, earnestly pressing me at the sametime to go with him and try my fortune. I answered he knew that was atpresent out of my power, as I had informed him of the emptiness of mypocket. To say the truth, I doubted not from his many strongexpressions of friendship, but that he would offer to lend me a smallsum for that purpose, but he answered, `Never mind that, man; e'enboldly run a levant' [Partridge was going to inquire the meaning ofthat word, but Jones stopped his mouth]: `but be circumspect as to theman. I will tip you the proper person, which may be necessary, as youdo not know the town, nor can distinguish a rum cull from a queerone."
"The bill was now brought, when Watson paid his share, and wasdeparting. I reminded him, not without blushing, of my having nomoney. He answered, `That signifies nothing; score it behind the door,or make a bold brush and take no notice.--Or--stay,' says he; `I willgo down-stairs first, and then do you take up my money, and score thewhole reckoning at the bar, and I will wait for you at the corner.' Iexpressed some dislike at this, and hinted my expectations that hewould have deposited the whole; but he swore he had not anothersixpence in his pocket.
"He then went down, and I was prevailed on to take up the money andfollow him, which I did close enough to hear him tell the drawer thereckoning was upon the table. The drawer past by me up-stairs; but Imade such haste into the street, that I heard nothing of hisdisappointment, nor did I mention a syllable at the bar, according tomy instructions.
"We now went directly to the gaming-table, where Mr Watson, to mysurprize, pulled out a large sum of money and placed it before him, asdid many others; all of
them, no doubt, considering their own heaps asso many decoy birds, which were to intice and draw over the heaps oftheir neighbours.
"Here it would be tedious to relate all the freaks which Fortune, orrather the dice, played in this her temple. Mountains of gold were ina few moments reduced to nothing at one part of the table, and rose assuddenly in another. The rich grew in a moment poor, and the poor assuddenly became rich; so that it seemed a philosopher could nowherehave so well instructed his pupils in the contempt of riches, at leasthe could nowhere have better inculcated the incertainty of theirduration.
"For my own part, after having considerably improved my small estate,I at last entirely demolished it. Mr Watson too, after much variety ofluck, rose from the table in some heat, and declared he had lost acool hundred, and would play no longer. Then coming up to me, he askedme to return with him to the tavern; but I positively refused, saying,I would not bring myself a second time into such a dilemma, andespecially as he had lost all his money and was now in my owncondition. `Pooh!' says he, `I have just borrowed a couple of guineasof a friend, and one of them is at your service.' He immediately putone of them into my hand, and I no longer resisted his inclination.
"I was at first a little shocked at returning to the same house whencewe had departed in so unhandsome a manner; but when the drawer, withvery civil address, told us, `he believed we had forgot to pay ourreckoning,' I became perfectly easy, and very readily gave him aguinea, bid him pay himself, and acquiesced in the unjust charge whichhad been laid on my memory.
"Mr Watson now bespoke the most extravagant supper he could well thinkof; and though he had contented himself with simple claret before,nothing now but the most precious Burgundy would serve his purpose.
"Our company was soon encreased by the addition of several gentlemenfrom the gaming-table; most of whom, as I afterwards found, came notto the tavern to drink, but in the way of business; for the truegamesters pretended to be ill, and refused their glass, while theyplied heartily two young fellows, who were to be afterwards pillaged,as indeed they were without mercy. Of this plunder I had the goodfortune to be a sharer, though I was not yet let into the secret.
"There was one remarkable accident attended this tavern play; for themoney by degrees totally disappeared; so that though at the beginningthe table was half covered with gold, yet before the play ended, whichit did not till the next day, being Sunday, at noon, there was scarcea single guinea to be seen on the table; and this was the stranger asevery person present, except myself, declared he had lost; and whatwas become of the money, unless the devil himself carried it away, isdifficult to determine."
"Most certainly he did," says Partridge, "for evil spirits can carryaway anything without being seen, though there were never so many folkin the room; and I should not have been surprized if he had carriedaway all the company of a set of wicked wretches, who were at play insermon time. And I could tell you a true story, if I would, where thedevil took a man out of bed from another man's wife, and carried himaway through the keyhole of the door. I've seen the very house whereit was done, and nobody hath lived in it these thirty years."
Though Jones was a little offended by the impertinence of Partridge,he could not however avoid smiling at his simplicity. The stranger didthe same, and then proceeded with his story, as will be seen in thenext chapter.