Chapter vi.
Containing, among other things, the ingenuity of Partridge, themadness of Jones, and the folly of Fitzpatrick.
It was now past five in the morning, and other company began to riseand come to the kitchen, among whom were the serjeant and thecoachman, who, being thoroughly reconciled, made a libation, or, inthe English phrase, drank a hearty cup together.
In this drinking nothing more remarkable happened than the behaviourof Partridge, who, when the serjeant drank a health to King George,repeated only the word King; nor could he be brought to utter more;for though he was going to fight against his own cause, yet he couldnot be prevailed upon to drink against it.
Mr Jones, being now returned to his own bed (but from whence hereturned we must beg to be excused from relating), summoned Partridgefrom this agreeable company, who, after a ceremonious preface, havingobtained leave to offer his advice, delivered himself as follows:--
"It is, sir, an old saying, and a true one, that a wise man maysometimes learn counsel from a fool; I wish, therefore, I might be sobold as to offer you my advice, which is to return home again, andleave these _horrida bella_, these bloody wars, to fellows who arecontented to swallow gunpowder, because they have nothing else to eat.Now, everybody knows your honour wants for nothing at home; whenthat's the case, why should any man travel abroad?"
"Partridge," cries Jones, "thou art certainly a coward; I wish,therefore, thou wouldst return home thyself, and trouble me no more."
"I ask your honour's pardon," cries Partridge; "I spoke on youraccount more than my own; for as to me, Heaven knows my circumstancesare bad enough, and I am so far from being afraid, that I value apistol, or a blunderbuss, or any such thing, no more than a pop-gun.Every man must die once, and what signifies the manner how? besides,perhaps I may come off with the loss only of an arm or a leg. I assureyou, sir, I was never less afraid in my life; and so, if your honouris resolved to go on, I am resolved to follow you. But, in that case,I wish I might give my opinion. To be sure, it is a scandalous way oftravelling, for a great gentleman like you to walk afoot. Now here aretwo or three good horses in the stable, which the landlord willcertainly make no scruple of trusting you with; but, if he should, Ican easily contrive to take them; and, let the worst come to theworst, the king would certainly pardon you, as you are going to fightin his cause."
Now, as the honesty of Partridge was equal to his understanding, andboth dealt only in small matters, he would never have attempted aroguery of this kind, had he not imagined it altogether safe; for hewas one of those who have more consideration of the gallows than ofthe fitness of things; but, in reality, he thought he might havecommitted this felony without any danger; for, besides that he doubtednot but the name of Mr Allworthy would sufficiently quiet thelandlord, he conceived they should be altogether safe, whatever turnaffairs might take; as Jones, he imagined, would have friends enoughon one side, and as his friends would as well secure him on the other.
When Mr Jones found that Partridge was in earnest in this proposal, hevery severely rebuked him, and that in such bitter terms, that theother attempted to laugh it off, and presently turned the discourse toother matters; saying, he believed they were then in a bawdy house,and that he had with much ado prevented two wenches from disturbinghis honour in the middle of the night. "Heyday!" says he, "I believethey got into your chamber whether I would or no; for here lies themuff of one of them on the ground." Indeed, as Jones returned to hisbed in the dark, he had never perceived the muff on the quilt, and, inleaping into his bed, he had tumbled it on the floor. This Partridgenow took up, and was going to put into his pocket, when Jones desiredto see it. The muff was so very remarkable, that our heroe mightpossibly have recollected it without the information annexed. But hismemory was not put to that hard office; for at the same instant he sawand read the words Sophia Western upon the paper which was pinned toit. His looks now grew frantic in a moment, and he eagerly cried out,"Oh Heavens! how came this muff here?" "I know no more than yourhonour," cried Partridge; "but I saw it upon the arm of one of thewomen who would have disturbed you, if I would have suffered them.""Where are they?" cries Jones, jumping out of bed, and laying hold ofhis cloaths. "Many miles off, I believe, by this time," saidPartridge. And now Jones, upon further enquiry, was sufficientlyassured that the bearer of this muff was no other than the lovelySophia herself.
The behaviour of Jones on this occasion, his thoughts, his looks, hiswords, his actions, were such as beggar all description. After manybitter execrations on Partridge, and not fewer on himself, he orderedthe poor fellow, who was frightened out of his wits, to run down andhire him horses at any rate; and a very few minutes afterwards, havingshuffled on his clothes, he hastened down-stairs to execute the ordershimself, which he had just before given.
But before we proceed to what passed on his arrival in the kitchen, itwill be necessary to recur to what had there happened since Partridgehad first left it on his master's summons.
The serjeant was just marched off with his party, when the two Irishgentlemen arose, and came downstairs; both complaining that they hadbeen so often waked by the noises in the inn, that they had never oncebeen able to close their eyes all night.
The coach which had brought the young lady and her maid, and which,perhaps, the reader may have hitherto concluded was her own, was,indeed, a returned coach belonging to Mr King, of Bath, one of theworthiest and honestest men that ever dealt in horse-flesh, and whosecoaches we heartily recommend to all our readers who travel that road.By which means they may, perhaps, have the pleasure of riding in thevery coach, and being driven by the very coachman, that is recorded inthis history.
The coachman, having but two passengers, and hearing Mr Maclachlan wasgoing to Bath, offered to carry him thither at a very moderate price.He was induced to this by the report of the hostler, who said that thehorse which Mr Maclachlan had hired from Worcester would be much morepleased with returning to his friends there than to prosecute a longjourney; for that the said horse was rather a two-legged than afour-legged animal.
Mr Maclachlan immediately closed with the proposal of the coachman,and, at the same time, persuaded his friend Fitzpatrick to accept ofthe fourth place in the coach. This conveyance the soreness of hisbones made more agreeable to him than a horse; and, being well assuredof meeting with his wife at Bath, he thought a little delay would beof no consequence.
Maclachlan, who was much the sharper man of the two, no sooner heardthat this lady came from Chester, with the other circumstances whichhe learned from the hostler, than it came into his head that she mightpossibly be his friend's wife; and presently acquainted him with thissuspicion, which had never once occurred to Fitzpatrick himself. Tosay the truth, he was one of those compositions which nature makes upin too great a hurry, and forgets to put any brains into their head.
Now it happens to this sort of men, as to bad hounds, who never hitoff a fault themselves; but no sooner doth a dog of sagacity open hismouth than they immediately do the same, and, without the guidance ofany scent, run directly forwards as fast as they are able. In the samemanner, the very moment Mr Maclachlan had mentioned his apprehension,Mr Fitzpatrick instantly concurred, and flew directly up-stairs, tosurprize his wife, before he knew where she was; and unluckily (asFortune loves to play tricks with those gentlemen who put themselvesentirely under her conduct) ran his head against several doors andposts to no purpose. Much kinder was she to me, when she suggestedthat simile of the hounds, just before inserted; since the poor wifemay, on these occasions, be so justly compared to a hunted hare. Likethat little wretched animal, she pricks up her ears to listen afterthe voice of her pursuer; like her, flies away trembling when shehears it; and, like her, is generally overtaken and destroyed in theend.
This was not however the case at present; for after a long fruitlesssearch, Mr Fitzpatrick returned to the kitchen, where, as if this hadbeen a real chace, entered a gentleman hallowing as hunters do whenthe hounds are at a fault. He was just alighted from h
is horse, andhad many attendants at his heels.
Here, reader, it may be necessary to acquaint thee with some matters,which, if thou dost know already, thou art wiser than I take thee tobe. And this information thou shalt receive in the next chapter.