Chapter xiii.
A dialogue between Jones and Partridge.
The honest lovers of liberty will, we doubt not, pardon that longdigression into which we were led at the close of the last chapter, toprevent our history from being applied to the use of the mostpernicious doctrine which priestcraft had ever the wickedness or theimpudence to preach.
We will now proceed with Mr Jones, who, when the storm was over, tookleave of his Egyptian majesty, after many thanks for his courteousbehaviour and kind entertainment, and set out for Coventry; to whichplace (for it was still dark) a gypsy was ordered to conduct him.
Jones having, by reason of his deviation, travelled eleven milesinstead of six, and most of those through very execrable roads, whereno expedition could have been made in quest of a midwife, did notarrive at Coventry till near twelve. Nor could he possibly get againinto the saddle till past two; for post-horses were now not easy toget; nor were the hostler or post-boy in half so great a hurry ashimself, but chose rather to imitate the tranquil disposition ofPartridge; who, being denied the nourishment of sleep, took allopportunities to supply its place with every other kind ofnourishment, and was never better pleased than when he arrived at aninn, nor ever more dissatisfied than when he was again forced to leaveit.
Jones now travelled post; we will follow him, therefore, according toour custom, and to the rules of Longinus, in the same manner. FromCoventry he arrived at Daventry, from Daventry at Stratford, and fromStratford at Dunstable, whither he came the next day a little afternoon, and within a few hours after Sophia had left it; and though hewas obliged to stay here longer than he wished, while a smith, withgreat deliberation, shoed the post-horse he was to ride, he doubtednot but to overtake his Sophia before she should set out from StAlbans; at which place he concluded, and very reasonably, that hislordship would stop and dine.
And had he been right in this conjecture, he most probably would haveovertaken his angel at the aforesaid place; but unluckily my lord hadappointed a dinner to be prepared for him at his own house in London,and, in order to enable him to reach that place in proper time, he hadordered a relay of horses to meet him at St Albans. When Jonestherefore arrived there, he was informed that the coach-and-six hadset out two hours before.
If fresh post-horses had been now ready, as they were not, it seemedso apparently impossible to overtake the coach before it reachedLondon, that Partridge thought he had now a proper opportunity toremind his friend of a matter which he seemed entirely to haveforgotten; what this was the reader will guess, when we inform himthat Jones had eat nothing more than one poached egg since he had leftthe alehouse where he had first met the guide returning from Sophia;for with the gypsies he had feasted only his understanding.
The landlord so entirely agreed with the opinion of Mr Partridge, thathe no sooner heard the latter desire his friend to stay and dine, thanhe very readily put in his word, and retracting his promise beforegiven of furnishing the horses immediately, he assured Mr Jones hewould lose no time in bespeaking a dinner, which, he said, could begot ready sooner than it was possible to get the horses up from grass,and to prepare them for their journey by a feed of corn.
Jones was at length prevailed on, chiefly by the latter argument ofthe landlord; and now a joint of mutton was put down to the fire.While this was preparing, Partridge, being admitted into the sameapartment with his friend or master, began to harangue in thefollowing manner.
"Certainly, sir, if ever man deserved a young lady, you deserve youngMadam Western; for what a vast quantity of love must a man have, to beable to live upon it without any other food, as you do? I am positiveI have eat thirty times as much within these last twenty-four hours asyour honour, and yet I am almost famished; for nothing makes a man sohungry as travelling, especially in this cold raw weather. And yet Ican't tell how it is, but your honour is seemingly in perfect goodhealth, and you never looked better nor fresher in your life. It mustbe certainly love that you live upon."
"And a very rich diet too, Partridge," answered Jones. "But did notfortune send me an excellent dainty yesterday? Dost thou imagine Icannot live more than twenty-four hours on this dear pocket-book?"
"Undoubtedly," cries Partridge, "there is enough in that pocket-bookto purchase many a good meal. Fortune sent it to your honour veryopportunely for present use, as your honour's money must be almost outby this time."
"What do you mean?" answered Jones; "I hope you don't imagine that Ishould be dishonest enough, even if it belonged to any other person,besides Miss Western----"
"Dishonest!" replied Partridge, "heaven forbid I should wrong yourhonour so much! but where's the dishonesty in borrowing a little forpresent spending, since you will be so well able to pay the ladyhereafter? No, indeed, I would have your honour pay it again, as soonas it is convenient, by all means; but where can be the harm in makinguse of it now you want it? Indeed, if it belonged to a poor body, itwould be another thing; but so great a lady, to be sure, can neverwant it, especially now as she is along with a lord, who, it can't bedoubted, will let her have whatever she hath need of. Besides, if sheshould want a little, she can't want the whole, therefore I would giveher a little; but I would be hanged before I mentioned the havingfound it at first, and before I got some money of my own; for London,I have heard, is the very worst of places to be in without money.Indeed, if I had not known to whom it belonged, I might have thoughtit was the devil's money, and have been afraid to use it; but as youknow otherwise, and came honestly by it, it would be an affront tofortune to part with it all again, at the very time when you want itmost; you can hardly expect she should ever do you such another goodturn; for _fortuna nunquam perpetuo est bona_. You will do as youplease, notwithstanding all I say; but for my part, I would be hangedbefore I mentioned a word of the matter."
"By what I can see, Partridge," cries Jones, "hanging is a matter _nonlonge alienum a Scaevolae studiis_." "You should say _alienus_," saysPartridge,--"I remember the passage; it is an example under _communis,alienus, immunis, variis casibus serviunt_." "If you do remember it,"cries Jones, "I find you don't understand it; but I tell thee, friend,in plain English, that he who finds another's property, and wilfullydetains it from the known owner, deserves, _in foro conscientiae_, tobe hanged, no less than if he had stolen it. And as for this veryidentical bill, which is the property of my angel, and was once in herdear possession, I will not deliver it into any hands but her own,upon any consideration whatever, no, though I was as hungry as thouart, and had no other means to satisfy my craving appetite; this Ihope to do before I sleep; but if it should happen otherwise, I chargethee, if thou would'st not incur my displeasure for ever, not to shockme any more by the bare mention of such detestable baseness."
"I should not have mentioned it now," cries Partridge, "if it hadappeared so to me; for I'm sure I scorn any wickedness as much asanother; but perhaps you know better; and yet I might have imaginedthat I should not have lived so many years, and have taught school solong, without being able to distinguish between _fas et nefas_; but itseems we are all to live and learn. I remember my old schoolmaster,who was a prodigious great scholar, used often to say, _Polly matetecry town is my daskalon_. The English of which, he told us, was, Thata child may sometimes teach his grandmother to suck eggs. I have livedto a fine purpose, truly, if I am to be taught my grammar at this timeof day. Perhaps, young gentleman, you may change your opinion, if youlive to my years: for I remember I thought myself as wise when I was astripling of one or two and twenty as I am now. I am sure I alwaystaught _alienus_, and my master read it so before me."
There were not many instances in which Partridge could provoke Jones,nor were there many in which Partridge himself could have been hurriedout of his respect. Unluckily, however, they had both hit on one ofthese. We have already seen Partridge could not bear to have hislearning attacked, nor could Jones bear some passage or other in theforegoing speech. And now, looking upon his companion with acontemptuous and disdainful air (a thing not usual with him), hecried, "Pa
rtridge, I see thou art a conceited old fool, and I wishthou art not likewise an old rogue. Indeed, if I was as well convincedof the latter as I am of the former, thou should'st travel no fartherin my company."
The sage pedagogue was contented with the vent which he had alreadygiven to his indignation; and, as the vulgar phrase is, immediatelydrew in his horns. He said, he was sorry he had uttered anything whichmight give offence, for that he had never intended it; but _Nemoomnibus horis sapit_.
As Jones had the vices of a warm disposition, he was entirely freefrom those of a cold one; and if his friends must have confest histemper to have been a little too easily ruffled, his enemies must atthe same time have confest, that it as soon subsided; nor did it atall resemble the sea, whose swelling is more violent and dangerousafter a storm is over than while the storm itself subsists. Heinstantly accepted the submission of Partridge, shook him by the hand,and with the most benign aspect imaginable, said twenty kind things,and at the same time very severely condemned himself, though not halfso severely as he will most probably be condemned by many of our goodreaders.
Partridge was now highly comforted, as his fears of having offendedwere at once abolished, and his pride completely satisfied by Joneshaving owned himself in the wrong, which submission he instantlyapplied to what had principally nettled him, and repeated in amuttering voice, "To be sure, sir, your knowledge may be superior tomine in some things; but as to the grammar, I think I may challengeany man living. I think, at least, I have that at my finger's end."
If anything could add to the satisfaction which the poor man nowenjoyed, he received this addition by the arrival of an excellentshoulder of mutton, that at this instant came smoaking to the table.On which, having both plentifully feasted, they again mounted theirhorses, and set forward for London.