Chapter ix.
In which Jones pays a visit to Mrs Fitzpatrick.
The reader may now, perhaps, be pleased to return with us to Mr Jones,who, at the appointed hour, attended on Mrs Fitzpatrick; but before werelate the conversation which now past it may be proper, according toour method, to return a little back, and to account for so great analteration of behaviour in this lady, that from changing her lodgingprincipally to avoid Mr Jones, she had now industriously, as hath beenseen, sought this interview.
And here we shall need only to resort to what happened the precedingday, when, hearing from Lady Bellaston that Mr Western was arrived intown, she went to pay her duty to him, at his lodgings at Piccadilly,where she was received with many scurvy compellations too coarse to berepeated, and was even threatened to be kicked out of doors. Fromhence, an old servant of her aunt Western, with whom she was wellacquainted, conducted her to the lodgings of that lady, who treatedher not more kindly, but more politely; or, to say the truth, withrudeness in another way. In short, she returned from both, plainlyconvinced, not only that her scheme of reconciliation had provedabortive, but that she must for ever give over all thoughts ofbringing it about by any means whatever. From this moment desire ofrevenge only filled her mind; and in this temper meeting Jones at theplay, an opportunity seemed to her to occur of effecting this purpose.
The reader must remember that he was acquainted by Mrs Fitzpatrick, inthe account she gave of her own story, with the fondness Mrs Westernhad formerly shewn for Mr Fitzpatrick at Bath, from the disappointmentof which Mrs Fitzpatrick derived the great bitterness her aunt hadexpressed toward her. She had, therefore, no doubt but that the goodlady would as easily listen to the addresses of Mr Jones as she hadbefore done to the other; for the superiority of charms was clearly onthe side of Mr Jones; and the advance which her aunt had since made inage, she concluded (how justly I will not say), was an argument ratherin favour of her project than against it.
Therefore, when Jones attended, after a previous declaration of herdesire of serving him, arising, as she said, from a firm assurance howmuch she should by so doing oblige Sophia; and after some excuses forher former disappointment, and after acquainting Mr Jones in whosecustody his mistress was, of which she thought him ignorant; she veryexplicitly mentioned her scheme to him, and advised him to make shamaddresses to the older lady, in order to procure an easy access to theyounger, informing him at the same time of the success which MrFitzpatrick had formerly owed to the very same stratagem.
Mr Jones expressed great gratitude to the lady for the kind intentionstowards him which she had expressed, and indeed testified, by thisproposal; but, besides intimating some diffidence of success from thelady's knowledge of his love to her niece, which had not been her casein regard to Mr Fitzpatrick, he said, he was afraid Miss Western wouldnever agree to an imposition of this kind, as well from her utterdetestation of all fallacy as from her avowed duty to her aunt.
Mrs Fitzpatrick was a little nettled at this; and indeed, if it maynot be called a lapse of the tongue, it was a small deviation frompoliteness in Jones, and into which he scarce would have fallen, hadnot the delight he felt in praising Sophia hurried him out of allreflection; for this commendation of one cousin was more than a tacitrebuke on the other.
"Indeed, sir," answered the lady, with some warmth, "I cannot thinkthere is anything easier than to cheat an old woman with a professionof love, when her complexion is amorous; and, though she is my aunt, Imust say there never was a more liquorish one than her ladyship. Can'tyou pretend that the despair of possessing her niece, from her beingpromised to Blifil, has made you turn your thoughts towards her? As tomy cousin Sophia, I can't imagine her to be such a simpleton as tohave the least scruple on such an account, or to conceive any harm inpunishing one of these haggs for the many mischiefs they bring uponfamilies by their tragi-comic passions; for which I think it is a pitythey are not punishable by law. I had no such scruple myself; and yetI hope my cousin Sophia will not think it an affront when I say shecannot detest every real species of falsehood more than her cousinFitzpatrick. To my aunt, indeed, I pretend no duty, nor doth shedeserve any. However, sir, I have given you my advice; and if youdecline pursuing it, I shall have the less opinion of yourunderstanding--that's all."
Jones now clearly saw the error he had committed, and exerted hisutmost power to rectify it; but he only faultered and stuttered intononsense and contradiction. To say the truth, it is often safer toabide by the consequences of the first blunder than to endeavour torectify it; for by such endeavours we generally plunge deeper insteadof extricating ourselves; and few persons will on such occasions havethe good-nature which Mrs Fitzpatrick displayed to Jones, by saying,with a smile, "You need attempt no more excuses; for I can easilyforgive a real lover, whatever is the effect of fondness for hismistress."
She then renewed her proposal, and very fervently recommended it,omitting no argument which her invention could suggest on the subject;for she was so violently incensed against her aunt, that scarceanything was capable of affording her equal pleasure with exposingher; and, like a true woman, she would see no difficulties in theexecution of a favourite scheme.
Jones, however, persisted in declining the undertaking, which had not,indeed, the least probability of success. He easily perceived themotives which induced Mrs Fitzpatrick to be so eager in pressing heradvice. He said he would not deny the tender and passionate regard hehad for Sophia; but was so conscious of the inequality of theirsituations, that he could never flatter himself so far as to hope thatso divine a young lady would condescend to think on so unworthy a man;nay, he protested, he could scarce bring himself to wish she should.He concluded with a profession of generous sentiments, which we havenot at present leisure to insert.
There are some fine women (for I dare not here speak in too generalterms) with whom self is so predominant, that they never detach itfrom any subject; and, as vanity is with them a ruling principle, theyare apt to lay hold of whatever praise they meet with; and, though theproperty of others, convey it to their own use. In the company ofthese ladies it is impossible to say anything handsome of anotherwoman which they will not apply to themselves; nay, they often improvethe praise they seize; as, for instance, if her beauty, her wit, hergentility, her good humour deserve so much commendation, what do Ideserve, who possess those qualities in so much more eminent a degree?
To these ladies a man often recommends himself while he is commendinganother woman; and, while he is expressing ardour and generoussentiments for his mistress, they are considering what a charminglover this man would make to them, who can feel all this tendernessfor an inferior degree of merit. Of this, strange as it may seem, Ihave seen many instances besides Mrs Fitzpatrick, to whom all thisreally happened, and who now began to feel a somewhat for Mr Jones,the symptoms of which she much sooner understood than poor Sophia hadformerly done.
To say the truth, perfect beauty in both sexes is a more irresistibleobject than it is generally thought; for, notwithstanding some of usare contented with more homely lots, and learn by rote (as children torepeat what gives them no idea) to despise outside, and to value moresolid charms; yet I have always observed, at the approach ofconsummate beauty, that these more solid charms only shine with thatkind of lustre which the stars have after the rising of the sun.
When Jones had finished his exclamations, many of which would havebecome the mouth of Orooendates himself, Mrs Fitzpatrick heaved adeep sigh, and, taking her eyes off from Jones, on whom they had beensome time fixed, and dropping them on the ground, she cried, "Indeed,Mr Jones, I pity you; but it is the curse of such tenderness to bethrown away on those who are insensible of it. I know my cousin betterthan you, Mr Jones, and I must say, any woman who makes no return tosuch a passion, and such a person, is unworthy of both."
"Sure, madam," said Jones, "you can't mean----" "Mean!" cries MrsFitzpatrick, "I know not what I mean; there is something, I think, intrue tenderness bewitching; few women ever meet with it in men,
andfewer still know how to value it when they do. I never heard suchtruly noble sentiments, and I can't tell how it is, but you force oneto believe you. Sure she must be the most contemptible of women whocan overlook such merit."
The manner and look with which all this was spoke infused a suspicioninto Jones which we don't care to convey in direct words to thereader. Instead of making any answer, he said, "I am afraid, madam, Ihave made too tiresome a visit;" and offered to take his leave.
"Not at all, sir," answered Mrs Fitzpatrick.--"Indeed I pity you, MrJones; indeed I do: but if you are going, consider of the scheme Ihave mentioned--I am convinced you will approve it--and let me see youagain as soon as you can.--To-morrow morning if you will, or at leastsome time to-morrow. I shall be at home all day."
Jones, then, after many expressions of thanks, very respectfullyretired; nor could Mrs Fitzpatrick forbear making him a present of alook at parting, by which if he had understood nothing, he must havehad no understanding in the language of the eyes. In reality, itconfirmed his resolution of returning to her no more; for, faulty ashe hath hitherto appeared in this history, his whole thoughts were nowso confined to his Sophia, that I believe no woman upon earth couldhave now drawn him into an act of inconstancy.
Fortune, however, who was not his friend, resolved, as he intended togive her no second opportunity, to make the best of this; andaccordingly produced the tragical incident which we are now insorrowful notes to record.