Chapter ix.
Being of a much more tempestuous kind than the former.
Before we proceed with what now happened to our lovers, it may beproper to recount what had past in the hall during their tenderinterview.
Soon after Jones had left Mr Western in the manner above mentioned,his sister came to him, and was presently informed of all that hadpassed between her brother and Sophia relating to Blifil.
This behaviour in her niece the good lady construed to be an absolutebreach of the condition on which she had engaged to keep her love forMr Jones a secret. She considered herself, therefore, at full libertyto reveal all she knew to the squire, which she immediately did in themost explicit terms, and without any ceremony or preface.
The idea of a marriage between Jones and his daughter, had never onceentered into the squire's head, either in the warmest minutes of hisaffection towards that young man, or from suspicion, or on any otheroccasion. He did indeed consider a parity of fortune and circumstancesto be physically as necessary an ingredient in marriage, as differenceof sexes, or any other essential; and had no more apprehension of hisdaughter's falling in love with a poor man, than with any animal of adifferent species.
He became, therefore, like one thunderstruck at his sister's relation.He was, at first, incapable of making any answer, having been almostdeprived of his breath by the violence of the surprize. This, however,soon returned, and, as is usual in other cases after an intermission,with redoubled force and fury.
The first use he made of the power of speech, after his recovery fromthe sudden effects of his astonishment, was to discharge a roundvolley of oaths and imprecations. After which he proceeded hastily tothe apartment where he expected to find the lovers, and murmured, orrather indeed roared forth, intentions of revenge every step he went.
As when two doves, or two wood-pigeons, or as when Strephon andPhyllis (for that comes nearest to the mark) are retired into somepleasant solitary grove, to enjoy the delightful conversation of Love,that bashful boy, who cannot speak in public, and is never a goodcompanion to more than two at a time; here, while every object isserene, should hoarse thunder burst suddenly through the shatteredclouds, and rumbling roll along the sky, the frightened maid startsfrom the mossy bank or verdant turf, the pale livery of death succeedsthe red regimentals in which Love had before drest her cheeks, fearshakes her whole frame, and her lover scarce supports her tremblingtottering limbs.
Or as when two gentlemen, strangers to the wondrous wit of the place,are cracking a bottle together at some inn or tavern at Salisbury, ifthe great Dowdy, who acts the part of a madman as well as some of hissetters-on do that of a fool, should rattle his chains, and dreadfullyhum forth the grumbling catch along the gallery; the frightedstrangers stand aghast; scared at the horrid sound, they seek someplace of shelter from the approaching danger; and if the well-barredwindows did admit their exit, would venture their necks to escape thethreatening fury now coming upon them.
So trembled poor Sophia, so turned she pale at the noise of herfather, who, in a voice most dreadful to hear, came on swearing,cursing, and vowing the destruction of Jones. To say the truth, Ibelieve the youth himself would, from some prudent considerations,have preferred another place of abode at this time, had his terror onSophia's account given him liberty to reflect a moment on what anyotherways concerned himself, than as his love made him partakewhatever affected her.
And now the squire, having burst open the door, beheld an object whichinstantly suspended all his fury against Jones; this was the ghastlyappearance of Sophia, who had fainted away in her lover's arms. Thistragical sight Mr Western no sooner beheld, than all his rage forsookhim; he roared for help with his utmost violence; ran first to hisdaughter, then back to the door calling for water, and then back againto Sophia, never considering in whose arms she then was, nor perhapsonce recollecting that there was such a person in the world as Jones;for indeed I believe the present circumstances of his daughter werenow the sole consideration which employed his thoughts.
Mrs Western and a great number of servants soon came to the assistanceof Sophia with water, cordials, and everything necessary on thoseoccasions. These were applied with such success, that Sophia in a veryfew minutes began to recover, and all the symptoms of life to return.Upon which she was presently led off by her own maid and Mrs Western:nor did that good lady depart without leaving some wholesomeadmonitions with her brother, on the dreadful effects of his passion,or, as she pleased to call it, madness.
The squire, perhaps, did not understand this good advice, as it wasdelivered in obscure hints, shrugs, and notes of admiration: at least,if he did understand it, he profited very little by it; for no soonerwas he cured of his immediate fears for his daughter, than he relapsedinto his former frenzy, which must have produced an immediate battlewith Jones, had not parson Supple, who was a very strong man, beenpresent, and by mere force restrained the squire from acts ofhostility.
The moment Sophia was departed, Jones advanced in a very suppliantmanner to Mr Western, whom the parson held in his arms, and begged himto be pacified; for that, while he continued in such a passion, itwould be impossible to give him any satisfaction.
"I wull have satisfaction o' thee," answered the squire; "so doff thyclothes. _At unt_ half a man, and I'll lick thee as well as wast everlicked in thy life." He then bespattered the youth with abundance ofthat language which passes between country gentlemen who embraceopposite sides of the question; with frequent applications to him tosalute that part which is generally introduced into all controversiesthat arise among the lower orders of the English gentry athorse-races, cock-matches, and other public places. Allusions to thispart are likewise often made for the sake of the jest. And here, Ibelieve, the wit is generally misunderstood. In reality, it lies indesiring another to kiss your a-- for having just before threatened tokick his; for I have observed very accurately, that no one everdesires you to kick that which belongs to himself, nor offers to kissthis part in another.
It may likewise seem surprizing that in the many thousand kindinvitations of this sort, which every one who hath conversed withcountry gentlemen must have heard, no one, I believe, hath ever seen asingle instance where the desire hath been complied with;--a greatinstance of their want of politeness; for in town nothing can be morecommon than for the finest gentlemen to perform this ceremony everyday to their superiors, without having that favour once requested ofthem.
To all such wit, Jones very calmly answered, "Sir, this usage mayperhaps cancel every other obligation you have conferred on me; butthere is one you can never cancel; nor will I be provoked by yourabuse to lift my hand against the father of Sophia."
At these words the squire grew still more outrageous than before; sothat the parson begged Jones to retire; saying, "You behold, sir, howhe waxeth wrath at your abode here; therefore let me pray you not totarry any longer. His anger is too much kindled for you to communewith him at present. You had better, therefore, conclude your visit,and refer what matters you have to urge in your behalf to some otheropportunity."
Jones accepted this advice with thanks, and immediately departed. Thesquire now regained the liberty of his hands, and so much temper as toexpress some satisfaction in the restraint which had been laid uponhim; declaring that he should certainly have beat his brains out; andadding, "It would have vexed one confoundedly to have been hanged forsuch a rascal."
The parson now began to triumph in the success of his peace-makingendeavours, and proceeded to read a lecture against anger, which mightperhaps rather have tended to raise than to quiet that passion in somehasty minds. This lecture he enriched with many valuable quotationsfrom the antients, particularly from Seneca; who hath indeed so wellhandled this passion, that none but a very angry man can read himwithout great pleasure and profit. The doctor concluded this haranguewith the famous story of Alexander and Clitus; but as I find thatentered in my common-place under title Drunkenness, I shall not insertit here.
The squire took no notice o
f this story, nor perhaps of anything hesaid; for he interrupted him before he had finished, by calling for atankard of beer; observing (which is perhaps as true as anyobservation on this fever of the mind) that anger makes a man dry.
No sooner had the squire swallowed a large draught than he renewed thediscourse on Jones, and declared a resolution of going the nextmorning early to acquaint Mr Allworthy. His friend would havedissuaded him from this, from the mere motive of good-nature; but hisdissuasion had no other effect than to produce a large volley of oathsand curses, which greatly shocked the pious ears of Supple; but he didnot dare to remonstrate against a privilege which the squire claimedas a freeborn Englishman. To say truth, the parson submitted to pleasehis palate at the squire's table, at the expense of suffering now andthen this violence to his ears. He contented himself with thinking hedid not promote this evil practice, and that the squire would notswear an oath the less, if he never entered within his gates. However,though he was not guilty of ill manners by rebuking a gentleman in hisown house, he paid him off obliquely in the pulpit: which had not,indeed, the good effect of working a reformation in the squirehimself; yet it so far operated on his conscience, that he put thelaws very severely in execution against others, and the magistrate wasthe only person in the parish who could swear with impunity.