Chapter iii.
In which the surgeon makes his second appearance.
Before we proceed any farther, that the reader may not be mistaken inimagining the landlady knew more than she did, nor surprized that sheknew so much, it may be necessary to inform him that the lieutenanthad acquainted her that the name of Sophia had been the occasion ofthe quarrel; and as for the rest of her knowledge, the sagaciousreader will observe how she came by it in the preceding scene. Greatcuriosity was indeed mixed with her virtues; and she never willinglysuffered any one to depart from her house, without enquiring as muchas possible into their names, families, and fortunes.
She was no sooner gone than Jones, instead of animadverting on herbehaviour, reflected that he was in the same bed which he was informedhad held his dear Sophia. This occasioned a thousand fond and tenderthoughts, which we would dwell longer upon, did we not consider thatsuch kind of lovers will make a very inconsiderable part of ourreaders. In this situation the surgeon found him, when he came todress his wound. The doctor perceiving, upon examination, that hispulse was disordered, and hearing that he had not slept, declared thathe was in great danger; for he apprehended a fever was coming on,which he would have prevented by bleeding, but Jones would not submit,declaring he would lose no more blood; "and, doctor," says he, "if youwill be so kind only to dress my head, I have no doubt of being wellin a day or two."
"I wish," answered the surgeon, "I could assure your being well in amonth or two. Well, indeed! No, no, people are not so soon well ofsuch contusions; but, sir, I am not at this time of day to beinstructed in my operations by a patient, and I insist on making arevulsion before I dress you."
Jones persisted obstinately in his refusal, and the doctor at lastyielded; telling him at the same time that he would not be answerablefor the ill consequence, and hoped he would do him the justice toacknowledge that he had given him a contrary advice; which the patientpromised he would.
The doctor retired into the kitchen, where, addressing himself to thelandlady, he complained bitterly of the undutiful behaviour of hispatient, who would not be blooded, though he was in a fever.
"It is an eating fever then," says the landlady; "for he hath devouredtwo swinging buttered toasts this morning for breakfast."
"Very likely," says the doctor: "I have known people eat in a fever;and it is very easily accounted for; because the acidity occasioned bythe febrile matter may stimulate the nerves of the diaphragm, andthereby occasion a craving which will not be easily distinguishablefrom a natural appetite; but the aliment will not be concreted, norassimilated into chyle, and so will corrode the vascular orifices, andthus will aggravate the febrific symptoms. Indeed, I think thegentleman in a very dangerous way, and, if he is not blooded, I amafraid will die."
"Every man must die some time or other," answered the good woman; "itis no business of mine. I hope, doctor, you would not have me hold himwhile you bleed him. But, hark'ee, a word in your ear; I would adviseyou, before you proceed too far, to take care who is to be yourpaymaster."
"Paymaster!" said the doctor, staring; "why, I've a gentleman under myhands, have I not?"
"I imagined so as well as you," said the landlady; "but, as my firsthusband used to say, everything is not what it looks to be. He is anarrant scrub, I assure you. However, take no notice that I mentionedanything to you of the matter; but I think people in business oftalways to let one another know such things."
"And have I suffered such a fellow as this," cries the doctor, in apassion, "to instruct me? Shall I hear my practice insulted by one whowill not pay me? I am glad I have made this discovery in time. I willsee now whether he will be blooded or no." He then immediately wentupstairs, and flinging open the door of the chamber with muchviolence, awaked poor Jones from a very sound nap, into which he wasfallen, and, what was still worse, from a delicious dream concerningSophia.
"Will you be blooded or no?" cries the doctor, in a rage. "I have toldyou my resolution already," answered Jones, "and I wish with all myheart you had taken my answer; for you have awaked me out of thesweetest sleep which I ever had in my life."
"Ay, ay," cries the doctor; "many a man hath dozed away his life.Sleep is not always good, no more than food; but remember, I demand ofyou for the last time, will you be blooded?"--"I answer you for thelast time," said Jones, "I will not."--"Then I wash my hands of you,"cries the doctor; "and I desire you to pay me for the trouble I havehad already. Two journeys at 5s. each, two dressings at 5s. more, andhalf a crown for phlebotomy."--"I hope," said Jones, "you don't intendto leave me in this condition."--"Indeed but I shall," said the other."Then," said Jones, "you have used me rascally, and I will not pay youa farthing."--"Very well," cries the doctor; "the first loss is thebest. What a pox did my landlady mean by sending for me to suchvagabonds!" At which words he flung out of the room, and his patientturning himself about soon recovered his sleep; but his dream wasunfortunately gone.