She laughs and bumps my shoulder.
“Come on, you’ve seen the way we treat the girls around here.”
“I’ve never seen you guys abuse one of them or be…disrespectful.”
“Rock wouldn’t allow it.”
“But, neither would you,” she says absolutely confident of every word. “Besides that” she hesitates and seems to think over what she wants to say. “These are grown women making their own choices, you know? If you’re honest with them and they get their hearts broken, that’s not your fault.”
“I guess.”
“It cuts both ways, no? How many of the girls really try to get to know you? Besides the patch, the badass bike, the muscles, and tattoos?”
“Now you’re making me blush, Hope.” But as I think it over, except for Serena, none of them cared enough to know me outside of the club. “I get what you’re saying, though.”
“Good because I feel like a traitor to my gender now.”
Hard laughter rumbles out of me.
“You still buggin’ Hope?” Wrath says from behind us. I turn and find him grinning. Dying to razz my ass.
“None of you bug me,” Hope insists.
“He grill you about Heidi?” Wrath asks as he sits down.
Hope rolls her eyes and doesn’t answer the question.
“Why you gotta be a dick?” I ask.
Teller’s laughter stops our bickering.
“Glad things are normal here,” he says as he sits next to me. He glances around the table, finally setting his gaze on Hope. “Talk to Heidi again?”
Poor Hope. She’s like our Heidi hotline.
Wrath catches the scowl on my face and laughs. “Hope doesn’t mind. She’s our Wendy.”
“Our what?” For a scary-ass motherfucker, Wrath says the strangest shit sometimes.
“It’s been a few years since I saw Peter Pan, so I’m not sure if I should be flattered or insulted,” Hope says without a trace of humor.
“I think we’re the ones who should be insulted, Hope,” Teller says dryly. “Wendy’s the one who mothers all the Lost Boys living in Neverland.”
After my last class, I meet Hope at her office for lunch. We’ve been meeting up for lunch or shopping at least once a week since my senior year of high school, and I’ve missed her.
“Hi, honey. I’ve missed you,” she shrieks, wrapping me up in a big hug.
I’m too choked up to say anything, so I just hug her back.
“Your brother’s worried sick,” she says when we part.
Even though she doesn’t say it in a scolding way, shame warms my cheeks. “I know.”
“Please, at least call him.”
“I will. I’m planning to come up for his birthday party.”
“Oh good! M—everyone will be happy to see you.”
I think she was going to say Murphy will be happy to see me. And it makes me wonder if Murphy asked Hope about me.
Focus.
I’m not here for info on Murphy. I need Hope to help me break the engagement news to my brother. I glance around her office. “Can we talk?”
“Sure.” She leads me down the hall into her office. It’s a cramped space that’s hardly bigger than a closet.
“What’s wrong, Heidi?”
“If I tell you, will you promise not to tell anyone yet? Not even Uncle Rock? And especially not my brother.”
“Why don’t you tell me first? Then I’ll decide if I want to keep secrets from my husband.”
“What if I’m asking for legal advice?”
She wags a finger at me. “Don’t try that.”
My mouth tips into a grin. When I asked Hope to take me to Planned Parenthood, I spilled some stuff to her and made her swear on her lawyer-client oath not to tell anyone. Obviously, she hasn’t forgotten.
I let out a heavy sigh and hold up my left hand.
“Oh, how pretty!” She grabs my hand and studies the ring. After her inspection, her big green eyes meet mine. “Is it what I think it is?”
I nod. “Axel and I are getting married, and I could use your help breaking the news to my brother.”
She sways a little then rounds her desk and drops into her chair. “When?”
“Ah, as soon as possible.”
“Heidi—”
“I’m pregnant, Hope.” Tears flow down my cheeks. I can’t believe this is my life.
“Oh, honey.” Hope’s up and pulling me into her arms so fast, I don’t have a chance to get any more words out. Wave after wave of shame threatens to drown me. I’m so damn angry with myself for being so careless.
“Are you sure?” she asks.
“I have an appointment with my doctor, but yeah. I’ve taken like five tests.” Axel insisted I take one every morning for a couple of days, hoping the outcome would be different, but I keep that to myself. I need Hope backing me on this if I’m going to sell it to my brother, and if she suspects Axel’s been anything less than one hundred percent supportive, I can kiss that goodbye.
“Shit,” she mutters under her breath and it makes me chuckle. “What do you want to do, honey?”
The tears roll faster down my cheeks, and I let out a few sobs. “Keep it.”
She hugs me tight again. “Okay.” She hesitates then pulls back. “Heidi, you don’t have to get married just because—”
“No. I do. We want to. It’s the right thing to do.”
“Heidi—”
“I know I’m too young and am probably ruining my life, but I just can’t—” I bury my face against her shoulder. When she doesn’t say anything, humiliation forces me to ask, “Are you disappointed in me?” I mumble the words into her sweater.
“What? No, Heidi. I won’t lie. It’s not ideal. You’re both so young. But we’ll get through it. We’ll figure everything out.”
We. She says we and for the first time, I don’t feel so alone.
For the first time since that evil little plus sign popped up, I have hope.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to be there, Heidi.” This is maybe the fourth or fifth time I’ve expressed my opinion on joining her at the clubhouse for her brother’s birthday party.
“Well, I need you there.”
“He’s going to figure it out and kill me,” I warn her.
“Then stick to our story. We need to get married in order to qualify for student housing.”
Teller may be a lot of things, but he’s not stupid. “He’s never going to go for that.”
Where did everything go so wrong?
I always figured I’d marry Heidi. Not like this, though. I feel like a schmuck about the whole situation. I’ll never say it out loud but I’m also fucking pissed with her for—
“What’s wrong?” Heidi asks.
“Nothing. Just hoping you don’t end up widowed before we even get married.”
“Stop. You’re making it worse than it is.”
Must be nice to be an optimist. Not only did I steal his baby sister away and move her into my apartment, but the way Teller probably sees it, I’ve been keeping his sister from speaking to him, too.
All these extra complications are not what I signed up for. I’m trying hard to finish up school and land a decent job. Wanted to enjoy some time to myself now that I’m not the Lost Kings’ bitch.
Instead, I’m planning a shotgun wedding and trying to wrap my head around being a father.
Guess it’s time to prepare myself for the beatdown her brother’s going to give me when he finds out we’re getting married.
We take my car to the clubhouse. I had no clue what to buy my brother for his birthday, and I hate coming to his party empty-handed.
“He’ll just be happy to see you,” Axel reassures me after I mention my lack of a gift for the tenth time.
The closer we get to the clubhouse, the more anxious he seems. “Maybe I should drop you off instead.”
“Where? In the woods, so I can hike up to the clubhouse by myself?”
H
e grumbles some more but doesn’t offer up any more stupid suggestions.
We have to call up to the clubhouse before the gates open. That’s new. It hurts that the club thinks they can’t trust me anymore. But, I suppose I deserve it.
I send Hope a text letting her know we’re almost there. She promised to meet us out front. Axel parks down the hill—not too far from where Murphy parked the night of my birthday party so we could talk.
Things have changed so much since that night.
As promised, Hope’s waiting out front. I’m surprised Uncle Rock isn’t with her, but also grateful.
“Hi, honey.” She rushes over and gives me a warm hug. I cling to her probably longer than necessary, but I can’t help it. The fear beating inside of me won’t go away.
When she releases me, she hesitates before saying hello to Axel.
“Let’s go in. The party hasn’t quite started yet, and your brother’s really anxious to see you.”
He meets us at the front door. We don’t say anything at first. The fierce, protective hug he sweeps me up into speaks more than any words could.
“Are you okay?” he asks against my hair.
My throat’s so tight, I can’t answer. Instead, I nod vigorously until he sets me down. I’m worried we’re making a scene in front of the club, but the four of us are the only ones in the living room.
“Where is everyone?”
“Dining room. Finishing up dinner,” Hope answers.
“Sorry.”
My brother shakes his head. “I’m just glad you’re here.” He looks past me at Axel and nods, but I still detect a bit of murder in his eyes.
Reaching behind me, I take Axel’s hand and follow my brother to the dining room.
Everyone, except Murphy, stands up and says hello. The guys neither ignore nor fuss over Axel, which is fine. Eventually, Marcel asks us to sit next to him.
“No singing,” Marcel insists when Trinity gets up to help Mariella bring in dessert.
“You’re gonna love this thing she came up with,” Wrath says to Teller.
I see why a few minutes later after everyone blatantly disregards my brother’s “no singing” rule.
“Rocky road cheesecake,” Mariella says with a wide grin. Her gaze shifts to my brother to gauge his reaction.
“Appropriate,” Z says and receives a smack from Wrath in return. It makes me laugh, because it’s true, and Z grins at me.
“That looks good. What is everyone else having?” Marcel jokes. I glance at Mariella again, who’s beaming at my brother. Interesting.
Trinity sets a tray of cupcakes down in front of my brother. “Whiskey-maple-bacon cupcakes.”
“Christ. You two trying to fatten me up?”
Once everyone’s on a sugar high, I peek at Hope, who raises her shoulders slightly. Now’s as good a time as any.
Under the table, I grab Axel’s hand and he squeezes me back.
“I have news.”
All eyes are on me, so I go for it. Holding up my left hand, I show off the ring and announce, “We’re getting married.”
Stunned silence falls over the table.
Murphy’s fork clatters onto his plate and everyone stops talking. When he doesn’t say or do anything except stare at me, Hope awkwardly jumps in.
“Congratulations,” she says.
Rock glances at my brother, probably giving him some subtle signal about where to bury Axel’s body.
Everyone else is slow to follow Hope’s lead and offer their congratulations.
I risk glancing up into Murphy’s eyes and almost cry from the disbelief reflecting back at me.
I’m so sorry, I want to tell him.
“Do you have a date in mind yet?” Trinity asks.
Slowly, I tear my gaze away from Murphy to answer her question. “We were thinking after the holidays, but before spring semester starts.”
“Are you serious?” my brother asks in his low, scary, big brother tone.
Murphy’s chair scrapes against the floor and he leaves the table without another word or glance in my direction.
Axel squeezes my hand, then clears his throat and leans forward so he can see my brother. “There’s, uh, married student housing we’d like to get into. Nice apartments, right on campus, and cheap, but you have to be married to apply.”
“How romantic,” Marcel snarks. He turns his glare on me. “Outside, little sister. We need to talk.”
Axel moves to stand, and Marcel stops him with a look. “You stay put.”
I follow my brother through the kitchen and out the back door. “Are you fucking out of your mind? You’re barely eighteen!” he shouts at me.
“Don’t yell at me. Yes, I’m serious. I love him and he loves me.”
“Great, then wait until you’re finished with school.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Don’t give me this married student apartment bullshit, Heidi. Did he knock you up? Tell me now so I can put a bullet in him tonight.”
“No! And you can’t go threatening my fiancé every time I do something you disagree with.” The lie burns my tongue. I briefly consider coming clean, but he’s so furious, I’m afraid he really might shoot Axel.
“Like fuck I can’t,” he fumes.
“Everything okay?” Rock calls out.
“We’re fine, prez,” my brother answers without taking his eyes off me.
“Heidi?”
“I’m okay, Uncle Rock. Thank you.”
“What’s the fucking hurry?” Marcel asks after Rock goes back inside.
“We told you.”
“Fuck that. I’ll give you money for an apartment.”
“Axel won’t take your money. We want to do this. We want to get married now. I don’t need your permission. But I’d like you to be happy for me.”
“Well, I’m not,” he says, using his matter-of-fact big brother voice and planting his hands on his hips.
“You told me yourself, you think Axel’s a good kid.”
“Yeah, a kid. Just like you’re a kid. Too young to know what the fuck you’re doing.”
Tears well up and I’m pissed because I swore I wouldn’t cry. “This is happening, Marcel. You can either be there, or I’ll send you pictures later.”
“Heidi—”
“I mean it.”
He plows his fingers through his hair, and I almost feel sorry for him. “Christ, Heidi. I want what’s best for you. I want you to finish school and be able to support yourself. What about all the traveling you wanted to do?”
“Axel and I will do it together.” Although, that seems unlikely now.
“I don’t want you dependent on some guy,” he insists.
“Axel’s not some guy.” He’s the father of my baby. “This won’t change anything. I’m not dropping out of school. Axel wants me to finish, too.” Actually, Axel and I hadn’t talked about our plans once the baby comes.
One thing at a time.
All the fight seems to go out of him and he holds his arms open. “Come here.”
I throw myself against him. “Please be happy for me. Please?”
“I want what’s best for you, Heidi, and I don’t think this is it.”
“It is. I promise.”
I wish…I wish so badly I could convince myself that were true.
After Heidi and Marcel leave the table, things get even more uncomfortable. Rock leaves to check on them, and when he returns, he pins me with a hard stare. “Let’s have a word,” he says, pointing in the opposite direction Heidi and her brother went.
Shit. I fully expected Marcel, maybe even Murphy, to kick my ass. Not Rock.
He leads me into the war room. Never thought I’d see the inside of this room again.
We don’t sit. But he does close the door.
“Is this really what you both want?” he asks.
“Yes, sir. We were planning to get married after I graduate, but then the apartment—”
“Cut the bullshit, son. Her br
other might swallow that asinine story, but I’m not.”
Fuck. Me.
I could strangle Heidi right about now. I warned her this was never going to work.
Our eyes meet and I lift my shoulders. “What do you want me to say, Rock?”
His gaze slides to the closed door. “Nothing. Fuck. You better make sure she finishes school.”
“I will.”
“And you better find a damn good job.”
“I’m trying.”
His harsh stare is so terrifying, I’m afraid to move wrong. “I know someone looking for a good mechanic. I’ll set you up with an interview.”
“Thank you. I appreciate it.”
“She plannin’ to tell her brother the truth?”
“Not tonight.”
“Fuckin’ great,” he mutters and shakes his head.
“Uh, we really are moving into an apartment on campus. You know, so it’s easier for her to get to her classes and stuff.”
“Good.” He stares at me a few seconds longer. “You’re trying to do the right thing. So that’s a start.”
I wait because I don’t think he’s finished yet.
“Warn me before she tells him, so I can at least try to keep him from killing you.”
“Yes, sir.”
“You need anything, let me know. Or if Heidi needs something, she knows she can always call Hope, if she doesn’t want to tell me.”
“Uh, I think she’s already done that.”
His mouth slides into a half-smirk. “Oh, really?”
Fuck. Like I want to cause problems between Rock and his wife. I should have kept my mouth shut.
“And don’t let her go so long without calling her brother. He’s been a wreck.”
“I told her. But you know Heidi can be—”
“Headstrong. Yeah, I’m familiar with the type.” He grins and I’m able to relax because I don’t think I’m getting murdered.
Not tonight anyway.
We’re getting married.
Swallowing ground glass would have hurt less than hearing those words come out of Heidi’s mouth. He’s not good enough for her. No one will ever be good enough for her.
The cold night air slaps me in the face when I storm out of the clubhouse. I don’t know where to go or what to do.