When I finally open my eyes, he’s kissing his way up my body. I reach down and brush my hand over his cheek, and he turns to kiss my fingers. “That was amazing,” he says.
“Yes.”
He settles next to me, pulling me into his arms so we’re pressed together so tight I can feel his heartbeat, rapid like mine. He kisses me over and over. “I want to do that a hundred more times.”
My laughter seems loud in the quiet surrounding us. “I won’t say no.”
The warmth of Blake’s protection and love surrounds me so tight, I’m smiling before I’m even fully awake the next morning.
“Hey, beautiful,” he murmurs at me. Turning over, he pulls me closer, sealing his mouth over mine.
A sort of grunt bursts out of me and I push him away. “Don’t. I’m all morning breath stinky.”
He tips his head back and laughs.
“You’re all minty fresh, though. How long have you been up?”
“A while. Now shut up and kiss me.” He rolls me under him, and we spend a lot of time teasing and tasting each other. I shift, spreading my legs and bumping my hips up to meet his hardness.
“Blake,” I whisper. “I need—”
Screaming interrupts my words. “Alexa’s up,” I groan.
Blake’s up and out of bed. “Stay there. I’ll grab her.”
Ugh, this is awful. I don’t think he realizes the fun we had over the weekend won’t happen on a regular basis. Those days are over for me and for him, if he wants to be with me.
I’m a puddle of mush as I watch him saunter back into the room, swaying Alexa in his big arms until she settles down. She wraps one tiny fist around his beard and yanks hard.
“That’s her new favorite thing.”
“I noticed.”
He hands me a bottle and as she settles into my arms for her morning feeding, Blake sits on the edge of the bed, watching us with a smile.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “Are you sure you’ve thought about this? I’m…being with me means not having any time to ourselves. Are you ready to have your life turned upside down?”
He reaches out and brushes his hand over mine. “You’re what I want. Don’t ever doubt it.”
I don’t know why I feel compelled to warn him. He’s spent enough time with Alexa and me over the last few months to know what he’s getting into. “Being with me will change everything for you. Your life won’t be the same.”
He shifts and runs his hand over Alexa’s head. “I know what I’m taking on. I’m ready for it, beautiful.”
“Well, you are so much older than me,” I tease to break up the heaviness settling over us.
Instead of laughing, he smiles. “Thanks for reminding me that I’m a big perv.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“I know.”
He’s quiet for a while, watching us.
When Alexa’s settled back down, I slip across the hall and tuck her back in her crib, then duck into the bathroom. As soon as I step back in the bedroom, Blake’s hands are on my hips, yanking me against him. “Where were we?”
Laughter dies on his lips as he takes in my expression. “What’s wrong?”
“You said you’re ready for it. But, what about those cross-country trips you love taking? I can’t go with you.”
His brow wrinkles. “So, we’ll take my truck. We should wait until Alexa’s older so she can remember the trip.”
“What?”
“She’s too young—”
“No, I got that part.”
“The truck?”
“I thought the whole point was to do it on the bike? Wind in your face and all that.” I poke my finger in his chest where his flash would be if he were wearing his cut. “Mr. Road Captain.”
“So, we’ll do that when the kids are older.”
Whoa. What? “Kids? Plural?” I glance down and run my hand over my belly. “Do you know something I don’t know?”
His mouth slides into a wide grin. “You know what I mean. We talked about this.”
“Uh, I guess.”
“I feel like you’re overthinking things again. Let me worry about road trips and stuff.”
“Okay.”
“You know what we do need to worry about?”
When I can’t come up with anything, he laughs. “Your brother.”
“Oh.”
“I’d like to officially tell him.”
I slap my hand over my chest. “You mean you didn’t ask for his permission before you defiled me?”
I get a smack on my butt that ends in an ass-grab. When I wiggle my hips, he slaps my ass again. “Watch it, Heidi, I can spend all day spanking your ass.”
“You wouldn’t dare,” I taunt, just to see the look on his face.
I get more than I bargained for. He puts me over his shoulder and tosses me on the bed. After a flurry of kisses, he sits up. “Come on, get dressed. I can’t enjoy this knowing I haven’t told him yet.”
I’m touched by how much he cares about my brother. But also frustrated.
Love for Blake and my brother wins out, and I slip into a pair of jeans and one of Blake’s LOKI T-shirts. Alexa’s squealing and kicking in her crib when we check on her. I dress her, and then we walk over to the clubhouse.
Hand in hand.
Blake carries Alexa and she baby-babbles the entire way. She’s been putting some sounds together like “buh” and “gah” lately. But her favorite thing is blowing raspberries and yelling. She loves the sound of her voice.
“Maybe she’ll be a singer,” Blake says after a particularly ear-splitting screech.
“Maybe.”
I’m not expecting my brother to be downstairs, but he’s in the living room. So he, along with Wrath, Trinity, Ravage, and Sparky, see us come in the house holding hands.
“Finally!” Ravage shouts, and gets a smack from my brother. Everyone else laughs.
Marcel holds his hands out for Alexa and spends a few minutes cooing and playing with her before turning his big brother face on Blake. “Have fun deflowering my sister?” Marcel asks as we settle into the couch across from him.
I point to Alexa. “I have a baby. How exactly could he have deflowered me?”
Wrath turns his head and cough-laughs.
Marcel grumbles at us but holds his hand out to Blake. When Blake slaps his open palm, Marcel tugs him forward. “You better marry her.”
“Planning on it.”
“And I want a nephew, so get on that, too.”
“Oh my God! What is wrong with you?” I snap, while Trinity howls with laughter.
Actually, everyone’s laughing, except me.
“I’m just messing with you, little sister.” He gives Blake a sharp look. “But not about the marriage part.”
“I’m working on it. I want to start on a house first.”
Wrath raises an eyebrow. “All right, little brother. I can help with that.”
“Rock and I were talking about what to do with the driveway.”
While they talk about that stuff, I reach over and tap Marcel’s hand. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, there’s no one in the world who will treat you two better than fuckface will.”
“Hey,” Murphy growls.
“I meant how do you feel? Are you getting around okay?”
He scowls at the question. “I’m down here, aren’t I?”
“Pain in the ass,” I mutter under my breath.
“So, where are you going to stay?” Trinity asks.
“Casa North, where else?” I answer.
Trinity answers with an “Aww.”
My brother raises his eyebrows. “You’re staying there, too?” he asks Blake.
Warmth spreads over my cheeks. This is awkward. But, Blake wraps his arm around my shoulder and answers with a simple, “Yes.” That leaves no room for discussion.
Since making our announcement to Teller went over better than I expected, I take Heidi and Alexa out to celebrate. I figure it
will also give Rock and Hope some alone time in their own house. I really am worried they’ll eventually regret having us there.
“Would you rather rent an apartment near school while we’re building the house?” I ask.
She looks completely stricken at the thought.
“Move away from the club? No.”
“Okay. It was just a thought.”
She ducks her head and plays with her fork. “I’m not sure if I’m going back to Hudson Valley.”
“What? Why?”
“I just don’t want to,” she says more forcefully, tipping her head up and glaring at me. “Stop trying to push me into stuff all the time. You and Marcel both are always trying to tell me what to do. Stop.”
What the fuck? Where is this even coming from?
As if she senses the tension at the table, Alexa bursts into tears and Heidi scoops her up to comfort her.
Reaching over, I tickle Alexa’s little hand until she grips my finger and stops bawling.
For now, I drop the school discussion. But we’re definitely coming back to it later.
The rest of our time out is tense, annoying the shit out of me, since this was supposed to be a happy outing.
When we return to the house, Hope’s in the living room. Knitting of all things. Heidi takes Alexa into her room, and I join Hope.
“I never pictured you knitting,” I say with a chuckle. The first time I’ve felt like laughing all night.
“No? Tawny taught me.” She gets her yarn and needles all mixed up and throws it down in disgust. “I suck at it, though. What’s up? You two look tense.”
I do a quick scan of the hallway. “Now Heidi says she doesn’t want to go back to school.”
“Back to school or back to Hudson Valley?”
I frown, thinking over our conversation. “What’s the difference?”
“Oh, she didn’t tell you, I bet.”
“Tell me what?”
Hope lowers her voice. “She had a hard time being on campus the day she went. A lot of memories of Axel…”
“Oh. Fuck me.” Why the fuck hadn’t that occurred to me?
“She told me she was going to look for the same program at another school around here.”
“That makes more sense. I asked her about finding an apartment near school, and she shut down.”
She tilts her head, pinning me with a genuinely confused look. “Why would you look for an apartment?”
Shit. Hope’s voice almost seems hurt. I’m trying to do the right thing here, not seem like an ungrateful dick. “I don’t want to…overstay or cause problems or bother you guys. It’s a lot of extra people to have in your house.”
Shaking her head, she reaches over and takes my hand. “Murphy. It really is fine. We don’t mind. You’re more than welcome to stay here as long as you need to. I mean it.”
“Okay. Thank you.”
She nods at the hallway. “Go talk to her.”
I’m not sure if she’s in Alexa’s room or ours, so I try the baby’s first. She’s in her crib sound asleep, and Heidi’s curled up on the floor watching her daughter.
“Honey, why are you on the floor?”
She turns and sits up. “I don’t know. When I was in Alaska, I’d sleep in her room a lot when Axel was away. Feels weird having her over here, I guess.”
Something about her answer doesn’t feel right to me. Squatting down next to her, I slip my hands under her legs and back and pick her up off the floor. She places her hand on my chest. “You’re so strong.”
That’s not true. She alone has the power to break me. Like right now. The lost expression on her face tears me apart. “Come on. You’re not alone any more. I’m here. We’re right across the hall if she needs you.”
In our room, I set her on the bed. “Tell me what’s going on.”
She gives me a curious look as if she has no clue what I’m referring to. “Okay. I’ll start. Hope told me you had a hard time when you went to campus the other day.”
“She did?” A flash of anger crosses her face.
“Don’t be mad at her. You should have told me.”
Her face takes on that lost expression again. The one that hurts all the way down to my soul. Especially when she can’t meet my eyes. “After seeing my mother, I forgot until you said something. Then it hit me. Hard. I’m so sorry.”
“Why?”
“That I’m…that it upset me.”
Her need to apologize to me makes me feel like such a failure. “Jesus Christ, Heidi. Am I that much of a jerk that you think I wouldn’t understand?” No matter my personal feelings, he was her husband and the father of her child. I know she loved him. It’s barely been a few months. Of course something like that would upset her.
Her coffee-brown eyes finally meet mine, full of surprise. “You’re not mad at me?”
“Fuck no. No wait, I am mad you didn’t just tell me what was bothering you at dinner.”
“I—”
I hold up my hand, stopping her. “I get why you think I wouldn’t want to hear about it. I do. But I’m telling you, it will not upset me or hurt my feelings or anything else if you want to talk about it with me.” I stop and think how to express myself so she gets it. Placing my hand on her cheek, I gently turn her face to mine. “I might be your boyfriend now, or your future-husband,” Yeah, that sounds much better. “But most of all, I’ll always be your friend. You can tell me anything.”
She throws herself against me and I wrap her up in my arms tight. “Thank you,” she murmurs against my chest.
“Heidi, this is real now. We’re in this together. I’m always here for you.”
Clearing the air with Blake lifted so much of the gloom that settled in my head and heart. I’m so used to choking on the things I think will upset people, I didn’t know how to explain it to him.
I should know him better by now. He’s always wanted to fix what’s broken in my life and take care of me.
He’s been spending so much time with me, cementing our relationship I think, that he’s taken a lot of time off from Furious. So today he had to go in, and I promised him I’d look into what other local schools I could transfer to. When I get a call from an unknown number, I almost don’t pick it up, except I know the gym has a few different lines, and I don’t want to miss a call from Blake.
“Heidi? It’s your mother.”
I freeze, then pull the phone away from my face and stare at it for a few seconds.
“How did you get my number?” I finally ask.
“The boy you were visiting in the hospital? He gave it to me.”
“Why?”
“I told him you were my—”
“No, why did you want my number? You didn’t seem all that interested in talking to me.”
“Honey, I was worried about my husband. I’m sorry. Why don’t we meet up for lunch and catch up?”
It’s a terrible idea.
A really terrible idea.
“Where?”
She names a place near the hospital, and we plan for a late lunch.
My brother’s been doing a lot better and getting around more. Since I don’t want to subject my daughter to my mother yet, I ask if he’ll watch Alexa, giving him some vague school excuse. He’s just so damn happy I’m going back to school, he says yes without further details. I feel like a shitty sister for lying to him.
My mother looks a lot more bedraggled than the last time I saw her, and not to be shallow, but that raises a red flag for me, right away.
Even though she made these lunch plans, my mother “forgot” her wallet, so I end up paying for lunch. Turns out it’s a good way to remind me that, except for the joint account with my brother, I don’t exactly have much money. Axel’s life insurance still hasn’t paid out. I need to set my feelings aside and get that straightened out soon. If not for me, for Alexa.
My mother must have been listening the other day. I briefly mentioned Alexa’s father had died in a work accident in Alaska.
r /> The woman I haven’t seen in over ten years has the nerve to ask about Axel’s life insurance.
“You should make sure they pay it for your little girl.”
“Yeah,” I answer with as much disinterest as I can come up with. I want to tell her to fuck off and mind her own damn business.
“So, you said Ma kicked the bucket?”
“Yes. I would have told you but I didn’t know where to find you.”
Her shoulders twitch. “What happened to the house?”
“Marcel sold it and put the money in a trust for me. I can’t touch it until I’m twenty-five, though.” I don’t tell her that Grams set the trust up to specifically make sure my mother didn’t get a penny of her money.
Honestly, that she left it to me was a surprise.
“Can’t you get that money for emergencies or school or something? Seems like being a widow with a kid, you might need it. Where are you living?”
Oh, she’ll love this. “You remember Uncle Rock, right? He’s President of Marcel’s MC now and I’m staying with—”
“Christ, Heidi, wasn’t he close to my age?” I know exactly what she’s implying, and it pisses me off.
“Uh, no. And he’s like a dad to me, so ew.” She has the nerve to roll her eyes at that. When Rock’s done more for me in a week than this woman ever did in my entire life. “I’m staying with him and his wife.”
“What about your brother?”
“He lives at the clubhouse.”
“What’s he doing?”
“I don’t know. Maybe you should ask him yourself.” Besides his role as Treasurer of the Lost Kings MC, I don’t know exactly what my brother does, nor do I ask questions. Just like I don’t ask Murphy what he does for the club beyond his Road Captain duties.
“So, Rock and his ol’ lady have their own kids?”
“Not yet. They just got married, like last year.”
“So, why don’t you leave your daughter with them? They’d probably be thrilled.”