I needed to get out of here. There had to be something going on in town tonight. I cringed, thinking about Daven giving me shit about how I wasn’t acting responsibly and I needed to get on a schedule for school. My mind drifted to the weirdo across the street that he had brought up more than once when talking about how I was supposed to act.
Why the hell would I want to stay locked away all day, watching everyone else live while my life passed me by? Maybe I could help us both out. She definitely needed to get out more and I could use an escape without having my motives questioned.
“What’s the name of that girl you wanted me to take to the mall?” I asked over the sound of canned laughter, scratching the back of my head nervously.
“Mais la[34]!” Daven pushed from his seat, his eyes widening before his grin spread. “That chere 'tite fille[35] is Lila Jane Newman. Not born on the bayou but I guess that Yankee blood is more your type now,” he teased with a wink.
“I’m not looking to date anyone. I just want to have someone to talk to.”
He cringed and I regretted my word choice, but I wasn’t ready to open up to family yet. I wasn’t prepared to open up to anyone. I wanted a chance to just hang out and not deal with my demons for one day. “Baby steps.”
He nodded before walking past me and into the kitchen and pulling open the fridge.
I hesitated before following him. “I’m serious.”
“F’ sho’,” he replied with a laughter in his voice that pissed me off. I clenched my jaw, swallowing back my frustration. It didn’t take much for my temper to get out of control and it terrified me that it was one of the qualities I’d inherited from my dad. It was one of the reasons I was no longer living with my mom. I couldn’t subject her to that again. And even though it broke her heart when I walked out of that door one last time, I refused to look back.
“Just forget it,” I waved him away as I stormed off toward my room. I listened as the fridge slammed behind me and heavy footsteps approached me from behind.
“What is it wit’ you? I am just trying to get to know you, ya’.”
“Maybe I’m not looking to make friends,” I snapped as I paced the floor. I had no clue what it is I wanted but it clawed at my veins like an addict needing a fix.
“Then don’t.” He threw up his hands, exasperated, but his voice was calm. “This is your life, Kaden. I’m not trying to live it for you. I just want you to be happy.”
“Happy?” I snorted as my eyes narrowed in anger. “You didn’t seem to give a shit about my happiness when I was growing up. Now all of the sudden you want to interfere? Guilty conscious?”
“Kaden, we all made mistakes.”
“Mistakes? Is that what you call letting my mom get the shit beat out of her for years? What about me, huh? Was me getting tossed around the mistake or was it me ever being born?” My voice echoed off the walls in the sparsely decorated space. It wasn’t until that moment that I realized any reflection of his short life of his wife was missing. Only that dusty crib remained giving any hint to the turmoil that he’d experienced. He may not have left home but he had been running from his past, just like I had.
Daven shook his head, his eyes glossed over in regret but he did not back down. “If I could go back and change what happened to you, to your mamma, I would. I will never forgive myself for that.”
“Good,” I nodded, my anger coursing through my veins like wildfire. “Because I won’t ever forgive you for that either.”
My shoulder shoved against my uncle’s, causing him to stumble, as I walked by him and out of the front door. I slammed it so hard behind me the walls shook and my eyes locked on to that second story window across the street.
I glared up at the curtain, my hands clenched tightly at my sides as I watched the swath of fabric slowly move away. I took in the silhouette of Lila, the girl whose gaze had been watching me since I came to town. I’d had never met her but I’d been curious as to why she never seemed to step foot off their property. Her thin arm raised beside her and she waved before I yanked open my driver door and got in my car, fighting the urge to flip her off. Her mysterious existence pissed me off as much as it piqued my curiosity. What kind of life was that anyway? What was the point of being locked away? Sure she was safe but she wasn’t actually enjoying life. It pissed me off that I had so much pain and anguish and others got to hide behind that thin curtain, oblivious to the pain of others. I wanted to rip her from her gilded cage and force the world onto her just to watch her crumble. Misery loves company and I was nothing if not lonely.
The sun had sunk down in the sky behind the houses but the heat of the day still lingered in the air, suffocatingly oppressive. The vinyl of my seat slid against the slicked flesh of my arms as I shoved my key into the ignition and revved it to life.
I couldn’t get out of the small development fast enough and onto the highway. I didn’t care where I ended up as long as I could escape my past, even if just for a few hours.
Hell, by the end of the night, I wanted to forget who I was.
I pressed harder on the accelerator as the evening sky faded from baby blues and hot pinks to twinkling blackness. I tried to force the horrific flashes of my father from my mind, the guilt that always accompanied his memory was quick to follow. I was too young, too weak and small to defend my mother’s honor but it still haunted me. I hoped one day I would have the balls to hunt him down and pay him back for every nightmare I’d suffered.
Daven’s words from earlier floated around my subconscious. I wasn’t a man. I was still just a boy. One who’d remained silent when I was little to one who ran when I was forced to feel anything. I was no one’s hero. I couldn’t save my mother or Taylor or even myself. I needed someone to commiserate with and I knew just the place to take my mind off real life.
The gravel crunched beneath the tires of my old Impala as I parked beside the inconspicuous dilapidated building that leaned toward the left as if was intoxicated by the spirits within its walls. The sign on the front of the building read Sunnyside but it had looked as though the sun had set on this place long ago, leaving a withering shack in its wake.
My eyes danced over the crumbling exterior as I pulled open the heavy door. ShyAnn’s eyes met mine and she smirked as she averted her gaze to the mug in her hand that she was wiping clean. She told me her friends call her Shy but I couldn’t think of a bigger misnomer. This girl was wild and said exactly what was on her mind.
My tongue ran over my lower lip as my gaze traveled down over the curves of her body. Her lower half was hidden behind the bar but I knew she was wearing shorts that would barely cover her rear-end. “You’re lucky my mom and ‘dem ain’t here.” Her words came in a warning but her mouth curved up in a mischievous grin.
The small hole in the wall restaurant was nearly vacant, except for an elderly man who sat in a corner booth, pulling apart a roll and dipping it into his sweet tea to soften it. His skin hung from his bones like a paper-thin drape that appeared to collect dust just as everything else in this town.
I shoved my hands deep into my jeans pocket as I approached the little counter. ShyAnn ran her rag over the Formica top as she leaned forward, pushing her small chest into full view and I averted my gaze. It was too forward for my liking.
“What brings you out tonight?” Her hand went to her calico striped hair as she tucked it nervously behind her ear but a few of pieces of the multi-layered coif sprung back in front of her eyes.
“I needed to get away.” I cleared my throat as I sank down on one of the stools. It creaked and groaned with my weight and I steadied myself, worried I may hit the ground at any second.
“I know that feeling.” With a wink and a nod she turned to the large cooler behind her and grabbed a beer, popping off the top and sitting it down in front of me. “It will be our secret.”
ShyAnn and I were racking up our secrets. I’d only known her for six weeks but she was more than friendly. I’d already kissed her a few weeks ago but the
heavy smell of her perfume turned my stomach. Or maybe she reminded me that I was going nowhere fast. Her future didn’t extend past this hole in the wall. She didn’t care if she ever left this place and the idea of being stuck here forever was one of my biggest fears. I was just passing through, bidding my time until I can put everyone and everything I knew behind me.
Unfortunately, no amount of alcohol was enough to erase the awkward exchange with Taylor from my memory. It was clear she hadn’t forgotten either judging by the way she eyed me like she was just waiting for us to be alone again.
“You got any plans tonight? There’s a party down at Tommy’s and his parents have a huge liquor cabinet.”
“Depends,” I picked up my bottle and took a drink before wiping my hand against my jeans to get rid of the condensation.
“On?” Her eyebrow rose, challenging me to say exactly what I was thinking, but hooking up with some random girl was the last thing on my mind. But that would be the perfect escape for the night and I wouldn’t have to take Lila to the mall. Hell, she might even enjoy herself, or finally realize I wasn’t nearly as fascinating as she thought I was and stop spying on me.
When the door squealed in protest behind me, Shy’s expression fell and I didn’t need to turn around to know who it was. We didn’t speak much about her boyfriend, but I knew better than to think a girl like her wouldn’t have a guy following her around like a lost puppy.
“Hey, babe,” A voice came from over my left shoulder as a guy sank down on the stool next to me.
“Hey, David,” she cooed.
I could see the cream and crimson letter jacket he was wearing in my peripheral vision. Great. Of course she was dating a freaking jock. I shook my head, taking another sip from my beer as Shy leaned over the bar and pressed her mouth to his in a chaste kiss. Un-fucking-believable. Doesn’t he know where her mouth has been? I laughed to myself at my private joke.
Two other guys took the stools to my right and I sighed, wishing I would have kept driving, but where was the fun in that?
“Who’s your friend, Shy?” The heavy set guy next to me asked and I could feel his eyes lingering on me. His dark hair had been bleached causing it to turn a nasty shade of orange. It suited his freckled complexion that was nearly the same brassy tone. What was it about big dumb guys from small towns? They couldn’t just leave well enough alone.
“You’re not my type,” I spoke up, not waiting for Shy to respond. I knew whatever she told them would be a lie anyway so what was the point? I wasn’t the type of guy a girl bragged about, apparently. I was the guy they cheated on their boyfriends with to feel a thrill of landing someone who they thought was broken and needed to be fixed. It never took long for them to realize I didn’t want to be repaired and I most certainly didn’t want them.
“What did you say, boy?”
I smirked knowing full well his father must have called him a boy to belittle him. Bullies were as transparent as they were pathetic. Not that I could say much. I had been in more fights than I could count and blaming it on a broken heart would have been a lie. My anger had grown inside of me since before I could even write my own name. I just had a reason to keep it at bay. Now that my reason had died, so did my will to conform and be what everyone else expected me to be.
I turned to look at him, taking in his size. He had, at least, fifty pounds on me but it was pure fat. One thing I’d learned growing up was the bigger a man is, the harder they fall. “I said, you’re not my type, princess.” I smiled because I knew that even if this ended with my blood on the floor, I wouldn’t back down. I was constantly trying to prove to myself I wasn’t that little boy. I wouldn’t be anyone’s bitch.
He pushed from his stool as his other friend looked on, unamused with what was going on. I couldn’t help but laugh. These types were all the same. All hat and no cattle. They never expected anyone to take them up on their challenge. I stood slowly, rolling my neck from side to side, relishing in the relief from the rapid pops as it cracked.
“You really don’t want to do this,” I warned but I couldn’t wipe the smirk from my lips. I wanted to fight this kid and knock him down a peg or two. He was the kind of jerk who loved to pick on someone he perceived as weaker. No doubt he had grown up as the victim but instead of learning from other’s mistakes, he decided to repeat them. He was the epitome of everything I hated in this world. It was guys like him that caused my mother to dump me on my uncle. The pain was far stronger than any liquor or drug I could consume. It washed away my guilt with a single blow and forced me to pull out of my self-loathing. It wasn’t about winning, although it always felt good to put someone in their place. Maybe I felt like I deserved to be beaten. After watching my own mother take blow after blow at the hands of my father, or letting the girl I loved give up on life and slip away, someone should be held accountable.
Shy rounded the counter, placing herself between us with her hands extended like she had no fear in the world.
“My momma will whoop my hide if ya’ll cause trouble. I mean it, James,” She rocked back on the heels of her well-worn sneakers, ready to duck out of the way if one of us swung. I wouldn’t take the chance of hitting a female but I had no idea what kind of guy her friend James was, besides an arrogant asshole. I wouldn’t put it past him to take a cheap shot. Reluctantly, I took a step back, shaking my head as he laughed. My adrenaline was pumping so hard it felt like my heart might explode.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”
I narrowed my eyes, biting back the vile retort I was dying to unleash. It wouldn’t do any good.
The bell above the door rang out and everyone turned to see who had entered but me. I kept my gaze fixed on the asshole ahead, picturing what his lip would look like when it’s split, busted against his discolored teeth.
“I’ll see you later, Shy,” I said with a smile. This conversation would have to be finished later and I knew exactly how I was going to be spending my evening. I wondered if Lila would be up for a party. Daven wouldn’t question where I was heading if I had a goody two shoes like her with me. I could kill two birds with one stone… or at the very least, set one free.
SIX
LILA JANE
August 6, 2015
I huffed out a frustrated groan causing wisps of my hair to float out in front of my face before settling against my forehead.
Bridget rolled her eyes as she tucked my freshly curled locks behind my ear.
“Just hold still. I’m almost finished,” she assured me as she twisted the lid off her lip gloss and dabbed it to the center of my bottom lip. “This will make your pout fuller. He won’t be able to resist.” She winked as she placed the lid back on the tube and dropped it into the bottomless pit she called a purse.
“I am not trying to make out with him, I just… ugh. I just want to get out of the house.”
“Woah!” Her eyes widened with her smirk. “You actually want to leave your house? It’s like I don’t even know you anymore. Those crazy pills your mom has you on must be doing their job.”
I felt my cheeks darken with embarrassment and hoped the artificial blush covered my skin well enough that she wouldn’t notice. “Shut up,” I mumbled as I pushed from the floor and walked toward the window. My heart sank at the faded grease spot on Daven’s driveway where Kaden’s car normally parked. But as headlights flooded the road, my heart leaped into my throat and I held my breath, waiting to see if he’d returned. It was already dark out and I had lost all hope of him coming home, but there he was, sliding out of his sleek muscle car, stretching his back and causing his t-shirt to rise up and reveal some of his muscular flesh.
He turned, looking up at my window and I froze as I realized my light was making me visible against the darkened night sky. For once, someone saw me and he held my gaze as he waved, the left side of his mouth twisting up into a smile as his other hand shoved deep into his pocket.
“Wave back, dummy,” Bridget nudged me from behind causing me to lurch forward. I
raised my hand, waving each finger individually as if they had a mind of their own and I was thankful because the brain in my head seemed to have been placed on mute.
His other hand was shoved deep into his jeans pocket but he stood, unmoving as he watched me, hand raised in mid hello as I noticed the doorway behind him light up, illuminating him from behind before it faded and a shadowy figure crept up from out of the darkness.
Daven placed his hand on Kaden’s shoulder as he said something to him, now both of their faces turned up to my silhouette. At first, it looked as though Daven might be angry but when he saw me, he tilted his chin up in acknowledgment before he waved as well. I suddenly became self-aware again and dropped my hand to my side, my mouth gaping open like a fish desperate for a gulp of air.
But as my head swam in the euphoria of this boy noticing me, I then noticed him… moving… closer. His feet had set out to cross the street and he was heading toward my front door.
“Oh, God!” I let the curtain fall back into place as I began to panic. “There is no way my dad is going to let me leave the house with him.”
“Breathe, Lila. Breathe. Your parents are in their room for the night. Just go intercept him before he rings the bell. I’ll sneak out with your brother and they will be none the wiser.”
I nodded, not sure I understood the plan but I knew I could trust Bridget and there was no time to second guess her. She was a wild child by nature and if I wanted to enjoy life, I needed to take a play from her book.
I flew from my room, taking the stairs two by two, cringing as the third from the bottom squeaked in protest under my weight. I grabbed the front door and turned the cold metal against my sweaty palm, yanking it open to a startled Kaden. I froze, unable to speak with him this close. He was even better looking than I’d realized.
“Hey,” He smiled again with a lopsided grin that caused a dimple to settle deep into his right cheek. I wanted to reach out and run my fingertips over the divot to see if one would sink into the other side. I promised myself then that by the end of the night, I would cause a full smile to spread across his face. “Hey,” he repeated, bending at his knees slightly to catch my gaze which was still locked on his lips.