“I remember what it feels like to be responsible for the death of someone you love.”
“You were never responsible for your Todd’s death, Jennifer. There was nothing you could have done to prevent it.”
"Wasn't there?" she whispered giving him a sad look. "I could have forced Todd to give me those rings. Could have suggested we hide them in the smaller cave where the Zaludians would never have found them. If I had done that, Todd would still be alive."
"You don't know that. He still could have been killed."
"Just like Gryf and the others could have been." She refused to back down on this. "Will you tell me what happened?"
"I failed them!" he spat out. "That's what happened."
"I don't believe that. I'll never believe that."
"It's truth."
"Then tell me how," she demanded. "Tell me what happened."
Treyvon's head thumped back on the bed as he stared sightlessly up at the ceiling, seeing it all in his mind's eye again.
"We were just about to overtake the remaining Zaludian ships when they ducked into an asteroid belt surrounding an uninhabited planet. They remained there for two days, taking so much damage that they were finally forced to either come out and surrender or remain and be destroyed. When they surrendered, I divided our forces, sending Gryf to one ship while I went to the other."
"You left the Defender?" She hadn't known that, had thought he remained where he'd be safe. She should have realized he would never do that.
"Yes, but once we were onboard, instead of surrendering the Zaludians tried to ambush us. I should have realized then that they were only trying to distract us until the Ganglians arrived."
"Why?"
"I do not know."
"No, I mean why do you think you should have realized it?"
"Because I am the Supreme Commander. It is my responsibility to consider every possibility."
She gave him a disbelieving look. "To consider the possibility that the Ganglians, a species who never aided anyone, suddenly would?"
"Yes," he said shortly. "It is, but I missed it. After I returned to the Defender, Gryf contacted me stating he'd found something unusual on the second ship and that he would be returning to discuss it with me."
She remained silent knowing there was more.
"I couldn't believe what I saw on the screen." As close as she was, she still had to strain to hear his quiet words. "The Ganglians came in at max speed and were able to take what Liron's battle cruisers fired at them. That wasn't normal. They had to have transferred all their auxiliary power to their forward shields, and that's when I realized it."
"Realized what?"
"That this was a suicide mission for them. That they weren't trying to save the Zaludians, but instead trying to destroy their ships while causing as much damage to us as possible."
"I'm sorry."
"Gryf was in Liron's transport and halfway to the Defender when the Ganglians attacked."
"Do you think that's why they attacked? Because it was the Emperor's transport?"
"No. While Gryf seemed to think what he discovered was important; there was nothing the Zaludians could have had that justified the loss of so many lives. Zaludian or Kaliszian."
'Not to you.' she thought but didn't voice.
"I stood on the bridge and could only helplessly watch as the first Ganglian ship exploded. The shock wave and debris sent Gryf's defenseless transport hurling into the asteroid belt."
"There's no way it could have survived?"
"No. We tracked multiple explosions in the atmosphere."
Sliding up so her face was directly above his, she stared deeply into his eyes and let him see the truth in hers. "I'm sorry, Treyvon, so sorry. I know you take your responsibilities seriously, that you are a worthy male. I also know that if there'd been any way you could have prevented those deaths, you would have. I also know that if you could, you would willingly switch places with Gryf or any of the Warriors you lost."
“I would.” Rolling her beneath him, his voice thick with emotion, he buried his face in her neck. Goddess, how had Jennifer known that? How had she realized that with every Warrior's death, he lost another piece of himself? That there were times that he didn't think he had anything left to lose.
"And if you did, it would be the thing that finally destroyed me." She let the words flow from her heart. Her fingers sank into his hair, cradling the back of his head as she held him close. "Losing you too."
Treyvon lifted his head to gaze down at her.
"You don't have to carry this burden alone, Treyvon. I'm here for you."
"Goddess, Jennifer, I do not deserve someone as beautiful and giving as you."
"I'm not beautiful," she denied.
"You are to me. Even scarred, you were beautiful. Now," his gaze took in more than her healed face. It looked deeply into her eyes and saw the inner beauty and truth that was her heart. "Now you rival even the Goddess."
"That has to be the biggest untruth you have ever spoken, Treyvon Rayner," she said, but the soft smile she gave him took the heat out of her words, "but thank you for the sentiment."
"You do not believe me?" He could see she didn't and it only increased her beauty to him. "Then I shall have to show you what I see."
Chapter Twenty-Three
Jen wasn't sure what to expect, what with the way Treyvon's eyes were blazing. But it wasn't the way he reverently reached out to slowly arrange her long, white strands of hair so they extended out, framing her head.
"Do you not know how beautiful this is to see?" he asked quietly. "Especially when you keep it restrained most of the time."
"It can't be loose when I'm cooking," she told him just as quietly. "No one wants to find a stray hair in their food."
"I do not believe anyone would complain if it meant they were allowed the honor of seeing it," he said as he continued to stroke it. "It is like touching beams of starlight."
Jen could do nothing but stare up at Treyvon with stunned eyes. Her hair had been described in many ways over the years, but none were as heartfelt as Treyvon's.
"Your skin is so pale." He touched a calloused finger to her temple then ran it down along her cheek, causing her to shiver. "And so soft. So different than ours, as are your eyes."
"They don't glow," she found herself whispering.
"No," he agreed, as his glowed deeply into hers, "but they still draw me in. They are powerful, yet filled with so much kindness and understanding that I find it difficult to look away… except if it is to look at your lips."
His finger moved down to gently touch them. They weren't as full or plump as they'd been in the drawing he'd once seen, but he would make sure one day they were. Still, they attracted him in a way no other female's ever had. As he continued to caress them, they parted, and he moved to replace his finger with his lips.
"Stop." Jennifer tightened the grip of the hand in his hair, stopping him.
Questioning eyes shot to hers. "You do not wish my kiss?"
"Of course I do," she whispered, releasing his hair so her fingers could run lightly over his lips. "I've dreamed of kissing you, of you kissing me, but Mac told me what it means to a Kaliszian."
"It is reserved for the ones we hold most dear," he murmured, kissing each fingertip.
"Yes," she replied quietly.
"As I hold you." He saw the surprise flare in the eyes that so captivated him. "Why does that surprise you?"
"Because I'm…"
"A magnificent female?" he finished for her. "The only one I have ever truly desired?"
"Treyvon…"
"Will you allow me this intimacy, Jennifer?"
The uncertainty in this strong male's eyes had her heart hurting.
"Oh yes," she whispered, removing her fingers from his lips and instinctively parting hers as he lowered his head. She got her first, full taste of Treyvon. And what a taste it was.
Goddess, she'd never tasted anything as delicious and satisfying befor
e. He was the perfect blend of sweet and sour balanced out by the hint of salt and bitterness. It fully represented the male he was, and it made her crave more. Changing the angle of the kiss, she wrapped her tongue around his, stroking it the way her channel did his shaft.
Treyvon allowed her to control the kiss, knowing that in this at least for now, she was the teacher. But he was determined to learn, to be able to give her as much pleasure with just a kiss as she was giving him right now. Following her lead, he caressed her tongue with his and was rewarded with her muffled groan.
Knowing there was still more of her beauty that he needed to reveal to her, he reluctantly pulled his mouth from hers.
"Treyvon?" The way the hand still in his hair tightened, combined with the way she said his name, let him know she hadn't wanted the kiss to end.
"My vow I will return to your lips, Jennifer… often." He saw the frustration in her gaze and found he had to fight a smile. When had Joining ever felt like this? As something to be savored. "After I finish showing you just how beautiful you are to me."
He kissed his way down her slender neck, savoring her unique flavor before he was forced to push his body up and slightly away from hers so he could glide farther down her body, his legs slipping between hers.
He kissed his way up the firm mound of her left breast. It was smaller than a Kaliszian females, but then so was she and not just because of what she'd survived. He found he liked it. Liked how he could suck nearly all of it deep into his mouth at one time. How he could abrade her nipple against the roof of his mouth and feel it tighten and she mewled out in pleasure.
He ignored her cry of denial when he suddenly released it with a pop and gave her other breast the same attention. His hand moved up to her vacated breast, letting it know he hadn't abandoned it.
After several minutes, he reluctantly released that wonderful mound of flesh. He let his knees come to rest on the floor as he kissed his way down her body. Brushing his lips along her inner thigh, he was surprised to feel her tense.
"Jennifer?" His eyes rose to find hers wide and filled with unease. "What is wrong?"
"I… you…" How was she supposed to explain to Treyvon that while she and Todd had been together for over five years, in all that time, Todd had only ever gone done on her once? It had been early on in their relationship when they were still in college and were experimenting with different positions. Todd had been very vocal on how much he hadn't enjoyed it and she'd never asked him to again.
"Tell me," he urged, and while he didn't move out from between her legs, his hands did move to caress her outer thighs reassuringly.
"You don't have to do that."
"Do what? Kiss your amazingly soft skin here?" he asked kissing her inner thigh. "Or do you mean taking in the tantalizing scent of your arousal?" Nuzzling the damp curls at the apex of her thigh, his eyes closed and breathed her in.
"B…both," she stuttered.
"And if I want to?" he asked, his eyes piercing hers.
"You, you do?"
"Why would I not want to do something that will give us both so much pleasure?"
"You would enjoy it?" she asked disbelievingly.
"You mean tasting your sweetness on my tongue as you find your pleasure and knowing that soon you will find it again around my shaft?" Treyvon felt his shaft swell just thinking about it. "Showing you in every way how beautiful you are to me? Oh yes, I would enjoy that very much."
Jen's channel tightened with need and desire at Treyvon's words and the promise held in them.
"Is this something you will allow?" he asked.
Jen answered by spreading her legs further apart, offering herself to him.
Treyvon shifted his grip so his thumbs could part her curls and folds revealing her pleasure nub to his gaze. Finding he could wait no longer, he lowered his head and tasted her for the first time and nearly lost his mind. Goddess, she tasted of everything he'd never known he craved.
Slowly he coated one of his rough, thick thumbs with her juices, then pressed it into her channel that was still swollen from their first Joining. He couldn't believe how small and tight she was. Or how she had been able to take him. Or how amazing she felt.
"Goddess, Treyvon! More!" Jen begged.
Treyvon responded to her plea by ravenously consuming her nub and replacing his thumb with two fingers to pump in and out of her.
"Oh that's good, Treyvon," she panted, fisting his hair as her channel started to tighten. "So good!"
Treyvon growled at her obvious pleasure, and the vibration had her screaming out as an intense orgasm hit her.
• • • • • •
Treyvon slowly kissed his way back up his Jennifer's body, enjoying every curve he discovered, every area that had her sighing or lowly moaning in pleasure when he gave it his. His throbbing shaft brushed her entrance, demanding the relief only Joining with her could bring, but he was in no hurry to give in to those demands.
He wanted to take his time and savor this Joining. Wanted to enjoy how lax with satisfaction his Jennifer was. A satisfaction he had given her. Never in all his previous Joinings had it been like this. Oh, he had always made sure that whoever he was with found their pleasure then quickly found his, seeing no reason to extend the encounter.
That was not the case with Jennifer. With her, he wanted to prolong it for as long as possible, even if denying his own release was what it took to achieve that. Eventually, he found his way back to kiss her lips as he had vowed, but instead of ravishing them he lightly nibbled, finding it temporarily appeased his raging hunger for her.
"Treyvon…"
The brush of her lips against his as she breathed out his name had his hunger returning to the boiling point. Lifting his head, he kept the rest of his body pressed against hers making sure not to crush her. His dark hair formed a protective curtain around them before flowing down to join with her lighter strands. The way his darker shaft wanted to part her pale folds.
"Treyvon," she whispered again, staring up at him. She wasn't sure how she'd been able to retain her grip on the hair at the back of his neck with as boneless as her body had become, but she had. She also wasn't sure why he hadn't just thrust into her, taking what he wanted. It was what Todd would have done. But then she'd felt his lips on her. First on her hips, then across her stomach before moving up to worship her breasts so differently than he had before, but making her feel no less cherished. Every brush of his lips, every graze of his body against hers was meant for her pleasure, not his.
Then he reached her lips, and she expected him to finally ravish her, to demand what he had the right to after the pleasure he had given her. Instead, he seemed to savor her as if she were the finest of wines. Gazing up at him, she could see the truth shining in his eyes. She mattered more to him than his pleasure. It had her heart melting even as it caused it to race.
"What do you need, Jennifer?" he asked his eyes searching hers.
"You," she whispered. "Just you. Inside me." With that, she pulled his mouth back down to hers for a searing kiss.
That was all it took for Treyvon's passion to overwhelm his control. He was returning her kiss even as he set the head of his shaft at her entrance and thrust until he was fully embedded inside her. Nothing could stop his passion now that Jennifer had given him her permission to release it. He repeatedly lost himself in her softness, in her giving spirit, and in her quiet strength. Yet as his release grew close, he knew it would be meaningless if she didn't lose herself too.
"Jennifer," he growled then hooking an arm under her knee, opened her fully so he could plunge even deeper into her softness "Come for me! Let my shaft feel how much you want me."
And as she did, his roar of pleasure echoed off the walls.
• • • • • •
Jennifer didn't know what time it was as she lay on her side, propped up on an elbow watching Treyvon. He'd barely managed to roll onto his back, pulling her close, before he'd fallen into an exhausted sleep. She'd only ne
eded to rest her eyes for a minute, but her body had been so relaxed and satisfied that she followed him.
Now looking down at him, the low light of the energy crystals revealed the real toll his responsibilities took on him. There were dark smudges under his eyes, and his normally chiseled cheekbones seemed even more pronounced, even with his facial muscles lax with sleep.
If she had been thinking straight, she would have made him eat while she combed his hair. She'd seen how hard he drove himself, always demanding more of himself than he ever demanded from others. Instead, she'd let herself get distracted by the silky feel of his hair and in trying to ease his pain. She needed to put his needs before her own, especially when no one else seemed to. What Treyvon needed right now was rest.
She also wasn't sure what proper Kaliszian etiquette was in this situation. Was she expected to stay until he woke? Or leave before he did?
Carefully, she began disengaging her body from his, starting with her leg that was bent at the knee and resting on his thigh. Next, she lifted the arm that was draped across his chest and slowly began to roll away.
Her body had barely broken contact with his when the hand that rested loosely on her hip tightened and his chest vibrated with a disgruntled rumble.
"Shhh," she whispered, reaching up to run soothing fingers along his jaw. "Go back to sleep."
"Don't go," he mumbled, turning his head toward her.
"What?" she asked, seeing he was more asleep than awake.
"Need you here," he continued to mutter sleepily, as he turned onto his side, wrapping both his arms around her and pulling her close. "Need you."
They were such simple words… 'need you.’ But they expressed so much, revealed so much, especially coming from a male like Treyvon. She doubted he'd ever said that to anyone before, especially not a female. For him to say that to her now. She wasn't sure what the morning would bring but knew she couldn't leave him now that he'd asked her to stay. Forcing the unanswered questions from her mind, she settled more comfortably into his arms and with his protection surrounding her, slept.
• • • • • •