The Amazing Adventure
Adam Clark
Copyright © 2012 Adam Clark
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 1475037783
ISBN-13: 978-1475037784
DEDICATION
I would like to dedicate this book to all of the rappers, whom without their inspirational lyrics and great beats, this novel would simply not exist. Big props and respect to my boyz Biggie, 2pac, Jay-Z, Kanye West, Drake, Beastie Boys, Will Smith, the Sugarhill Gang, the Wu Tang Clan, Vanilla Ice, Ice Cube, Ice T, T-Pain, and Elton John. Your music provided me with the power to complete this momentous task.
CONTENTS
1
Breakfast of Champions
2
Zombie Ninjas
3
A Solid Hope
4
The Republic Strikes Back
5
Return of the Bear
6
Brosef Stalin
7
Grigori Brosputin
8
Mikhail Brobachev
9
Bro-adimir Lenin
10
Chairman Bro
11
Kim Jong Bro
12
Barack Brobama
13
Brobraham Lincoln
14
Queen Elizabeth II of the United Brodom
15
Gin and Juice
16
Straight Outta Compton
17
It was a Good Day
18
Everyday I’m Hustlin’
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I would first off like to acknowledge the lovely Sarah Bell, you put up with so much, I’m definitely certain it should be a super power. I would also love to acknowledge my family, without you I’d be nothing, literally, so many thanks to Grandad, Nana, Mum, Dad, Peter, Emma and Ella. I would finally like to thank Jonathan Weeks for providing me with the challenge to do this.
Breakfast of champions
Grigor awoke from his sleep feeling really pissed off, which for Grigor was the most usual mood to wake up in. He pushed the lion fur covering back over his bed and clambered over the twenty or so beautiful supermodels still asleep around his chamber.
Last night had been the same as it usually was for one of the world’s richest warriors; the party had started at 10 and didn’t end until early in the morning. Now it was 8 in the morning, and time for Grigor to go to work.
He stumbled amicably over to the liquor cabinet and fixed himself a straight triple whisky, had two cold beers and finished off his breakfast with a fifth of vodka. Now he was ready to face the day ahead.
Rubbing his eyes and having a long stretch he viewed himself in the mirror, which in Grigor's case was the highly polished skull of his most recently vanquished enemy. Though his grizzled beard covered most of his face, the prominent scar he received while fighting the Robot Army of Herstaff the Space-Villain was visible across his left eye, from his forehead to the jowl of his cheek.
Grigor was still mad at the fact that he’d been cut at all, that just didn’t happen, but regardless, he still wore the scar as a badge of honour. What made him angrier was the fact that somewhere out there, in the vast nothingness of space, Herstaff was still planning and plotting like the slimy bastard he was.
Grigor noticed he was shaking with rage, so he took a deep breath and focused, brushing these thoughts from his mind and continuing his morning ritual. To start with he showered in his solid gold en-suite bathroom, and then attempted to trim the grizzled beard attached to his face. This was another unsuccessful attempt, and he gave up after blunting his fourth knife, after this he went into his walk-in wardrobe and came out wearing one of his many designer suits.
One of the brunette girls woke up and looked up at Grigor through glassy eyes. “Grigor, why don’t you just stay here with us for the day, handsome?”
Grigor looked down at the woman, and then turned to look out of the floor to ceiling window at the expanse of trees and rooftops that filled up the city suburbs skyline. As he did this, the first rays of the morning sun settled strikingly over his gruff features. “I can’t. The world needs me.”
He turned and whistled; at this his green dinosaur butler came striding over to the doorway, complete with top hat, monocle and tails.
“Good morning sir” the miniature t-rex said in a very posh British accent, “Would one like tea?”
“None this morning Wooster, I’ll be heading to work now, please make breakfast and order taxis for these fine ladies here when they wake up.”
“Arrangements will be made sir, please jump on my back.”
Grigor leapt on to the dinosaur and they headed out of the room and towards the stairs. He rode the dinosaur butler to the helipad on the roof and dismounted.
“Have a good day sir” Wooster said while bowing “your personal affects have already been provided as per usual.” He pointed over to a steel cabinet that had been opened to show a couple of shelves. One shelf held a jet pack, the other a sheathed broadsword and a leather briefcase. “The sandwiches are peanut butter jelly, I presume that is acceptable for today’s luncheon?”
“That’ll do, thank you Wooster, I’ll be back this evening,” Grigor said while donning his standard military issue jet-pack, not forgetting to pick up his broadsword and briefcase containing the all-important peanut butter jelly sandwiches on the way. It was a short ride to Grigor’s workplace and jet-pack was the only way to travel for someone as super awesome as Grigor.
He ran towards the edge of the helipad and jumped off the side of his 5 story building and down into his massive garden. He started the jet-pack straight away and only fell about 8 feet before accelerating up and outwards into the morning sky.
He enjoyed his daily jet-pack commute into the city, all of the cars and people looked like tiny colourful bugs, scuttling around and going about their daily business. He liked this, because smaller things were easier to crush into oblivion, and imagining he was giant and smashing through the streets distracted him from thinking about the company audit they would be subjected to today at the bureau for Viking Bank Financiers.
It took about 20 minutes before a complex of skyscrapers began to appear from behind its hiding place over the horizon. The skyscraper that was to be his final destination was the most visually stunning of all the skyscrapers in the centre of the city. It stood twice as tall as any other structure in the complex, and was the in the shape of a bear fighting a giant squid, both of which were wearing top-hats. It was made entirely of Gold and encrusted with uncountable diamonds mined from deep within the volcano jungles of Venus.
Today though, the brutal beauty of the building was marred by a great floating mark held in the sky above the building. This mark could usually just be passed off as freak cloud, but this cloud was in the shape of a skull and cross bones, apart from the skull was adorned with traditional ninja garb.
“Zombie Ninjas” Grigor said to himself through gritted teeth, the words full of malice. Opening his briefcase, sending hundreds of pieces of paper floating down over the city in the process, he took out his roller-skates, put them on his feet and unleashed his flaming broadsword from its sheath. Through clenched teeth he muttered. “Looks like these ninja zombies have gone overdrawn, on their LIVES!!”
Leaning forward he pushed the jet pack into overdrive. Flying through the air at over a hundred miles an hour, the pack screamed and whined as it produced a thick tail of smoke fire showing his path across the sky. There was no time to perform a proper landing on the building so Grigor aimed down and dived straight at the landing pad painted on the top hat of the giant squid. At about 20
feet from the concrete of the landing pad he unclipped himself from the jet pack.
Grigor landed heavily down on one knee. The concrete cracked and buckled beneath his feet, creating a small crater on the roof of the skyscraper around him. The jet pack, now free from human control screamed straight upwards into the sky, breaking the clouds on its escape up into the stratosphere.
Grigor looked up and brought his broadsword round in a fighting stance. Using the extra mobility afforded by roller-skates he did a quick 360 degree spin and couldn’t see anyone, but his sixth sense was screaming at him that there were people everywhere, I’m getting too old for this shit, he thought to himself.