Harvey’s head was banging, he felt like death warmed up. He looked around the small white room he was in, it had one solid wooden door, a tiny window high up and a small bench that looked like it was made for sleeping.
Harvey was slumped in the corner of the room, looking down he noticed that his clothes were ripped, covered in stains and what looked like blood, he pulled small branches and leaves out of his hair. What the hell happened to me? He asked himself.
The door slammed open and a policeman stood in the doorway. “Good, you’re up. You’re now coming with me.” The policeman grabbed him, dragged him out into the jail corridor, down towards a door into a small dark room.
He was forced into a chair at a table with only a lamp and a Dictaphone, the policeman took a seat directly opposite him. “Your blood tests came back. You did more drugs than I have ever seen.” The policeman ran his hand down a printout he was holding onto. “3 kilos of acid, 2 kilos of LSD, your own bodyweight in cocaine, um... what else do we have, 80 units of gin, whale tranquilisers. I’m quite certain you most probably have amnesia so I’ll let you know where you are now.
“You’re screwed, and you’re facing a multiple life sentences. So let’s go through the charges: First off you were running through the shopping mall completely naked, you snuck into a camping shop and hid in there over night. We have you on CCTV shouting about some evil invasion, you freaked out pretty bad. Ok, then you fashioned a flamethrower out of an aerosol can and lighter then ran through the town claiming you were ‘riding a dragon’. You stopped in a petrol station for a coffee and biscuits, threatening to ‘destructionate the waitress’ when she asked you for money. Then you stole a motorbike and drove round and round the local park, eventually setting it on fire while screaming your own name over and over again.
“Eventually, PC Jones managed to subdue you, but you escaped and stabbed him multiple times in the chest, claiming a rainbow unicorn told you to do it.” The policeman took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes, then looked at Harvey straight in the eyes. “In all my years I have never seen anything like this. You’re going down for life, especially as you went into some kind of trance last night and wrote this in blood on the toilet paper in your cell.” The officer dropped a massive collection of papers on the desk. “This is copy of what you wrote down, it appears to be a novel, and you’ve called it ‘Grigor the Destructionator’s Amazing Adventure Part Zero: Magnitudes of Awesome’. Well, from now on it’s going to be called Evidence A. Do you have anything to say for yourself?”
Harvey shook his head.
The officer called to the door, “take this one back to the cells!” He looked at Harvey, “get used to this son, you’re going to be here for a long time.”
grigor
Grigor stumbled backward, and watched the back of Harvey as he forced the rainbow horn into Space-Hitler’s chest. Sparks flew everywhere, eventually Space-Hitler fell backwards, the rainbow horn protruding from his chest.
“There’s no gold at the end of this rainbow, asshole.” Harvey said, looking badass.
“Neeiinnne!” Space-Hitler screeched, stumbling back until hit the large window, crashing through it and floating off into space, where he subsequently exploded.
Grigor looked in shock at Harvey, “did you just save me?”
“Yeah, I think I did.”
“Thanks would be in order, but, my friends.” Grigor looked around. Volkang coughed and dragged himself over to Grigor.
Son, I’ve had an epiphany and am no longer evil, I’ve now realised how evil Space-Hitler was and that I was completely brainwashed. Volkang stood with difficulty, and stumbled over to the Dragon Heart, falling and supporting his weight on it.
I’m sorry for everything I’ve put you through, to make it up to you I’ll use the last of my strength to bring your friends back, it will destroy me and the Heart, but it should set everything back to how it was. I love you.
Grigor shed a small tear “I also love you, dad.” A strong red pulsing light came out of the heart and wrapped around Volkang, it became brighter and brighter until Grigor and Harvey couldn’t see, and were now bathed in a bright light. The light eventually faded and the pair were standing on the deck of Grigor’s ship, along with everyone else they had adventured with.
Grigor spread his arms wide at everyone “Magnitudes of Awesome! We did it! We saved the universe!” They looked up at a newly formed Lazarus b10, un-exploded.
“Wow, we really did!” Magnus shouted, jumping in the air with joy. Confetti fired from the cannons about the ship, and people cheered. Grigor’s mobile then began ringing, he picked it up and answered it.
“Argennon! You’re alive?! And the Barbarian Homeworld is undestroyed now as well! That’s brilliant! Ah yes. Yes, ok, I’m sure that’s fine with everyone, ah really? Thank you so much sir. We’ll be there for the ceremony.” He closed the flip phone. “That was Argennon, we’ve all been given knighthoods! And I’m now king of the Barbarians!” Everyone bowed to one knee at this, and began saluting him. “No, get up, we’re all equals here!” They cheered some more.
Harvey joined in the cheering and then stopped, everything clicked into place. It turned out that Herstaff was totally a mini-robot version of Space-Robo-Hitler, and Indy was a spy that had been placed in their group from the beginning. He felt quite bad, but then got caught up in the partying, someone opened a giant bottle of champagne and everyone had a giggle, even the Dragons got drunk and had a brilliant time.
So, in the end, everything was magically fixed and they all lived happily ever after, apart from the bad dudes who all died.
The End
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Adam Clark is probably the most amazing person in the universe. Born and raised in Luton in 1990, he moved to mid wales in 2008, graduating from Aberystwyth University in 2011 with a Bachelor’s Degree in Space Science & Robotics, and now currently residing in Newtown, Wales. Adam has many talents, from writing to flexing and is widely considered to be the world leading expert on ‘Being Awesome’. When he isn’t busy punching faces he likes to take gin and juice baths to unwind, maybe fight a few eagles to release a little bit of stress. It is rumoured that Adam is the only man alive who could have a Killer Whale in a straight no-rules illegal street fight.
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