*******
The next morning she felt like a husk. And she was the proud owner of the hangover from hell. No returns allowed.
Jack drove her to Berkeley. It took two hours from San Loaran. Neither of them spoke and Val looked out the window. The view changed from dry, flat land to rolling hills and then it was gone, covered in concrete and civilization. What would she do amongst all these people? How would she function without Jack and the friends she had known?
He took her to her dorm in brittle silence. Then, dropping her bags off with a heavy thunk he disappeared for a while. Examining everything, she knew. Her father had already been here and done that, but Jack would do it again.
He came back. Jack knelt before her and she turned her head away from him. She didn't want to see his beautiful face. She could feel the sadness like a weight in him but he was the one turning away from her. She would have tried, would have thrown herself into anything with him if he'd asked, screw the consequences. They'd deal with it when they had to.
But that was what made them different. She let her life be blinkered while he planned it all out and he knew how this story ended even if she didn't want to.
Jack took her hand and put the pager into it.
“You didn't have to go to all that trouble to get me to take this. I would have taken it without the mind fuck.” She gave an ugly little laugh and he stayed where he was, watching her, ready to take whatever she would say.
“Do you know what, Jack?” Her voice quavered and she wasn't sure if it was rage or pain that caused it, probably both.
He gripped her tighter, as though it was hard to force himself to stay still and not take her into his arms. Good! She hoped it was hard for him too. She watched her fingers twist amongst themselves, like unsettled snakes.
She wondered if she should just let him leave, have things unsaid between them like they always did. But that wasn't the life she wanted anymore. “I would have made love with you last night. I wanted you.... I've thought about that so much, fantasized about you and me for...ever. And so I waited. Do you understand? There was no one else. I waited for you. But I won't anymore.” Her voice broke at the end.
With a grim expression he nodded and rose, went to the door and left— without a single look back.