Her nostrils flared as she inhaled quickly. "Of the change?"
He didn't want to desire this, he truly didn't, but deep inside he did. He had to release her to grasp hold of the bench with both hands. His arms locked; the stone of the bench bit into his palms as he tried to steady his emotions. He didn't know if he hoped for her to say yes or no, more. "Yes."
There was a moment of stunned silence before she started to laugh and flung herself at him. He barely felt the force of her slender weight as she wrapped her arms around him and settled in his lap. Anguish and ecstasy swamped him as he hugged her back. "There's still a chance you won't survive. Xavier says the only survivors he knows of had vampire heritage of some sort, but we're still not entirely certain that you do."
"I'll survive."
"Aria…"
"I'll survive Braith; I'm stronger than all of them and I'd say all the evidence points toward a 'yes' about my heritage. I'd never thought I'd be happy to hear that, to know that, but I am. I feel it's right somehow."
He almost couldn't look at her. If she didn't survive, he would be the one that killed her. He shuddered at the thought, his hands clenched upon her. But if she survived…
An eternity of promise unfurled before him; the hope was almost too much for him to bear. "I don't want to be the one that kills you."
"You won't be."
"Either way, I will Aria. You can stay human; you can stay with me as a human." He had to make sure she thought over all her options.
"I will still die. I would love to have those years with you Braith, truly I would, but I'd love to have many many more with you."
"Perhaps if we wait a few years…"
"We could do all of those things. I could grow old with you and you could watch me die that way. We can live together now for a few years, and then we will come to this same crossroads and it will be even more difficult to make the decision. Especially if there are children involved, I could never take the chance of leaving them. I'm not vain, but I don't want to push this off year after year until I'm dying from old age and there are no other options."
"You'd still be beautiful."
"To you, of course, but it would be weird and you wouldn't desire me."
"It would be a little weird, but believe me there have been times when you've been the most unkempt and smelly thing I've ever come across, and I still desired you. I'd take you anyway I could get you."
Her eyebrows lifted haughtily, her eyes sparkled with laughter. "You're depraved."
"I am what you made me."
She grinned at him as she wiggled in his lap. He clenched his teeth as he tried to remain focused on the discussion at hand. "The last thing I want to do is die, and we've been waiting so long to start our lives together. I'd like to do so with the promise of eternity. I understand if you decide against doing this, I don't know how I'd handle this if the roles were reversed. I'd be terrified."
He rested his face in the hollow of her neck. He inhaled her sweet scent, savoring in it as he allowed it to soothe some of the tension in him. He could smell his blood within her, but if he did this, if this was the step they took, his blood would fill her even more. Their blood would be forever mingled.
"I'll agree with whatever you decide Aria, this is your life we're talking about here."
"I know. I was never even sure I would live to this age to begin with." A distant look settled over her face. He could almost see the reality settling over her, the knowledge that she would die from this, and possibly never reawaken. "I wouldn't mind a few more years with each other, perhaps we could wait. Though there is only one way to guarantee we don't have children."
He quirked an eyebrow at her, she smiled playfully in return and shifted mischievously in his lap again. "You're hilarious."
"I am." The smile slid away, her expression became grave once more. "I think I'll survive Braith but if I don't what will become of you? What will happen to you?"
"That's not something you should be concerned about."
"It is though. I saw your old rooms. I was in that dungeon with the survivors, I know what you are capable of when you lose control, and Ashby said that bloodlinks cannot survive without each other."
"Ashby's an idiot."
"Braith…"
"I'll survive Aria." His hands splayed across her back. "I promise you that I will survive. I'll hate myself, and I'll hate this world if it doesn't have you in it, but I'll keep it together, and I'll go on because of you. It's the only thing I'll have left of you, to do what you would expect of me, to do what would make you proud. I won't destroy any humans; there won't be any other blood slaves. This is not the same as last time Aria, I felt betrayed then, as did you," he added quickly when her eyes darkened. "I was out of control, lost, and furious because I didn't know what was going on with me, with you, or why you had left me so abruptly after claiming to love me. This will not be the same."
"Our bond is stronger after last night."
"Our bond was stronger before we slept together." The words were hard, far harder than he had intended, but he'd seen the look of guilt that had flickered through her eyes. He wasn't going to let her have any regret over what had happened between them. "Sex was not going to solidify it even more, no matter what Ashby, Gideon or any of those idiots believed. This." He seized hold of her hand and pressed it over his still heart. "There are times I can almost feel this actually beating for you. You have owned it since the moment I saw you. It may have taken me awhile to come to that realization, but it's true, and there is nothing, nothing that is going to change that. Not blood and not sex. You were made for me Aria; you're my bloodlink, my soul mate.
"The bond between us has been stronger for awhile now. When Jack helped you escape from the palace, I lost my vision completely. When you were taken this time, I never lost my vision at all. It wasn't the best vision, but I could still see, and that was long before last night, understand?"
She closed her eyes as a single tear slid free. "Yes." He brushed the tear away, his fingers slid over his fresh bite marks again as he ignored the rest of the fading marks on her body. "So your eyes are healing?"
He shrugged. "I think your blood has helped them to heal, you've made me stronger than I ever knew I could be."
"And if I'm gone?"
"I don't know, it may stay the way it was this time or I may become blind again. I will get through whatever happens though. Don't concern yourself with that Aria, that isn't one of the things I want you to worry about."
"I'd like for you to move on, to find someone else…"
"No," he interrupted as his fingers stilled. His entire being recoiled at the thought, revulsion twisted like a poisonous snake through his belly. "No."
"You will require an heir."
"There is Jack for that, or Ashby and Melinda."
"Braith…"
"No Aria, no. I can promise you that I'll keep on living and that I will stay in control of myself and lead justly. Those are promises I know I can keep, but I will not make that one. I will not be able to uphold it and I won't lie to you."
"Maybe not now, but you have years ahead of you. You will need love, companionship."
"No!" he said forcefully. "No. There is no one after you. Five hundred years, another thousand years, hell forever is not going to change that. Don't push this Aria; the answer will not change no matter how you try to spin it."
For a moment he thought she was going to argue again but she finally relented. "Ok." She kissed his nose tenderly, her fingers traced over the faded scars around his eyes. "I'm afraid Braith. I never thought I'd live long, I never thought I'd have this kind of life, and I'm afraid to lose it. I wasn't afraid to die to be away from you, and I shouldn't be afraid to die to be with you…"
"Great way to put it," he muttered sardonically.
"But I am," she continued. "I'm afraid to lose the years we could have if something goes wrong, and though I know I'll survive, or at least I'm fairly certain I will…"
"I know Aria; you d
on't have to explain it to me. I understand."
He closed his eyes, his fingers slid through her hair before stroking over her shoulders. It was easy enough to jump all over this, to say yes to the promise of eternity, but to be faced with the certainty of death was frightening, and the last thing he wanted was for her to be frightened. He wanted eternity, but he wanted her happiness more.
"It doesn't have to be now Aria, you don't have to decide right now. We can wait and discuss it further once you've had time to think it over."
She nodded; her eyes became distant and thoughtful. "Yes, I think that would be for the best." He was relieved that she was actually going to think this through. Even so he felt the sharp knife of disappointment in his gut. "I'm not ready for children Braith. No matter what happens, if I change soon or if we wait a few years, I'm not ready for children."
His arms clenched around her waist as he pulled her against his chest. "I want them with you!" she gushed out. "But not right now. We just discovered this world of relative peace and we're finally able to be together without having to hide our feelings. I'd like the time to enjoy it, and you. Human or vampire, children are a lot of work."
"That they are," he murmured.
She peered up at him from under lowered lashes. "I'd like a brood one day though."
"A brood?"
"Well at least three."
He laughed as he rested his chin on her head and nestled her closer against him. "I can handle three, but there's only one way to guarantee we don't have children right now," he reminded her.
She shot him a disgruntled look. "Well that's just not going to happen."
He laughed as he rocked her a little. "Minx."
"My birthday's next week."
"I didn't know that."
She smiled as she shrugged. "William and I don't really celebrate it; it's just another day in the woods, and this year… Well this year, with dad being gone, it seems like even less of a reason to celebrate. I never thought I'd make it to eighteen, especially after I was captured."
"I think we should celebrate it this year."
"Maybe it would be nice," she murmured though she didn't look convinced.
"Are you sure you can live with this life?" She frowned at him as she leaned back. He rose and placed her down as he gestured around the garden. "This isn't your world Aria; I know that, you know that. I remember how unhappy you were in the palace, how much you missed your woods, your freedom. There will be many demands placed on us, lots of pressure, and even less freedom. Even if you choose to stay human this is not the life you expected."
"Braith…"
"I mean to make sure you understand that Aria. I won't force you to stay. If you choose to leave because you won't be happy here, I won't make you stay. I'll abide by your wishes, but I can't, I simply can't go right now, maybe not ever." He choked on the words; it took all he had to get them out. "Sometimes love…"
"Isn't always enough," she whispered.
"It's always enough, but sometimes it's learning to put someone else's happiness ahead of your own. It's learning to let go Aria, if it's necessary, and I will let you go if you ask me to. I'll set you free if that is what you require. It will destroy me to lose you, but I will not harm anyone, and I will let you live the rest of your life in peace. I will not take your freedom from you."
"I know." She rose to her feet and walked over to him. Her arms encircled his waist, her head tilted back to study him as tears slid down her cheeks. "I know you would let me go but I don't want you to."
"You can't rush into this decision."
"I'm not rushing into this," she whispered. "And I can go into the woods once in awhile, can't I?"
"As often as I can I will take you into the woods," he vowed.
"Good. I think I can keep my sanity then," she grinned up at him as she nudged his hip.
Braith groaned as he pulled her tight against him and stared at the sculpted figure of the couple in the fountain. The couple that was forever fated to look but never touch. He never wanted to let go of her, and yet he may be the very one that destroyed her if she decided to choose eternity.
- CHAPTER 19 -
The celebration was far larger than she'd expected. Before this day she and William had celebrated their birthdays by receiving larger slices of meat, usually a new bow and arrows, and being serenaded with a silly song they hated. Now they had more food than she'd ever seen in her life, a small band playing instruments, and a massive cake that she couldn't tear her eyes away from. Her mouth watered every time she looked at the elaborately decorated thing, and all she craved was a giant piece of it.
"I think I'm jealous of the cake."
"Huh?" Aria muttered as she tore her gaze away from the massive creation of sugary goodness in the middle of the table.
Braith laughed as he slid his arm around her waist. "I'm jealous of the cake; you can't take your eyes off it."
"I've never seen anything like it," she marveled. "It's amazing."
"Even more so than me?"
She waved her hand dismissively at him. "Of course not, but wow."
"Would you like a piece?"
"Aren't we supposed to eat first or sing or something?"
"It's your birthday; you can do whatever you like."
William shouldered in between them. He placed his crutch in front of her, blocking her path. He was perfectly willing to trip her if she even attempted to get a piece before him. "It's my birthday too, and as the older, wiser sibling I should get the first piece."
"I'll give you older, but you are most certainly not wiser," she retorted. "And as the younger, female sibling, I should get the first piece."
"As the still crippled and hobbling sibling, I beg to differ."
Aria snorted. "I could just kick the crutch out from under you."
"You wouldn't dare."
"Try me."
"Why don't you just each get a piece at the same time," Braith inserted reasonably.
Aria shot him a look. "Reason doesn't apply to the twins, brother. They won't shut up till their stuffing their faces," Jack informed him as he sauntered toward them.
William shrugged casually but nodded enthusiastically in agreement. "The man has a valid point."
Braith looked confused but shook his head and headed to the table. She watched Braith's deft hands as he slid the knife through the bottom of the cake, cutting off one pink rose and one red one. She became more fascinated with those hands than she had been with the cake. Strong and brutal when they had to be, and yet so achingly tender and loving when they slid over her. Aria mentally shook herself from her thoughts before they wandered to things that were far from appropriate here.
He started back with two large pieces. "Can I mess with him some more?" William asked.
"Sure," she replied laughingly.
Braith handed her a slice of cake before giving William his. "Hers is bigger."
"Excuse me?" Braith inquired in surprise.
"You gave her the bigger piece."
Jack burst into loud laughter as Braith stared incredulously at William. Aria bit her upper lip as she tried not to laugh. "You two are just freaking hilarious," Braith muttered.
Aria couldn't stifle her laughter anymore but her attention was quickly diverted by the giant slice of cake in front of her as William eagerly dove into his piece. "Delicious."
Aria eyed her brother with envy as she grabbed her fork. She still found utensils to be annoying but at least she was getting better at using them. "Amazing," she agreed.
Braith was watching her with a raised eyebrow and a small smile on his face. "Hopefully you'll like our wedding cake as much."
She choked on her cake; William froze with his bite halfway to his mouth. "Excuse me?" she managed to get out around Daniel's solid thumps on her back.
Braith just grinned back at her, in the same annoying way that William had been smiling at him. "You heard me."
She glanced at her brothers not sure she was actually unde
rstanding him right. Marriage wasn't something she'd ever really thought about before, but then how else did someone become a queen? She realized she'd never put a whole lot of thought into it, but it would be marriage that solidified her position. When he'd told her that he wanted her as his queen, and they would accept her, he'd also been saying that he planned to marry her. She felt like an idiot.
She couldn't think of anything better than being his wife for the rest of her life. A flood of childhood dreams came rushing back. There had been a time when she'd dreamed of a husband and children, and a marriage ceremony underneath the banquet tree. With her family surrounding her…
A hot rush of tears filled her eyes. She'd been doing well today, trying to stay upbeat; enjoying her time with her brothers and Braith, trying not to think about the fact that their father wasn't here to celebrate it with them. The smile slipped from Braith's face as he watched her.
"I'll give you away Aria," Daniel offered.
"We both will," William interjected forcefully.
"Easy there hop along. She's not used to dresses and between the two of you one of you would end up falling over." Jack smiled at them as he tried to ease the mood again.
"Especially if she's wearing heels," Braith added with a small wink. Aria forced herself to shake off her melancholy. It was so rare Braith was lighthearted, and he was trying to be so now, she had to try also.
"Oh that must be like a fish out of water!" Max declared with a loud laugh. "I actually wouldn't mind seeing it!"
"I would kind of like to see that too," William said.
"It's not pretty," Aria admitted and her smile didn't feel as forced.
William and Max laughed as they poked at each other and then snickered at her. She rolled her eyes at them as she fought the urge to kick William's crutch out from under him. Braith took the empty plate from her hand and slid his arm around her waist. She was a little confused as she stared up at him. Had she just been proposed to, or was he only teasing her as she and William had been teasing him? She didn't have time to ponder it as he swept her off her feet and actually twirled her out to the dance floor.
Aria was laughing as he eased her back down. "I don't know how to dance."