He was far more delicious looking than cake, she decided firmly. And he was hers. The thought caused her hands to clench as possession shot through her. He would always be hers, no matter what she decided.
"Do you like it?"
"It's incredible." There was a sly gleam in his eyes as her gaze raked him from head to toe. His full mouth curved in a predatory smile. "Everything is perfect."
"I'm glad. You must be hungry."
Her stomach rumbled eagerly at his words. "Guess I am," she told him laughingly as she placed a hand against her belly.
"I'll make you something."
She nodded as he moved away from the door with the ease of someone that was intrinsically aware of every muscle and cell within their body. He opened and closed cabinets as he retrieved supplies and she settled at the table. "Braith?"
"Hmm," he murmured as he used the knife to slice bread with startling speed.
"Will I, uh, be able to eat human food again if I become a vampire?"
He stopped slicing and stared at the cabinets for a moment before glancing at her over his shoulder. His eyes flickered; something feral, dark, and hungry crossed his face before he shook it away. "You can, it's not the same, but I've eaten it before. I don't find it appealing but it might be different for you, you have a taste for it; I never did."
"Oh." Her eyebrows drew together as he continued to watch her. "The blood, I'm not so sure about that. I don't know if I can do that to someone. I know you've been drinking the blood that humans willingly provide, but…" She shuddered as she really thought about the one aspect of this whole thing she had been trying not to think about.
Braith turned away, she watched as the muscles in his back and shoulders rippled with the deft slices of the knife. He finished cutting the loaf and carried a plate of bread and fruit over to her. Sitting before her, he leaned forward, his hands clasped as his eyes blazed into hers.
"You have consumed my blood."
She fiddled with a piece of bread. "That's because it's you. But another's blood, a stranger's blood, is an entirely different matter." Her nose wrinkled at the thought, revulsion twisted within her. "And after your father's blood." He stiffened at the reminder as a slight snarl curved his lip. "It was awful Braith; I could never describe just how awful it was."
"I know."
She leaned closer to him, enjoying the smell of spices and earth that radiated from his body. "Is it that awful for you now, with others? Is that why you don't like drinking other people's blood anymore?"
"I don't think it's quite as revolting to me. The blood isn't forced upon me as my father's was forced upon you, and its blood, it's always been my staple. I don't enjoy another's blood the way that I enjoy yours. It doesn't fill me in the same way, it's not as empowering, and it's nowhere near as pleasant tasting, not anymore." He shook his head as he leaned back. He was trying to appear casual but the tension in his shoulders and chest didn't ease. "I don't like touching them either. It's not their fault, but the idea of it has become offensive to me. Ashby doesn't enjoy it either, though he seems more willing than I am when it's necessary."
"What will happen if I'm gone?"
"Don't say that," he growled.
She opened her mouth to argue, to push it further. She hoped he would move on if she was gone, that he would find someone else even though the idea of it made her want to vomit, but she bit back her words. Rehashing these worries and concerns wasn't going to achieve anything except upsetting them both. She forced herself to eat a slice of bread. He wasn't looking at her anymore; his gaze was focused on the windows behind her. "You don't have to drink anyone else's blood afterward though, I can provide for you."
She froze with a piece of bread halfway to her mouth. Her brow furrowed as she stared at him in confusion. "What?"
His gaze came back to her. "I can provide for you. My blood will be more than enough to sustain you. I will have to consume more, but it won't be necessary for you to go to another."
Relief flowed through her. "That's possible?"
"It is." His hands seized hold of hers.
"But what about you? Won't it be draining on you?"
"Not if I stay well supplied."
"You just said that you dislike the other blood Braith. I know that you're not feeding as well as you should, you can't hide it from me. If you lose my blood on top of that…"
"But I won't be losing your blood." He brushed the hair back from her neck, his eyes latched onto his fresh marks upon her skin. "I will still have yours, though it won't be enough to completely sate me, I won't lose it."
She swallowed heavily and took a large gulp of juice in order to wet her suddenly parched throat. A few months ago such a proposition would have been revolting. For a reasonable, sane human being it still would be, but he'd helped to make her anything but reasonable and sane. She couldn't take her gaze from his neck, the muscles that corded it, the tautness of his smooth skin.
"Will you…" she had to take a breath before she asked the question. "Will you feed from other women?"
She couldn't look at him; she couldn't breathe as she awaited his answer. She knew it was necessary for him to survive, and possibly her too, but damn if the thought didn't almost break her. He grasped hold of her cheeks as he turned her face to him, forcing her to look at him as he tilted his head to peer up at her.
"No. I would never turn to a real person again unless it becomes absolutely necessary in order to survive, and even then I would hate it. I don't mind the other blood as much as long as I don't have to touch the person. I will use the donor program, and you can feed solely from me if you decide to do this."
"Yes," she breathed, relieved and strangely titillated by the thought of such a proposition. "Would I be normal after?"
"What do you mean?"
"What will I be like after? Will I still be me or will I be a little wild? Will I lose control and try and kill someone, or start trying to feed off of everyone?"
He tilted his chair on its front legs towards her. "You think you'll be a monster."
"Yes," she croaked out, horrified by the possibility.
"No. You will be you Aria. I'm sure it will take some time to get used to certain things, but you will be able to control the hunger, and you will not become a bloodthirsty lunatic."
She couldn't help but chuckle as she shook her head. "I didn't think I'd be a lunatic but how can you be so sure?"
The chair clicked against the floor as he leaned back again. "Because we can all control what we do, and because Xavier has assured me that the others he knows of, did not lose their minds. They did not go off their rockers, and were in fact as normal as any other vampire born of a human."
"What if he's wrong?"
"There are many things about Xavier that I don't understand and will never know but I do know that, annoyingly enough, he's never wrong about the histories that he speaks of."
"I see," she muttered slightly more at ease.
He leaned forward, she thought he was going to kiss her, but instead he picked up a piece of apple and handed it to her. "Eat up; you're going to need your strength. We have a whole week out here together and I have it in mind to tire you out."
She glared at him, not at all pleased when he chuckled, kissed her forehead and rose to his feet. She bit into the apple though as he grinned at her. "I have to return to the palace for a bit. There are some things I must take care of."
"Ok."
"I won't be gone long, and Jack is here in case you get bored or want to go for a walk."
"I'll be fine," she assured him. He squeezed her hand and turned to walk away. "Braith, I know you never wanted to change me before, but do you want to now that there is a better chance I will survive?"
He froze in the doorway, his hands grasped hold of the frame as he shuddered but didn't look back at her. "I want to do whatever makes you happy, but yes Aria I want to change you."
She opened her mouth to tell him that doing this would make her happy but t
he words froze in her throat. She couldn't shake the niggling fear that she wouldn't survive, and though she craved nothing more than an eternity with him, she was terrified of losing the years of happiness they could have if she simply remained human.
He waited for a minute more before his shoulders slumped and he slipped away from the door. Her heart ached for the torment she felt within him. No matter what he'd said in the past, no matter what he said now, she knew that what he wanted most was to make her immortal.
She should eat but she couldn't bring herself to put one more bite of food in her mouth. The front door opened and closed as he left. She'd never felt more alone in her life. She sat for awhile, idly twirling a piece of bread as she tried to sort out the jumbled mess of her emotions.
Shoving away from the table she rose to her feet. Grabbing the black cloak by the door, she swung it around her shoulders and opened the door. The crisp air hit her, winter would be arriving soon and for the first time in her life she didn't have to worry about freezing to death.
Jack was already on his way up when she stepped onto the porch. He stopped when he saw her, his head tilted to the side. "I'd like to go for a walk," she declared.
His eyebrows shot into his hairline, his mouth quirked in a small smile. "Already ordering people around your highness?"
She scowled at him. "You don't have to come with me."
"Well thank you for the permission to stay behind."
She clasped the cloak more firmly around her neck as it dragged across the ground behind her. "I'm sorry." She was being a jerk, she knew it, but she felt like a tightly coiled spring about ready to explode. "I just need to get out for a bit."
"I can help with that." Though he was smiling, it didn't reach his eyes; eyes that came alive when he was truly happy. She slipped her arm into the one he offered her and walked with him down the ramp.
"The house is beautiful Jack, I love it. Thank you."
He pat her hand mildly, uncomfortable with her gratitude. "Yeah, well I was bored. After all the excitement of the past couple months, I had to have something to keep me occupied."
"I'm happy you did."
They slipped into the woods, moving in companionable silence as they traveled through the trees and deeper into the forest. It wasn't until they were almost there that she realized where she had been unconsciously leading them the whole time.
"The banquet tree." She tilted her head back to look into its massive leafy bowers.
There were no apples now and the leaves had already started to turn subtle hues of gold and orange that shimmered in the sunlight. She released Jack's arm, grabbed hold of the lower limb and lifted herself easily into the branches. She didn't scurry up the tree as she had as a child, didn't rush from limb to limb bouncing and hopping amongst the branches. Instead, she took her time, savoring in the feel of the bark and the scent of the tree as it wrapped her in the security of childhood memories. She could almost hear William's laughter floating to her from below as he ran about trying to catch the apples she plucked and tossed down to him.
It wasn't until she was near the top that she saw something shining in the tree. She moved faster, climbing rapidly and with purpose now. There was only one other person that would have climbed up there, that would have risked the thinness of the upper branches. She burst upward, desperately seizing hold of the object entwined in the tree. A sob burned her throat, tears streamed down her cheeks as she opened her hand to reveal the delicate, silver horse head brooch that had been her mother's. It was the same brooch her father had given to Jack upon his return to the palace in search of her, the one that had let her know she could trust him.
Near the brooch, tied around a branch, was what appeared to be some sort of oilskin cloth. She tugged the strings free from the tree and pulled the skin off. She nearly fell over, nearly slipped from the tree in surprise, but managed to catch herself and keep her hold on the thin limbs. It was the drawing that Daniel had made for her; the one of her sitting in Braith's lap as he read to her by the lake. Daniel had managed to capture every ounce of the love they shared for each other in the fine lines and details.
She opened her hand to study the brooch and the drawing. Her father had known there was a chance he might not survive to speak with her, to guide her, and this had been his way of doing so. She and William had thought they'd kept the location of the tree secret, but of course their father would follow them, of course he would know where they were going. He was their father, their protector, and he'd loved them.
She was unable to stifle the sob that escaped her. He'd known that eventually she would come here, and if he didn't survive she would find these things and she would know that though he was afraid for her, he supported her, and he trusted Braith.
This was his way of letting her go.
She lifted her head to stare over the treetops at the glittering palace in the distance. She'd looked at it often as a child, and questioned what had driven the humans to such depths as to betray their own kind in favor of a race that had enslaved them. She'd also speculated about that race, and what had driven them to be so cruel and heartless, so brutal and hideous, and she'd hated them with every ounce of her being.
Now, she was going to become one of them.
Rolling the parchment back up, she tucked it into the waistband of her pants and started down. She knew Braith was there before she spotted him below with Jack. His head was tilted back as he watched her descend. She dropped soundlessly from the tree. He looked as if he was going to grab for her, but his hands remained at his sides as his fingers twitched.
She opened her hand to reveal the brooch. Jack's startled gaze darted back to the top of the tree before returning to her hand. She pulled Daniel's drawing out and handed it to Braith. His eyes stayed on her as he unrolled it, he finally glanced at the drawing, back at her, and then his eyes shot back to the parchment in his hand. Jack peered over his shoulder at it.
"It's from the lake."
"I remember," Braith murmured his brow furrowed as he studied it.
"Daniel stumbled upon us by accident. He said that was the day he realized what was between us was real, and that it was more than just love. I gave it to William to keep it safe; my father discovered it and kept it. He put it there with the brooch so that I would have it again, so that I would know that he accepted this, accepted me and you. That he supported whatever choice I made." She tilted her head back to look into the tree again. "You can see the palace from up there; I used to watch it when I was a child, and wonder. I don't wonder anymore."
Braith and Jack were both staring at her now. Braith's hands shook slightly as he held the drawing. She opened the brooch and pinned it at her neck to hold the cloak together. "No more doubts, no more waiting. I'm ready. Today."
- CHAPTER 21 -
She was ready for the pain, braced for it. Braith had told her over and over again that it would hurt, that it may even last for days. She'd experienced pain before though, she could handle it.
She wasn't ready for the bliss that came before the pain. The floating, drifting sensation that came from holding him, sustaining him, giving him what he coveted, and had so often denied himself. He'd never have to deny himself again when she wasn't human any longer. She'd be able to give him as much as he needed whenever he needed it. It may not fill him in the same way as human blood would, but hers would always be the only blood he craved. Her heart hammered with the realization, excitement tingled through her as he drank from her not in greedy gulps, but in gentle pulls that shook her to her very core.
Her fingers curled through his hair even as she felt a weakening in her body that signaled her life was draining away. She hadn't experienced this, not even the first time, when he'd been so eager to have her that he'd lost control and nearly killed her. He would kill her now. The thought didn't terrify her, she thought she was a little insane for that, but she couldn't find fear in his arms.
She felt the weakening pulse of her heart as he pulled away fr
om her. His fingers were tender on her face as they stroked over her. She tried to open her eyes to look at him, but she was tired and her lids were unbelievably heavy. She felt the press of his wrist against her lips and she opened them to receive him.
"I love you." The words were whispered against her ear, she yearned to return them but his blood was flowing into her. "Don't leave me, please don't leave me."
They echoed what he'd said to her that first time when she'd mistakenly thought she'd been dreaming the words. She couldn't find the words to tell him that she would never leave him and that this was far easier than he'd said it would be. His fangs sank into her once more as he continued to let his blood flow into her.
Her body stiffened as her heart skipped a beat, that hadn't happened the first time. She tried to remain relaxed, tried to keep her body as still as possible so that he wouldn't feel the anxiety that shot through her. She knew that he already had though as his hand constricted in her hair and he hesitated for a moment. She worried that he would retreat, that he would change his mind and wouldn't continue.
Then, with a low growl, he bit down harder and she realized that there wouldn't have been any stopping him, not at this point.
Aria inhaled sharply, her body became completely rigid; her eyes flew open involuntarily as her fingers constricted on his head. She was acutely aware of the fact that her heart had stopped beating, and there was no air within her lungs. A scream stuck in her chest, she didn't have the breath to release it. She hadn't expected this nothingness, this waiting, this feeling of being trapped within her own body, unable to move, but still fully aware of her surroundings, and thoughts.
He was above her, his eyes searching and petrified. She was looking back at him, she was seeing him, but her eyes were as frozen as the rest of her. They were locked upon him, still as stone, as immobile as if she were actually dead.
It hit her like a ton of bricks, she was dead, and there was absolutely nothing she could do about it.