Fortunately I had a decent breath in my lungs, and my arms over my head. While being tossed in the roller coaster, my board tried to attack me twice, but it only ended up bruising my back. I estimated that the wave held me down forty seconds – a long time to stay submerged in a swimming pool, but an eternity in a roaring ocean. Yet I didn't panic, even when the pain started to grow inside my chest. It was my last day of school, the first day of my love affair with Gale. I simply could not die, it would be too unfair.
When I came up I was close to shore; my leash had snapped as well. My board was bumping the sand, some little kid was picking it up and showing his friends. I waved to my pals to let them know I was OK and went for my board. The kid looked at me like he wanted a dollar for finding my board. I gave him a smile, I was feeling pretty good. My ride had been a total disaster and yet now I had the confidence to go for it. I really was going to try to shoot the pier.
When I reached Sal, Jimmy was already screaming his head off on another wave. Sal pulled a lighter and a pack of cigarettes out from under his wet suit. He kept his goods in a plastic Baggie. He often smoked while he was out on the water, no one knew how he managed. We were both sitting up on our boards when he lighted up.
“How did it feel?” he asked.
“I bought it big time. But it was cool.”
He nodded as he blew smoke, staring off in the distance. Sal loved the nature as much as the surfing. I think he used the sport as an excuse to get close to the elements. His muscles shone in the breaking light. The sun had risen while I was almost drowning. Sal sighed as his face became more thoughtful.
“I love this,” he said.
I nodded. “It's a great day.”
He shook his head. “It’s always a great day when you're out on the water with your buddies.”
“You're just feeling nostalgic because school ends today.”
“Maybe,” He seemed sad. “I keep feeling like it's all going to end soon.”
“But we'll surf all summer.”
“That's not what I mean.” He changed the subject abruptly. “I don't know what Jimmy's going to do with Shena.”
“What can he do? It's done.” I paused. “Does he want to break up with her?”
“You know better. They are broken up, they just haven't admitted it to themselves yet. At least Jimmy hasn't. Shena might already know it's hopeless.”
The words were hard to hear. I liked Shena, she had been our class homecoming queen. Now she was just – Toast. God, how I hated that nickname.
“Just because her face is a mess?” I asked.
Sal shook his head. “Jimmy cares for her just the same. But Shena knows how people react to her face no matter what they say to her. She's not a phony, she knows looks aren't everything, but still she can't be who she was with all those scars. I don't think anyone could.”
“But that's all the more reason they should stay together. They need each other.”
Sal eyed me, he had a way of looking right through me at times like this.
“You're a romantic idiot. The someday-future-love you think is going to solve all your problems doesn't exist.”
I was hurt. “You just say that because you already miss Teri. Because you're such an idiot you think you have to join the Marines and leave her.”
He savored his cigarette. “I just have no illusions. You do, you think what we decide today matters in the long run. Why, in ten years I doubt we'll even know each other. You'll be a famous writer; Jimmy will be a congressman; Teri will be the head of a corporation; and I'll be working in some factory telling stories about how great I used to be at football.”
“You don't even talk about football nowadays.”
“That's my point, I might sink low as life goes on. Who knows?” He looked at the water. “That's why I love right now, it’s real.”
“You're depressing me.”
Sal laughed and put out his cigarette in the water and placed the stub back in his Baggie. He never littered, he was very conscientious.
“Let's ride a wave together,” he said. “I want to see what you're made of.”
Another set came, monsters all of them. As was often the case, the third wave looked the biggest. Sal waited for it and I waited for Sal. Without backs to the wave, the pier was on our left. Slowly we moved into position. Jimmy was trying to get back out but was having trouble. Sal’s words continued to bother me for reasons I couldn't pinpoint. Sal didn't do all that well at school, but he was deep. When he spoke, I listened.
Sal was on my right. He would cut to the right, and he figured I would follow him. But I had other ideas. As the third wave began to swell beneath us, I pointed my board to the left and started paddling frantically. In front of me was the pier, the concrete pillars covered with many years of barnacle pilings, so sharp they could cut like razors. Coming hard at my back was a wave that was at least fifteen feet high. As it picked me up, I had a momentary feeling of being on top of the world. I stood quickly, feeling the power. A part of me was absolutely terrified, another part had never felt so invincible. Sal shouted something behind me but I didn't catch it. It was probably Stop!
I screamed as I whipped down the face of the wave, then I laughed. Overhead, out of the corner of my eye, I saw two dozen people on the pier shout and point at me. The wave was so high, the top of my head was only ten feet under the floor of the pier. The spray of the wave showered my face. Beneath my feet my board felt like a runaway torpedo. The lip of the wave began to curl over my head, and the blue tube I entered right then was a thing of dreams, all encompassing. Only dead in front of me was daylight visible, and in the center of that light were three tall cement pillars. I couldn't turn away from them; I didn't have the control. The wave itself would have to save me. If the tube closed, my life would slam shut with it because I couldn't wipe out, not in this surf and expect to survive a roll through the pier. The only way to live was to make it to the other side. The razor edge of my existence, of my mortality, filled me with a strange intoxication. Maybe my death wish was more vital than I realized.
I shot the pier. I missed the pillars by inches, and when I emerged on the other side the tube opened up and the sun shone on my face. That wave, possibly the biggest wave of the day, I rode almost all the way to shore. When I climbed out of the water and walked back to the south side of the pier, Sal and Jimmy were waiting for me on the shore. They had both witnessed my ride, the whole pier had. They just looked at me and shook their heads and patted me on the back. We didn't go back in the water, it wasn't necessary for us to do any more that morning. We didn't even speak about what I had done. What had happened was the best – it couldn't be topped. And in a sense we had all shared in it. Right then I felt closer to my friends than I ever had. I loved them, even more than I loved my own life. Maybe that was why I'd been able to risk my life, in a strange way, for them.
CHAPTER THREE
AFTER SHOWERING AMD DRIVING TO school with Sal, I collected my yearbook and searched it for pictures of myself and Gale. There were none of me, of course, except my senior picture, but there were four of my love: Gale sitting by herself on a bench; Gale talking to an art teacher, Gale laughing with the cheerleaders; Gale taking a nap on the grass behind a building.
The last picture made my heart pound. What would it be like to nap beside her? My darling, I memorized each page number. I would have blown up the pictures if I could. I was thinking of looking into whether it was possible. Sick, yeah, I know.
Teresa Jettison, Teri, was the first one to sign my yearbook. She came up to me as I was drooling over Gale’s photos, but I was quick to shut the book. Teri was dressed real nice in a grown-up sort of way. She was wearing a tan suit that made her look like the smart executive we all thought she was going to be. Teri had a knack for business. Already she owned a small mail-order company that imported cashmere blankets and shawls from Scotland and India and sold them to New Age clients for meditation and stuff like that. She was only eighteen, but she ha
d made twenty thousand last year. And she was so nice and not the least bit conceited – she blew me away.
Being black, she had dark hair, and it was her hair that most intrigued me about her looks. It was shiny and fluttered around her head like living threads. She had a way of looking you right in the eye when you were talking to her, as if there was nothing that mattered to her except what you were saying. Her relationship with Sal pained her, no question, but she accepted the good with the bad and didn't whine. She gave me a big hug after she came up to me.
“I heard what you did,” she said, “Nut. You could have died.”
I smiled with pleasure. “Today is not a good day to die.” I paused. “I like the picture of you and the clown. It looks like you have your hand up his nose.”
Teri blushed. “That guy was hitting on me. I was trying to push him away. I can't believe Shena used that picture, I told her not to.”
Earlier in the year Shena had been editor of the yearbook, but quit after her accident. Teri knew that Shena probably had nothing to do with the clown picture. For sure, if Shena had been editor still she would have put in a couple of pictures of me – not that I cared. I didn't photograph well; I think it's the light.
“It’s still a sexy picture,” I said.
Teri Laughed. “Yeah. Dwarfs and clowns are in this year. I liked your picture.”
“My one and only?”
“It's quality that counts.” She gestured to my book. “Can I sign it?”
“Sure,” We exchanged books. I opened hers to the clown picture and pulled out a pen. I wrote quickly, not sure what to say.
Teri,
You are one of my heroes. Don't let go of Sal, he is my other hero. Set the world on fire. I know you got the fire.
Love, Daniel
She was taking her time writing in my book, and I wondered if I should have said more. I disliked butting in on other people's business, but I couldn't stand the thought of their breaking up. Or Shena and Jimmy for that matter. I was a hopeless romantic. Teri finally gave me back my book, but when I went to read her inscription she stopped me.
“Not in front of me,” she said. “I get embarrassed.”
“You think so little of me?”
She raised up on her toes and kissed me on the cheek.
“I think more of you than you can imagine,” she whispered in my ear.
She left me then, to chase after our English teacher, Mr. Ramirez. Although not number one in our class, Teri had to give a speech as salutatorian. Mr. Ramirez was probably going to help her with it. She said she had not even begun to write it. Like I believed that. As she walked away, I opened the book and read her note.
Daniel,
I have a recurring dream about you that I've never told you about. We are sailing through outer space in a ship made of light and you are sitting in the captain's chair and the simple fact that you're there comforts me. Because in this dream I'm scared. We are on an adventure that I know is filled with danger, but in this dream, each time I look at you, I know that you are there to help. And each day that I see you at school, I feel that this is true. You are magical, you have to find a way to share that magic with the rest of us.
I love ya. I really do.
Teri
I wasn't given a chance to savor the message, to try to figure out what she was really saying, because Shena was walking toward me then. I couldn't help but stare at her as she did so. Those scars – how deep did they have to cut? If I had a million dollars, I would have given it all to the best plastic surgeon in the world if he could fix her even a little.
It was the left side of Shena's face that was the worst. When the battery had exploded, the acid drenched that side, and there had been no water available to wipe it off. Indeed, Jimmy and Gale had made the mistake, while rushing Shena to the hospital, of keeping the wounds covered with a cloth that was lying in the car. In other words, they had kept the acid on the skin and allowed it to do its worst. I had given Jimmy a bad time about such a stupid move, but he had just mumbled something about how they had been in shock.
The left side of Shena's face was not only seriously scarred, the skin had changed color. On the twisted mass of tissue near her left eye, the skin was dark purple. But around the left side of her mouth it was flame red. Her cheek was orange. I didn't understand why, but had heard Jimmy tell someone that her makeup had melted into her flesh.
Shena was permanently blind in her left eye.
She smiled as she approached; it was a sad smile.
“Did Teri sign your book?” she asked as she gave me a quick hug.
“Yeah. She wrote that I'm better in bed than Sal. Think he'll mind?”
Shena tried to hold on to her smile. “Friends should share everything.”
“Wow. A liberal chick, I like it. Can I sign your book?”
“Not yet, I'm not ready to sign yours. I have to think up something juicy.” She paused. “I heard about what you did this morning.”
“Pretty crazy, huh?”
She looked away and spoke quietly. “I wish I had your guts.”
I was careful. “What would you do?”
She glanced at me. “You don't want to know.”
“Shena...” I began.
She shrugged. “Don't say it, I know you mean well.” Again she paused, “Did Jimmy try to shoot the pier today?”
“No. He's not insane.”
“Sure. He has a lot to live for.” She changed the subject, thank God. “Are you going to ask Gale out today?”
“Going to try.” Big pause. “Do you think she'll say yes.”
“I've been telling you forever that I can scope her out for you. But you don't want me to.”
“I actually do want you to, but I think I'd be a chicken if I did.”
Shena nodded, studied me with her good eye. “I think she likes you. If she doesn't, she's a fool.”
“It's amazing how many pretty girls in this school are fools.”
Shena gave me a real smile, and it was nice to see. She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek – hopefully it was to be a day filled with kisses. Everyone was happy it was the last day of school but sad as well. Shena had three pictures in the yearbook, all of her before her accident. She had been the prettiest girl in the school.
“I love you,” she said with feeling.
I was touched. “You have a lot of love inside you.”
She drew back and shook her head. Shook away the smile.
“There's nothing left inside me,” she said.
That sort of killed the conversation, to put it mildly. We chatted a minute more, but I could tell she had slipped back into that place filled with tall mirrors that never vanished, even when the lights went out. Even in the night, I was sure, she would awaken to feel her face.
First period was calling, the bell was ringing. Surfing never made me late to Mr. Ramirez's English class because I loved it. The subject matter was a mere formality. We read books and stuff, but mainly we explored what mattered to us, whether it was music, painting, studying, or even relationships. Ramirez was totally loose—anything was cool, as long as you did it with passion. Still, he favored books above all else, and of course I did as well. Ramirez had us write daily in a journal, which only he read. I often wrote him excerpts from my stories, which he loved. It was Ramirez who gave me confidence in my writing. He told everyone who would listen that I was going to be on The New York Times bestseller list within five years of graduating.
I had also written him about my unrequited love for Gale.
He called me aside ten minutes into class. Nothing was happening anyway, other than our partying. We went outside and sat under a tree. He had his acoustic guitar, I swore it was going to get him fired. The other teachers weren't crazy about his unorthodox teaching style.
He, too, had heard about me shooting the pier. I swear Jimmy must have taken out an ad announcing the fact. Ramirez wanted to know what had possessed me.
“I just did it. It wa
s something I wanted to do since I started surfing.”
“But Sal said the wave was close to twenty feet. That near the pier, you could have got killed.”
“The wave will reach forty feet by the end of the day. Anyway, I don't plan on doing it again soon, if that's what you're worried about.”
Ramirez was short and stocky, with intense dark eyes. I wouldn't say he was handsome, but half the girls in school were in love with him anyway. He was only twenty-eight but seemed older because he appeared so wise. He flashed a rare smile at my remark.
“I was just wondering about your motivation.”
I laughed. “I'm not suicidal.”
He acted relieved, but it was only an act. “Are you going to ask out Gale today?”
I was feeling the pressure. “Everyone keeps asking. I wish she'd ask me.” I paused. “Does she ever mention me in her journals?”
“That's not fair.” He changed the subject. “Some of the teachers are going to Disneyland tonight with you kids. I'm bringing my family. My wife Sally wants to meet you. I've let her read your stories, I hope you don't mind.”
“I don't mind if she liked them. That's great. I'd like to meet your family.”
He patted me on the arm and held my eye. “It's been nice having you in my class. You're going to do something important for the world, Daniel, I know it.”
I didn't know what to say. Something important? Important was not always good. Hitler had been important. So was the hydrogen bomb. The compliment disturbed me. Now, looking back, I think it was an omen.
CHAPTER FOUR
GALE WASN'T IN HISTORY AND I FEARED that she had skipped the last day. But I caught sight of her at lunch eating by herself under a tree. Gale often brought her lunch from home and ate in solitude, which I naturally thought was sexy of her. She had many friends, yet no boyfriend.
Gale was a quiet beauty. Her hair was the color of fading sunshine, her lips as sweet as fresh strawberries. Well, in reality she had blondish brown hair and she did in fact have nice lips. I don't know, maybe she wasn't beautiful, I was the wrong one to ask. Her demeanor was gentle, that was for sure, and she had lovely green eyes. Her body I unfortunately didn't know much about, except that it looked nice from a distance. Yet I knew for a fact that she had wonderful skin. I had touched her hand once, when she wasn't looking.