Dawn shook her head. “I’m not strong enough, Jason, and I’m not willing to go down that road again.”
Jason let out a shuddering breath. “Okay.” He took her hand and wove his fingers through hers. “Make a suggestion.”
“Someplace public, so we’ll have to behave ourselves.”
He laughed. “Then I guess it’s going to be the Dexter Lawn.” When he smiled at her this time, he looked like the Jason she remembered.
42
Every morning, Dawn and Jason met on the Dexter Lawn after he finished ROTC classes. They met on the walkways between classes and at the dining complex for lunch. They talked on the telephone every night until they couldn’t keep their eyes open.
Jason introduced her to his friends: Dod Henson, Jack Kohl, and Alice Jeffries, the pretty, dark-haired girl who turned out to be Dod’s girl. None were Christians and they seemed surprised to find out Jason was. “When did that happen?” Dod wanted to know, and Jason said a long time ago, but he just hadn’t been walking with the Lord lately. He’d been ticked at God and hadn’t felt like talking to Him. He laughed when he said it, grimacing in self-mockery. They all went into town and talked over Chinese food or hamburgers. On Saturdays, Dawn and Jason studied in the library. On Sunday mornings, they went to church together.
A month passed like a Santana wind, and Jason wanted to do something special to celebrate their “anniversary.” Dawn suggested a Sunday afternoon picnic on the beach and brought homemade fried chicken, potato salad, and fresh-baked cookies. They ate at a table, with the wind blowing cold off the ocean, and stowed the leftovers in the backseat of his white Honda. Throwing a blanket over his shoulder, Jason took her hand and said he wanted to walk awhile. He found a cove shielded from the wind and spread the blanket so they could sit and watch the waves.
Dawn talked about the sermon they’d heard that morning and raised questions. Jason’s answers seemed more seasoned with life than they had when he was seventeen. Shivering, Dawn wrapped her arms around her raised knees and told Jason about the day she’d seen him sitting near the front of the church. “You came in late. I watched you pray.”
Jason stretched on his back, arms behind his head. “That was the first time I’d been to church since moving down here.”
Dawn stared at him in surprise. “Kim said you were in church every time you came home.”
“Yeah,” he drawled. “Because Mom insisted.” He frowned. “Is that why you weren’t there? Because I was?”
She looked out at the ocean. Seagulls dipped and floated on the wind. “It hurt to see you.”
Jason’s hand curved around her hip. “I didn’t feel much like seeing Pastor Daniel after that surprise fishing trip he and Mom pulled on me.”
“What’d Pastor Daniel say to you that weekend?”
Jason grimaced. “That a man protects those he loves, and I was putting you at risk. I won’t go into the gory details, but Daniel told me what I thought of as protection wasn’t what God had in mind. I knew he was right, which was the problem, of course. I just didn’t want to hear it. I figured you’d be upset when I wasn’t there, but—”
“Your mom was there.”
“Well, I know, but I’m sure you and she didn’t have much to talk about. ”
“Oh, your mom had a few things to say.”
“What?” He exploded to his feet and raked his hands through his hair. “I asked you what the two of you talked about, and you said nothing! Now you’re telling me she said something to you? Did she say something that made you build such a wall between us?”
Dawn had had three years to think over what Georgia Steward had said that day. “She told me the truth.”
“I’ll bet she did.” His eyes darkened. “Her version of it.” He swore.
“Sit down, Jason. Please.”
He did, body tense, jaw clenching, fists against the sand. “Like my mother has any right to cast stones. She had me out of wedlock, remember?”
“Yes, so who better to recognize the danger we were putting ourselves in? Your mom spoke God’s truth, Jason. And the Lord used her words to open my eyes to what He wanted. I see that as a great kindness. We both owe Pastor Daniel and your mother a debt of gratitude.”
“You think so? What about the pain they caused?”
“Pain builds character, and they didn’t cause it. We did that to ourselves. I knew what I was doing that night at Jenner. I wanted you. That’s all I cared about. Not how I went about getting you or what the price might be. Sin always has consequences. When I look back now, I see God’s mercy in the way it all turned out.”
Jason’s eyes softened. “You’re not the girl you were, Dawn.”
“I hope not.”
“God got hold of you.” Jason pulled her down on top of him. “But I want to hold you, too.” He dug his fingers into her hair and kissed her the way he used to when they were alone in his bedroom. “You still taste like heaven.” Rolling her onto her back, he kissed her again. “Will you marry me?”
Dawn smiled and brushed some sand off his sweater. “I think you already know the answer. Of course I will.”
Joy and then determination filled his face. “We’ll get married during Christmas break.”
She laughed. “Thanksgiving is only ten days away.”
“I know, and I wasn’t planning to go home until now.”
“You mean it!”
“Yes. I mean it.” He stood, pulling her up with him. “Now we’ll go home together, in my car. I’m calling my mother tonight, so she’ll have fair warning. And then I’m calling Pastor Daniel and finding out what day he has open for a wedding.” He shook out the blanket. “You’d better call your folks before they hear from someone else.”
Dawn tried to catch her breath. “They’ll probably suggest we wait until we graduate.”
“That’s not for another two years—or maybe even three. I don’t think either one of us can wait that long.” Jason stopped folding the blanket. “Say something.” He frowned. “You don’t want to wait, do you?”
“No.” Joy bubbled up inside her. God had given her the desire of her heart. She laughed. “No, Jason, I don’t want to wait.” She threw herself into his arms.
* * *
Jason said his mother didn’t have a lot to say about them getting married. Pastor Daniel said he’d check his calendar and they could talk when Jason and Dawn came home for Thanksgiving. Expecting resistance, Jason rehearsed arguments on the long drive north. Despite her fears, Dawn counseled him to listen and not storm in the front door of the trailer half-cocked for a gunfight. “Your mom and Pastor Daniel love you, Jason. They want the best for you.”
He glanced at her. “This is about us, Dawn, not me.” He frowned. “You haven’t said much about your folks’ reaction. If Mitch and your mom say wait, are you going to listen?”
“I’m going to hear them out without interrupting.” She shoved her hands under her thighs. “This isn’t about what makes us happy, Jason. It’s about God. Let’s try to focus on what will make Him happy. Okay? You told me a long time ago the Lord knows better than any of us.”
Jason cast an apologetic smile. “I guess I needed the reminder.”
When he dropped her off, Mitch and Mom came out to welcome them. Eleven-year-old Christopher darted out and hugged Dawn, telling her how much he’d missed her and she was getting married and did that mean Jason would move in with them for the summer and why didn’t Jason come in and see the city he’d built with his LEGOs. They all laughed. Jason was clearly relieved by the warm greeting.
Mom threw cold water on both of them with an announcement. “Jason, you and your mom are having Thanksgiving dinner with us.” She looked at Dawn. “And Granny’s coming, too, of course. She called me right after you called her about your engagement.”
Dawn winced inwardly. No wonder her mother had been so quiet when Dawn called with the news she and Jason wanted to get married.
* * *
Dawn answered the d
oor when Jason and his mom arrived. Georgia Steward’s smile was tense as Dawn ushered them into the house. As his mother walked ahead, Jason stole a kiss from Dawn. Mitch and Mom greeted them in the family room, offering sparkling cider and appetizers. Mitch made a toast. Granny chattered happily, eager to help plan the nuptials. “We’ll have to work fast if we’re going to pull everything together before Christmas. Dawn will need a wedding gown. We’ll have to find a photographer, order flowers and engraved invitations.”
Pensive and silent, Mom went into the kitchen. Georgia followed, asking if she could help.
Jason took Dawn’s hand. “Can we take a walk in the garden?”
Out of view of the windows, Jason took her in his arms and kissed her. “You look like a deer in the headlights.”
“A gown, wedding invitations, photographer, flowers . . .”
“I didn’t stop to ask what kind of wedding you want. Something big and white, I guess.”
“I think Granny is dreaming about all that because she and Papa didn’t have it. And she didn’t get to put on a big wedding for my mom, either.”
“What do you want?”
“You!”
“You’ve got me.” He kissed her again, pressing her to him. He raised his mouth, then whispered against her ear. “Maybe we should save everyone the trouble and elope.”
Conversation didn’t lull around the dinner table. Even Georgia seemed loquacious when Mitch asked about her business. Booming, she said. She’d hired two more maids over the past two months and was on the lookout for another. Christopher barely spoke, too busy stuffing himself with turkey and dressing. Mom said she and Georgia would work out some of the details regarding the wedding. “We just have to know what you two have in mind.”
“Something simple.” Dawn’s smile wobbled. “Close friends and family.”
“What about flowers?” Georgia lifted her glass of sparkling cider to sip and peered at her over the rim.
“Poinsettias.” They could be left in the church to decorate through Christmas.
Georgia set her glass down carefully. “What about your bouquet?”
“Gardenias smell wonderful,” Granny volunteered. “And roses . . . or white orchids . . .”
“I want to carry five long-stemmed white roses.”
Granny looked surprised and then disheartened. “That’s not a bridal bouquet, Dawn.”
“Maybe not.” Dawn leaned over and kissed Granny’s cheek to take away any sting of disappointment. “But it’s what I want.”
* * *
Pastor Daniel sat behind his desk when Jason ushered Dawn into the office Friday morning. They held hands as they sat on the couch in front of him. “You two act like you’re facing a firing squad instead of coming in to talk about a wedding.”
Jason sat straight and tall, poised for a fight. “Don’t try to shoot us down. We want to get married as soon as possible.”
It occurred to Dawn what Pastor Daniel might think about hasty wedding plans. “I’m not pregnant, Pastor Daniel.”
Jason shot her a glance. His hand tightened around hers as he faced their pastor again. “And we’re not sleeping together either, nor will we until we’re married.”
Pastor Daniel blushed. “Wow! Last time we talked, Jason, I must’ve come across as judge and jury. I hope you’ll both forgive me.”
Dawn smiled. “We do. You were right. I’m thankful that God gave us enough time to realize that for ourselves. Not to mention a second chance.” She turned her smile on Jason.
Jason’s hand loosened. “You said something about a premarital Bible study.” He had said on the way home he thought Pastor Daniel or his mother might come up with some sort of delaying tactic.
Pastor Daniel lifted two workbooks and put them on the front of his desk. “These are for you two to take back to Cal Poly.” Leaning forward, he folded his hands on the desk. “There’s lots of Scripture to read and things to ponder together. The intent is for you to be forewarned so you’ll be able to work through problems that will come up in the course of your marriage, not just in the first year, but in the years to come.”
Pastor Daniel smiled warmly at Dawn. “I’ve watched your relationship with Jesus grow over the last three years.” His expression turned grim when he shifted his focus to Jason. “I’m not so sure about you. Still wandering in the wilderness?”
“Not anymore. I’m back in church and I plan to stay.” Jason let go of Dawn’s hand and leaned forward to take the workbooks. “Thanks, Daniel.” Smiling, he relaxed on the sofa.
“I hoped it would all work out this way.”
“Did you?” Jason sounded dubious.
“What do you say we take a bike ride tomorrow? Talk a little more.”
Jason agreed.
Leaning back in his chair, Pastor Daniel gave them a smug smile. “You’ll be the first couple to meet and marry in our church. December is a nice month for a wedding.”
Dawn laughed. “What about Kim and Tom?”
Pastor Daniel chuckled. “Ah, but they’re not getting married until June. We’ll tie your knot on December 21.”
* * *
When Dawn got home, a light blinked on her answering machine. She pressed the button, thinking it might be Kim or Pam or one of her other friends. Instead, she heard Georgia Steward’s invitation to the trailer for coffee Saturday afternoon at three. “We have a few things to settle between us, Dawn.” Her voice sounded cool and detached. “If three isn’t convenient, please call so we can set another time.”
Dawn sank onto her bed. What would Jason’s mother say to her this time? Was she afraid this marriage would ruin his chances of getting through college? that Dawn might get in the way again? that she might be pregnant?
Dawn wanted to call and make some excuse not to go. How could she face Georgia again, after all that had been said the last time? God, help me. What do I do?
Reason took hold. Georgia Steward would be her mother-in-law in a few weeks. She deserved respect and consideration. Georgia might not like her, but for Jason’s sake they needed to make some kind of peace. Dawn didn’t want to become a stumbling block between mother and son. She prayed about it all afternoon.
Jason called that night. When he didn’t mention his mother’s invitation, Dawn knew Georgia hadn’t told him. That did not bode well.
Jason said he had a great idea for their honeymoon. They’d have only a few days before they needed to come back for a family Christmas. “It won’t be the Ritz, but I think you’ll like it.” He wanted it to be a surprise.
“I’ll love it, wherever it is.”
Unable to sleep, Dawn sat at her desk, reading her Bible until well after midnight.
She covered her face and prayed for Georgia’s heart to soften toward her. When she finally went to bed, she dreamed she wore a scarlet wedding dress, and Georgia, dressed in black, wept in the front row.
43
Dawn’s insides quivered as she parked her Sable behind Georgia’s van. Mrs. Edwards peered through her living room curtains. Georgia opened the door, leaned out to wave to her neighbor, and then beckoned Dawn inside. Blushing, Dawn went up the steps onto the small porch. One glance over her shoulder confirmed Mrs. Edwards still waited with bated breath to witness the outcome of this meeting between Georgia and the girl who had seduced Jason.
A small potted plant sat on the table where Dawn and Jason used to spread their books out before going into his bedroom. Georgia moved tensely about the kitchen. Dawn pressed her damp palms on her dark skirt.
“Do you like coffee, Dawn, or would you prefer tea?”
“Whatever you’re having will be fine, ma’am.”
Georgia gave a sharp laugh. “Ma’am makes me feel like a nasty old woman. Call me Georgia. I’m a coffee drinker. Do you like cream or sugar?”
“Nothing, thank you.”
Georgia carried a wooden tray with saucers and cups of coffee and a plate of homemade chocolate chip cookies into the living room and set it on the low
table. “Sit down. You’re making me nervous.” She waved her hand toward the sofa. “We both know we have to have this conversation. We might as well get it over with, don’t you think?”
Dawn took her coffee. The cup rattled in the saucer. Mortified, she set them on the table before she could spill coffee all over the beige rug.
Georgia cleared her throat softly. “This is difficult for both of us, Dawn. I wanted to talk with you alone and try to clear up a few things.” Georgia closed her eyes for a moment and released a slow breath before she looked at Dawn again. “I said awful things to you the last time you were here.” She turned her face away. “Afterward, I knew I’d jeopardized my relationship with my son. You had the power to make Jason hate me.”
“I didn’t tell him anything about that day.”
“Oh, honey, I know you didn’t. He asked me after the two of you broke up if I’d ever spoken to you. I asked if you’d said I had—implying, of course, I hadn’t. He said you’d pulled out of school and wouldn’t return his calls.”
Georgia gripped her saucer and stared into the cup for a moment. “When Jason said you two should stop seeing each other for a while, he meant a few weeks. But you backed out of his life entirely. I watched him suffer. I heard him sobbing one night. A few days later, he put his fist through the wall. And I watched you suffer, too.”
“I couldn’t . . .” Dawn pressed her trembling lips together and tried again. “I knew if we saw each other, we’d go right back—”
Georgia held up her hand. “I’m not finished, Dawn. Please, let me finish.” She drew in a breath, her mouth working. When she regained control, she spoke quietly. “I watched you. I listened to everything people said about you. For three years. You sat in church and soaked in every word Daniel said. I heard how well you were doing in independent study—high grades, taking college courses while you finished high school. You went on mission trips. Daniel said he’d never seen God work in a person’s life the way the Lord worked in yours. You fixed your eyes on Jesus and never looked away. But while I watched your faith grow, I saw Jason struggling. When I heard you’d transferred to Cal Poly, I prayed harder than I ever had in my life.”