He stood from the bed, his eyes swirling with need as he removed his pants and boxer briefs. The heat in my belly intensified when he fisted his length in his hand, pumping slowly as he knelt on the bed between my thighs.
“Say it, Elle,” he begged. “Give me after.”
Before meeting Dare, I was sure when I died, that would be the end.
In reality, I had died, until I found him two years ago in the café. His unconcealed strength, dark yet light force, unforgiving resolve shown through his notes and self-control . . . somehow, even in our silence we’d become us. Our souls had known each other, even in our wordlessness.
As a result, even death couldn’t extinguish what we had.
The connection that hummed between us proved that.
We would always find each other. We would always be together.
So I would love him until the end of this life . . . and then I would love him long after, wherever death took us.
“I’ll be yours forever.”
A stuttered breath ripped from my lungs when he pushed into me. He grasped my hips to hold me still while he pulled out with agonizing slowness, his length trailing over me before he slid back in, inch by inch.
He bent to hover over me, his tongue flicking and flattening against my nipple as his forearms came to rest on either side of my head. And then he moved. His hips rolling to fill me again and again while his whispered words filled my head.
I was his.
He was never letting me go.
Forever. Forever. Forever.
It was the sweetest bliss and purest torture.
I clung to his back, holding tight when he found his release deep inside me.
His mouth brushed along my shoulder when a little aftershock passed through my body and into his. “I don’t know where you came from, Firefly, but, God, don’t ever leave.” His pleading eyes met mine when he breathed, “I love you.”
After. Please . . . love me after.
Dare and I spent the night wrapped up in each other, eating Thai and laughing over stories of what it was like growing up with his generation of Borello members. We’d spent hours kissing and touching, learning what drove the other crazy.
All the while I knew it wouldn’t matter come morning.
And when he’d finally fallen asleep, I allowed myself a few minutes in his arms before I’d slipped out of bed to dress, fighting back tears the entire time.
For the first time, I let myself linger.
I told myself we could figure things out. I told myself he would get past his need for revenge if he knew who Lily O’Sullivan was. But I knew I was only kidding myself.
So Beck had found me waiting outside the house he’d dropped me off at the night before, thinking over my time with Dare and trying to commit it to memory.
He took one look at me when I slipped into the passenger seat and let loose a sigh, squeezing my hand in a wordless apology.
He knew.
I bit down on my cheek, forcing myself not to cry in front of Beck. He wouldn’t understand my tears—would most likely be insulted by them. I had to be thankful he’d given me one last night with the enemy who had become my everything.
“Jesus fuck, Lil. What happened?” he shouted when he saw my other arm.
I instinctively tried to cover my bandaged arm and gave him a cautious look. “Um . . . Johnny stabbed me. He’s not there, Dare sent him away,” I added quickly when I saw a look of pure rage settle in Beck’s eyes.
“I’ll fucking kill that psycho.”
“Yeah, well you might need to get in line. He did it because he saw you drive off not long before I walked up to the house last night, and he’s been suspicious about me from the first night he met me,” I explained. “And I think he just wanted to pay me back.”
“For what?”
I lifted my arm.
Beck looked at me blankly for a few seconds, and then his face morphed into shock. “No shit, Lil. You stabbed Johnny?”
“He came after me when his paranoia was at an all-time high about a week and a half ago,” I said, and tried to ward off the chill from the memory. “But I keep one of Kieran’s knives in my bag . . .”
He fought back a grin before putting the car in drive and taking off. “I don’t know if I should smack you or high-five you or lock you up for the rest of your goddamn life. But, Jesus, I’m fucking proud of you.”
“Yeah, well—”
“That’s not something you’re gonna be able to hide from Kieran.”
My stomach clenched, and I sucked in a swift breath. I hadn’t even thought about Kieran seeing my arm, but now that Beck mentioned it, I wondered why it mattered.
He was going to find out everything anyway. One way or another.
“You’re wrong, you know,” I mumbled to Beck when we were nearly home. “About Dare.”
He huffed, the sound tired and frustrated. “Oh yeah?”
I turned my head where it was resting against the window to look at him. “We all know eventually they’re coming back for me, but they’re not doing it to get back at you for lying to them. They’re not biding their time to scare us with what they’re planning. They’re scared.”
From Beck’s furrowed brow, I knew he wasn’t sure what to do with what I was suggesting.
“He’s worried because they messed up by destroying the house. He’s waiting for the day that Holloway comes after them to prevent them from coming for me.” When Beck’s eyebrows shot up, I warned, “I’ll never forgive you if that’s what you do.”
“I’m not who you have to worry about. When Kieran finds out, he’s gonna go on a hunt.”
“Beck.” His name sounded strangled coming from me. “Beck, you can’t let him. Please don’t let him.”
“Lil, the guy wants to kill you. Who cares if Kieran stops—”
“Beck, please.”
“Lily,” he barked. “Do you realize how fucked this whole situation is? You fell into it with a Borello. The Borello. You turned your back on us and—”
“Don’t talk to me about turning backs. Don’t you dare.”
“You’ve been sleeping with a Borello. You’ve been hanging with Borellos. You got stabbed by a motherfucking Borello and acted like it was just something that happens. And look at you. For someone who gets so pissed about being kept hidden in the guesthouse, you’re hiding yourself.” He let out a sound of frustration and flung his hand out. “Take that shit off.”
I ground my teeth, but didn’t respond as I put the glasses away and took out the contacts, then threw my hair into a bun on top of my head.
“You’re going to the meeting with us this afternoon. You’re not leaving my sight after this. I don’t care what he said to you or how in love with him you think you are. They’re still coming for you, and I’m not leaving you unprotected for anything.”
Anger burned so deep, but I forced myself to breathe as I searched my bag for the makeup remover. I knew I couldn’t respond to him without lashing out.
Even with Dare’s need to keep his family protected, he’d still known he couldn’t keep me locked up. He’d heard me when I’d told him that if he’d tried, he would never see me again, and he’d respected it.
“Now you know why it feels like I’m dying every time you force me to watch you leave.”
My hands slowed and my body stilled as more of the conversation from last night played through my mind, something about his words triggering a thought. It felt like a word I’d been trying to think of was on the tip of my tongue, and I was reaching . . .
“The best time to attack is when we’re at our weakest. We’re weakest when we’re alone. So, for now, none of my family is alone.”
“We’re at our weakest when we’re alone,” I whispered, catching Beck’s attention.
“What?”
“The meeting. The meeting, Beck, oh my God!” I gripped his arm, accidentally jerking the car. “We’re weakest when we’re alone. It’s the meeting, Beck.”
“Jesus fuck, Lil.
Calm down, what are you talking about?”
“Don’t you see? Teagan’s being taken during a meeting,” I nearly yelled, still gripping and shaking his arm, trying to make him understand. “Every Holloway member has to attend, so no one will be with her to protect her. It has to be during a meeting.”
“Shit,” he whispered, a frantic look suddenly taking over his face. “But I—we don’t know which meeting—”
“It doesn’t matter, you idiot. Let’s get her before they even have a chance.”
He shot me a look, then gestured to the clock on his dashboard. “It’s just after four in the morning. I can’t just barge into their house and take her. Finn would lose his shit and it would ruin everything. I’ll—Christ, I don’t know. I’ll figure it out. We’ll get her though. I told you we’d stop it from happening, and we will.”
“Let me call her, I’ll tell her what’s happening. She’s planning on running from here anyway, I’ll just have her make it look like she left Finn. We can figure out somewhere to hide her until she can leave.”
“You’re supposed to be dead,” he said harshly. “Even though Finn knows you’re alive, he knows you can’t have contact with the outside world at all—and that includes Teagan. If he answers the phone and it’s you on the other end of the line, we’re gonna have bigger problems than me barging in there to keep her safe from a kidnapping. Let me get us back to Holloway, and I’ll handle this.”
I settled back into my seat and pressed my head against the window. “Holloway’s the problem,” I breathed, too low for him to hear.
When we pulled onto the property, I reached into my bag, trailing my fingers along the hard edge of the folded paper over and over again before clearing my throat.
“Dare’s going to be at Brooks Street Monday morning,” I began, sliding out the note as I spoke.
The paper quivered in my hand as I stared at it, wavering in my decision.
I wanted one more day with him.
One more hour.
One more minute.
This letter confirmed I’d already spent those, and they’d gone too fast.
With a trembling breath out, I opened the center console just enough to drop the letter inside. “He’ll expect me to be there. Promise me you’ll get that letter to him.”
Beck stared at the console for a few more seconds before looking at me from under his lashes. “You sure about that?”
“It’s the only way I can truly say goodbye.”
“Then I’ll make it happen.”
I offered him a weak smile, then opened the door and set foot onto Holloway Estate. A heavy weight settled in my gut as I looked around the place I’d grown up in, knowing that this was the last time I would ever walk onto the property, and that the chance of leaving it again—alive—was slim.
I knew when I woke she was gone.
The bed felt empty and cold, and that heady electricity that clung to my skin when she was near was gone.
Even still, I pushed up from the bed to look around and quickly slid off the side, hurrying into my bathroom in search of the girl I couldn’t seem to get a grasp on.
My hands dug into the doorframe of the bathroom, my stomach sinking when I found it empty. Pushing away, I turned to search the rest of the house but slowed when I found a paper and pen resting on top of my dresser.
Dread filled my veins like poison as I reached for it.
Something in the way she’d looked at me the night before.
Something in the way she’d clung to me . . .
It made her absence and this note all the more foreboding now.
Gritting my teeth, I blew a sharp breath out through my nose and looked down. An amused huff left me when I read her words the first time . . . a ghost of a smile pulled at my lips the second.
Gladly, Firefly . . . Gladly.
I shot from my chair and hurried to leave the room as soon as the meeting ended that afternoon.
I didn’t care about keeping up my usual indifferent expression, I couldn’t care. Because Mickey had been waiting in the conference room before anyone else had entered, but Kieran wasn’t with him and hadn’t been by the guesthouse once that morning.
He also never showed up during the meeting.
Considering what Beck now knew about Dare and me, I’d been terrified about where Kieran might have been throughout the meeting—what he might be doing or who he might be confronting.
Killing.
“Princess,” Mickey called out, his voice full and authoritative, but still somehow holding a deceptive edge of fatherly love.
Bullshit.
I kept walking.
“Lily, wait a second.”
A few of the members cast wary glances my way when I didn’t stop, but no one said a word.
It wasn’t until I was out of the room that I was yanked back to come face to face with the blue-eyed devil himself.
“When I tell you to wait, you better damn well do as I say.” Despite the venom-coated warning, his smile was blinding, and his eyes held false warmth.
I hated him.
I hated everything about him and hated that I shared his blood.
“Where’s Kieran?”
Mickey sucked a settling breath in and held it for a few seconds before allowing himself to respond to me. “I would suspect he’s sleeping for the first time in a few days. As his future wife, it would’ve been nice of you to have been there to help him relax.”
I jerked back in disgust, but Mickey only tightened his grip on my arm and pulled me closer to hiss in my ear.
“And when I say future wife, I already know how your little argument ended. Don’t be stupid, Lily. Don’t make a mistake that you really shouldn’t make, if you know what I mean.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but nothing came out.
There was no reason to fight with Mickey over this. I almost wasn’t sure if there was any fight left in me regarding my relationships.
I felt beaten down and exhausted.
“Now, the reason I wanted to talk to you before you interrupted me—something else you should really think twice about before doing again,” he said with a subtle narrowing of his eyes. “You’re moving back into the house. It’s been decided.”
“No, I’m—”
“It’s not up for discussion,” he bit out. “I let you play house back there for longer than I should have, and now that place has been compromised. If you try to spend another night there, I’ll drag you back here myself by your hair. Understand?”
He didn’t wait for me to respond, he just let out a loud laugh and grabbed the back of my head to press a kiss to my forehead.
“Knew you would, Princess,” he called out over his shoulder as he walked away.
I turned slowly to find my way out, and bit the inside of my cheeks to hide my embarrassment when I saw other Holloway members pouring out of the room. Beck stood a few feet away with his arms crossed over his chest as he leaned against the wall, not seeming to notice the other guys surrounding us.
From the warring looks of frustration and indecision on his face, he hadn’t known what Mickey would say, but he didn’t disagree.
“It’s not the worst idea, Lil,” he mumbled when he finally fell into step beside me once we were outside.
“What? Marrying Kieran or moving back into the house?”
“Both.”
“Did Kieran say anything to you?” I asked, slanting a glare his way. “He should’ve been in the meeting. I’ve never known him to choose sleep over work—even a meeting.”
But Beck simply shrugged. “They were gone a long time, Lil. You know he never sleeps on a job. Maybe it’s catching up with him. It was bound to after all this time, ya know? He can’t do this forever.”
Or maybe Beck was lying since he was rambling.
Even with all the lies that had come to light in the last weeks, I trusted Beck wholeheartedly. There were things he hadn’t been able to know at the time because of his loyalty to Kieran, and f
or the same reason, I knew there were things he hadn’t been able to tell me.
But while I knew Beck would never lie to me if given a choice . . . Mickey and Kieran had the power to take that choice away.
I stopped walking, a sigh bursting from me. “Beck, I can’t do this. I’ve been repeatedly hit by news that was too much to handle. I feel like as soon as I start to get the slightest grip on what I’ve learned, I get knocked back down by something else. It’s getting hard to breathe from more than the walls that close in on me here,” I said, gesturing to the guesthouse that was now only dozens of feet from us. “I know you’re lying. Just tell me so I’m not ambushed as soon as I walk into that house.”
With a firm nod, he placed a hand on my back and turned me toward the guesthouse, forcing me to continue walking. “He got back when you were in the shower. I told him what Dare found out about Teagan, and what you figured out about the meeting—but made it sound like it was something I’d come up with. He left immediately and was going to sit on Finn and Teagan’s house until Finn left. He’s gonna get her set up in a hotel, paid with cash, until she can get out of here.”
The relief I felt was so profound I felt dizzy. I hated knowing I would never see Teagan again, but I would take never seeing her over her being kidnapped and sold. Covering my mouth when I choked on a sob, I stepped onto the porch and whispered, “Thank you, Beck.”
“Don’t mention it, Lil.”
As soon as we stepped into the house, we both froze.
“This isn’t a hotel,” Beck mumbled, then hurried to shut the door and started closing all the blinds so no one would see Teagan.
“What are you doing here?” My throat was so tight my question sounded strained. “I thought they were going to hide you . . .” I stopped rushing toward her and looked around when I noticed the hard look on her face and the terrifying charge filling the house and pressing down on me.
“Tell me.”
I jumped and sucked in a gasp when his voice came from the hall.
Without making a sound, he appeared at the entrance, his face tortured. “Tell me,” he repeated.
“Tell you what?”
“Tell me what she said isn’t fucking true, Lily,” he roared.