After she had soaked in the bath for a long time she climbed out and toweled herself off. She changed into a pair of pink bunny pajamas and climbed into bed. Mia was bone tired and it didn't take long for her to fall into a deep sleep. In the misty twilight of dreamland, the sights and sounds of the past swirled just beyond consciousness.
She was running and it was dark. Strange men were chasing her through the mists. She couldn't get away. She owed them something, something they would take from her. They wouldn't take no for an answer. Her only option was escape.
Mia woke up the next morning with a start, her brow sweaty and her heart racing. The dream had been all too real. And she believed that it was a clue to her identity. Who were those men that were chasing her? And what could they possibly want? She climbed out of bed, feeling less pain and less ache than she had the day before.
Mia made her way into the bathroom to wash her face. She looked up at herself in the mirror, barely recognizing the woman looking back at her. She had long straight brown hair, almond shaped brown eyes, a turned up little nose and full pink lips.
She looked at her profile from side to side and then decided that even with bags under her eyes and a bandage on her head she wasn't half bad looking. Carefully, she unwound the bandage and found the wound on her temple wasn’t as bad as she’d thought. It was mostly just bruised, with a little gash that looked mostly healed. She rifled through the bathroom cabinets and put a Band-Aid on the little cut.
She walked back out into the bedroom and got dressed for the day, hoping that more clues to her identity would be revealed sooner rather than later. She could get on with her life and not have to draw out what would inevitably be a disappointment for poor Connor Milton.
If she did have a husband who loved her, she would have to go home to him. Poor Connor would lose out. He seemed to be banking on her being single, and that she would choose to stay with him when she remembered who she was.
There was no way she could guarantee that, no matter how cute and sweet and kind he was. The more Mia thought about it, the more she realized that anyone would be lucky to have a man like Connor wanting to be her fated mate.
But Mia was not just an ordinary woman, she was a woman with a past and a secret that she could not remember. It wasn't fair for her to lead Connor on any longer. She was going to have to tell him that any possibility of romance between them was out of the question. In her opinion, that was the only way to keep from hurting him.
He had helped her in so many ways, she had to let him down gently. She couldn't possibly commit to him, and that was what he wanted more than anything.
As soon as she stepped out of the bedroom and into the hallway on the second story of Connor’s farmhouse, she smelled the delicious scent of frying bacon and pancakes on the griddle. The smell of coffee wafted up the stairs and her mouth started to water as soon as she got to the bottom floor.
She turned the corner into the kitchen and found Connor sliding a pancake onto a plate. He had already prepared a spot for her at the kitchen counter. She slid onto the stool in front of it. Everything was set and ready. A cup of coffee, a cup of OJ, a stack of silver dollar pancakes covered in fresh berry syrup and crispy bacon.
“Another triumph of your cooking skills,” Mia said.
“This?” Connor asked. “This is nothing. I cook like this every day.”
“A girl could get used to this.”
She forked the pancake and shoved a piece into her mouth.
“A girl could get used to this, huh? Does that mean you're sticking around?” he asked.
“I probably should talk to you about that.”
“About what?”
“I can't remember who I am. And I could have a husband and children. I can't possibly commit to you. You have to understand that.”
“I know,” he said, shoving a slice of bacon into his mouth.
He was taking the news well, but she could see by the look on his face that he was disappointed.
“It isn't because I don't think that you would be an excellent fated mate. Because I think you would be. It just can't be.”
“A shifter only has one fated mate.”
“I'm sorry, Connor,” she said.
He looked so dejected she couldn’t stand it. This was the last thing she wanted to happen. She hadn’t wanted to hurt him. It made her heart ache knowing she’d done just that. More than anything she wanted to make him feel better. She just didn't know how.
“So Christmas is coming soon, isn’t it?” she asked, trying to change the subject to something happier. She’d seen the decorations in the hospital.
“Christmas is two weeks away. And I'm going to have to explain to my mother how I let my fated mate slip through my fingers.”
“Why is it any of your mother’s business?” Mia asked.
“Oh believe me, it's her business. She makes it her business.”
“Let's just take this one day at a time. Neither of us knows what my situation is. But I can say that I don't want to cheat on any husband that I might have. I'm sure you can understand that.”
“Of course I understand. You're a good woman and that only makes me want you more,” he said, his smile returning to his lips.
Mia's heart almost melted. He completely changed her mind about keeping her boundaries in that moment. The chances were just as good that she wasn't married.
6
Connor slid his cowboy hat onto his head and opened the front door.
“How about a tour around the ranch?” he asked.
“It's cold outside and I don't seem to have a jacket,” she said.
“That's fine, you can wear one of mine,” he said lifting a fur-lined jean jacket off the coat rack near the door.
He slid it over her shoulders and she buttoned up a few buttons. The coat swamped her, but at least she would be warm outside. And he didn't want her to have to stay alone in the house all day while he did his chores.
They walked outside into the bright day. The storm clouds had dissipated and left a clear blue sky above. There was a new blanket of snow on the ground, leaving the air fresh and clean and cool.
He led Mia around the back of the house to where the old barn still stood. He opened the side door and Mia looked up at the high stacks of hay that reached all the way up to the second story ceiling.
“That's a lot of hay,” she said.
“I grew it all in my own fields and then I cut it and cure it and bale it. I even bring it into the barn myself with the help of a couple of other young bears in the area.”
“It’s quite an impressive stack,” she said.
“It's enough to get my herd through the winter.”
He grabbed the first bale of hay, digging his fingers under the twine and hefting it onto a wheelbarrow. He added six more bales to the cart and then wheeled the cart out to his truck parked in front of the barn. Mia watched him with fascination as he lifted the hay into the back of his truck.
“Do you want to come feed the cows with me?” he asked, hoping she would say yes.
Maybe someday she would help him around the ranch. He thought about it for a moment and imagined Mia driving his truck while he threw flakes off the back to his waiting cattle in the pasture. It was such a pleasant fantasy he almost got lost in it, but not for long.
Mia still didn't know who she was and there was a chance that he wouldn’t even be able to have her. No matter what kind of fantasies he had of their beautiful future together, there was still a chance he would never see it at all.
He couldn't let himself get too down about it. His bear rumbled inside his brain urging him to claim the woman before it was too late. If he claimed her, and she was married to another man, that would be a giant fiasco. His bear gave him visions of fighting any other man to the death for his mate.
Connor shook the thoughts away, admonishing his inner beast for its ridiculous suggestion. You couldn't just beat down another man and steal his wife. That just wasn't civilized.
/>
Not that Connor was a big fan of being civilized. In fact, before Mia arrived, his one goal in life had pretty much been to be left alone as much is possible. He liked his ranch. He liked his house. And he liked his beer. Everything else could just shove off as far as he was concerned, but now all of that had changed.
Now that Mia was here, he had a new lease on life. He had hope again for the future. Maybe he could have a family and cubs of his own. He imagined having a little daughter that he could spoil, a little grizzly bear shifter daughter with eyes like her mother’s and a roar like his own grizzly bear’s.
Once he was done lifting the bales of hay into the truck he closed the tailgate, he got behind the wheel and started down the gravel drive toward the pasture where his cattle were grazing in the snow. He stopped the car at the gate, got out, opened it, got back in the truck, drove through the gate and then got out to close again.
“It looks like this is a job for two,” she said. “Why don't you let me open the gate for you on the way back?”
“That would be great,” he said, feeling like she was reading his mind.
Having help on the farm from his mate and his cubs was what this cowboy bear dreamed of. That future was so close now that he could almost taste it. When Mia remembered who she was, they could be together forever. They could spend their nights around the campfire telling tales, and spend their days on the farm tending to the animals and the garden. In the fall, they would can string beans and their cubs would play in the leaves.
In the winter, they would enjoy roasting hazelnuts in front of the fireplace. He couldn't wait to make his dreams a reality. His bear rumbled again. The inner beast thought Connor was being a pushover. But Connor couldn't let his bear talk to him like that. He was a decent man and he wasn't going to just take this woman from whoever she could be in love with.
Or could he?
He couldn’t, but there was just as good a chance that Mia did not have a husband. Of course, who was he kidding? Mia was gorgeous. He knew that any man would fall hopelessly in love with her as soon as he laid eyes on her. He knew he sure as hell was. He could barely take it anymore, between the noises of his bear grumbling inside his mind and the scent of Mia's body filling up the cab of his truck, Connor felt like he was ready to lose his goddamn mind.
“I'm going to throw out the hay for the cows. I'll be right back.”
He climbed out and jumped into the back of the truck and cut the twine from the first bale. He threw flakes out for the cattle who came running to greet him. His black Angus beef cattle were his pride and joy. The stock had started long ago from the herd his great-great grandfather had started, and all of these generations later they still had many of the same characteristics as that original herd. A lot of people said that the Milton beef was the best on Fate Mountain and Connor had to agree.
Once he'd finished throwing the hay to his cows, he got back behind the wheel and drove toward the gate.
“Okay,” Mia said. “Let me open the gate for you.”
Connor stopped in front of the gate and watched Mia hop out and open it for him to drive through. It was funny how such a simple thing could make his heart sing. He waited on the other side for her to close the gate and get back in the car.
When she got back inside she was smiling and her cheeks were rosy from the cold. She looked so adorable in his oversized coat. He wanted to grab her and kiss her as hard as he could.
7
After Connor parked the truck in front of the barn, they got out and walked to the paddock nearby.
“You know what we should do today?” Connor asked her, lifting his blue jean-clad leg and resting his booted foot on the metal fence.
“What?” Mia asked, curiosity piqued.
“We should take a horseback ride out into the forest and pick out a Christmas tree.”
“You have horses?” Mia asked.
“Come meet Gentry and Maggie,” he answered simply, walking to the barn door.
She followed him through the stacks of hay into another section of the barn where she saw several horses stalled. There was a chicken coop down at the end of the stalls that opened into an outdoor pen.
The horses wore blankets on their backs to keep out the cold and a light shone in the chicken coop, warming the hens. Mia walked to the brown horse with black socks and reached out to pet its muzzle.
“It’s so soft,” Mia said, amazed that the creature had let her touch it.
“That’s Maggie. This here is Gentry,” Connor said, petting the black horse in the next stall over. “I’ll saddle them up.”
Connor flashed her a bright smile and then went to a back room where he retrieved saddles and bridles for the horses. Mia watched him patiently as he led Maggie from the stall, removed her blanket, brushed her, and then saddled her up. He then removed Maggie’s halter and replaced it with a bridle with reins. Connor told her what he was doing as he did it, explaining the names of all the gear.
“You’ll ride Maggie. She’s older and gentler,” he told her.
He then went on to prepare Gentry in the same way he had Maggie. It didn’t take Connor long to have the horses saddled and prepared for a ride.
“I’m going to grab snacks and hot chocolate from the house,” he said. “I think I have some warm clothes that belonged to my sister upstairs. You can change into something warmer.”
“That is probably a good idea. This oversized coat isn’t cutting it.”
They walked back to the house and Connor showed Mia the clothes that he had in the spare bedroom, then went down to the kitchen and left Mia to change. Mia pulled on the snowsuit and jacket before she pulled the snow boots onto her feet and headed back downstairs.
She was warm and toasty when she found Connor in the kitchen, pouring hot chocolate into a big green thermos. He packed up sandwiches and a few other snacks for the road and put it all into a saddle pack.
Mia and Connor walked back to the barn where they had left the horses and Connor tied the pack to his saddle. Then he helped Mia get onto Maggie. Mia didn’t know if she’d ever ridden a horse before, but from her total lack of comfort, she assumed she never had.
Connor seemed to sense her hesitation as she stood in front of Maggie’s saddle. He instructed her on how to get on top of the horse and then helped her do it, passing her the reins when she was comfortably seated.
“Maggie is sweet and dependable. All you have to do is follow me and guide her head with the reins. Remember to keep your feet in the stirrups and hold on.”
Connor untied Gentry’s reins from the fence and mounted the big, black gelding. He turned the horse around and started out of the barn. Mia followed him, her heart pounding. The feeling of the horse under her was completely foreign. It didn’t bring back a single memory.
Once they were through the back fence and away from the pastures, they headed into a raw forest land. The dense evergreen trees rose around them as they crossed the snow-covered wood on their horses.
“Do you do this every year?” Mia asked Connor as they rode.
“Every year since I was a kid,” Connor said.
“There’s been a lot of years where the big family party is at my sister or my brother’s house. But mom wants to have it at my house this year.”
“Why?”
“Because Stephanie and Charles grew up here. That’s my brother and sister. This is the family ranch and the family likes to get together to reminisce about old times. It’s either that or my mom is just going to use it as an excuse to pester me about finding a mate,” he said.
“Does your mom do that a lot?” she asked.
“All the damn time.”
“That must be annoying,” Mia said. “But at least you have somebody who cares about you; someone to have Christmas with.”
“I care about you, Mia. I want you to come to Christmas with me and my family.”
“I don’t know how long I’m going to be here, but if I’m still here at Christmas, I would be honore
d to share it with your family.”
They continued riding into the forest until the tall trees began to clear and there was younger growth around an open meadow covered in snow.
Connor started examining the trees, looking for just the right one. Mia wasn’t sure what to look for, but she did have an idea of what a good Christmas tree looked like. She considered the height of Connor’s living room and started to peruse the aisles of trees herself. She and Connor started their horses in different directions, walking around the new growth evergreens to find just the right one.
Then she saw it. It was a blue spruce about twelve feet tall, just a bit taller than the high ceilings and Connor’s Victorian farmhouse. The branches were perfectly symmetrical and there weren’t any empty spaces.
“I think I found one!” Mia called out to Connor in the cool crisp air.
Connor arrived a moment later on the back of his black gelding. He stopped in front of the tree she’d found. She looked over at him with a bright smile on her face, feeling her heart singing with excitement.
“That does look perfect,” he said. “I need to take you with me every year.”
His words made her face flush with a heat that radiated through her body, exciting her core as she looked at his sweet, handsome face.
He jumped off the back of his horse and pulled a saw from his saddle bags. He grabbed the pack of food and thermos of hot chocolate and set out a waterproof blanket on the snow beside the Christmas tree.
Mia dismounted Maggie and tied her reins to a nearby tree. Mia then sat next to Connor on the blanket and took a sip of hot chocolate. The warm, sweet liquid rolled down her throat and warmed her whole body; a perfect beverage to enjoy while watching the handsome cowboy cut down the Christmas tree. The sharp, invigorating scent of spruce filled her nose.
He knelt beside the tree and began sawing. Once the trunk snapped clean and the tree fell to the snow, Connor sat beside Mia and they shared their sandwiches and hot chocolate. The bright blue sky stretched out above and a white blanket of snow covered the ground all around them.