21. A STREET--NEIGH'S ROOMS--CHRISTOPHER'S ROOMS
As soon as Ethelberta had driven off from the Hall, Ladywell turned backagain; and, passing the front entrance, overtook his acquaintance Mr.Neigh, who had been one of the last to emerge. The two were going in thesame direction, and they walked a short distance together.
'Has anything serious happened?' said Neigh, noticing an abstraction inhis companion. 'You don't seem in your usual mood to-night.'
'O, it is only that affair between us,' said Ladywell.
'Affair? Between you and whom?'
'Her and myself, of course. It will be in every fellow's mouth now, Isuppose!'
'But--not anything between yourself and Mrs. Petherwin?'
'A mere nothing. But surely you started, Neigh, when you suspected itjust this moment?'
'No--you merely fancied that.'
'Did she not speak well to-night! You were in the room, I believe?'
'Yes, I just turned in for half-an-hour: it seems that everybody does, soI thought I must. But I had no idea that you were feeble that way.'
'It is very kind of you, Neigh--upon my word it is--very kind; and ofcourse I appreciate the delicacy which--which--'
'What's kind?'
'I mean your well-intentioned plan for making me believe that nothing isknown of this. But stories will of course get wind; and if ourattachment has made more noise in the world than I intended it should,and causes any public interest, why--ha-ha!--it must. There is somelittle romance in it perhaps, and people will talk of matters of thatsort between individuals of any repute--little as that is with one of thepair.'
'Of course they will--of course. You are a rising man, remember, whomsome day the world will delight to honour.'
'Thank you for that, Neigh. Thank you sincerely.'
'Not at all. It is merely justice to say it, and one must he generous todeserve thanks.'
'Ha-ha!--that's very nicely put, and undeserved I am sure. And yet Ineed a word of that sort sometimes!'
'Genius is proverbially modest.'
'Pray don't, Neigh--I don't deserve it, indeed. Of course it is wellmeant in you to recognize any slight powers, but I don't deserve it.Certainly, my self-assurance was never too great. 'Tis the misfortune ofall children of art that they should be so dependent upon any scraps ofpraise they can pick up to help them along.'
'And when that child gets so deep in love that you can only see thewhites of his eyes--'
'Ah--now, Neigh--don't, I say!'
'But why did--'
'Why did I love her?'
'Yes, why did you love her?'
'Ah, if I could only turn self-vivisector, and watch the operation of myheart, I should know!'
'My dear fellow, you must be very bad indeed to talk like that. A poethimself couldn't be cleaner gone.'
'Now, don't chaff, Neigh; do anything, but don't chaff. You know that Iam the easiest man in the world for taking it at most times. But I can'tstand it now; I don't feel up to it. A glimpse of paradise, and thenperdition. What would you do, Neigh?'
'She has refused you, then?'
'Well--not positively refused me; but it is so near it that a dull mancouldn't tell the difference. I hardly can myself.'
'How do you really stand with her?' said Neigh, with an anxietyill-concealed.
'Off and on--neither one thing nor the other. I was determined to makean effort the last time she sat to me, and so I met her quite coolly, andspoke only of technicalities with a forced smile--you know that way ofmine for drawing people out, eh, Neigh?'
'Quite, quite.'
'A forced smile, as much as to say, "I am obliged to entertain you, butas a mere model for art purposes." But the deuce a bit did she care. Andthen I frequently looked to see what time it was, as the end of thesitting drew near--rather a rude thing to do, as a rule.'
'Of course. But that was your finesse. Ha-ha!--capital! Yet why notstruggle against such slavery? It is regularly pulling you down. What'sa woman's beauty, after all?'
'Well you may say so! A thing easier to feel than define,' murmuredLadywell. 'But it's no use, Neigh--I can't help it as long as sherepulses me so exquisitely! If she would only care for me a little, Imight get to trouble less about her.'
'And love her no more than one ordinarily does a girl by the time onegets irrevocably engaged to her. But I suppose she keeps you back sothoroughly that you carry on the old adoration with as much vigour as ifit were a new fancy every time?'
'Partly yes, and partly no! It's very true, and it's not true!'
''Tis to be hoped she won't hate you outright, for then you wouldabsolutely die of idolizing her.'
'Don't, Neigh!--Still there's some truth in it--such is the perversity ofour hearts. Fancy marrying such a woman!'
'We should feel as eternally united to her after years and years ofmarriage as to a dear new angel met at last night's dance.'
'Exactly--just what I should have said. But did I hear you say "We,"Neigh? You didn't say "WE should feel?"'
'Say "we"?--yes--of course--putting myself in your place just in the wayof speaking, you know.'
'Of course, of course; but one is such a fool at these times that oneseems to detect rivalry in every trumpery sound! Were you never a littletouched?'
'Not I. My heart is in the happy position of a country which has nohistory or debt.'
'I suppose I should rejoice to hear it,' said Ladywell. 'But theconsciousness of a fellow-sufferer being in just such another hole issuch a relief always, and softens the sense of one's folly so very much.'
'There's less Christianity in that sentiment than in your confessing toit, old fellow. I know the truth of it nevertheless, and that's whymarried men advise others to marry. Were all the world tied up, thepleasantly tied ones would be equivalent to those at present free. Butwhat if your fellow-sufferer is not only in another such a hole, but inthe same one?'
'No, Neigh--never! Don't trifle with a friend who--'
'That is, refused like yourself, as well as in love.'
'Ah, thanks, thanks! It suddenly occurred to me that we might be deadagainst one another as rivals, and a friendship of many long--days besnapped like a--like a reed.'
'No--no--only a jest,' said Neigh, with a strangely accelerated speech.'Love-making is an ornamental pursuit that matter-of-fact fellows like meare quite unfit for. A man must have courted at least half-a-dozen womenbefore he's a match for one; and since triumph lies so far ahead, I shallkeep out of the contest altogether.'
'Your life would be pleasanter if you were engaged. It is a nice thing,after all.'
'It is. The worst of it would be that, when the time came for breakingit off, a fellow might get into an action for breach--women are so fondof that sort of thing now; and I hate love-affairs that don't endpeaceably!'
'But end it by peaceably marrying, my dear fellow!'
'It would seem so singular. Besides, I have a horror of antiquity: andyou see, as long as a man keeps single, he belongs in a measure to therising generation, however old he may be; but as soon as he marries andhas children, he belongs to the last generation, however young he may be.Old Jones's son is a deal younger than young Brown's father, though theyare both the same age.'
'At any rate, honest courtship cures a man of many evils he had no powerto stem before.'
'By substituting an incurable matrimony!'
'Ah--two persons must have a mind for that before it can happen!' saidLadywell, sorrowfully shaking his head.
'I think you'll find that if one has a mind for it, it will be quitesufficient. But here we are at my rooms. Come in for half-an-hour?'
'Not to-night, thanks!'
They parted, and Neigh went in. When he got upstairs he murmured in hisdeepest chest note, 'O, lords, that I should come to this! But I shallnever be such a fool as to marry her! What a flat that poor young devilwas not to discover that we were tarred with the same brush. O, thedeuce, the deuce!' he continued,
walking about the room as ifpassionately stamping, but not quite doing it because another man hadrooms below.
Neigh drew from his pocket-book an envelope embossed with the name of afashionable photographer, and out of this pulled a portrait of the ladywho had, in fact, enslaved his secret self equally with his frank youngfriend the painter. After contemplating it awhile with a face of cynicaladoration, he murmured, shaking his head, 'Ah, my lady; if you only knewthis, I should be snapped up like a snail! Not a minute's peace for metill I had married you. I wonder if I shall!--I wonder.'
Neigh was a man of five-and-thirty--Ladywell's senior by ten years; and,being of a phlegmatic temperament, he had glided thus far through theperiod of eligibility with impunity. He knew as well as any man how farhe could go with a woman and yet keep clear of having to meet her inchurch without her bonnet; but it is doubtful if his mind that night wereless disturbed with the question how to guide himself out of the naturalcourse which his passion for Ethelberta might tempt him into, than wasLadywell's by his ardent wish to secure her.
* * * * *
About the time at which Neigh and Ladywell parted company, ChristopherJulian was entering his little place in Bloomsbury. The quaint figure ofFaith, in her bonnet and cloak, was kneeling on the hearth-rugendeavouring to stir a dull fire into a bright one.
'What--Faith! you have never been out alone?' he said.
Faith's soft, quick-shutting eyes looked unutterable things, and shereplied, 'I have been to hear Mrs. Petherwin's story-telling again.'
'And walked all the way home through the streets at this time of night, Isuppose!'
'Well, nobody molested me, either going or coming back.'
'Faith, I gave you strict orders not to go into the streets after twoo'clock in the day, and now here you are taking no notice of what I sayat all!'
'The truth is, Kit, I wanted to see with my spectacles what this womanwas really like, and I went without them last time. I slipped in behind,and nobody saw me.'
'I don't think much of her after what I have seen tonight,' saidChristopher, moodily recurring to a previous thought.
'Why? What is the matter?'
'I thought I would call on her this afternoon, but when I got there Ifound she had left early for the performance. So in the evening, when Ithought it would be all over, I went to the private door of the Hall tospeak to her as she came out, and ask her flatly a question or two whichI was fool enough to think I must ask her before I went to bed. Just asI was drawing near she came out, and, instead of getting into thebrougham that was waiting for her, she went round the corner. When shecame back a man met her and gave her something, and they stayed talkingtogether two or three minutes. The meeting may certainly not have beenintentional on her part; but she has no business to be going on so coollywhen--when--in fact, I have come to the conclusion that a woman'saffection is not worth having. The only feeling which has any dignity orpermanence or worth is family affection between close blood-relations.'
'And yet you snub me sometimes, Mr. Kit.'
'And, for the matter of that, you snub me. Still, you know what Imean--there's none of that off-and-on humbug between us. If we grumblewith one another we are united just the same: if we don't write when weare parted, we are just the same when we meet--there has been somerational reason for silence; but as for lovers and sweethearts, there isnothing worth a rush in what they feel!'
Faith said nothing in reply to this. The opinions she had formed uponthe wisdom of her brother's pursuit of Ethelberta would have come justthen with an ill grace. It must, however, have been evident toChristopher, had he not been too preoccupied for observation, thatFaith's impressions of Ethelberta were not quite favourable as regardedher womanhood, notwithstanding that she greatly admired her talents.