Page 2 of Confession


  Yet she was alone. Had the sight of us marines scared her family

  away? And where was the child?

  We'd never know, for no one amongst us spoke her language,

  or could read her eyes, and even if we could, barrel-assing up the trail

  was the sergeant who demanded to know what the hell the holdup was.

  "Damn, look for yourself," Doc said, and began to plead her case, along

  with Glenn and a few others who only wanted to help, wanted to see her taken

  to safety. Yet it was the sergeants bellow we bowed to, and not our hearts and minds.

  "I see no baby!

  Leave her.

  Move the hell out.

  This is plain and simple.

  A trick.

  A goddamn ambush."

  And we left her behind.

  The Moratorium

  In protest

  of the war,

  everyone driving a vehicle

  on the day of the Moratorium,

  drove with headlights on,

  in the bright light of day. Yes,

  it seemed like everyone.

  I rode around town

  with my old high school pals,

  drank beer in the back seat.

  Half smashed,

  I told about a village

  we burnt, after John, from Wisconsin,

  was blown to smithereens.

  "Not cool," they said.

  Not the part about John, tripping

  a booby-trap, but the burning of the village.

  Stopped at a red-light,

  I opened the car door,

  stumbled out, and walked away

  on my own.

  My pals drove around the block,

  then came back,

  flashing the headlights

  from high to low,

  to high to low,

  blew the horn

  made a ruckus,

  and threw me the finger.

  Before Midnight

  When I came home from the war,

  the high school girls wanted no more

  than burgers, fries and a coke from McDonalds,

  or, wanted just to hold hands and be friends,

  and always needed to be home,

  before midnight.

  Me? I wanted to be in Bangkok

  once more.

  A Consequence of War

  Sometimes

  I just can't figure

  how one year

  or three hundred sixty five days

  or eight thousand, seven hundred, sixty hours

  or five hundred, twenty-five thousand minutes

  or thirty-one million, five hundred, thirty-six thousand seconds

  or the memory of one dead friend,

  in Vietnam,

  can screw up the other

  ninety-seven point five percent of my life,

  sending me into a rage

  when I open the refrigerator door

  and discover the milk

  has been pushed to the rear,

  blocked by the iced tea.

  Survivor's Guilt

  my neighbor told me

  he went to the Wall,

  said he should have gone,

  could have gone,

  wanted to go,

  had orders,

  but...

  I went.

  should have died,

  could have died,

  almost died,

  but...

  John Wayne

  Not back then, not back

  there, back in the jungle

  in the thick of battle

  when I drew a bead

  upon your silhouette

  centered dead in my sights,

  but now

  years later

  as I walk with my dog

  through the forest

  autumn colored

  peaceful and quiet,

  I wonder,

  "Had you ever heard of John Wayne?

  And who did you

  want to be when you,

  or if you had grown up."

  The moment

  I squeezed the trigger

  and your silhouette

  dropped from sight,

  I haven't forgotten you,

  haven't known who I am, not

  since I became John Wayne.

  Confession

  You come to confess your sins?"

  "Yes Father... I shot and killed a man."

  Yes, go on.

  I killed him.

  When?

  During the war.

  This man, he was a soldier?

  Yes, Father

  An enemy soldier?

  Yes Father.

  And you were a soldier?

  Yes Father, in battle.

  Well, son, those things happen. Do you have other sins for the Lord?

  No, Father

  No?

  No, Father.

  How are you with yourself?

  What Father?

  How are you? Do you touch? Masturbate?

  ......... Yes

  Then let us bow our heads and pray for forgiveness.

  #####

  I served in Vietnam with Mike Company,

  3rd Battalion, 5th Marines, 1st Marine Division

  from October 1968 to October 1969.

  I had just turned eighteen

  when I arrived in country.

  Nothing really prepared me

  for what I saw.

  I returned to Vietnam in June of 1990.

  People asked me why I would want to go back

  to a place which seemed so troubling

  for me. I told them I was going back to see

  if I had really been there the first time.

  When I returned back home in 1990,

  my old war wounds were opened wide. I had

  reoccurring dreams. I sat myself down one morning

  and began to write. I had never written a poem in my life,

  but the words just came to me,

  and although the visions may disturb the reader,

  my nightmares have come to an end,

  and hopefully yours won't begin.

  Please remember those who lost their life

  in Vietnam, and try to be kind to those who survived,

  those who can always use a little love.

  Connect with Me Online:

  Facebook

  https://facebook.com/us0311mc

  Email

  [email protected]

 
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