I call a doctor, Rita?"
Still reeling from her ordeal, she shook her head. "No, it didn't injure me at all, it just pinned me to the floor."
As he helped her back on to the sofa, the phone rang. Ian quickly grabbed it, and held it up to Rita's ear and mouth.
"Hello."
"Rita, are you alright?"
"Yeah, mom. I'm fine, but the house is not in a good condition."
"Rita, I'll deal with all that when I get home. We're insured. The main thing is that you and Trish aren't hurt."
"No, we're fine. I take it the restaurant must look like a complete mess."
"Fuuh! You can imagine. Besides all the broken dishes in the kitchen, a couple of those large framed pictures fell off of the wall, nearly injuring the customers.
"Alright mom, then I'll see you at around five o'clock?"
"Yes Rita dear. You two keep safe and be very careful not to step on any broken glass."
"We will mom. Bye."
With that, Ian hung up the phone, and plopped back down in the chair directly facing Rita, propping his feet up on the fallen clock.
Finally, he leaned forward in the chair and began to speak firmly through tear filled eyes, as he peered directly into hers.
"My name is Ian!" he declared in an almost defiant tone. He repeated himself once again, this time, in a slightly softer tone. "My name is Ian...And I know where I stand."
"Rita, I know where I stand in life. There are some people who are real smart, some who are very athletic, and some who are good looking. You, are all of the above, and I am none of the above." Ian continued in a slow and slightly sarcastic manner. "I know that girls like you, like Phoebe, Trish and Betty prefer hanging out with big strong guys who they feel can protect them from harm. And I know that certainly isn't me. I've seen you play softball, and I've seen you on the uneven parallel bars. You are really wonderful."
"Ian, I..." Rita started to interrupt.
"Please Rita, just let me finish." Ian continued. "I'm a very empathetic person. I'm looking at you right now, and seriously thinking about what it must be like when you have to even scratch an itch. But compare your situation to mine for a moment. How long are you going to have to wear that thing, Rita?"
"A week"
"Okay then. In a week from now, Rita, you're going to be back in school, resuming your life as a very popular individual. I, Ian the fool on the other hand, will also be returning to school in a week and resuming my life as a punching bag. “ Ian stopped to wipe his tears. “Now I don't blame you for looking down at me. As a matter of fact, just about the only thing I've got going for me is an extremely keen sense of self awareness regarding the fact that I have nothing going for me. I may not have brains, brawn, or looks, but I do still have my dignity. Rita, I'll make you a deal. For the next hour we will show each other some mutual respect. Then, in a week from now, when we're back in school, you can resume your usual regiment of ignoring me, and we'll just pretend that today never happened."
Silence.
Ian gestured towards the front door. "Walking out and leaving you here to fend for yourself with your arms like that, would violate everything I stand for morally... "
Once again, there was a brief, awkward silence. Finally Rita began speaking softly.
"Hey Ian, Are you through? Can I respond?"
Ian nodded.
"I have so much I want to say to you...Please just let me get all of my thoughts out."
After inhaling deeply, Rita resumed her speech, stopping to sniff every now and then.
"Ian, five minutes ago, when I said that I was angry that I was stuck here with you, what I really meant is that I'm angry that I am stuck here...period. You just happened to be sitting in that chair, so I tagged 'with you' on to the end of it. If Trish had still been sitting there, I swear I would've said the same thing.”
"But that doesn't explain..."
"Please!" Rita continued. "This is my first year at this school. Last year I went to Beufort middle school. We just moved into this house over the summer, so now I'm in this district. When I first got here, the only two people I really knew were Phoebe and Ricky, because we all went to the same outbound summer-camp school. Now believe me, I'm usually not the type of person who only hangs out with a single small clique of friends, but Betty and Trish are really the only two people Phoebe has formally introduced me to...so far."
As more tears rolled down her cheeks, Ian responded with more tissues. She continued.
"Let me tell you, as people, the three of them have their pros and cons. What I like most about them is that with the possible exception of Phoebe, they come from good homes and aren't dangerous. I mean, none of them are into drugs, shoplifting, vandalism or anything like that. That's important to me. I knew a lot of people at my old school who were."
"We don’t have the problems here," Ian interjected softly.
Rita looked down. "Even though I've only known them for about a month, I'm finding that I have a lot more in common with Betty and Trish than I do with Phoebe. She really gets on my nerves sometimes. Always hinting about 'who's cool and who isn't'."
Ian sighed, "Needless to say, you're telling me nothing new."
She looked back up at him. "Ian, you've got to tell me...have you ever done anything really awful?...Or at least extremely embarrassing?"
Ian thought for a moment, "You think?"
She continued, "I mean, why in the world people seems to hate you so much?"
"I had already told you," Ian sank back further in the chair and counted on his fingers. "A: I'm stupid, B: I'm clumsy and C: I'm ugly. It's one thing to be cursed with one or two of those traits, but the whole combination…fuhh..you know.”
"Now listen," Rita commanded. A: If what you did in class last Friday is any indication, you are a damn genius. B: You just lifted a three hundred and fifty pound grandfather clock off of me, and shoved it half-way across the room." She paused for a moment. "And C: I think you're pretty darn cute." A hint of a smile finally started to show itself through her tears. "You'll just have to take my word for that last one."
Ian struggled vainly to suppress a half smile. "Thanks for your kind words.” Feeling embarrassed, he glanced out the window.
She gritted her teeth. "Alright, you look at me, Ian !."
He immediately turned towards her, and they're eyes locked, once again.
Rita continued, "Ian, I’ve got some very important things to say right now, and I want to look you right in the eyes when I say them."
Ian was startled by Rita’s behaviour.
"For the last month, Ian, you have been saying hello to me every day without fail. And for the last month I have been saying nothing to you in return. You see,, I wasn't sure whether or not what Phoebe and half the 8th grade was saying about you really held any water...At the same time, I also never saw or heard you do anything that would inspire that sort of hatred. Not being sure whether to believe them, or what I was seeing and hearing, I decided to take the coward's way out. I am so sorry. Please forgive this coward, Ian!”. She took another deep breath. “You not only came in here, but you tried to cheer me up..and in return, I insulted you. You're a much better person than I could ever hope to be."
By this time, Ian had started crying again as well.
"Ian, a week from now, when this cast is off and I'm back in school, I want you to sit right next to me during lunch...And I don't give a damn what anyone else has to say about it. From this moment on, anyone who isn't a friend of Ian , isn't a friend of mine."
Ian smiled broadly through his tears, "Well, Rita, now that we've got all that straightened out, is there anything I can do for you?"
"Yeah of course. You can give me a hug."
Ian got out of
the chair and walked around to the back of the sofa, and put his arms around her from behind. "Uh, Ian..."
"Yeah?"
"I don’t feel anything. You're just hugging the cast. Come and sit next to me on the couch."
Ian obeyed.
"Ian, now put your arms around my waist, and lay your head on my bosom."
Once again, he complied.
Ian didn't say anything. He just held her a little tighter.
"Ian, you have no idea how frustrating it is, not to be able to hug you back right now." Rita laid her head on his, and they both sat in silence for a while.
12:33 pm
Rita's cell phone rang. Ian immediately grabbed it, flipped it open, and held it up to her face.
"Hello?"
"Rita, it's me," boomed Trish's familiar voice over the receiver. She was calling from the carnival. "You're going to laugh when I tell you what's going on over here."
"Well, what happened?"
"That big double ferris wheel contains a mechanism that automatically shuts it off when there's a big earthquake. It wouldn’t budge. Phoebe and Betty have been stuck at the top of it for nearly twenty minutes now," Trish chuckled. "They are so angry."
A big grin began to spread across Rita's face. "I hope they brought an adequate supply of food with them."
"They do have their cell phones with them...which brings me to the golden question. I need to know if I should tell Betty whether or not she needs to keep her appointment with you in half an hour. Are you and Ian hitting off well?"
"Hmmm,"
There was a slight pause. "I believe that answers my question," Trish had a smile in her voice.
"Hold on a second," Rita turned to Ian. "By any chance, would you mind staying here for another four and a half hours?"
Ian didn't have to think about this. "Rita, for you. I'll stay here for the next four and a half years, if you'd like."
Rita spoke into the phone, "You can inform Betty and Phoebe that their services will no longer be required today."
"Alright," Trish answered. "Here's the other golden question...should I tell them the reason they've been relieved of their duties, or make something up, Rita?"
Rita thought about this for a few seconds. "You know what Trish? I'm going to leave that entirely to your discretion." "One last thing..." Trish had a parting shot.
"What's that?" asked Rita.
"Take my advice and disregard whatever Phoebe and half the 8th grade thinks. I've got a really good feeling about this."
"Yeah, me too. I owe you big time Trish. Have fun at the Carnival."
Ian closed the cell phone and put it down. "So what was that all about?"
"Ian, you're going to love this. That big ferris wheel at the fair comes equipped with a mechanism that automatically shuts it down in the event of an earthquake. It worked, but unfortunately they haven't been able to get the thing started again. Phoebe and Betty have been stuck at the top for twenty minutes now."
A broad smile now appeared on Ian's face. "Thank goodness the thing didn't tip over. I'm sure there must be a lot of other people on it who could've been hurt."
Ian once again sat down in the armchair facing Rita, with a leg draped over one of the chair's arms.
"So, Mr. Ian sir," she began. "What exactly was it that inspired your speech?"
"What speech are you talking about?"
"Ian, I'm referring to that incredible stunt you pulled in sociology on Friday...which by the way, was brilliant."
Ian thought about it for a moment, then spoke in a serious manner. "That was largely inspired by you, ma’am."
"Me?"
"I figured out that organized religion was a load of crap a long time ago. When I said hello to you and you blew me off, it was really the wind of inspiration. If there’s a God out there, then that God was making fool of me."
" Ian, do you and Phoebe have some sort of history that I'm not aware of?"
He thought about this for a moment, then shook his head. "I've known Phoebe since the 4th grade. Back in elementary school, I don't really remember being particularly hostile to her. She was just another kid in the class. It wasn't until we hit the 7th grade that for some reason, she suddenly decided I was a devil."
Rita was puzzled. "Ian, how on earth can someone who's known you for over four years, possibly not know your true self?"
“I’ve answered that.”
"Ian, there's something else I'd like to ask you about, regarding your presentation in sociology." Rita now had a slightly cautious tone to her voice.
"What's that?"
She paused. "What exactly do you really know about Phoebe's mother?"
He thought about this for a moment. "Actually, not a whole lot. I vaguely remember meeting her at a school open house, once.” Ian nodded. “Whenever Phoebe’s mother meet some other parent, the first thing she always asked was 'What line of work are you in?' and 'Does it pay well?'. Strange, the woman seemed to be obsessed with what everybody else's household income was."
"Yeah," muttered Rita. "That's her alright."
Ian's expression turned curious. "Do you know something about her that I don't?"
Rita didn't feel like getting into that at the moment. "You know what, Ian? Let's change the subject. What about Betty and Trish? Have you known them since the fourth grade too?"
"Nope, they went to a different grammar school. I've only known them since last year. So they never even knew me back when I was considered a regular kid. Only as the fool of Alamanda middle school."
" You and I are exactly the same age." Rita was now trying to get him to smile again. "I take it the two girls sitting next to you at Ricky's party were your sisters."
He nodded. "Erma's three years older than me and Mabel's a couple of years younger."
"I'm an only child," lamented Rita. "I've often wondered what it's like to have sisters. Do you get along with yours o.k.?"
Ian looked down. "They're both brilliant students."
"You say that as if it's a bad thing."
Ian looked up again, this time with an even more pensive expression on his face. "Rita, when you're an underachiever, your parents never let you forget it. When you're an underachiever with siblings who are overachievers, they really never let you forget it." Now Ian decided to change the subject to something a little more upbeat. "You know, for the last ten minutes, it's all been about me. Can we talk about you for awhile, Rita?"
"Sure. What would you like to know?"
"Rita, what's it like to be perfect?"
"You know that's a ridiculous question..I’m not perfect."
"And you know that you are." Ian cut her off. "Don't be so modest. I've seen you in class, in the gym and on the baseball diamond. Could there possibly be anything you're not good at?"
"Well, I did try taking guitar lessons once. A complete waste of time."
" Rita, how do you sit there in class and listen to Mrs. Pinny teaching in that monotone of her's without falling asleep? I sure haven't figured out how to do that."
Rita grinned slyly. "Oh, you'd be able to stay focused on her if you weren't so distracted by the back of my head...at least Phoebe tells me you're distracted by the back of my head...and her's, and Betty's and Trish's." She winked at him.
This managed to coax a smile out of him.
"Well, I'm not even going to attempt to deny that, nor am I going to apologize for it."
"Nor should you have to. There's no shame in being a normal guy."
Ian paused. "Can I ask you a similar question?"
"Yeah."
"How the hell can you sit still and listen to Mayor drone
on like he usually does? To me, it's like listening to a honking truck."
"The Mayor? I don't listen to him at all. I just zone out. Your speech was way much better." Rita sat up a little straighter.
By now Ian had really perked up. "Well, it's good to know that at least one person in Sociology wasn't offended by my spontaneous so called speech last Friday."
"Ian, you know, there's something else I've been wondering about."
"What's that?"
"When you were hollering in Phoebe's face that particular day, I was sitting just right next to her. I thought for sure that at some point, you were going to give it to me next. Why didn't you, Ian?"
"I just don’t know, Rita."
1:00 pm
Rita turned and looked at him. "Ian, I've been dreading this inevitable moment all day, but there's something I need to tell you."
"Uh oh, this doesn't sound good. What is it Rita?"
Rita paused for a moment. "Ian, I've got to pee...Real bad."
Alright, Ian thought to himself. Here's yet another chance to demonstrate what an easy-going all around good gentleman you are. Don't blow it. He stood up, and reached out his arms to help her up. "Okay, let us be matured about this."
Rita nodded, and the two of them made their way to the bathroom. Because the toilet was in the corner, and her arms were stuck in an outstretched manner, Rita had to sit on it diagonally. Ian crouched down and did everything he could to unzip and unbutton her jeans in as casual manner as possible. He wasn't sure to leave the room while she was peeing or just stand there and wait until she finished. As it turned out, he didn't have to make that decision. The instant he pulled down her jeans and underwear, Rita sat down and started to pee. She must've had to go really bad. Ian decided that it might quell the strangeness of the moment if he were to joke about how strange it was.
"Alright, I'll admit this is awkward. Would it be more appropriate for me to say anything at this juncture or just shut up?"
Rita was understandably blushing. "Hang on Ian, I'm just about done." After about ten more seconds, Rita stood up. "Alright."
Ian reached down to pull her pants back up.
"Err, , Ian..."
"Yeah?"
"There's something else you've got to do."
"What's that Rita?"
"Grab a wad of toilet paper and wipe me dry."
"Why? All you did was pee."
Rita sighed and rolled her eyes. "Ian, girls wipe after they urinate."
As he tore off a few sheets of toilet paper, Ian tried once again to lighten the moment. "I want you to know that I really appreciate you teaching me stuff about feminine hygiene." She chuckled a little. "Um, Rita, I'm sorry, does that tickle?"
"Not at all," Rita shook her head in amusement at the absurdity of the situation. "Ian, do you realize that we've really only known each other for a few hours, and we're already doing something that most people who had been married for fifty years will probably never do?"
"Well, I guess...No comment..."
"Will you pull up my pants and flush the toilet dear?" Rita was now grinning.
"Right up."
Ian washed up, and the two of them made their way back to the couch. Now there was not a doubt in Rita's mind that everything Phoebe or anybody