“What?”
“I’ve decided to block your ability entirely while you’re going through this healing process.”
She stared at him, shocked. “You can do that?” She shook her head in disbelief. “I know that you managed to block it entirely with Lee and Natalie, but I was still bombarded by some of the students at the university. That damn seventy percent.”
“But it wasn’t overwhelming. It wasn’t so bad once we did some work on it.”
“No.” Her lips tightened. “But, dammit, it sounds as if you could have blocked all of those attacks. I didn’t have to be constantly on guard and fight off that terrible, overpowering…” She drew a deep breath. “You made me go through it when I didn’t have to? I could have been totally normal?”
“You’ll never be normal. You have to live with it. I can do a total block for short periods but not forever.”
“Am I supposed to believe that? Why should I? I’ve never known whether you were lying to me at any given time. You’ve never been honest. All I know is that you want to use me.”
“Did it occur to you that my telling you that was the height of honesty? I could have deceived you, Allie.”
“And wasn’t that cozy charade you built with me and Lee and Natalie deceit?”
“It wasn’t a charade. It started out that way, but you changed it. You managed to make Lee and Natalie love you.”
And she had loved them. How she had loved them … A wave of pain washed over her, and she had to steady her voice. “But you don’t deny trying to—”
“I don’t deny anything,” he said harshly. “It wouldn’t do me any good, would it? You know me too well. Or at least you think you do.”
“How can you say that? I don’t know anything about you.” She drew a shaky breath. “And I hate that. I hate being this dependent on a man who thinks he can pull the strings. I want you out of my life.”
“I know.”
“I almost got away from you. If Lee and Natalie hadn’t been killed, I—” She couldn’t finish. “We might have had a good, peaceful life together that wouldn’t have had anything to do with you.”
He shook his head. “I had a history with Natalie and Lee. In the end, they would have come back to me.” He grimaced. “They might not have brought you back into the fold, but they couldn’t have left the situation the way it was.” He got to his feet. “I’ll leave you now. You’ve had enough of me for the time being.” He gestured across the room. “Bathroom. Your suitcase with clothes is beside the door. I grabbed the duffel in your room that you’d packed. Take some time, and I’ll send Sean in to talk to you in about an hour. It will be easier for you to deal with him for the time being. There’s too much between us that’s high-octane. Feel free to ask him any questions about me you wish. I have a few preparations to make.” He smiled crookedly. “I know you won’t miss me.”
“No.” She got to her feet and started toward the bathroom. Then she stopped, looking down at herself. She was naked beneath a huge, white terry robe. “I wasn’t wearing this. How did I—”
“Blood,” he said succinctly. “You were covered with it. I bathed you, washed your hair, and got rid of your clothes.”
Natalie’s blood. She had held her and rocked her …
“Move.” He motioned to the bathroom. “Don’t slip back.”
“I’m not slipping back. I was remembering her…” She stiffened. “And don’t tell me what to do.” She swallowed. “Besides, I have something I have to ask you. You say I’ve been here for two days. Something has to have been done with Lee and Natalie. What burial arrangements have been made? I need to go and—”
“Be plucked up by Camano the minute you show your face. No way.”
“I’m not an idiot. But I’ve got to pay my respects and say my last good-bye.” She smiled bitterly. “I’ll even let you find a way to get me there. Pull your strings. Just don’t try to pull mine.”
“I wouldn’t presume.”
“Bullshit. That night you told me that it was time for me to pay the piper. That means that all restraints are out the window.” She paused. “And I don’t want Dantlow to try to scoop me up and stuff me away again. I’m done with him. He was supposed to keep Lee and Natalie safe. He didn’t do it.” She glared at him. “And neither did you. All I want is to be done with all of you. I’ll run my own life. I can’t do any worse.”
“You may be right,” he said wearily. “Natalie and Lee were my friends. Do you think I’m not feeling a few guilt pangs myself?” He was moving toward the door. “And I agree that we won’t use Dantlow unless absolutely necessary. He could get in the way.” He paused and looked over his shoulder. “But he was helpful about their final arrangements. He managed to clean up the crime scene and remove both of them to the crematorium.”
She stared, shocked. “Crematorium?”
“That was their wish,” he said quietly. “They wanted to be cremated and their ashes flown to Tanzania and scattered where their son had been killed. They wanted to be with him.”
“Cremated. I never thought—” She moistened her lips. “Has it … already been done?”
“Yes. Their ashes are on their way to Africa now. I had a friend take them. I would have done it myself, but I was busy with you.” He paused. “But if you wish to be present at the final ceremony, that will be no problem. I think they’d want you there.”
“And you want me there. You were able to persuade Lee and Natalie to go along with your plans because of something to do with their son. It’s the only thing that would have moved them. Right?”
He nodded.
“And you would have wanted me to leave the U.S. and go there anyway.”
“It has certain advantages for me.”
“It’s all so pat, everything fitting together,” she said hoarsely. “How do I know they were even cremated? How do I know their ashes were taken to Tanzania? Manipulation, again?”
“I’ll give Sean the telephone number of the crematorium. And their ashes were being turned over to the U.S. embassy in Tanzania. You can call them tomorrow and verify the arrival and the arrangements for the service.” He smiled dryly. “Unless you also think I can bulldoze the U.S. diplomatic service.”
“I don’t know what you’re capable of.” She stopped at the bathroom door and looked over her shoulder. “Dantlow would have taken your word about Lee’s and Natalie’s wishes regarding their final arrangements.”
“And you believe I’d lie for my own convenience, that I’d use their last rites to get you to do what I want you to do.”
“Would you?”
He was silent. “God help me, I probably would. If I couldn’t do it any other way.”
“You bastard.”
“Yes, and neither of them would have condemned me for it before they decided they couldn’t risk you. They would have regarded the matter of rites as unimportant.” He paused. “But I didn’t have to do it. I just had to facilitate and present the choice to you.” His lips twisted. “Choose. Say good-bye as you wish to the two people you love. Or run away and hide and try to survive Camano as you’ve been doing all these years.” He opened the door. “But while you’re deciding, you might remember that Lee and Natalie only went along with me because they thought you could give them what they wanted most in the world. You can still give them that gift. I’ll show you how.” His tone suddenly sharpened to steel. “But now you have another debt to pay. Camano. It’s no longer self-preservation, is it? It’s revenge.” His light eyes were glittering in his taut face. “And I’ll help you find the way to destroy him. Camano was never my target. Lee, Natalie, and I were up against someone who makes Camano look almost good by comparison. But that’s changed. I promise you, Allie. Give me what I need, and you’ll have your freedom and revenge.”
He slammed the door behind him.
She stared after him for an instant before she entered the bathroom and closed the door behind her. Her knees felt weak, and her emotions were in shreds.
/> Cremation.
A handful of ashes.
She could feel the tears sting her eyes.
Alone.
So terribly alone.
She fell to her knees on the cold white tiles and curled up in a fetal position as waves of pain rocked her.
I miss you. Dear God, I miss you.
Sobs were shaking her body, and she couldn’t seem to stop them.
She didn’t know how long she lay there on the floor until she could think again.
Fight it. Don’t let Camano make her into this weakling.
But it was another ten minutes before she was able to get to her feet and stumble to the shower.
The next moment, she was beneath the warm spray.
She felt the taste of salt on her lips but didn’t bother to wipe the tears away.
She vaguely remembered other tears, other agonies, during the last two days, but this was different. No Mandak to protect her.
I didn’t need you. I could have handled it, Mandak.
Or could she? Somewhere in the subconscious depths of her mind, she remembered those two days of searing torturous sorrow, mixed with guilt and regret. It had been close to madness.
Well, it was time she stopped relying on Mandak. When she had learned Camano had found her, she had been full of defiance and independence. Yet she hadn’t pushed Mandak totally away. He had become a way of life to her. She hadn’t turned her back and walked away.
Perhaps if she had, Lee and Natalie would still be alive.
No, she wouldn’t go down that path again. She had to come to terms with what had happened.
And start planning how to punish Camano for killing the only two people she loved in the world.
But Gina … Her mother wasn’t dead.
But Gina wasn’t real, she had no substance beside Lee and Natalie. She was a dream from the past and still held by Camano.
Freedom and revenge.
It was the gift Mandak had offered her, a gift he’d known she’d want above anything else.
“I’ll help you find a way to destroy him.”
“Freedom and revenge.”
Tempting. So tempting.
But Mandak was a master of luring her into doing as he wished. She had to think for herself and decide what she needed to do to survive.
Enough tears. There would be plenty of weeping when she said her final good-byes to Natalie and Lee.
She got out of the shower, dried off, and quickly dressed in jeans and a blue tunic shirt she pulled out of the duffel. She used a blow-dryer to tame down her hair and let it go at that.
She looked terrible. She must have lost ten pounds in the last few days, and there were dark circles beneath her eyes.
Too bad. As if it mattered.
She opened the bathroom door to go back into the bedroom.
“Ah, you’re dressed, that’s a relief.” A red-haired, thirtyish man with brown eyes and a broad smile was sitting in the easy chair across the room. “Mandak told me I had to be on hand to talk to you right away, so I let myself in. But I’ve suddenly been having images of your wandering back into the bedroom naked.” His eyes were twinkling. “Not that I’m averse to seeing beautiful women in their altogether. I just thought it would be awkward to start a new relationship. I’m Sean Donavel.”
“You could have waited and politely knocked.” She came forward. “What’s so urgent? Or do you always obey Mandak?”
“Not always.” He leaned back in his chair. “But if it’s not too much trouble, I try to be accommodating. I always want Mandak to owe me.”
“Is that why you took us into your apartment?”
“One reason.” He shrugged. “And Mandak said that you needed a safe place. Now there’s no more safe place than here with a strong, handsome Irishman like myself.” His Irish accent became definitely more pronounced on the last sentence. “It aroused all my protective instincts.” He leaned forward and uncovered a tray on the hassock in front of him. “And part of that caretaking is to heal and provide. Come and sit down and have a bite. I know you must be hungry.”
“Do you?” She came toward him. “How? What do you know about Mandak and me?”
“I know you went through hell while you were lying in that bed over there,” he said gently. “And I know that Mandak brought you safe to the other side.”
“For his own purposes.”
“Perhaps. Sometimes I’m not certain what makes him tick. I’d bet that sometimes he doesn’t know himself.”
“And you’re a gambler?” She shook her head. “You’d lose. Mandak knows exactly where he’s going and what he’s after.” Her lips twisted. “I’m the one who is in the dark. I’ve never known what Mandak wanted from me. He’s never seen fit to discuss it. He’s been sitting and watching me and waiting to pounce. Whatever it is, it can’t be good, Mr. Donavel.”
“Sean,” he said. “I can’t argue that Mandak may prove dangerous for you.” He paused. “But have you wondered why he’s been waiting? He told me that you’ve been with him for seven years.”
“Not with him,” she said quickly.
“Think about it.” He poured her a cup of coffee. “Could it be that Mandak knew that he had to let you grow and mature to give you a chance of being able to survive? If he’d taken you all those years ago, he might have gotten what he wanted, but it might have broken you.”
Her gaze narrowed on his face. “You know what Mandak wants, don’t you? What is it?”
He shook his head. “Ask him. I’m here because he knows your relationship is extremely tentative. He thought you might wish to ask me a few questions about what I know about him.”
“And I’m supposed to believe you’d tell me the truth?” she asked skeptically.
“That’s entirely up to you.” He smiled. “But I never lie about Mandak. It gets too complicated. Unless it means my life or his. We’ve been together too long.” He tilted his head. “And I don’t believe you’re a threat to either one of us.”
“You can never tell.”
He chuckled. “That’s true.” He gestured to the sandwiches on the tray and coaxed, “But you’ll need strength to be a worthy antagonist. Come and have a bite.”
She hesitated. He was warm and charismatic, and she shouldn’t trust him. But she still found herself sitting down across from Sean. Why not? She’d already determined that she had to know more about Mandak if she was going to fight him. She slowly took the cup of coffee Sean handed her. “Tentative is a kind way to describe my relationship with Mandak. He’s never been hesitant about letting me know I couldn’t trust him.”
“Isn’t that honesty of a kind?”
“Maybe.” She sipped the coffee. “Why did you let Mandak bring me here? I’m not buying that bull about Irish gallantry.”
“I’m hurt.” He laughed. “But I forgive you since you’re not familiar with my sterling character.” His smiled faded. “Mandak and I sort of belong to the same club. He’s a charter member, and I’ve chosen to stay out on the edge and opt into the business every now and then.”
“Charter member?”
“Which means that Mandak’s vastly more talented and valuable than I’ll ever be. I just have a wonderful memory and a few other small gifts. Which makes me able to make a very good living at the tables as long as I’m careful not to reveal just how good that memory really is. On the other hand, Mandak is able to go into minds and manipulate and do fairly incredible things when he’s called upon.”
“Gifts,” she repeated bluntly. “That means you’re a freak like me, like Mandak.”
He flinched. “I don’t like that word. I had to fight it for most of my life before Mandak came along.”
“It doesn’t matter whether you like it or not. It’s what we are. You just have to survive it.”
“No, you don’t.” He leaned back in his chair. “You have to twist it to suit yourself and enjoy it.”
“Enjoy it?”
“Your circumstances are a bit different, b
ut work at it.” He paused. “Mandak could help you. I believe he’s already helped you, hasn’t he?”
“As long as I pay the price.” She asked, “Club? What the hell kind of club?”
“Not club.” He hesitated. “Actually, I didn’t want to say ‘family.’” He watched her stiffen. “I thought you’d be a bit sensitive to that. But Mandak and I are both linked by ancient ties to the Devanez family. It’s a noble family founded in Spain in the fourteenth century. The Devanez clan were reputed to have certain psychic talents that got them in trouble at the time of the Spanish Inquisition. It appears they passed on those gifts to their descendants. They fled Spain, and naturally, over the centuries, the family became splintered and moved from country to country. Most of them have no knowledge of the family origins.” He shrugged. “Which can be bewildering when you have a weird talent and no background and no one to teach you what to do with it. I speak from experience. I would have ended up in prison or dead if they hadn’t sent Mandak to find me.”
“Who is they?”
“The core Devanez family kept to ancient tradition and made it their obligation to seek out those individuals and try to save or stabilize them. It’s become a rule and custom that can’t be broken.”
“Family,” Allie repeated distastefully.
“I knew that would bother you.” He held up his hand. “Nothing criminal.” He thought about it. “Well, sometimes there have been cases of criminality, but usually they can be straightened out by a Searcher like Mandak. I was pretty close to the edge when Mandak found me.”
She was now completely bewildered. “Searcher? What the hell are you talking about? Searching for what?”
He grimaced. “The lost ones. You’d call them freaks. I’d call them members of the Devanez family who have certain unusual gifts and don’t know how to handle them. Many of them don’t even know they’re members of the Devanez family. It’s Mandak’s job to find them, stabilize, and civilize them. He’s able to adjust their attitudes and heal psychic disorders.”
“This is crazy,” she said harshly. “I’m supposed to believe all this?”