“Go to hell.”
Running.
Darkness.
Trees.
Forest.
Familiar. So familiar.
Running from Camano.
Now running from Mandak.
“Allie!”
He was behind her, his feet pounding the earth.
Close.
Very close.
“Stop.” He muttered a curse. “This isn’t good for you. You’re probably going to start bleeding again. I’m not going to hurt you.”
“That’s what Tantona said.” She ran faster. “I don’t believe you, either. Everyone lies to me. It’s all lies.”
“If it was lies, I would have spun you a much better story.” His hand grasped her shoulder, and he spun her around. “Everything I told you was truth. It would have been much easier to lie to you.”
“Would it?” She tried to struggle with him. Strong. Lord, he was strong. “I think you just wanted to scare me.”
“That’s the last thing I wanted,” he said harshly. “This isn’t easy for me. You’re only a kid. I don’t terrorize kids. I wanted to make this as honest and clean as I could.”
“Well, you didn’t do it.” She freed one arm and slapped him. “Let me go.” She slapped him again. “Let me go, dammit.”
“I can’t do that, Allie.” He grabbed her close and held her immobile in his arms. “Now be still. It will be over in a minute.”
“What will be—” Panic was rising within her. “What are you doing, Mandak? I won’t let you—”
Dizziness.
Darkness.
* * *
SUNLIGHT …
Pine trees …
Butterflies …
Wonderful scents …
The wings of the butterflies were moving in slow, beautiful patterns through the forest, she thought dreamily.
Mama was like a butterfly …
But somehow the thought of Mama wasn’t hurting her right now. She could accept the beauty without the thought of betrayal.
“I’m glad I could at least do that for you,” Mandak said ruefully.
She turned to see him leaning against a tree, the sunlight shining on his dark hair. He was beautiful, too, but not like a butterfly.
“Thank God, for that,” he said. “I would just have soon skipped the butterfly analogy for your mother, too. I tried to find you a lovely but totally association-free scene from your childhood.” He grimaced. “But you had such a lousy childhood that I had to take what I could get.”
She looked around her. Beauty. Peace. “You … did this?”
“I had to calm you down.” His lips twisted. “And anyway, you wanted a demonstration that I could do something besides kill people.”
“Just pretty pictures.” She gazed at the butterflies. “How did you do it?”
“It’s one of my talents. I’m not as good at it as some others in my circle, but this came out pretty well.”
“You read my memories?”
“I can’t actually read your memories. It’s not my forte. I can just skim the surface. I’m very good at surfing. I just went dipping for things that made you peaceful and happy.”
“Pretty pictures,” she repeated with disgust.
“Real pictures. Real scents. Real feelings that you felt at the time. I just brought them back for you. Your own memories.” He shook his head. “But there are so many other memories that are tortured. I have to clarify and let you look at them without the hurt.”
She shook her head.
“Don’t be afraid. We’ll start out slow. You can stop me at any time. But if you’ll trust me, we can get through this.”
“I can’t trust you.”
“Then just take baby steps, and we’ll still make it. I’ll show you.”
“No. I don’t want you to—”
Serenity.
Sunlight.
Sparkling, glowing beacons in the distance.
Butterflies moving, flying, soaring.
And Mandak.
Gently, carefully, no more intrusion than the butterflies …
But he wasn’t moving aimlessly as they were doing. He was in her mind, seeking, finding.
Release.
Unchained.
An exquisite burst of freedom.
Then he was there again, soothing, a balm to ease the shock of that sudden release.
“See?” His voice was velvet soft in the darkness. “I’ll bring you only good right now. That was only a tiny, ugly scar you needed to be rid of. There is so much worse trauma and ugliness that’s paralyzing you. What your father subjected you to was cruel and unusual punishment. It’s a wonder you survived it. I’m taking away the scars and unhealed wounds, not giving you new ones. You can feel that, can’t you?”
She could feel it. It was clear and pure as the sunlight. She felt the goodness and the rightness of that release. “Yes.” She added belligerently, “But I still don’t trust you.”
He chuckled. “I didn’t expect victory. One step at a time. Sleep. When you wake up, you’ll realize that something’s changed, something’s better. Then we’ll take it from there.”
“I don’t know. You really are weird. Maybe more weird than I am. I have to figure out what just happened. Maybe hypnosis? But I could feel it.” It was hard to think now. She was already too drowsy. “But I guess you did prove that you know how to do something besides kill people…”
CHAPTER THREE
“YOU SLEPT HARD.” MANDAK was sitting in the chair beside her bed when she opened her eyes again. She was in her bedroom at the lodge she realized hazily. “It’s been four hours and I was getting a little worried. Though I thought it was probably a mental effort to get away from me that was causing it. The wound looked all right after I rebandaged it.”
She looked down at her side and the clean fresh bandage. “It feels okay.” She met his gaze. “And I wouldn’t try to escape from you that way. I’m not a coward.”
“Point taken. Then maybe you were trying to work everything out in your mind.” He smiled. “There’s something to the old advice about the wisdom of sleeping on it. Did you come up with anything?”
“Was I supposed to wake up and immediately tell you that you were right?” She shook her head. “No way.” She wished he would go away. She had to think. She was bewildered and a little scared. But amidst all the fear, something had happened tonight that had made her imagine that maybe …
He was silent, his eyes narrowed on her face. “I doubt if you’d ever admit I was right about anything. But what I did to you, with you, felt right, didn’t it? Tell me the truth, Allie.”
She hesitated. It was difficult lowering her defenses, but maybe it was time she tried. Then she said awkwardly, “Nothing I’ve ever felt was as right as those few moments. Afterward, I felt … free.”
“It will get better. I made you a promise, and I’ll keep it.”
If she let him keep that promise. The fear was there, but so was that tiny current of excitement. “What … would you do?”
“I’d come to you, mostly at night when you’re on the verge of sleep, it’s easier to access at that time. I’d just sit here, sometimes you’ll talk to me.”
“I don’t like that. It sounds like Dr. Kramer and an analyst’s couch.”
“Then don’t talk to me. Your choice. I can work anyway.” He paused. “You want to do it, don’t you?”
She did want to do it. He had shown her a brightness at the end of the tunnel. It had only been a single ray of light, but it had held hope. “Maybe.” She moistened her lips. “How long will it take? Oh, not all that razzle-dazzle about cleansing my mind. How long before I can function and keep everyone at bay and out of my head?”
“Years.”
“What?”
“You said everyone. That’s a very big order. It would take years to get even near that goal,” he said. “I’m being honest with you. I’m not promising you that you won’t be bombarded occasionally. I’m saying that I’ll give yo
u immunity about seventy percent of the time.”
She tried to judge what that would mean to her. “How long for that seventy percent?”
“About eight weeks. The first five weeks we cleanse and clarify. The last three weeks we concentrate on building.”
“Eight weeks is a long time.”
“Not for the payoff. Think about it.”
She was thinking about it.
Immunity seventy percent of the time. It wasn’t perfect, but it could be salvation for her. If she was careful, she would be able to move around almost normally. He hadn’t promised that he’d give her everything she wanted, and that honesty made her more prone to believe him.
It might all be a fairy tale. But what if it wasn’t? What if there was a chance?
“I still don’t trust you.”
“That’s not the question. In the end, you don’t have to trust me,” he said softly. “Not if you trust yourself, Allie. Do you?”
His words hit home. He was right, it didn’t matter what his intentions were for her. He didn’t control her. If she kept her wits sharp and watched him, then she’d be able to detect any sign that could harm her. She was the only person in the world that she did trust.
Then why be afraid or uneasy? She could protect herself. Why not reach out and take what she wanted? “When do we start? Now?”
“Ah, I thought that might be the closing argument.” He smiled. “Not tonight. You’ve already had the first breakthrough. Plus you’ve had a rough day.”
“I feel fine. Stop treating me as if I’m some kind of weakling. I don’t want to sit around and wait for you to decide it’s the right time. If I’m going to do it, let’s do it.” She frowned. “I want to get going.”
“You won’t just be sitting around.” He studied her expression. “But you obviously need to be convinced.” He got to his feet. “Since you assure me how strong and fit you are, I won’t worry about your wound for tonight. Get up and come with me. I’ll show you what happens after you get that wound a little more healed.” He helped her out of the bed. “A little puny?”
“No.” Her knees were feeling rubbery, but she stepped away from him. She got a funny feeling whenever he touched her. “Where are we going?”
“Just down the hall. To the left.” He was across the room, opening the door. “After you.”
“What’s down the hall?” She went out the door and turned left. “Never mind. I’ll find out for myself.”
“You don’t mind if I trail along?” He was close behind her. “The next door, Allie.”
She stopped and hesitated before the door he indicated.
“You’re wondering what’s behind it,” he said, amused. “Like the old story. Will it be something wonderful? Or a tiger who could attack you?”
She reached for the doorknob. “Not a tiger. The tiger’s on this side of the door.”
He chuckled with genuine amusement. “Very good.”
She threw open the door.
Darkness.
He reached around from behind her and turned on the wall switch. Brilliant light illuminated the room. “No tiger.”
She stared in bewilderment. “It’s just some kind of gym.” Her gaze wandered around the room. Mats on the floor. Exercise equipment. Weights.
“Disappointed?” he asked. “It’s a very good gym. Exactly what I asked for when I rented the place.”
“Why did you want a gym?”
“It’s for you. You need to be kept occupied.”
“In a gym?”
“Physical release is a good thing.” He paused. “And it wouldn’t hurt you to learn a few karate moves or maybe more than a few. If you’ll let me teach you.”
“Karate?”
“Or we could explore a few other martial arts if you prefer.”
“Why?” she asked bluntly. “Occupied? You don’t care about my being occupied. It’s all about learning karate or that other stuff, isn’t it? Why should I do that?”
“I like the idea of your being able to take care of yourself.”
“Why?”
“I may not be around when you need me to be. I don’t want you to have to depend on me.”
Shock rippled through her. It shouldn’t have surprised her, but it did. She knew in the end that she was alone. She certainly had no intention of ever having to depend on Mandak. Yet she knew his strength and intelligence, and it had been comforting to have someone beside her to fight Camano. “You don’t have to worry about that,” she said jerkily. “I’ll make my own way.”
“I’ll be there if I can,” he said sharply. “But things happen, and I want you to be prepared for them. I want you to be smart and lethal and a finely honed weapon that no one can put down. I think you want that, too.”
“I never thought about it.”
“No, you were too busy just keeping sane and fighting off the dragons. It’s what you’re doing at this moment. Think about it now.”
Fighting off the dragons.
Yes, that had been her life. But it had always been a defensive battle. She had been the victim. But what if that changed? What if she became the weapon Mandak wanted her to be?
“You like the idea,” Mandak said, his gaze on her expression.
“Yes.” She added fiercely, “You knew I would. But do you believe I don’t know that you’re not doing this only for my sake? Maybe you want a weapon of your own, Mandak.”
“Maybe I do. But the sword cuts both ways, doesn’t it?”
She slowly gazed around the gym again. “What would I have to do?”
“Get well. That won’t take long. Get strong. Skill can replace strength in many cases, but it helps. Exercise. You probably didn’t ever have a regular exercise regimen.”
“I’m stronger than you think. I used to swim for hours in the pool at the compound.” She looked at all the exercise machines. “But I can get stronger.”
“I’m sure you can.”
She turned to look at him, and demanded, “But are you good enough to teach me?”
He smiled. “Yes, I’m good enough.”
“And you won’t pretend or try to take it easy on me?”
“Not even a little bit.” His voice was gentle but still held a hint of steel. “I’ll take you down and wipe the floor with you. Fair enough?”
“And you’d enjoy it.”
“You’ll have to see. I’m torn between thinking of you as a kid and wanting to meet those challenges you throw at me on a purely adult level. That means my every response to you is a crapshoot.”
“Whatever.” Her brow was furrowed in thought. “But I want more. It’s not going to be enough.”
“Really?”
“Guns. I want to know how to handle guns. And maybe knives.”
“Good God.”
“Why are you surprised? You started this. All the martial arts in the world aren’t going to do me any good unless I’m close to Camano’s men. They’ll have guns and knives, and they’ll know how to use them. I’m going to know how to use them, too.” She added, “I don’t think I have to ask if you can teach me about guns. You said you were a mercenary.”
“I can teach you.”
“This is my life. I’m going to defend myself. I want to be very, very good.”
“I can teach you,” he repeated.
“Just checking. If you can’t, try to find someone who can.” She turned away from him. “I’m ready to go back to bed now. I need to rest.” She suddenly whirled back to him and took a deep breath. “There’s something I have to say to you.” She moistened her lips. “Thank you.”
His brows rose. “Well, that’s a surprise.”
“It’s hard for me to say because I’m confused, and I don’t know why you’re doing all this.” She shook her head. “But in the end, maybe it doesn’t matter. You saved my life. And now you may be going to save my sanity. That’s really something, Mandak. You have no idea what it means to me. I can’t just turn my back and ignore it.”
“Eve
n though I’ve told you that I’m going to make you pay for it?”
“All my life, people have been doing that. You’re no different. I’ll work that out later. And, at least, you’re giving me something I want more than anything in the world.” She started to turn away. “That’s all. I don’t promise to trust you or not to be suspicious. But I wanted you to know that I value what you’re doing for me. Because I probably won’t tell you again.”
“Once is enough. I believe I’m touched.”
“You’re making fun of me. That’s okay. I expected it.”
“No such thing. I meant it.”
“Really?” The awkwardness of the moment was back. She headed for the door. “Like I said, I need to go to bed. I’ll start exercising early tomorrow morning.”
“And probably overdo it.”
“I won’t hurt myself.” She glanced back at him. “And I won’t let you hurt me either. You were surprised that I took the initiative just now about the guns, but it wouldn’t have been too long before you took another step in the same direction. You’re clever and manipulative, and you probably didn’t want to shock me.”
“Very perceptive.”
“Am I right?”
He slowly nodded. “I agree that you need all the tools you can beg, borrow, or steal to get through this.”
“I’ll get through it. I’ll study and learn and fight all the dragons that come my way. But it will be my battle, not yours.” She headed for the door. “You want a weapon? I’ll give you one, Mandak. But it won’t do you one bit of good.”
Trenton, New Jersey
“I’ve got a license-plate number,” Navarro said when Camano picked up.
“It’s about time,” Camano said.
“We were lucky to get it this soon. It was like working blind. If we hadn’t found the blood, we’d still be looking for who took her.”
“Blood?”
“Tantona was firing at her. We found traces of blood in the shrubs and at a campsite about thirty miles down the road from where we found Tantona.”
“But you didn’t find a body?”
“No, but we found a ranger who had spotted a car in the forest that night. He wasn’t happy about the campfire. So he took down the license number and was going to talk to the man who had lit it. But they only stayed a couple hours, then took off.”