Before the dawn
©Wendy Maddocks 2011
Before the dawn
Copyright Wendy Maddocks 2011
Other works by Wendy Maddocks
Stand alone novels
Twisted evil
Into the darkness
Short story collections
The thrill of the Chase
A Shade too young
The Shades of Northwood series
Running shoes
Circle of arms
Unfinished business
Kiss at midnight
Circle of the Fallen series
Angels of America
Poetry collections
When I was young
Before the dawn
Screenplays
RISK
Non-fiction
Student: dazed and confused
Introduction
Has anyone ever noticed how much cooler everything is when you do it at night? There’s something about those hours of darkness that has always fascinated me. Magic, moonlight, mystery. All of those things are only really real when there’s no harsh light of day with its’ cruel and cold logic.
Have you ever been awake and staring out of your window at three in the morning when you know you should be asleep? It feels as though the rest of the world is sleeping and you’re the only one awake. Even if you’re surrounded by other people, you feel special – as if whatever you do now holds some air of secrecy because it is only worth doing wrapped in the blanket of night. You can do things – special dark things – and you can love people – people who live in the night... like you.
Stolen night
Velvet sunrise steals my spider dark night
As I haunt this hollow house
Screaming my misty spells
By silver candlelight
Shimmering in and out at silken will
Phantoms and ghosts from the grave
Words from beyond
Dark night
Silver-white shot peppers my midnight sky
Talcum powder shower in this dark night
Suddenly there is nowhere I can hide
Dying stars rain down on me I cry
Inside
Shadows come out at night to play
Black unseens spook around their graves
Far from starlit safety I have strayed
And I can’t hide although I’ve lost my way
Again
Straight from hell
Fires are roaring and the furies are raging
Somewhere in the tunnels a banshee is wailing
I swear in the darkness
I saw dead men parading
And have no respect for the live
In the darkest of shadows on the darkest of nights
There’s a gun in a hand, getting ready to fight
The sewers are crawling
Towards the home of the dead
And the sirens scream out their toll
White splits the night, a silver-black ghost
It screams down the road like a bat straight from hell
Running wild and free
Spewing flame from a barrel
Gunning like a bat straight from hell
The banshee wails on in the fires that surround
The sirens were too late to save the boy with the gun
He put a bullet in his head
And another in the ground
The dead men are rising again
Didn’t see the curve and went straight over the edge
Lying twisted and torn at the foot of a cliff
Bleeding to death and defeated
He saw his own heart rise from his chest
Screaming like a bat straight from hell
White roses
Red roses lost their colour
The rain washed it all away
And now the roses are white
From the cradle to the grave
And all that is in between
Colour is bleached by the rain
Beauty is bleached from roses
And they lie, white, on a stone
For the shadow lasts longer
Than the whole
Sailor to a siren
You mustn’t
You shouldn’t
But you know you will
I know you will
I picked you out in the crowd
It wasn’t hard
Them – heaving, shouting
You – tranquil, serene
Glowing like a bright beacon
Of tarnished purity
Shining like a wave on the water
Come tell me what you’ve done
Confess all your sins
Renew your vows
But you know you will break them
You shouldn’t follow me
Or obey my commands
But you can’t help yourself
The lights are seductively low
But I can see you
You can’t hide
You don’t want to hide
Look at the moon-kissed sky
Yes
You are outside now
Under the darkness
I did not demand you come
Free will did
And you listened to it
As you will to me
You come to me
Like sand to the shore
Breath to the bones
Rolling
And flowing
And now I see how you remind me
Of the sea
Somewhere
Where feet wade through blood
Where hands claw for air
Where eyes close in hate
Where guns draw their fate
Where nerves are on edge
Where bombs are the norm
Where innocents have bled
Where angels fear to tread
Where graves are three deep
Where children are armed
Where soldiers are scared
Where ‘goodbye’ is prepared
Where skin tears by knife
Where screams fill the air
Where the darkness is bliss
Where the living’s just this
Where pain is the peace
Where death is release
Black velvet
And looming before me
Like the darkness of the grave
Is the shadow of death
The shadow is not welcomed
But nor is it feared
It is soft and black like velvet
And breaks my fall
I do not run to it with open arms
Though I embrace it like sleep
Sleep that will keep me
For ever
Darkness is growing
Enveloping me in its’ comfortable grasp
There is no escape from
The final sleep
I accept the shadow of death
And the sleep it provides
But it offers no rest
For never
My cradle is my grave
And it holds me
No saviour will come to my rescue
But I don’t need saving
Lying here still
In my bed of plush velvet
Did no-one tell you…
I’m just sleeping
2 a.m. at the dirt track with Jim
I hear motorcycles
Grinding away at their dirty
Oily passions
And the satisfied purr of completion
Petrol fumes and
Speed
Nothing better than that
Gnawing into a body with silky
Silver phantom bike
Gr
owling
Craving ever more
Than it can ever be given
Anger and greasy moans and
Tyre tracks
Roars of rapid, fleeting
Pleasure
And broken hearts
Hiding in the night
All around, the cold night air falls
And I’m afraid to break the silence
In these same four walls
The still night surrounds us
There is no escape
So surrender to the darkness
Surrender to fate
And the purpose of the darkness is to drive us all wild
Till I find myself hiding in your arms like a child
And all that’s around us is so cool and still
And it feels like forever tonight
So give yourself to me
Sacrifice your free will
Till everything evil just falls out of sight
In the silence, one heart beats loudly
In the stillness, one soul is not calm
Safe in this one room
The cold does not touch us
And we hear no stories of doom
Lonely is the night-time
But worse is the day
For the darkness conceals the pain
It’s been a long night tonight, too long
Silent and tranquil and dark
And your arms held me strong as dusk deepened to black
Something about this peace time is wrong
Sweet revenge
Find another hundred ways to make me bleed
And I’ll find a hundred more to hurt you
I spill red when you cut me
My bones splinter when you break them
So I press charges
Or key your car
I stain the carpet crimson
But I’m not cleaning it
Well, you’re the one with the knife
You call the carpet cleaners
I bruise too easy and deep
You tell me to cover them up
But I like this kaleidoscope of colours
Like when I torched your clothes
Now
You still planning to hurt me?
Twisted
It was over a long time ago
Only I didn’t want to believe it
So I kept sleeping with him
Telling him I loved him
I even wore his ring
And it didn’t even sting
Never thought it’d be this easy to lie
Always imagined I’d feel worse
But it’s more of a blessing than a curse
Love doesn’t mean anything
It’s only a word we used to know
So I can say it
I can maintain the twisted truth
Always preferred it twisted
More fun to straighten it out
‘Cos I don’t have to know what I’m talking about
Phantom
The night she died, it was dark
It was hot too
The middle of summer, in fact
It was midnight
Thunder clouds rolling overhead
The rain held off
But the tyres didn’t grip
Silver ghost bike
Speeding through each bend and curve
Silver ghost bike
With a silver ghost girl
I shall wake
One day
I know
I shall wake from this dream
I shall shake myself from this slumber
Oh, how I wish
I was just sleeping
That I could still be that safe
This is no dream
Still, I shall wake from it
With silent fright
I know
I shall make no sound
Noise escapes me
I am not sleeping
Or breathing
Just dreaming
And
One day, I shall wake
At the end of the tunnel
My world gets so dark
Sometimes
It gets hard to see the light
And then I have to wonder
If there’s even any light left
The dark goes on so far
My eyes seem to have adjusted
To the black
But I still can’t find the light
Is it still out there?
When we sleep
The whole world is burning
Orange and golden flames light up
A dark night sky
Stars are exploding
Into millions of sparking splinters
And the howls of the fires hang like
The agonised power chords
Of bleeding guitars
Sirens scream through the night
Begging to be heard
As tears run in rivers
For those who danced with the devil
The whole world is burning
For all you know
You’re the only one left alive
What are you gonna do?
My own flames
Wish I could say sorry
Or forgive me my sins
But I’m not sorry
And I don’t seek forgiveness
I’m twisted
And wicked
And consumed by the flames
Of my own creation
I’m an abomination
Or so society says
And who am I to argue?
Hell, I argue it
All the time
Defending my crime
I’m happy
And warped
But lost in the confusion
In which I live
Learning not to give
I’m genetically screwed
Not what they expect
Smart
Funny
Determined
Happy
Independent
Insane
Engulfed in my own flames
Wish I could say sorry
But I don’t like lying
Princess of nightmares
The armies of darkness
They give and they take
The soldiers of sleep-time
They scream and they shake
The princess of nightmares
And she will awake
Awake into darkness
She blends and she fades
A shadow in shadows
She smiles at her trade
A life in the light
For a life in the shade
The princess, she tells us
We’ll die in our dreams
So dark and demonic
She sings and she screams
The hush
I see the darkness
And behind the shadows
I hear the silence
And under the whispers
You’re still here with me
Watching me
Saving me
Leaving me
The ghosts of your laughter
A phantom settles
Into a silver silhouette
You were pushed before you fell
To this quiet place
Where you call my name
Silently
It grows darker
And the shadows lengthen
You chase them away
The coldness comes
And your phantom freezes
Noiseless
Motionless
You’re still here
I see beyond the darkness
You are in the shadows
I hear beyond the silence
You are all the whispers
Nocturnal pleasure
Engines purring for greasy passions
In dirty back alleys
Beautiful in the afterglow of
The need for speed
Motorbikes breeding
by night
Growling to be pushed
To work the throttle a little harder
They’re not built for comfort
They were built for speed
In the shadows
The shadows are coming
And they’re growing large enough
To swallow me
Things used to hide in them
Now nothing does
Sometimes everything does
Ready to pounce and tear me apart
Like the beast
Most things are too scared of
What might already be there
Something darker
Something deeper
Than the superficial ebony flashes
The shadows want me to join them
To be black and hateful
And unable to claw mw escape
Yet, I refuse the offer of the shadow
Unwilling to join the beast
Running from its blood red gift
Drawn to the light
But the shadows are coming
Splinters
My childhood has shattered into splinters
Of memories
And pieces of dreams
It is as it must be
And it should now be broken
Away from the horrors and terrors
And nightmares best unspoken
Flashbacks to times once lived
Bring out the worst of the bad
Times when I dreamed of fortune and fame
And freedom from the one I call Dad
Now the splinters are buried deep
And all ties are being severed
But the price for that gift is steep
My youth must be shunned
With savage abandon
Running from cover
Running from home
A child no longer – no illusions
Shatter-proof dreams
Spider-webbed thoughts of what if…