I crouched down behind the first row of vegetables.
My uncle’s garden was big, filled with rows and rows of bushy growth.
Sliiit, sliiit, rooompph.
My annoying human spine tingled again.
I could hear grunting. I had never actually heard a newt grunt before, and this new experience was not pleasant. I silently recited the sacred cephalopod prayer that all squids recite when meditating in the dry caves beneath Tempura Cove:
I ink therefore I am.
Some suction is good.
What doesn’t gill you makes you stronger.
I moved farther into the garden and made my way down the second row of veggies. The tall leafy greens brushed against my legs like cobwebs. Now I was mumbling the cave prayer out loud.
“Some suction is good. What doesn’t gill you . . .”
My hands were shaking, and the grunting was growing louder. I saw a dark figure near the edge of the flashlight beam.
If I’m being honest, I’ll admit that I wanted to run away, hop on a plane, and go home to safety. But Zeke was in trouble, and this might be my best shot at helping him.
My mind whizzed as I realized that I was about to do something incredibly stupid and brave. I only wished someone else was here to see me do it.
I took off running directly toward the shadow. I passed the flashlight on the ground and saw that the newt was holding some sort of weapon in its hands. I threw the open box of baking soda while screaming, “Calamari power!”
The box hit the newt and exploded on impact.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
A MUDDY MESSAGE
I dove to tackle the newt but didn’t jump quite as far as I needed to. Instead, I hit the ground hard and rolled into its legs. The newt came crashing down on me, screaming. I reached through the cloud of baking soda to grab its ankles, but it twisted out of my grasp and hit me upside the head with its elbow.
For a newt, it had incredibly dry skin.
I could detect no slime at all, just powder, which caused it to slip from my hold and squirm away. I rolled over and picked up the flashlight and shined the light at the newt.
“Put your slimy hands in the air!” I yelled.
“What are you doing, Perry? It’s me, Rain.”
I stood up, keeping the light focused on him. It did look a lot like him, but he was covered in baking soda.
“Rain?” I said breathing hard. “How do I know it’s really you?”
“What do you mean, ‘How do I know it’s really you?’ I picked you up at the airport! I saw you at the clearing, you’re the wad-of-cash kid!” he hollered.
“How much did you charge me for the ride from the airport?”
“Too much.”
It was definitely Rain, and it seemed like he was not very happy about me throwing baking soda at him. I watched him lick the powder off his lips, and when he did . . . nothing happened.
Sadly, he was no newt.
The disappointment made my tentacles shrivel and my ink go dry. I wanted Rain to be the newt that would have answers about where my uncle was. But no, he had to be a human. I shined the flashlight directly into his eyes.
“What are you doing in my uncle’s garden in the middle of the night?”
Rain squinted and held his arm up over his face. Even though he wasn’t a newt, he was still suspicious.
“My mom’s carrots were ruined. Her garden patch was trampled by a bunch of Bunny Mooners on Segways. They were taking a shortcut through her garden to get to the mall. My mom can’t make juice without carrots.”
“Aren’t there other places to get carrots?”
“Not at the moment. Everything in the juice needs to be locally grown. Only your uncle’s carrot crop has come in, so I figured I’d come borrow a few.”
“You mean, steal a few.”
“I was going to ask your uncle, but he’s not around,” Rain insisted. “Listen, Perry, the people here love my mom’s carrot juice. If she doesn’t have it for them tomorrow, things will get ugly.”
I didn’t feel sorry for Rain, but I really had no need for a garden full of carrots, and my uncle wasn’t around to eat them. I had been upset with Rain earlier, when he had almost killed me on his bike, but pelting him with a box of baking soda sort of made us even.
“Fine,” I said. “Squids have big hearts. I guess you can take some.”
“I was already planning to.”
“Well, now I give you my official permission.”
“Thanks for giving me permission I didn’t need.”
“You’re welcome.”
I gave Rain the flashlight to light up the carrots directly around us. The tops were so tall I didn’t have to bend over to grab one.
I yanked on it, and it didn’t move.
“Here,” Rain said. “Use this.”
Rain handed me the shovel that I had thought was a weapon. I stuck it into the ground.
Sliiit.
After I had loosened the carrot, I wrapped my arms around the leafy part and pulled upward with all my strength. The vegetable broke loose from the soil.
Rooompph!
The carrot was three feet long and as large as my leg. It was so heavy that I could barely lift it off the ground.
“That’ll make a ton of juice,” Rain said in awe.
I dragged the giant carrot down the row and laid it on the ground. Rain lit it up with the flashlight as we inspected it closely. When I lowered my nose, I noticed the carrot had a sort of eggy smell to it.
“Aren’t carrots supposed to be orange?” I asked. “I’m not much of an expert on vegetables, but I know my colors, and that’s purple.”
“Maybe it’s a rainbow carrot. They grow in all different colors.”
“Will it still work in the juice?”
“I can’t see why not.”
Rain picked up the massive purple vegetable. He dusted off a spot and took a bite.
I wanted to throw up.
Rain, on the other hand, was going nuts. His eyes went wide, and his lips curled into a gleeful smile. While chewing, he made yummy noises and groaned as tiny bits of carrot flew from his mouth.
“It can’t be that good.”
“It is,” he insisted, still chewing. “It tastes like pizza and nacho cheese and doughnuts all smashed into one.”
“Wait, that’s one of my favorite combinations,” I said suspiciously.
“It’s amazing!” Rain continued, still spraying me with tiny bits of food as he spoke. “Try a bite.”
“No way! I don’t eat things pulled from the ground.”
“Seriously, it’s good.”
“I don’t believe you. I’ve been tricked into tasting vegetables before, and I promised myself I’d never let it happen again.”
Rain took another big bite. “Unbelievable. You’re missing out. I’ve got to get these to my mom. If you help me, I’m sure my mom will pay you something.”
“I don’t really need money.”
“Oh, that’s right. Well, if you help, I promise to never tell anyone that you were out in your uncle’s garden screaming about calamari and wearing cartoon underpants. Deal?”
I looked down at my bare legs. I had completely forgotten that I had taken off my pants to sleep and not put them back on to attack the newt.
“Deal,” I said.
I retrieved my pants from the house, and then the two of us pulled up a dozen carrots. I found a wheelbarrow in the tin garden shed and we filled it up.
As we walked out of the garden, I swept the flashlight slowly across the ground, making sure we didn’t trip over anything. There was nothing but dirt and carrot tops and . . .
“What the eel?”
I stopped dead in my tracks. Rain stopped behind me, and one of the carrots fell out of the wheelbarrow.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“Look.”
I shined the light down. There on the ground was some sort of unusual pattern or message in the dirt.
/> i2NU8 EH7 E3RF
The message was stamped out perfectly. It looked like it had been made by dozens of weird little newt hands or tails.
“What is it?” Rain asked.
“I think it might be an important message.” I pulled out my Ocean Blasterzoids notepad and quickly drew what I saw. “Yes, this is definitely something.”
“Listen, Perry. When I agreed to take your carrots, I didn’t agree to stick around and stare at dirt with you.”
“No, this is important.”
I took out my Admiral Uli decoder glasses from one of my pockets and put them on.
“What are those?” Rain asked.
“They’re tentacle spectacles. They help me decode things.”
I’m pretty sure Rain was going to make fun of me, but instead he yelled, “Watch out!”
Something smacked up against my leg and then bounced into Rain’s face. I dropped the flashlight and scrambled to pick it back up. Rain was yelling, and a loud piercing chirp kept sounding like an alarm clock I couldn’t stop.
“Get the light!” Rain yelled. “It’s biting me!”
I swung the flashlight around to point at Rain. He was on his knees, and his Rain Train T-shirt was ripped at the bottom. Also, he was holding a very large, very wriggly, gray furry blob.
“What is that?” I asked.
Rain was breathing too hard to answer.
“Is it some sort of rabbit?”
“I think so,” he gasped. “But it’s not like any rabbit I’ve seen before. It’s big, but super-lightweight.”
Rain turned so that I could see it better.
“Wow.”
The bunny was fatter than any bunny I had ever seen. It had long gray fur and large floppy ears. It wasn’t scary. In fact, it reminded me of a stuffed animal you could win at a state fair. It had big, wide eyes that looked like they had been drawn on by Disney on a sappy day, and its pink nose twitched as it stared at me.
I sort of wanted to hug it.
“Someone needs to check this thing out,” Rain said. “Bunnies don’t attack. They also don’t look like this. We should keep it somewhere until someone can examine it.”
“Let’s put him in the shed,” I suggested.
I helped Rain up and led the way to the shed. The inside was no bigger than a small bedroom, and it was filled with tools and old pots. Rain set the rabbit down on the dirt floor, and I slid the door closed.
“That’s a really strange rabbit, right?” he asked, his breathing finally coming under control.
I nodded. “Like an adorable mutant.”
“Yeah,” Rain said. “Very odd. But now I need to get these carrots to the Liquid Love Shack so my mom can use them in the morning.”
“And I’ve got a code to decipher,” I said putting my tentacle spectacles back on.
Rain left without thanking me for the carrots. He also forgot to take his flashlight. I pretended like he forgot on purpose. Which was nice of him, because I used it to guide me back to the house.
I realized that it would be a perfect time for a bunch of newts to rain down and attack. I was scared, but I raised my hand to the dark sky and shouted, “I’ll figure this out, Uncle Zeke!”
“I know you will,” I said out of the side of my mouth, using a fake voice.
Fake Uncle Zeke was right. I knew without a doubt that I would find my uncle and save the day. Nothing would stop me. No obstacle would get in my way. No problem would stump me. I was here to succeed at all costs.
“Ouch,” I said, slapping the back of my neck.
My powerful thoughts had been rudely interrupted by a mosquito bite.
“I wish I could solve the rest of this mystery indoors.”
“You can’t,” I said, using the fake voice again.
The truth, like the mosquito bite, stung.
CHAPTER TWELVE
ROOTING FOR ROOT VEGETABLES
I tried for almost an hour to figure out what the code in the dirt meant. For some weird reason, my tentacle spectacles were no help—they just made everything rose-colored. Eventually, I became too sleepy to go on, so I went into my uncle’s bedroom and passed out on his bed.
The plan was to sleep for just a couple of hours, but I was so exhausted that I didn’t wake up until lunchtime the next day. I shot out of bed, panicked about the time I had lost. Quickly, I took a shower and ate two bags of Get-a-Load-of-Salt chips and a box of peanut butter gummi bears. I decided to comb my hair in case I ran into anyone, like Juliet, and while combing it I remembered . . .
“The rabbit!”
I grabbed a bowl of water, some pickles from the refrigerator, and a handful of wheat crackers and took them out to the shed. The big gray bunny was sleeping in the corner, huddled up so that he looked like a hairy beach ball. He was even cuter asleep. I had to fight the urge to pick him up and rock him in my arms while whispering baby talk into his silky ears. His nose twitched, and I could have sworn he was humming as he slept. The amount of adorable was almost too much to handle. This was no normal bunny. I carefully set down the water and food, backed away, and closed the door.
Bunnies this adorable had to be in cahoots with the newts.
On my way back into the house, I racked my brain, trying to think of any mention of bunnies in Ocean Blasterzoids. I couldn’t remember a single one, although I still hadn’t read all of Uli’s adventures. Maybe in one of the issues I hadn’t read yet, the newts had ray guns that made normal bunnies look like they had just popped out of some highly imaginative and upbeat child’s dream.
My deep thought was interrupted by a knock at the door. Rain stood on the front step. He looked tired. His shirt was ripped, his shorts were dirty, and his eyes were a bit glossed over.
“Are you okay?” I asked. “You’ve got the pupils of a terrified tuna.”
“Fine, I’m just a little exhausted. I need some more carrots, and I need them now. The locals are going crazy for this juice—crazy. The mayor has come by, like, five times. My mom is swamped. And to make things worse, two of her workers didn’t show up today.”
“She’s got workers missing?”
“Yes,” Rain insisted. “So now I have to help pick up the slack. Your uncle grew some amazing carrots. Is he here now?”
“No,” I said nervously. “He’s doing some sort of grown-up thing—filing taxes or buying vitamins. I don’t know.” I didn’t want to lie to Rain any longer, but I couldn’t risk him telling an adult who would put an end to me living unsupervised.
Rain didn’t seem to care. “Well then, could you help me?”
“Me?”
“Yeah,” he pleaded. “We need more carrots, and you were pretty good at digging them up last night.”
“Really?” I said. It sounded nice when someone besides my dad or uncle told me I was good at something.
“I’m supposed to find Juliet to get her to help me with . . . a thing.”
“Juliet’s helping at the Love Shack, too.”
Knowing Juliet was there made it much easier for me to be charitable.
“Okay,” I said, looking at my arms. “Let’s put these tentacles to work.”
As we were digging up the carrots, I saw Rain lick a couple of them, even though they were still covered in dirt, while he was stacking them in the wheelbarrow.
“These things are so good,” he said.
I shuddered. “It makes me sick just to look at them.”
As soon as the wheelbarrow was filled to overflowing, Rain instructed me to grab one of the handles to help him push.
“Wouldn’t it be easier if you just pushed it yourself?” I asked.
“I thought you wanted to work out your tentacles.”
Reluctantly I grabbed one of the handles as Rain grabbed the other.
“Push hard!” he ordered.
This was not part of my plan. I had not flown to Bunny Island to push wheelbarrows. I had flown here to rescue my uncle. And now Rain was making me do manual labor.
“Harde
r,” Rain said. “And run. My mom’s probably already out of juice.”
I dialed up my inner squid and pushed as hard as I could.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
BLEND FOR YOUR LIFE
I was pretty mad at Rain. For some reason, when I got tired of pushing, he refused to stop and let me ride on top of the carrot-filled wheelbarrow.
“Pleeeease!”
“Stop complaining, and push harder,” he yelled. “We’re almost there.”
Just when I thought I could whine no more, I saw the Liquid Love Shack in the distance. It looked like every local was in line waiting for juice. We ran past the line and to the back door of the shack. Rain pulled it open, and there was Juliet.
“Perry,” she said. “Are you here to help Flower?”
“Flour what?” I asked.
“No,” she replied. “Flower is Rain’s mom. A couple of her workers didn’t show up.”
“Don’t you think that’s weird?” I asked. “People missing and not showing up?”
“It’s not that unusual,” Rain said. “People are pretty laid-back around here. And some folks leave the island now and then to go to the mainland. Now come on and help me unload these carrots.”
We dumped the carrots inside the door, and Juliet and I began carrying them over to the row of blenders along the far wall. Rain’s mom was at the counter, filling orders as a few long-haired workers were blending carrots at high speed.
“This is nuts,” I yelled over the buzz of blenders. “All this for vegetable juice?”
I handed a large carrot to a man with a gray ponytail. He grabbed it and instantly began peeling and chopping. Meanwhile, Flower kept calling out the orders.
“Two tickle-sized, three wink, and one great karma–sized!” she yelled.
Despite her weird drink names, I liked Flower right away. She was probably my uncle’s age. She had warm brown skin and long black hair that flipped upward at the ends. She was as skinny as a post and as pretty as someone standing in a flowery field, petting a horse on a sunny day. Her smile suggested she was having a good time, even though she was serving carrot juice that smelled like eggs.
She spotted me and dropped what she was doing to run right over.