Their early dinner was more relaxed than breakfast, as their conversation seemed less rigid and tense than it had been earlier in the day. While Alex ate, she noticed that someone had cleaned her drops of blood off of the table. She knew now that was what she had been looking at before she fainted.
After their shared meal, Archimedes suggested they all adjourn to Elysium’s library, as there was a particular book he wanted to look over once again. Heath and John offered to clear the table and clean up, and Sabina and Archimedes left in the direction of the library. Gaius stood and came over to pull Alex’s chair out for her, allowing her to stand and decide in which direction she wanted to go.
Alexandria found she actually did want to talk with Gaius. If she were going to know him as he was now and in his past, she could not deliberately avoid his company. Instead, Alex decided she would try to know him as a friend and ally first, and then see what the future held.
She asked Gaius if they could sit and talk, and Alex smiled slightly at the delight she witnessed in his eyes in response to her request. Gaius lead her to a large, but cozy den, and it reminded Alex of her father’s favorite gathering room at her family’s estate. It felt very much like home.
Alex entered first and slowly walked around the room, looking at objects that called to her and harkened of trips to lands both near and far away. She saw a small bowl, and Alex remembered an elderly man had gifted her with it in China. She, Gaius, and many other Nephilim had traveled there centuries ago to help set right his village after earthquakes had decimated their homes and buildings. She reached out and touched the bowl with her fingertips, and saw a vivid image of the old man’s toothless grin. It made her smile.
She moved over to a bookcase holding old hand-bound books which contained maps, and Alex remembered that she had charted some of her earliest voyages across the Atlantic before the Vikings or Europeans had endeavored to do so. Gingerly, she took one down from the shelf, hearing its binding creak and protest as she slowly opened it.
Alex ran her fingers over the papyrus she had acquired from Egypt and used to draw her journeys. She saw flash after flash of herself at the helm of a small, but sturdy sailing vessel. She witnessed a whale breaking the surface near her as she lay on the deck, the stars shining and reflecting off of the calm, dark waters of the sea. The whale’s large, soulful eye gazed at her, and she at it, as she silently communicated with the great animal.
Alex closed the book and moved her fingers down to a small, glass box that was pale pink and adorned with hand-painted flowers across the top. She closed her eyes and remembered the day in northern France that Gaius had purchased it for her. He had brought it to the farmhouse in which they were staying, and she could see him approaching as she turned away from the room’s large window, the curtains billowing in the slight breeze.
He looked down at her with such adoration and presented his gift to her. When she lifted the lid, there was a pair of pearl earrings inside, small and perfectly formed. They were tastefully mounted on silver wires and so simple. She had loved them. Alex remembered throwing her arms around Gaius’ neck and hugging him tightly, then she saw him lean in for a kiss.
Alexandria removed her fingers from the box and closed her eyes for a moment, trying to calm her breathing. She slowly turned and found that Gaius was still standing just inside the room’s doorway, watching her. She moved forward and gestured to a large fabric sofa which faced an expansive stone fireplace. He moved forward as well and started a fire before he joined her.
They sat for several minutes before Gaius turned towards her and asked what she would like to talk about or know.
Alex turned to face him then and crossed her feet in front of her body so she could look into his eyes. “I would like to know about you and what your life is like now,” she answered. “I have heard that you are actively pursuing Kronis, but is there more to your life?” Alex sincerely hoped Gaius had not solely thrown his days towards vengeance for the last century.
“There is now,” he murmured. “I was so lost when you…” Gaius breathed deeply, his nostrils flaring as he sought to compose himself. “I could not eat or sleep. I had no direction but one. I wanted Kronis’ life for yours. I wanted him on his knees, begging for his life so that I could deny him. And I have looked endlessly for him, but Kronis knows I hunt him and he has gone to ground.” Gaius looked into the fire for a few moments, reflecting on his tireless search.
“What more have you done?” she asked gently, hoping to pull him from his sorrow. “Have you continued the work?”
“I did try, but it was hard, Alex. So hard,” he said, shaking his head. “Rohan came and demanded I snap out of my grief. He even picked me up one day and threw me out of the front door.” Gaius smiled, somewhat embarrassed.
“Yes, I can see Rohan doing that.” Alex chuckled and pushed her hair behind her ear, letting her arm settle on the back of the sofa. “I told you he threw his longsword at me a few days past.”
Gaius nodded with a slightly stern look on his face at her reminder. “Yes, and I am going to have a few words with Rohan when next I see him.”
“No, don’t be too hard on him. He’s just very…” Alex searched for the right word, but Gaius answered for her.
“Blunt.”
“Yes, so don’t be upset. I’ve come to appreciate Rohan’s no-nonsense way of getting things accomplished. I’m glad he’s on our side – one of the good guys.”
He smiled and nodded his head slightly.
“Tell me more, please,” she encouraged.
“I eventually did try to go out with some of the others to various places and help with disaster or famine relief, but I just felt hollow. The one thing that gave me any satisfaction was tracking Kronis. So, eventually, I came back here and restarted my hunt.”
“Well, that is, until a little over twenty-one years ago.” Gaius paused and looked at Alex intensely, hoping that she could discern his meaning.
Alex narrowed her eyes at him. “What do you mean, Gaius?” she whispered.
“We were all informed by our fathers that our pleas had not gone unheard and that you were returning a century after you left us, but as a babe to a mortal family. I could not understand what was at play and why such a decision had been made, but on the same date that I lost you a century ago, you were reborn to this world.”
“I put the search for Kronis aside and began to look for you, Alexandria. I was told, in no uncertain terms by my father and yours, that I could not go near you. But still, I sought you. After two years, I finally worked through the veil that our parents had hidden you under and detected your aura. I found you, Alex.”
Gaius spoke the last words so softly that it took Alexandria a moment to process what he was telling her. She searched his eyes and saw that he was speaking the truth to her. She was stunned that Gaius had endeavored to look for her when she did not yet know who she was to be.
He lifted his arm until it rested along the back of the sofa and his fingers touched hers. Alex immediately felt the connection and spark as their auras began overlapping. She looked from their hands back into his eyes.
“I watched over you, on and off throughout your childhood, and occasionally I would leave to further search for Kronis. It was hard to leave because I did not want any of the Fallen’s children near you. I could tell you struggled as a child, but I never spoke to you, never wanted to frighten you.”
His eyes seemed so intense to Alex now, as though he was warring within himself. Gaius cleared his voice and spoke again.
“It was a night not long ago that I was feeling very close to where I thought Kronis skulked away in southern Portugal, when Rohan called me to impart the news that Bertrand had found you and what he had dared to do.” Gaius paused and swallowed hard. “I wanted to tear my heart from my chest, and I made my way back here as quickly as I could. But when I came to your home, others barred my way. My father Haniel and Ganymed
e, along with Rohan, Iain, and Ahadi were all there to stop me from coming in to get you and bringing you back here.”
Alex was astounded that this had been kept from her. But on some level, she understood that with no frame of reference, a Nephilim barging in to take her would have been as frightening as the attack. She would not have gone with Gaius. Quite the opposite. Alex would have run from him with everything she had.
Gaius could see the recognition of the tragedy that would have been, had he not been held from her side just days ago, registering in Alex’s eyes. He slowly nodded his head.
“Yes, you see now. It would have been too much and too frightening for you. And though I am loathed to admit it, my race to get to you was not the right course. Ganymede knew what was best for his daughter.”
“You have been with me all along?” Alex asked, astounded that Gaius had witnessed her entire life unfold up until that moment.
“I have, Alexandria. I have seen you walk and play in your parents’ gardens. Watched you graduate from university with top honors at such a young age. And I have witnessed you meander into the public library in New York, never noticing all the men, young and old, who stop and openly stare at your beauty.”
“You’ve grown into a remarkable and accomplished young lady. And I see one who is so brave, given the courage you are displaying to see you through all of this. It was my honor to stand guard, and my deepest regret is that I was away seeking revenge for your loss when you were hurt and needed my protection most desperately. I am so sorry that Bertrand got to you, Alexandria,” he said gravely.
“I do not fault you or anyone else for what transpired, Gaius. I refuse to let you shoulder the burden of that guilt. I mean it,” Alex said, giving him a stern look until, finally, he inclined his head.
“I’ve been learning a thing or two about free will this week, and it was Bertrand’s choice to do what he did, just as it was Aagon’s to attack Jack. They each will have to account for what they did, but not to us,” said Alex.
“I want to help defend the others from attack, and somehow, I can’t tell you exactly how I know, but Kronis and the others are coming. I feel it, Gaius, like a gathering storm. And I don’t think this will all be laid to rest until Kronis and I deal with one another – not you nor anyone else facing off against him in my stead.”
Gaius began to protest her last proclamation, but Alex raised her hand that had been lying in her lap and placed it over his lips to stop him from speaking.
“I haven’t really focused on my last moments with him, I think because I’ve been afraid of what I would see. Ganymede told me that no one understands why I didn’t defend myself better, why I let my guard down. I have no idea, but I think that perhaps I will try to look into this particular corner of my soul’s past so that we can better guard the future. What say you, Gaius?” she asked, removing her fingers so he could speak.
He grabbed hold of Alex’s hand and brought it back to his lips, placing light kisses on each of her fingertips before he lowered her hand and held it firmly. Gaius looked imploringly into her eyes and said with great conviction, “Alexandria, if you were lost to me again, I could not bear it. I swear I could not. You went at this alone before with Kronis, and I do not want you making that same mistake again. You must survive, do you understand?” he said breathlessly.
She nodded and could feel the desperation that now surged through Gaius’ aura. He lifted his hand from where theirs touched along the back of the sofa and took her hand in his, intertwining their fingers so that both of their hands were laced together. Alex gasped at the concern and trepidation Gaius felt, as he showed her as only a Nephilim could.
“I will take every precaution and use the utmost care. I promise, Gaius. I’m sorry my soul’s past decisions caused you so much pain. And I am so sorry that you have hurt for so long,” said Alexandria soberly.
“It is no small thing to meet the one other soul who connects to yours like no one ever had or ever will again, Alexandria. And to have had that as long as we did, for almost two thousand years… Well, it was a paradise I will never be able to fully articulate. Your love and our friendship gave this world meaning for me, helped me endure through the ages,” he said softly.
“Oh, Gaius, you have my friendship, and perhaps more someday. But I cannot speak to that now. Now, I can only thank you for your watch through the years and tell you that I am willing to consider you as well. How could I not, when I feel this?” Alex questioned softly, looking at the light display between their hands.
They both watched as the power grew and surged. Alex could feel her breath coming in shallow gasps as she struggled to maintain her hold on the present. When her vision began to blur, she slowly pulled her hands back.
“I think I shall turn in for the night, Gaius. I feel a bit tired. Perhaps we can take a ride along the shore in the morning. I would like that, I think,” she suggested.
He smiled at her proposal and stood, offering her his hand. “That sounds like a very good idea, Alexandria, and I look forward to it. I’ll collect you from your room, then?”
“Yes,” she said, standing. Alex once again had to force all of her attention on removing her hand from his. “Until then,” she said quietly.
Alex could see that Gaius’ eyes searched hers with the hope of more, but she smiled and then turned and took her leave. She did not go to join the others in the library, nor did she go up to her room. Instead, she turned and headed for the back door that she and Gaius had walked through that morning. Alex pulled a coat from one of the many hanging on pegs near the door and walked out into the cold, refreshing night air.
She needed to be alone for a few moments and sought solitude there in the barren winter landscape. The grounds, though asleep for the season, were still lit with small lights hidden in the hardscape and amongst the shrubbery and trees. Alex walked until she found a second gazebo, and unlike the one she talked with Gaius in earlier, it was not enclosed.
Alex sat on one of the seats in the softly lit space and began to meditate as Ganymede has instructed her to do. She thought about all that Gaius had told her and how much restraint he had shown throughout the years as he watched over her, yet never presented himself. He had acted as a guardian, though she never knew he stood watch, and the thought greatly touched her heart. How badly, Alex thought, must he have wanted to come to her.
She began to take in slow, deep breaths, and Alex envisioned herself once again on the cliff with Kronis. She felt the wind pick up and could see herself sharing her aura and the taste of freedom and forgiveness with him. Alex concentrated on that connection – when her hand touched his face, and she poured her plea straight into his being.
The longer Alex stayed with the flow, the more she began to detect what Kronis’ aura felt, smelled, and tasted like. It was bitter on her tongue, and her mind rebelled against the acidity of his thoughts and desires. So much dark energy – so much hate and animosity – and her aura had tried to push that back.
Alex wondered if she could track his true essence through all those ripples in Arianna’s lake of memories, now that she knew what she was looking for. Could she find Kronis on the day she died; witness that, and discover the way in which he had defeated her, Alex questioned? Was she strong enough to do that, she silently wondered?
Alexandria searched her soul for the courage to try. She feared that it might be too much, too soon. Yet something told her time was drawing near to a day when she would need this knowledge to save her friends and her family. It was Alex’s love for them which compelled her to search for answers.
She imagined herself back at the lake’s edge, staring into the abyss of past emotions, experiences, and loved ones. Alex stepped forward and closed her eyes, smelling and tasting the wind for a sense of where Kronis’ and Arianna’s last moment might lay within the waves.
She extended her hands, letting her aura flow out over the wat
er’s surface, hunting and dipping through the ripples. There was so, so much to behold. Alexandria felt the memories lapping up and over her aura, threatening to pull her under, but she resisted until she felt that she was more than halfway across the water, pushing and extending herself even further.
There, she thought, as relief and hope bloomed in her heart. Just there, she smelled him, tasted the raw hate and desolation, and Alex moved in the direction of that particular undulation. She steeled herself and then imagined her aura diving below the surface to be at one with the water and the memory.
However, what she expected to see and feel was not willing to allow her access. It pushed against her aura, denying her. How could her own past fight her in this way, she wondered? Alex pushed harder, throwing as much of her aura as she dared against the black wall of water she found herself against and felt herself falter.
She grimaced slightly as she admitted to herself that she had dared too much, and so Alex tried to pull back from the water and return to her body on the shore. But the water was holding her as though it was tar, and she could not shake the resistance. It began to envelop her, and it was such a cold and suffocating sensation.
Desperate now to return, Alex started fighting in earnest, pulling and kicking, but to no avail. Was she to drown there, she thought frantically? She urgently needed to return, but how to get free, she did not know.
Alex was ready to admit to herself that she was in a desperate situation when she smelled a very familiar scent. It reminded her of grass on a Tuscan hillside in summer, of horses running across the ground, and of leather and spices from the Orient. It was a smell Alex knew, and she tried to work her way up to it.
She felt her aura being lifted from the quagmire and it was gently supported on its way to the shore by another’s. This aura she knew as well as she knew her own, and its bearer had come to rescue her as he had done for centuries before.
As Alexandria felt her spirit reconnect with her person once more, she stepped back from the lake and willed her eyes to open. She looked up into Gaius’ eyes as he held her in his arms so tightly that she was amazed she could breathe. There was such a tumult in his gaze, and Alex reached up to touch his face with her palm to soothe him, hoping her aura could reassure Gaius that she was alright. Yet her aura felt tired just then, so she settled for her flesh to his.
“Thank you,” she whispered. “I was unsure if I would be able to free myself and make it back to shore.”
“Oh, Alex!” Gaius choked back a sob and lowered his head to kiss her with all the emotion welling from the fear and near loss he had just experienced. “Where did you go? You were so far away.” He breathed against her lips as he tried to restore some life into her cold body.
“I had to try,” she whispered and thought to pull away, for Alex was not sure if she was ready for such intense contact. But she was so comforted and so at home in Gaius’ arms that she could not deny him or what she truly felt.
Gaius felt Alex lose her resistance and gloried in the feel of her back where he thought she should be – in his arms and at his side. He sent his aura pouring over Alex to warm and restore her and to bind her to him. When Gaius finally straightened away from her, he knew that they were both shaken.
Alex’s blue eyes appeared so large as she searched his face and trailed her fingertips across first Gaius’ brow, then down his straight nose, over across his stubbled cheek to his chin, and then back across his lips, still red and swollen from his passion. She moved her hand down Gaius’ neck to the dip between his collarbones and over to his shoulder, eventually bringing it to rest on his arm which still held her across his body.
Finally, Alex raised her eyes back to Gaius’ and realized they were both holding their breath as she explored the terrain of a body she knew so well, yet not at all. He was hers if she gave him the words that she wanted him again. She leaned up, and he gently and tenderly met her lips with his.
Gaius pulled back and squeezed her, imploring her to tell him. “Alex, why are you out here? You said you had to try. What were you attempting?”
She told him what she had tried and how she had found what she believed to be the memory. Alex said regretfully that she had not only found it denied to her but that it had attempted to pull her under and trap her. She said she did not understand how this could be.
Gaius shook his head slowly at her. “No more right now, Alexandria. Do you understand? No more. I cannot lose you, and this is too much. Please, will you rest tonight?” he whispered fervently.
The anguish in his voice was Alex’s undoing.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you, Gaius. I was trying to help.” She tried to reason her way out of his distress but only saw him shake his head again in response.
“No more. I am taking you to bed, and you will rest.”
Alex was given no more chances to talk, as Gaius was determined she pause in her pursuit of answers. He stood, taking her with him and holding her against his chest. He made his way back into the house, walking slowly up the stairs with her and glancing down at her continuously. Gaius turned and used his back to open her door, and walked into the watercloset.
He sat Alex on the bench within the bathroom and bent over the tub, plugging it and beginning a warm water flow. Gaius reached over and put bergamot and coriander in the water to lightly scent it, then he turned back to her. Alex’s eyes widened, not sure what he was planning to do next.
Gaius leaned over her and put a finger under her chin. “Alex, you are precious to so many, and you must take care. You cannot chase the demons alone, and you cannot fight this battle alone. I want you to rest here in this warm water, and I will send Sabina to check on you in a few minutes. No memories, no mental excursions, please, Alex.” His eyes bore into hers, willing her to listen and take heed.
“I will rest, Gaius, thank you,” Alex said earnestly. “Thank you for finding me.”
He smiled gently and leaned closer to her face.
“Oh, Alexandria, I will always find you, of that you may forever place your trust and faith. Now please, relax here,” he said, gesturing to the tub, then he turned and walked out, closing the door behind him.
Alex stood and started undressing, then made her way to the warm, fragrant water. She realized then how very cold she was as her body adjusted to the water’s temperature. Alex slowly sat down and tried desperately to hold to the here and now.
She thought of Wallace and Conner, remembering past pranks that they had played on one another. Her mind drifted to her parents and her mother’s insistence that Henry was a good prospect. And Alex thought of Jameason and how he was never embarrassed to put her mother’s pink, frilly apron on and rebuke them while wearing it.
Alex imagined them all doing something they liked, smiling and laughing together. As she ran a soapy cloth over her body, she tried to let the tension in her muscles roll away. Alex then thought of Dudley, and how much she would like to have him to snuggle and keep warm with.
Eventually, her thoughts turned to Jack, and she wondered what he was doing at that moment. Was he in the library reading Tolkien, was he arguing with Rohan, or was he out target practicing and imagining the bulls-eye was Aagon or Gaius, she wondered? That thought made Alex smile and chuckle to herself.
When she felt cleansed and warm, Alex rinsed off and let the water out, watching it swirl away. It made her think of Arianna’s lake and what would happen to the great repository if she said no to an immortal life. All that wisdom, power, and energy would be lost to the world. Most were not recorded because the everyday man who usually went unnoticed was the kind of man Arianna would have helped.
Alex shook her head and tried to pull herself back to where she was. She concentrated on drying off and readying herself for sleep. Alex pulled on a robe she found hanging from a hook, and then realized her luggage was still at Aeoferth Hall, so she had nothing to sleep in.
She
walked into the bedroom and saw that Gaius had built quite a fire, so she moved over to a large, overstuffed leather chair before it. Alex let the flames warm her as her mind continued to drift. She was just nodding off when Sabina knocked softly, and Alex motioned her in.
“Alex, your clothes are in your luggage. Heath placed your bags in the closet over there after we arrived this morning. Do you want me to get you something to sleep in?” she asked, gesturing to the closet behind where she stood.
“No, thank you, Sabina. You are too kind. But I would be very grateful if you would sit with me for a while.” Alex hoped her friend would sense that she very much needed her presence at that moment.
“Of course, Alex,” Sabina said smiling tenderly. She moved to an adjacent chair, so they both were in front of the fire and angled towards one another. “How are you holding up?” she asked, eyeing Alex closely.
Alex let out a deep breath that turned into a nervous chuckle. She ran her fingers through her hair and pulled her legs up underneath her body. “Sabina, I don’t know. I am completely adrift here, and I don’t know which way to turn.” Alex shook her head, despairing her choices, and she propped her chin in her hand as she rested her elbow on the arm of the supple leather chair.
Sabina nodded solemnly. “That I can understand. Gaius has been like a force of nature to hold back once he knew Bertrand had gotten to you. Though he had promised to go slowly with you, it seems he is doing anything but that.”
“He’s not doing anything I’m not letting him do, Sabina,” said Alex honestly. “I just feel like this reunion cannot take place in front of all of you. And I hope I did not make Archimedes angry this morning when I didn’t go along with his plan for an immediate meal, so soon after we walked through the front door.”
“He is just trying to do what he thinks is best,” Sabina shrugged, “but then, we all are with this. We’ve never experienced an immortal returning, and it’s new territory for all of us. We want to follow your lead in most things, so if you say you want to be alone with Gaius, then that’s what you’ll do. No one is going to pressure you or judge you, Alex. We all love you.”
“I know you all do, and believe me when I say it is returned. I feel like you are such a part of me now, and I guess that’s why I am pushing so hard to find answers and abilities. So I don’t leave you all at the mercy of those who would harm you. Because of me,” she added quietly, but Sabina would have none of that way of thinking.
“Alexandria, look at me,” she said a little too forcefully, and Alex glanced at her, startled. “You will not sacrifice yourself because Arianna offered Kronis absolution. We will all find a way through this for you and us because that is what families do – they stick together. You are the sister of my heart and together, as a family, we will prevail. I have all faith,” Sabina said, nodding firmly.
Alex found her first real laugh of the day from Sabina’s firm tone, and soon they were both giggling like school girls. Their laughter became hysterical, and both had tears streaming down their faces.
When Sabina could finally stop herself from laughing, she stood to let Alex change and get into bed. She walked over and smoothed Alex’s hair back from her face and kissed her forehead. “Goodnight, my friend,” she said tenderly and left Alex for the night.
Alexandria sat for another thirty minutes or so in front of the fire, letting the flames mesmerize her. When she felt herself nod, she stood up and found her sleeping clothes and finally climbed under the sheets. She felt so bone weary and was lost to slumber almost immediately.
Sometime after she had fallen asleep, Gaius came into the room. He checked the locks on the windows and made sure the fireplace was set for the remainder of the night. He picked up one of the leather chairs and moved it to her side of the bed, just close enough that he could reach out a hand and touch Alex’s fingers which lay atop the bed’s comforter.
Gaius stretched out his long legs and leaned back in the seat. Then he rested one arm on the bed and touched his hand to hers. Alex moaned softly in her sleep, but she did not wake.
“No dreams tonight, Alexandria,” he whispered. “Just peaceful, gentle sleep, my love.” He began to send his aura out to hers, letting it coat Alex as he had earlier when she slept from her faint. Gaius closed his eyes and let sleep take him as well. It was the most calming rest he had experienced in over one hundred and twenty-one years. The nightmares were held at bay, and neither of them dreamed that night.
Chapter 24