In her living room, on the coffee table, the couch, the chair—everywhere—were thick bouquets of flowers. Bachelor buttons, roses, daisies, and sunflowers. It looked like a florist truck had lost its way and backed up into her living room.
Brad stepped out from behind the kitchen counter. “Genevieve helped me,” he said. “I wanted to get your attention.” He was dressed up, face shaven, clean shirt. Alissa couldn’t figure out what was going on. He came over to her and took the packages from her arms, glancing at the pharmacy bag before setting it on the counter. “Come in here,” he urged her.
He moved a bunch of flowers from the love seat to the floor and sat beside her, taking her hands in his for the first time ever. “Alissa, I was wrong.”
She sat still, in shock.
“Alissa,” he said, his voice more tender than she had ever heard, “I can’t ignore the truth of my feelings any longer. There’s no point in being so logical when it’s our lives we’re talking about here. You were right. It’s not good to put our emotions on hold.”
Brad looked into her eyes. A tinge of blue rimmed the cool summer green eyes she had found so irresistible more than once. He drew her hands to his smooth chin, and holding them against his jaw, he said in a deep voice, “I love you, Alissa. Say you’ll marry me.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Alissa couldn’t help herself. She laughed. Then she pulled her hands away from Brad, looked around the room, and said, “You can come out with your camera, now. Very funny.”
But Jake didn’t appear. Brad remained steady, serious, and maybe a little wounded.
“You think this is a joke?”
“Well,” she tried to swallow her laughter and smoothed her hair back in an attempt to regain some dignity. “I find it hard to believe you’re serious.”
“I’m completely serious. Ever since we talked on Monday night I’ve been tortured, knowing I wasn’t being true to myself, nor was I being true to you. I’m fooling myself to think it’s a good idea to wait ten years. We never know what tomorrow will bring. We have to take each day and embrace it.”
Alissa tried hard to digest all of this.
“I don’t care if we only have a short time together. The important thing is that we’re together. Everything just suddenly fell into place for me. I realized I love you. I knew we had to get married.”
Her skepticism began to dissolve. She felt as if her squelched feelings were being set free. “Are you sure you mean this?”
“Completely sure, with all my heart,” Brad said.
When she still hesitated, he readjusted his position and spoke to her softly. “Alissa, the first time I saw you that day at Starbucks I felt something for you I’ve never felt for anyone. When I saw you again at the travel agency, I felt I had to do something to keep in contact with you. So I left the number for the duplex when I heard you making phone calls for an apartment.”
Alissa absorbed his words.
“It was my way of testing to see if the Lord would bring us together again. I know that may sound crazy, but it made sense to me at the time. Then you took the duplex, and that first day when you caught me rewiring the outlet, I thought you were going to bite off my head. I figured my feelings weren’t to be trusted; so I put them away and approached you on a purely platonic level.”
Brad’s hand went up to her face where he touched her cheek. Then he slid his fingers through her hair. “You are so incredible to me. I love everything about you, Alissa. This is the real me speaking from my unhidden heart. Will you marry me?”
Alissa felt her lower lip quiver as she released in a whisper the answer that came directly from her heart. “Yes.”
Brad slowly moved toward her, his eyes fixed on hers. She sat still, ready and waiting. Her eyelids lowered in unison with his, and their lips met in a tender kiss.
If she questioned his words or his wacky, impulsive actions, his kiss removed any doubt. This man loved her heart and soul. He was the first man who ever had. He was the first one to kiss her like that.
Wrapping his arms around her and drawing her close, Brad said, “I know it’s going to take a lot to pull it all together, but do you think we can get married next weekend?”
“Yeah, right,” Alissa laughed softly.
“I’m serious,” Brad said, kissing her on the temple. “It won’t be a big wedding, but it can be beautiful. We could hold it here, in the backyard. Then we’ll go to Venice for our honeymoon.”
Alissa pulled away and studied his face. “You are serious, aren’t you?”
Brad nodded. She couldn’t get over the sudden transformation in this man. What had happened? Did an angel come down and command him to marry her immediately? That’s the way he was acting.
Just then the doorbell rang, and Alissa rose to answer it. “Don’t go away,” she said, looking over her shoulder at Brad. “If I’m dreaming, I don’t want to wake up.”
Chet and Rosie were at the door. They greeted Alissa with a big bouquet, hugs, and kisses. “Brad called and told us to come right over and bring flowers. What’s the big news?”
Alissa welcomed them in and looked at Brad.
“I just asked Alissa if she would have me as her husband, and she said yes.”
“I knew it!” Chet said, pulling a plastic bag from his pocket and handing it to Alissa. “I told Rosie I might need to give you this.” It was a salt shaker. “You ready to eat your words, missy?”
Alissa laughed. “I guess so. It’s all happening so fast. Come in.”
Rosie added her bouquet to the already full coffee table, and the two of them sat close on the couch. “It looks like it was an awfully romantic proposal,” Rosie said, glancing at Brad and the abundance of floral arrangements.
“You know, I never heard how Chet proposed to you,” Alissa said, sitting back down next to Brad. His arm went around her shoulder, and he drew her close.
“He didn’t,” Rosie said.
“And she’ll never let me forget it, either,” Chet said. “I asked her if June was soon enough to pull everything together or if we needed more time. She said the middle of June, and that was that. We put our plans together, and here we are, hitched.”
Alissa was glad Brad had gone all out in making his proposal so romantic. She would never forget this day. If only she could convince herself it was really happening.
The four of them chatted another twenty minutes or so, and then Chet and Rosie graciously got up to leave. “Whatever date you two settle on,” Rosie said, “we’ll be there.”
“And I already know what we’ll buy you for a gift,” Chet added. “Salt and pepper shakers!”
Alissa laughed and promised Brad she would fill him in on the joke later. They showed their friends to the door, and Brad kept his arm around her as they waved good-bye. She turned to wrap her arms around his middle, resting her head on his shoulder. It felt so good to be in his arms, to see the future opening up before them.
“We have so much to decide,” Alissa said. “Do you want to start planning tonight, or should we wait until tomorrow so the shock can wear off a little bit?”
“It wouldn’t hurt to start with some of the basics tonight,” Brad said. “Do you have some paper handy?”
Alissa reached for a pad by the phone.
“I think we’re going to need more paper than that,” Brad said when he saw the little square of note paper. Alissa found a yellow pad in a drawer of her desk and wrote at the top, “Brad and Alissa.” She felt like a schoolgirl, doodling the name of her boyfriend on the front of her folder.
“Put down the minister, a cake, Lauren. We have to see if she can fly down on such short notice.”
“And end up here instead of Alaska,” Alissa added. A twinge of sadness came over her as she realized she didn’t have a single relative to contact. At least she had Rosie and her enthusiastic support.
“Put down tux rental and dress for you. You don’t like those big hoop skirts, do you?”
Alissa shook her
head.
“Good. Get something lacy around the neck.”
“Any other specifications, oh master? It is traditionally the bride’s choice, you know.”
“Get whatever you want then. Just no big skirt. Oh, and music. Let’s have someone sing one of those old hymns you like so much.” Brad headed to the refrigerator looking for sustenance. “I like harps. Do you like harps? Shelly used to play harp music, and I decided I liked it. Maybe we could have someone play a harp. I’m eating the rest of this chicken. Do you want any?”
The room began to spin around Alissa. Too much was coming at her too quickly. “No. Go ahead.” Brad was already acting as if they were married, but she was beginning to doubt herself and her answer to him. How in the world could she have said yes to him just like that? She barely knew this man.
Brad walked up with a chicken leg in one hand and a paper towel in the other. “Hey, are you okay?”
Alissa tilted her head down and drew in a deep breath. “Does it seem hot in here to you?” she asked.
Brad immediately put down the chicken and came to her side. “Maybe you should go lie down. Come on, I’ll help you to your room. Are you in pain?”
“No, of course not,” Alissa said, rising as he led her by the elbow into her room. He moved the stack of magazines from the end of the bed and helped her to lie down. “I’m okay,” she said. “It just all hit me so fast.”
Brad sat on the side of the bed next to her. “Do you want some water? What about the medicine you brought home? Do you need to take any of that?”
“No. I’m fine. Really, it’s nothing.”
“Honey,” Brad said, stroking her forehead, “it’s okay. I know. You don’t have to pretend to be strong. We’re going to face this thing together. And we’ll fight it. I’m praying that God will heal you outright. Even if he doesn’t, I’ll be with you every step of the way.”
Alissa opened her eyes and scrutinized her babbling fiancé.
“It’s okay. I know everything,” Brad said softly, answering the question in her eyes. “I overheard Anna out in the backyard. And I want you to know that I’m going to stick with you through this. We’re going to find a new doctor. Get a second opinion. So many forms of cancer are treatable now, I can’t believe that—”
“Cancer!” Alissa squawked, bolting upright. “You think I have cancer?”
“You don’t?”
“No, I don’t have cancer! Chloe has cancer.” A shocking realization washed over Alissa, and she sprang to her feet. “Is that why you proposed to me? All the flowers and the sweet words? You thought I only had a few months to live, didn’t you?”
Instead of defending himself, Brad snapped to his feet and shouted, “Chloe has cancer?! Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because only four days ago you were the one saying you wanted me to keep an amicable distance! You told me you didn’t want a relationship. That’s what you said. And now, here you are with flowers and kisses and accusations that I didn’t tell you about my cat; so it’s my fault that …” Alissa felt her face getting redder. “Get out of my house right now. I don’t want to see you ever again!”
Without a word, Brad obliged. He took long strides down the hall and slammed the door on his way out. Alissa flopped on the bed and lowered her head into her hands.
She remembered all the reasons she had put up her defenses and shut down her emotions after the Phoenix church disaster. This was why. Whenever she allowed herself to be vulnerable, she got hurt.
If some man is going to walk into my life, rip my heart right out of my chest, and stomp on it, it’s going to be a better man than Bradley Phillips, I’ll tell you that! He has no right to …
Alissa didn’t know how to finish that thought. No right to fall in love with her? But he had. She knew he had. His kiss told her so. So did his eyes. His heart definitely had come through when he proposed. Even his decision to marry her, thinking she only had a few months to live, was actually rather romantic.
So then, why did he storm out of here? If he meant his words, he would have stayed. He’s a fighter. I ordered him out of my condo the day I moved in, and that didn’t phase him a bit. Maybe this was all too much for him, too, and he needs some time to think it through. Wait a minute! What am I doing, making excuses for this guy?
Alissa, still feeling foggy, moved into the living room. “Here, Chloe. Come here, Chloe.” The two of them needed to be together to ride this emotional tidal wave. “Chloe, come, girl.”
Alissa found her curled up in her favorite spot by the side of the couch, sleeping. Reaching down, Alissa picked up her only true friend and held her in her arms, rocking for a long time. It felt as if the world, which only an hour ago had been spinning wildly, had come to an abrupt halt, and Alissa, Brad, and Chloe had all fallen off.
Chapter Twenty-four
Saturday morning Alissa met Genevieve out front for their usual walk. Alissa had already decided she wasn’t going to tell Genevieve everything that had happened with Brad. She needed more time to process it herself.
“You seem awfully quiet,” Genevieve said at the end of their walk. “If you want to pop by later today and talk some more about anything, I’ll be home all day.”
“I need to go to the beach. Newport has become my special thinking place; I’m going to spend the day there. Thanks anyway. I really appreciate you, Genevieve.”
“And I you,” Genevieve said.
Alissa took her time getting out of the house. The last time she had gone to Newport, only a few short weeks ago, she had been searching for someone, a person from her past who might give her some encouragement or whom she might encourage. Instead, she had found the presence of the Lord to be very real. He was, after all, a person from her past—her past, her present, and her future.
Today she knew she could lie on the beach and talk to God. She could think things through and find him faithful to comfort and direct her. Maybe it was because of that realization that she didn’t want to go. She wanted to cry a little more. Or go back in time and feel Brad’s hand across her cheek and his fingers in her hair when he had proposed to her. Surely she could have done something to alter the events of last night.
But what? She couldn’t have changed the situation. She knew she couldn’t have controlled Brad or the feelings she still had toward him. But there had to be something she could have done differently.
When she arrived at the beach, instead of settling in the sand, Alissa decided to walk. On and on she walked, her footprints being washed away a moment after she placed their imprint in the sand. She thought and prayed until, exhausted, she finally gave in. “It’s all in your hands, Father God. You are the almighty creator. It’s within your power to give and to take. I’m yours, God. Do whatever you want in my life.”
Then the peace came. Not peace like a river, but peace like an ocean—still moving but calmed and rhythmic and no longer raging. It was as if the Lord had finally heard her frantic shouting, and with two words, “Be still,” he had calmed her heart.
Alissa began the long walk back through the sand. As she rummaged through the contents of her straw bag to find her sunscreen, her hand grasped a piece of paper. She pulled it out and read as she walked. The paper contained the words to one of the hymns she had found. She had written it out, planning to memorize it several weeks ago, and then she had forgotten about stuffing it in her beach bag:
Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain
Leave to thy God to order and provide
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; the best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He hath the past
Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul; the wave and winds st
ill know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.
Be still, my soul; though dearest friends depart
And all is darkened in the vale of tears;
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrows and thy fears.
Be still, my soul; thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.
Alissa stopped at those final words. God was right there. She knew it. She reread the line, “Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart.”
“I want to know Your heart, God. Keep teaching me, please. It doesn’t seem to get any easier, does it? What am I supposed to do about Brad? I love him. I know he loves me. But I know we’re not ready to get married.”
She walked on, reading the last stanza again and silently praying, “God, I need you to soothe my sorrows and my fears. I don’t know how to do this very well, but I want to learn to trust you.”
When Alissa looked up she realized she wasn’t far from where she had parked the car. She went to put more quarters in the meter. Then she sauntered onto the sand and found a nice open spot to stretch out in the sun. It took no time at all for her to drift off into a peaceful sleep.
Sometime later, she stirred on her beach towel, half awake, half asleep. A deep, resonating voice spoke to her softly. “So this is your thinking place,” Brad said. “Well, I’ve been thinking, too. There has to be something in the middle. Not an overnight wedding in Vegas and not a decade of relationship testing. Something sane and wise. A balance of friendship and love, if there is such a thing.”
Alissa didn’t open her eyes. She let Brad’s soothing voice wash over her. A slight smile on her lips let him know she was listening. She wondered how long he had been at her side, thinking, waiting, watching her sleep. Maybe sleeping women were as irresistible as sleeping men.
“All I can say is, I’m sorry,” he went on. “I rushed in without thinking, and I hurt both of us. I guess what I’m saying is, I want to be there for you.”