He groaned against my skin and he sucked and teased. His free hand ran up my underwear to cup my backside, and then his thumb started stroking me. It was too much, sensory overload, and I knew I wouldn’t last long. I started panting as the sensation built. So good, but I still need more.
“Fuck, you’re gorgeous,” Hayden growled, then he ripped off my underwear and swapped positions, so his finger was rubbing my nipple, and his mouth was hovering over my exposed core. “I want you to come,” he firmly stated, and then his mouth was on me. The intensity tripled and my entire body stiffened as the ecstasy burst through me so hard, I couldn’t feel anything but bliss.
I was only partly cognizant of the noises leaving my mouth—curses, swears, moans and groans that seemed to last for days. As the high began to fade, alertness slowly returned and Hayden’s face filled my vision. His eyes were wild with lust as he studied me. “God, you’re fucking amazing when you come. Let go, baby. Touch me…”
My hands were stiff when I finally released the wood post, but when I slipped my fingers inside Hayden’s underwear and felt him, the post was flimsy in comparison. A moan escaped me as my body started tingling again. “God, you feel good.”
Hayden kissed my jaw, then my ear. “That’s what you do to me. What you’ve always done to me…”
His caresses were gentle as he removed my shirt, my bra, his underwear. When we were both bare, he cupped my face. “If you don’t want to take this any farther, you can still say no. I’ll get dressed and leave, no hard feelings.” A half smile lit his lips. “What you’ve already given me is enough for tonight.”
I worked my lip between my teeth as I considered leaving things like this. We’d already done so much, but was I ready to throw all caution to the wind? Was I ready to take that final leap with him? I wasn’t sure, which probably meant I should tell him to leave. But with his body pulsing against my thigh, his rigid muscles finally under my palms, and the heated look in his eyes…I couldn’t turn him away. I was already in too deep anyway…Look what had happened to Dad after years of bottling up his emotions. Maybe I needed this outlet. Maybe I needed Hayden for more reasons than I realized.
Running my hands up his back, I held him against me. “I want this…I want you.”
That was all Hayden needed. His lips returned to mine, and he didn’t ask me again if I was ready. His mouth ran down my neck while his fingers slid up my legs. I groaned in anticipation, delighting in the fact that I could touch him this time. As his mouth moved over my breast, I tangled my fingers in his hair. As his finger slid against me, I ran my hand down his chest, found the hard mass of him, and squeezed him tight. We both cried out, wanting more, wanting each other.
When I knew I wouldn’t last much longer, I urged him to enter me. Removing my hand, he slowly pushed his way in. We both let out gasping noises of disbelief. Having a man inside me had never felt so good. It was like the electrified sensation when he touched my skin, continued all the way up inside me. Every inch he moved brought me closer to delirium. I was already feeling frantic with need, but Hayden kept the pace torturously slow and steady. The cries I let out were uncontainable, and eventually I did beg him.
“Oh God, Hayden, please, faster…harder…more.”
“Jesus, Kenzie,” he murmured in my ear. Then he gave me exactly what I needed. My earlier orgasm paled in comparison to the euphoria that I felt coming with him inside me. He released a second after me, calling my name as he tumbled over the edge.
Clutching him tight, I tried in vain to ignore the warmth of fondness spreading throughout my chest. This doesn’t mean anything, it doesn’t mean anything…
Chapter 16
When my heartbeat was no longer thudding in my ear and my breath was no longer rushing past my lips, reason started returning, bringing a tremendous amount of guilt and doubt with it. Had I just made a monumental mistake?
The silence in the room, broken only by Hayden’s and my opposing inhales and exhales, was quickly unnerving me. He shouldn’t be here. As absolutely amazing as it had been, it couldn’t happen again. It wasn’t only my career I was risking by being with him. Another instance like this, and my heart would be on the line too. And I’d rather risk something tangible, like a job.
My tumbling mind replayed the events of the last few minutes, both delighting and confounding me. A word Hayden had said stuck in my brain, and I repeated it before I could stop myself. “Baby…”
“Hmm,” Hayden’s tired voice responded from beside me.
Feeling heat in my cheeks, I turned my head and said, “You called me baby. You’re not supposed to do that.” I knew it was a ridiculous point of contention to bring up after everything we’d just done, but somehow, it seemed the only safe thing to talk about. I couldn’t stand the silence another second.
Hayden chuckled, his lips curving into a grin that made me want to kiss him again. The movement reminded me of all the places his mouth had been lately. That freaking talented mouth. A shudder passed through me. No, best not to think about it. “I did, didn’t I? Should I apologize for that?” he asked, turning his head my way.
By “that,” I knew he meant the sex more than the pet name. I really wasn’t sure if he should apologize for either. “You should probably go,” I whispered.
“It’s almost dawn,” he replied, frowning.
Turning my head to take in his relaxed posture as he lay beside me, I nodded. “I know, and that’s exactly why you should go now. You never know who might drop by unexpectedly, and we’re trying to save our careers, not shatter them to pieces…”
Propping himself up on his elbow, Hayden looked down at me. His expression was thoughtful. “Yeah…okay.”
It hurt a little that he’d agreed with me so easily. But it really shouldn’t. He was being smart by agreeing to leave. So why the hell does it sting? Pulling some hastily strewn covers over my body, I blurted something to quiet the confusion in my brain. “Well good, because we’ve both got a lot on the line here…”
He agreed with me again, almost absentmindedly. “I know.”
The stab of pain grew stronger. “Good…then you know that this…can’t happen again.” Sadness washed over me as I indicated the two of us. “This was a mistake.”
His expression turned incredulous. “A mistake? The best sex of my life…was a mistake?”
His words warmed me and hurt me at the same time. Couldn’t he see this was for the best? “ We’re already risking so much by racing…let’s just save ourselves the trouble and not start this.”
Anger was clear on his face now as he waved a hand over his bare body. “You do realize it’s too late for that, don’t you?” Yes. I did. God, how I did. Even now, I wanted to touch him, I wanted him to touch me. I wanted him to order me to lie still and let him satisfy me, over and over and over…But we weren’t free to be those people. Not really.
“Can we just…not cross that line again?” I asked, my voice small. “Can we just keep things between the two of us about racing?”
Hayden’s eyes hardened. “So you want me to ignore it when I remember what it feels like to be inside you? What your face looks like when you come? How you sound when I’m touching you? How wet you get when you’re ready for me? How you taste…?”
My body started tingling to life, ready for another round. Just hearing him talking about it was making me wet, making me want him to touch me, tease me, taste me. God yes, one more time…“Yes…” My voice came out breathy, and I had to swallow the blossoming sensations so I could truly answer his question. “Yes. All I want you to do…is teach me to street race. Teach me to win.”
Shaking his head, he got up off the bed. His muscles flexing and twisting as he moved did nothing to dispel my rising desire. The sooner he leaves, the better.
Putting on his pants, he said, “Okay…whatever. If that’s what you want, then I’ll leave and we’ll act like this never happened. Not a problem.” I had to bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from telling
him that what I really wanted was his mouth on me again.
As was typical after a night when I’d done something risky and dangerous that I knew my friends and family wouldn’t approve of, I was a nervous wreck when I got to the track that morning. I felt like I had my sins stamped on my forehead for everyone to see—slut, traitor, backstabber, gambler…idiot. But I was only doing what I had to do. Or in one case, what I was too weak to resist. I didn’t want to dwell on what Hayden and I had done, though, so I shoved it to the back of my mind.
Or tried to. Thoughts of being with him plagued me all day. His hard, flat muscles, his soft lips and wandering hands. The way he guided me, led me, teased me. The gentle touches that made me feel like a caged animal waiting to be released. The slow strokes that turned into wild frenzy. I’d never had anything like that, and I wasn’t certain if I ever would again. I felt like pieces of me had been punched out and I’d always be incomplete.
“So, how was the bachelorette party Saturday?” Nikki asked while she arranged her toolbox.
“Fine,” I murmured, not in the mood to talk. Staring out the open garage door, I studied the top half of the Benneti building, which I could just see over the track. Was Hayden over there right now? Was he thinking about our night too? Was he upset that I’d ended things? Or did he understand that we had to? Would he still show me how to street race?
“Where did you go? Bar, bowling…strip club?”
Still thinking about Hayden, I murmured, “Yeah.”
Nikki stopped what she was doing and straightened to stare at me. “You did all three? Wow…no wonder you still look tired.”
Shaking my head to clear Hayden from my mind, I told her, “It was a long night.” Followed by another magnificent, long night. It was a weekend I would never forget.
While Nikki laughed, I excused myself to go work out. I needed the distraction. And also, now more than ever, I needed to be in tip-top shape. Myles was in the gym when I got there. He had another month to go on his cast, and his collarbone was far from healed, so he looked a little lost. Part of me wanted to avoid him—because knowing how he felt about Hayden, and knowing what I’d just done with Hayden last night, was too much to bear. But we were friends, and friendship came first.
“Hey, Myles,” I said, climbing on an elliptical.
“Hey, Kenzie,” he answered, his voice glum. “I wanted to keep my strength up, since I’m gonna have to look for a new team next year…but there really isn’t anything I can do. I feel so fucking helpless.” His dark eyes drifted to the wide windows that looked out over the property. Benneti Motorsports was practically the focal point of the view.
Holding my hand over the buttons of the machine, I tried to think of something vague and encouraging. “Everything is going to be fine, Myles, you’ll see. Cox Racing isn’t finished yet.” Not if I can help it.
Myles looked at me with a hard expression on his face. “With that asshole out there messing things up for us, we might as well be.” Swinging his crutch my way, he hobbled closer to my machine. “Do you finally see that we can’t idly sit back anymore and let Hayden screw us?”
Myles’s sentence was packed with double meaning, considering what Hayden and I had just done. I felt my cheeks heating and quickly grabbed my water bottle. After taking a swig, I told him, “We don’t have proof, and Dad’s already burned a bridge with the officials. If we say something—”
Myles interrupted me with a sigh. “I know. I just…I wish we had something on him…some kind of dirt we could use to nail him. And there’s got to be some. There’s no way that guy is squeaky clean.”
Used to conversations like this, I gave Myles a look that I hoped was full of commiseration. “I know what you mean. But we don’t have anything, so there’s nothing we can do…Damn it.” I really hated acting like I agreed with him, but what choice did I have?
At first Myles’s expression turned even harder, but then he sighed again. “Yeah…I know. But if you see something we can use—anything—let me know. If we can stop him, Kenzie, we’ll save Cox Racing.”
He looked so hopeful that all I could do was nod. Great. There was nothing about Hayden that I could confess to Myles; I couldn’t screw over Hayden without screwing over myself, and…I didn’t want to screw him over. Myles was just going to have to continue to be disappointed and frustrated. And I was going to have to continue to feel really guilty about lying to him.
I stewed about that fact for the rest of the day. And no magical solution appeared to me when I was back at home. While I was eating dinner, Hayden texted with a time and a location to meet up. Relief flooded into me that he was keeping his word. I’d been worried that he’d change his mind. Nerves immediately replaced my calm. We were going to practice racing through the streets. Any last shred of innocence I possessed would be gone after tonight. But then again, maybe I’d given that up last night.
Way too damn early in the morning, I left my house to meet up with Hayden. Much to my surprise, he wasn’t alone when I got to the meeting place. Boisterous Hookup and the quiet one, Grunts, were there too. Did Hayden not want to be alone with me now? For some reason, I found that really disappointing.
Parking my bike next to Hayden’s, I watched Hookup and Grunts. They were standing on the sidewalk in front of Hayden’s bike, and Hookup was engaged in telling Grunts a story. A car was parked next to Hayden, so clearly the pair weren’t here to race.
Raising my visor, I turned to look at Hayden. Would things be weird between us now? After a moment of staring at me, Hayden raised his own visor. Seeing the heat in his emerald eyes stole my breath. Yes, I think he has been thinking of me. But I couldn’t tell if his thoughts had been good or not. My mouth suddenly dry, I had to swallow before I could ask my question. “I thought we were going to be alone. What are they doing here?”
Hayden glanced up at his friends before looking back at me. “They run the show. If you want in, you have to impress them, not me.”
My heart dropped to my feet as my eyes returned to the two men before me. Somehow I’d thought getting in would just require Hayden’s okay…guess not. All right. I can do this. The pair didn’t seem to notice I was here yet, so I revved my engine to get their attention. Hookup looked annoyed at being interrupted when his gaze fell my way, but then he smiled and clapped his hands together. “Felicia number two! How’s it hanging, girl?”
I forced a smile to my face. “My name is Mackenzie, remember?” That wasn’t bitchy sounding, right?
He snapped his fingers. “Right, right…Kenzie. So you want to join the big leagues, do ya?”
The world seemed to shift into slow motion. This was it. Last chance to reconsider. I gave him a stiff nod. “Yes. But I don’t want to race against Hayden. I want to be put in a different event.”
Grunts made some snorting noise as he crossed his beefy arms over his chest. Hookup looked at him and nodded, like he’d said something meaningful. “Yeah, I know, right?” Returning his eyes to me, he pouted. “Are you afraid to race against my boy?”
Narrowing my eyes, I revved my engine again. “I have my reasons, and they have nothing to do with fear.”
Hookup looked intrigued, and he started to ask me something, but Hayden interrupted. “Come on, Tony, knock it off and let her show you what she can do.”
Hookup’s frown deepened as he met eyes with Hayden. “Fine, have it your way.” He smacked his hands together again, and a huge smile broke over his face. “Okay, first thing you should know is…there is no set course. Just checkpoints you have to hit along the way. Four of them, to be exact. During a real race, we’d have spotters at the points to make sure your ass isn’t cheating, but since this is practice, we’re gonna take your word for it.” He winked at me and I rolled my eyes. Let’s skip the flirting, please; I’m not interested. In you.
My unintentional addendum to that thought made me cast a quick glance at Hayden. Damn, he looked hot sitting on his bike. Was he really fine with last night? Or was he upset? Damn
it, I needed to focus on this, not worry about him. This was important. This was my family’s ticket out of financial ruin. This was everything.
Hookup continued explaining where the checkpoints were, and I dragged my eyes back to him. The first three locations were going through town; the last one was the starting point. First person to cross all four points won. Simple as that.
“All right, girl, show us what you got,” Hookup said, winking at me again.
“Ready?” Hayden asked. His voice was tight and his eyes were void, like he was trying to be distant. Was he angry? I hadn’t meant to hurt him.
Not wanting him to see the pain in my eyes, I slammed down my visor and gave him a brief nod. Lowering his own visor, Hayden indicated for me to follow him, then led us to the crosswalk cutting through the quiet street. He stopped his bike with his tire almost touching the line, and I mimicked his position. There was a red light just in front of us, and that familiar feeling of anxious energy washed over me. Even though we weren’t on a track, I wanted to go, wanted to race him.
Hayden leaned over his handlebars, preparing for the moment of release. I did the same…and then the light changed, setting us free. As if we shared the same mind, we both shot forward at the same time. It took me very little time to realize that street racing was nothing like racing on a track. On a specifically designed course, I followed all of my instincts, let logic carry me forward. But on the streets, logic had to be gagged and tied, and I had to ignore every instinct inside me. I first experienced the confusion when we hit a red light. I wanted to slow down and stop, but Hayden was going faster, not slower, and I had no choice but to follow suit; it hadn’t been outright stated, but I got the feeling I had to beat Hayden, or come awfully damn close, to get an invite into this world.
Breezing through a red light felt so wrong that a wave of nausea swept through me. It passed, though, and the next time it happened, I felt a little less sick. It was super late at night, and most of the side roads were nearly empty. Everything was going to be fine, and no one was going to get hurt. I just had to keep telling myself that.