Rose followed him between the apple trees. She breathed in deeply the apple-scented air.
Finally, Lord Rupert stopped at a fallen tree and motioned for her to sit. He sat next to her on the large trunk, still holding her hand in his. He looked into her face, his eyes wide and expectant. “Rose, tell me your plans for the future. What do you foresee yourself doing for the rest of your life?”
Rose had not expected him to ask her this, or anything else of such a serious nature. She tried to think. She couldn’t very well tell him the truth—that she hoped to marry him and live in the country.
“I suppose everyone expects that I will continue to be Frau Geruscha’s apprentice. Then, when she decides I’m capable of doing the healing work on my own, I will take over her work of helping the people of Hagenheim.” Even as she spoke the words, she didn’t truly believe them. For some time now she had been wondering if she’d ever be able to overcome her squeamishness and be a good healer. O God, help me.
“Is that what you want?” Lord Rupert leaned forward, holding her hand between both of his.
Rose shook her head in confusion. “I know not. What is it you want me to say?”
He stroked her hand with his thumb then lifted it to his lips, pressing a kiss into her palm.
A pleasurable, and at the same time uncomfortable, sensation spread all through her, but she had to keep her mind clear.
“I want you to say you love me, that you want to be with me.”
Rose pulled her hand out of his grasp, her heart thumping.
“I think you already know that I love you,” he said. “Do you love me, Rose?”
Rose looked into his eyes again, wishing she could read his heart there. Her own heart swelled with emotion. She didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but she wasn’t sure she could truthfully say she loved him. “I care for you, and I want to believe you love me.”
Lord Rupert smiled in a pleased, boyish way.
“So you brought me here to question me, to make me say things that are improper? What else did you want to ask me? I should think you know everything about me.”
“Oh, there’s a lot I don’t know about you, Fraulein Rose Roemer. I know you are the most beautiful maiden in the region of Hagenheim, but I’m curious about your mind, what you think.”
Her eyes widened. No one had ever said such a thing to her before. No one, that is, except Lord Hamlin. He’d even suggested she’d make a good advisor to his father. But she shouldn’t be thinking about him.
Lord Rupert stood and moved away from her. He wandered over to a tree and leaned his back against it, facing Rose. “What do you think of the Church? Many claim it is corrupt and needs reform. Do you agree?”
Rose sat straighter. Such a strange question. “I—I would never presume to say such a thing, my lord.”
“Some say reforms are inevitable, that the pope will be forced to allow priests to marry. What do you think? Do you think priests should marry?” He fixed her with such an intense look, it startled Rose. She had never seen this side of him before.
Rose drew her brows together in confusion and a little fear. Such conversations could bring dire consequences upon a person. What did he want her to say? “Why are you asking me this?”
“I truly would like to know what you think, Rose. You’re an intelligent woman. I know you must have an opinion.”
“I admit,” she said slowly, choosing her words carefully, “there are a few doctrines of the Church that I don’t understand.” She decided it best not to tell him she had read the Holy Scriptures. “But certainly I consider myself a loyal member of the Church.” They gazed at each other for a long moment. “Why? What do you believe?”
“I believe priests should be allowed to marry.”
Rose nodded. “I can understand why you would believe so.”
“You do?” Lord Rupert pushed himself off the tree. His excited expression made her a little nervous.
“Well, yes. But I’m afraid the pope does not allow it. He does not see the issue as you do.”
“This is true. But don’t you feel that most people in Hagenheim believe priests should marry and have families, that it’s unnatural for a man to be celibate?”
How strange that he should be pressing so hard on such a controversial issue. She couldn’t imagine what he was getting at. She shook her head and focused her eyes on a large gray mushroom pushing its way through the decomposing leaves. “I have no idea what most people believe. But you certainly seem to feel very strongly about it.”
“Let us talk of something else.” He smiled again, seeming to shake free from his seriousness. “I don’t want to waste our precious time together. It’s enough for me to know that you care for me.” He strolled over and held his hands out to her. “I told you I had something to tell you, remember?” As he sat, he took her hand in his again, his expression smug. “I have arranged for your family to move from their little house in the forest to a much better one, inside Hagenheim. The old Bernward house. They’ll love it, Rose. It has three stories and seven rooms and a large fireplace, much better than that smoky one-room cottage.”
Rose’s heart thumped erratically again. She knew the house he meant, the home of a wealthy bachelor who’d died without an heir. Suspicion stiffened her spine and she snatched her hands away. “And if you give my family this house, what am I supposed to give you in return?” Her cheeks burned.
Lord Rupert threw his arms outward. “Nothing. Why, Rose, do you doubt me so readily? Do you think me a villain who only wants to take advantage of you?” He raised his brows triumphantly. “To prove to you how much I respect you, that I don’t expect what you’ve insinuated, I’ve given them the house already. I sent servants there early this morning to help them move their things.”
He grabbed her hand and held it more firmly, preventing her from pulling away.
She pressed her lips together so hard it hurt. That didn’t prove anything. She tried to read his face, waiting for an explanation.
“Rose, please don’t doubt me anymore. I only wanted to please you. I wanted to do something for your family, simply because they are your family. Is that so wrong?”
She wanted to believe his words. “So, without questioning, my parents simply moved from the cottage my father built in the glen to a fine house in town that he had no part in building or paying for?”
“They did.”
Rose found it hard to breathe as she considered what her parents must think. She was sure they’d heard the rumors about her and Lord Rupert, about the inordinate attention he’d been paying her. This unlikely “gift” must have all but confirmed that she was Lord Rupert’s mistress. Tears stung her eyes. “Are you trying to shred my reputation, because you must be able to imagine what people will say—”
“I care not what people will say.”
“You should care.” Rose stood suddenly and yanked her hand from his grasp before he had time to react. “You should care about my reputation, at least.” Her arms and legs felt weak from the emotion that raged through her.
Lord Rupert stood too. “Rose, please. I meant no harm. I only did it to help. Please forgive me for being thoughtless. I didn’t think about how it would look to all the mean, petty people who want to think ill of us.”
He seemed more angry than contrite. Confusion scattered her thoughts as she watched him.
“It was simply an act of kindness. Why should we care what people think? Isn’t it more important that your family is safer and more comfortable in their new home?”
Rose found it hard to argue with that.
“Rose, please don’t fight me. I love you and I’m working on a way we can be together.” He held out his hands to her, a pleading look in his eyes.
“I don’t know.” Was it possible her family was already moved in? That they were living in a fine house, much finer than anything they could have imagined affording on her father’s meager living? In her wildest dreams, she had imagined such a thing for her family,
but she never believed it possible. Shouldn’t she be thankful? Or should she be angry? Surely if Lord Rupert intended to take advantage of her, he would have already made those intentions known.
No, she would believe the best about him. After all, he said he loved her. Still, it was all terribly shocking, as well as confusing. She’d have to try to sort it out later. “It is very generous of you. Thank you. I should probably be going now.”
Something seemed to have arrested Lord Rupert’s attention. “What is this?” He stared at her bracelet, twisting her wrist to the left and the right. His smile broadened. Slowly, he leaned down and kissed her forehead. His hands slid up her arms and came to rest on her shoulders as he pulled her closer and whispered, “I don’t intend to let you spend your life tending to sick people, having to deal with blood and broken body parts all the time. You’re too good for that, Rose.”
She let herself slip her arms around his waist, resting her hands on his back. She sighed, and the exquisite feeling of being held flowed through her.
After a few moments, Rose pulled back to look up at him. “I’m sorry to go, but I need to return to the castle.”
“Why must you?”
“I don’t want Frau Geruscha to come back and find me gone.”
“Frau Geruscha. I’ll be happy when you are no longer under her thumb. She doesn’t have your best interests at heart, Rose. You’re beginning to realize that, aren’t you?”
Rose found herself staring at his chest. “I truly wish you two could be friends, for my sake.”
Lord Rupert sighed. “For you, Rose, I can be friends with anyone.”
“Thank you.” Rose smiled up at him, relishing the way he looked at her. Impulsively, she wrapped her arms around him again in a tight hug. “Farewell.” She pulled away and started off quickly toward the castle before he could protest.
“Let me walk with you,” he called.
“No. I don’t want anyone to see us returning together.”
He sent her a pouty glower, but Rose simply waved, running up the hill ahead of him.
“Oh, Rose, marriage is wonderful.” Hildy’s face was the picture of bliss as she raised her arms over her head, smiling up at the sky.
“It certainly looks good on you.” A week had passed since Gunther’s expected execution day—which had become their wedding day instead. Rose strolled along between Hildy and Wolfie as they walked to Rose’s parents’ grand new house. It would be Rose’s first visit there.
Hildy proceeded to tell her of the joys to expect when she was married.
“Hildy, I’m not sure you should be telling me this.”
“Of course I should! You’ll want me to tell you all this and more when Lord Rupert asks you to marry him—which shall be any day now.” Hildy smirked. “Then we’ll both be married. Oh, Rose, isn’t it wonderful?”
“I hope so.” The truth was, she did expect him to ask her and thought it would be soon. She was too embarrassed to admit it to Hildy, but she looked forward to being able to enjoy Lord Rupert’s caresses and kisses. What she did not look forward to was his mother’s disapproval. The duchess was certain to be disappointed in her younger son’s choice. She might even try to prevent their marriage.
They reached the clearing in front of her family’s front door and stopped. Hildy faced her. “I predict you shall shortly join the ranks of us old married people.” She gave her a quick hug and hurried away.
Rose pushed the door open and Wolfie poked his nose in. Rose could hear her mother’s hushed voice. Standing in the doorway, Rose blinked until her eyes became accustomed to the dimness of the room. Then she saw her mother in the far corner with her father. Rose heard her name and held her breath, listening.
“She doesn’t intend to marry,” her mother said in a harsh whisper. “She’s said that often enough. Now she’s dallying with Lord Rupert and you know what people are saying about her and about us. She has no respect for us, the people who took her in and raised her. It makes me want to shake her by the neck to think that she’s not even our own child, but after all we’ve done for her she refuses to do as we ask.”
Rose concentrated on the words. Surely she had heard incorrectly. Not their child? She listened as her father’s voice answered.
“Don’t speak so. Rose has a right to choose her own husband. It’s the law of the Church. Without her consent, the marriage can be annulled.”
“Don’t you think I know that? She could and should consent, but if I know her stubbornness and pride, she won’t, just as she refused Peter Brunckhorst.”
“For which we should be grateful, as it turns out.”
“We don’t know how it turned out. He disappeared. Perhaps if she had accepted him—”
Rose couldn’t listen to any more. She turned around, not caring if her parents—if such they were—heard her, went out the door, and began to run. Her stomach burned as if she’d swallowed a lit torch. Her vision misted over as she struggled to take in the revelation.
Apparently her mother had found another marriage prospect for her and was angry at the thought that Rose would probably not accept him. Well, she was right about that. But now Rose understood her mother’s long-time resentment of her. Her mother had not given her birth, had not even wanted her.
Wolfie galloped by her side as she ran toward the castle. When she arrived, she found Frau Geruscha refilling some flasks with herbs. Rose crossed her arms, standing in the doorway of the storage room. Her breath came hard and fast and her heart pounded uncomfortably against her chest.
“Did you know that I am not Thomas Roemer’s daughter?”
The leather flask slipped from Frau Geruscha’s fingers and fell to the floor, spilling the dried leaves in a wide arc around her feet. Slowly she turned. Her face looked as if it were made of stone.
“What makes you say that?”
“I overheard my mother saying—” Rose’s voice cracked. Neither of them spoke as Rose’s mind raced through all the times in her life that she had felt like an outsider in her own home. She didn’t look like anyone else in the family. No one ever compared her to an aunt or cousin as they did her younger sisters. Why had Rose never thought of it before? She didn’t belong to them—and her mother didn’t want her and resented everything she had ever done for her.
“Did you know?” Rose demanded.
“How could I know? What did you hear?”
Was it Rose’s imagination, or had Frau Geruscha’s face grown ashen?
“My mother said I wasn’t their daughter.” Rose stared at the stone floor. “She doesn’t love me…never loved me.”
Frau Geruscha said nothing.
Rose rubbed angrily at the tears in her eyes. If she was not Thomas Roemer’s daughter, then who was she? The illegitimate child of a prostitute? The orphan of someone who had succumbed to the Great Pestilence? It must have been an indigent family, since she had been pushed off on a poor woodcutter. And they didn’t want me, either.
Rose ran up to her room.
For four days Rose thought constantly about her mother’s words. Her father wasn’t her father, her siblings weren’t her siblings, and her mother wasn’t her mother and had never wanted her. She felt unloved, a castoff, an orphan. Even as a baby, had she been so unworthy of love? She couldn’t bear the questions inside her, and she decided to confront her father with what she had learned.
Rose headed out with Wolfie into the forest. She inquired about her father’s whereabouts from another woodcutter and his son. She found him not far away, chopping steadily at a large beech tree.
“Father? May I speak with you?”
He looked up. “Of course, Rose.” He placed the ax head on the ground and leaned on the handle. “Your mother sent you a message four nights ago saying she wanted to talk to you. Have you been well? We haven’t heard from you.”
Rose took a deep breath. “Father, I know I’m not your daughter. I want to know who my parents are and how you came to raise me. And why did you never tell m
e?”
A flicker of pain had crossed his face as Rose spoke. When she finished, he sighed. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to know. I wanted you to always be my daughter. And you are my daughter, just as much as my other children.”
“But Mother doesn’t feel that way, does she?”
He gave her a disapproving look. As always, certain topics were forbidden. One shouldn’t even think about them, and to talk about them was worse.
Rose felt the tears gathering behind her eyes. But she didn’t care. She was determined to say what she had come to say, even if she had to choke the words out.
“I know what my mother wants. She wants me to marry a man who will improve her children’s status and prospects.” Angry tears spilled down her cheeks. “But you can tell her I’m not interested in anyone she tries to foist me off on.”
“Now, Rose, that’s disrespectful and you know it. She raised you from a baby—”
“Who were my real mother and father? I think I have a right to know that, at least.”
Thomas shook his head. “I know not.” Rose waited, but he said nothing more.
“Why don’t you know? Did you find me on the road? In the woods? Under a chicken coop?”
He gave Rose another severe look. “No, but it doesn’t matter, Rose. You needed a home and I was happy to take you in. Your mother and I both were. We thought she was barren.”
“So when she discovered she was with child, she began to wish she hadn’t taken me.” The tears came faster.
“Rose!”
The emotion in her chest rose higher and higher. If she had to listen to one more of his unsatisfying answers, to his scolding tone and see his disapproving look, she would explode. She had to be alone, to sob out the huge weight in her chest. She turned to go.
“Rose, wait.”
Rose shook her head and ran.
A few mornings later, in Frau Geruscha’s chambers, Lord Rupert stopped talking and looked annoyed. “What’s the matter, Rose? Are you ill?”