The claws on his right hand elongated.
He swallowed hard. “Yes. My puma wants you.”
Her eyes glistened. “But you don’t.”
Was she kidding? Couldn’t she see his cock tenting his zipper? Hadn’t she felt his desire? His uncontained, desperate desire? “Molly—”
She shook her head, then turned to grab her shirt. “I think you should go, Garrick.”
Fuck, he hated that she’d just covered herself. “Don’t, Molly. Don’t be angry with me. I want you. Dammit! I want you so fucking much, I ache with it. But…”
Her eyes, those incredible sable eyes, lifted and pinned him where he stood. “But what?”
There was nothing Garrick wanted more in that moment than to fly at her, get her back to the mattress, get her legs spread and bury himself inside her. But he didn’t deserve her touch, her warmth, her cream—or, more importantly, her heart.
“I wasn’t cut out for mating,” he said, his voice a dark thread. “For being anyone’s male. I don’t have what a good female deserves. I can’t be what you deserve, Molly.”
She held the shirt to her chest, but lifted her chin. “Shouldn’t I be the judge of that?”
He frowned. “I can’t disappoint you.”
“There’s only one way to disappoint me, Garrick,” she said. “And that’s by not taking what you want. What’s being offered to you. Goddess,” she sighed. “What’s right in front of you.”
She didn’t know what she was saying. She couldn’t. She had no idea what had been instilled in him and what had happened. He would only hurt her more by staying, by taking what he so desperately wanted.
“I’m sorry,” he uttered.
Turning away from the warmth and goodness, sweetness and hunger that was Molly Cochell, Garrick walked out the door.
CHAPTER 6
Stubborn, pig-headed…jackass.
One cold shower and a half a bottle of Jim Beam later, Molly was pacing the floor of her living room. How dare the bastard come into her home and set her on fire with his kisses, his hands, his magic tongue, and his wicked words, and then walk away?
And how could she be so stupid as to allow him to hurt her?
Again.
He was the master hit and run artist.
Was it some sort of game to him? To keep the pathetic Healer so enthralled with him that she stayed to take care of his mother? It certainly made his life easier to know he could dash around the world while she stayed behind, keeping him constantly up-to-date.
Well, enough.
Really and truly enough.
Taking another swig of the hard liquor, she was staring aimlessly at the twinkling lights she’d strung around the window when there was a knock on her door.
Molly frowned, not so drunk that she didn’t recognize the familiar scent.
Setting the bottle on a low table, she hurried across the room to pull open the door, her gaze running an expert examination of Virginia’s angular face. Her color was high, but that could be from the crisp night air, and she didn’t appear to be in any pain.
“Virginia?” Molly gave a shake of her head, trying to clear it. To say she wasn’t used to drinking was a massive understatement. “What are you doing here?”
The female’s expression was set in lines of stern determination. She could be as stubborn as her son—
No, no, no.
She’d stopped thinking about Garrick.
The bastard.
The hot and brutally sexy bastard.
“Something I should have done years ago,” the female said in cryptic tones. “May I come in?”
“Course.” Molly instantly moved back, urging the older female toward a chair near the fireplace. “Sit down.” She waited until Virginia had perched on the edge of the leather wingchair before she grabbed a blanket and tucked it over her lap. The older female wasn’t disabled but she was frail, and despite her protests she enjoyed being fussed over. “Do you want some hot chocolate?”
A small smile touched Virginia’s lips. “You’re such a good girl, Molly.”
Pain stabbed through Molly’s heart. “Good girl.” She gave a humorless laugh. “Yeah, that’s me.”
Virginia frowned. “Is there something wrong with being good?”
“It boring, predictable. Insanely dull,” Molly said, pacing toward the window. In her mind, she could visualize how Garrick had probably once thought of her. The tedious homebody who was in bed by eight and spent her days off baking cookies. While he was surrounded by sophisticated, beautiful females who could no doubt speak a gazillion languages, dance the tango, and make a male have multiple orgasms with just her kiss. “I don’t want to be house slippers. I want to be four-inch stilettos.”
“Because of Garrick,” Virginia murmured.
Had he seen her that way tonight? Molly wondered. Naked, calling out to him, climaxing against his hungry mouth? She supposed he had, and yet he’d still walked away.
“It doesn’t matter.” Molly heaved a sigh, wrapping her arms around her waist. “Not anymore.”
The older female cleared her throat. “Can I give you a little insight into the mind of my son?”
Molly hunched her shoulders. Do I have a choice? Do I really want to know more about this male I can’t seem to get out of head? Or my heart?
“Garrick is brilliant, there’s no doubt about that,” Virginia said. “And he’s one of the finest Diplomats the Pantera have ever known.”
Molly turned back to meet the older female’s steady gaze. “He had good genes.”
Surprisingly, Virginia grimaced. “Not so good when it comes to the important things in life.”
“What do you mean?”
Virginia touched the plain silver band on her finger. Pantera didn’t exchange traditional wedding rings, but mated pairs often had matching bands made to symbolize their union.
“Before his death, Garrick’s father and I were always a pretty non-traditional kind of couple. We both loved our jobs and traveling the world, which meant that we spent very little time together.” She smiled as Molly tried to hide her confusion at any couple being happy to live apart. “Oh, occasionally we would meet somewhere for a weekend, but it was rare for us ever to be home at the same time. As a result, Garrick grew up being raised by various relatives and friends.”
Molly wondered if Virginia was feeling guilty. “He turned into a fine male,” she was swift to reassure her. “You must be very proud.”
The older female nodded, her expression difficult to read. “Very proud, but I also understand that his lack of a stable home has made him doubt his ability to become the sort of male who would make a good father and husband.”
Molly frowned. She’d never really considered how Garrick’s past might have influenced his obvious fear of commitment. Was that what he’d been saying before he left her place? Why he’d thought she deserved someone else? Someone better than him?
She had to wonder if he also thought that she expected him to become a Mr. Homebody, when that would obviously drive him nuts.
“I’m not asking him to change,” she said.
“Of course you are, my dear,” Virginia reprimanded, her expression softening. “Garrick knows firsthand the trials of having a family who weren’t there for him. And if you’re being honest with yourself, you would admit that the thought of having a mate who was constantly gone would eventually destroy you. You have an emptiness inside you that needs to be filled with a male who can give you all of himself, not just a small part.”
Molly blinked back the stupid tears that filled her eyes.
Virginia was right.
Even if she could somehow manage to convince Garrick they were destined to be together, he would either leave her for months at a time, or he would force himself to stay, and eventually grow to resent her.
A savage pain ripped through her heart, nearly sending her to her knees.
“So there’s no hope,” she rasped.
Virginia rose to her
feet, moving to lay a hand on Molly’s cheek. “There is if you’re willing to compromise.”
Molly frowned in confusion. “How?”
“Think outside the box,” she urged. “Garrick can take a more permanent position somewhere that needs your skills. The Goddess knows that a trained Healer is always welcome among the Diplomatic faction outside the Wildlands.” She shrugged, her expression thoughtful as she mulled over the possibilities. “Or he could stay in the Wildlands to train the new Suits half the year, and the other half you could travel with him. So long as you’re together, everything will fall into place.” With a smile, Virginia squared her shoulders and turned to make her way back to the door. “Now I must leave.”
“Wait.” Molly hurried behind her. “Where are you going?”
“To remind my foolish son it’s almost time for the candle-lighting ceremony.”
“But…”
Molly gave a slow shake of her head as Virginia briskly stepped out of the apartment and closed the door behind her.
It felt like she’d just been hit by a mini-tornado.
Or manipulated by a very fine negotiator, a voice whispered in the back of her mind.
Catching her lower lip between her teeth, she moved to the mantel and touched the small star ornament next to her parents’ picture. It was the last gift she’d ever received from them. Her mother had told her that she’d chosen it so Molly could have something to make her Noël wishes come true.
Now Molly closed her eyes and made the Noël wish that came from the very depths of her soul.
CHAPTER 7
“You’re a fool, Loriot.”
The statement brought Garrick’s head around. He frowned. Raphael was headed his way, following the path of moonlight leading to the water’s edge.
Garrick snorted and turned back to face the bayou, and all the barges moving lazily down it with the current. “Tell me something I don’t know, brother.”
“All right.” Raphael came to stand beside him. “You’re scared.”
With a half-assed snarl, Garrick turned and gave his mentor a curious glare. “How the hell do you know about my fight with Molly?”
“I don’t,” Raphael said with a small grin. “But if you’re out here, staring into space—”
“I’m not staring into space,” Garrick corrected, gesturing toward the throng of barges in the water, and the yards of spruce trees bracketing the bayou on either side.
“Right,” Raphael amended. “It’s actually worse than that. Staring at all the Pantera heading down the bayou in their barges, huddling close together, the spirit of the season in their eyes and their smiles—waiting for the moment when they get to light the candles on their family tree. Yes. Staring at them instead of being with Molly, taking her in your arms, showing her just how goddamn much you want to claim her—”
“Enough, Raphael,” Garrick nearly growled. He didn’t want more images of his and Molly’s highly erotic time together sifting through his mind.
But they came anyway.
Christ, he could still taste her.
“Is the truth too painful to hear?” Raphael asked.
“That’s not my truth,” he grumbled.
“Bullshit. I’ve known you a long time, brother. And ever since Molly came to work for you, you’ve made it a priority to both stay away from her, and to know everything she’s doing or who she might be seeing when you’re not around.” His brow drifted up. “If that isn’t wanting, needing, loving, I don’t know what is.”
Garrick’s gut twisted. He hated his mentor’s words, but despised the truth in them more. At first when he’d hired Molly, things had been so easy. He’d come home for a day or two, then leave again. No problem. But as they’d started to get to know each other better, and their letters had started taking on a flirtatious edge, things had changed. Whenever he was home, whenever he was around her, in the same room, he couldn’t take his eyes off her.
He wanted to touch her.
Kiss her.
Claim her.
It was then that he’d decided it was better to stay away. He’d known what he didn’t have to offer. And god, what she did.
“Do you want to be with her, Garrick?” Raphael asked, cutting through his thoughts.
“More than I’ve ever wanted anything,” he said without hesitation.
The male cursed. “Then why stay away?”
Garrick turned to him, grimaced. “Like you said, brother, I’m a scared fool.”
Raphael nodded his understanding. “Glad you can admit it. And shit, welcome to the club.”
Garrick arched a brow. “What do you know about it?”
“I’m sure someday down the line I too will be faced with my fear. Giving myself to a female who holds my once-caged heart in her hands.” Raphael inhaled deeply, thoughtfully. “But perhaps there’s something worse for us to fear.”
Garrick’s brows knit together. “What’s that?”
The male’s gold eyes flashed. “Losing your mate. Watching every damn day as the female you adore above all things gives her love to another.”
The words took only seconds to sink in, but when they did, they took root and spread like wildfire. Molly giving her love, her body, her wonderful soul to another…
Never.
Goddess, never.
Garrick shifted into his puma and took off. He was several yards away when Raphael called to him.
“Hey! Don’t forget the lighting ceremony. Starts in an hour.”
Oh, that’s exactly where I’m going, Garrick thought. To get my family, bring them back for the Loriot tree lighting. This year, and, Goddess willing, every year thereafter.
Garrick gave his mentor one last growl before turning away and darting into the trees.
CHAPTER 8
Molly waited until she was sure the families would all be in their barges, headed down the canal to find their trees.
It wasn’t that the other Pantera wouldn’t go out of their way to make her feel a part of the festivities. They were always eager to ensure that she was included. Sometimes to the point where she wanted to scream.
Still, watching the others light their candles, while she stood alone by her tree, was always a painful duty.
At last, confident that the majority of the Pantera were gone, Molly slowly left the dormitory and headed toward the canal. In one hand she held her candle, and in the other was the small picture of her parents. They might not physically be with her, but she knew they would be with her in spirit.
Lost in memories of happier times, she was suddenly caught off guard when a shadow detached itself from a nearby cypress tree and prowled to stand directly in her path.
“I was beginning to think I was going to have to come in there and drag you out,” a low male voice teased.
Molly gave a small gasp, her heart slamming against her ribs as she ran an avid gaze over Garrick’s painfully familiar face.
She’d intended to spend the few minutes it would take to reach the canal shoring up her defenses before having to endure an awkward confrontation. Now she felt too raw…too exposed.
“Garrick,” she breathed, her tongue peeking out to dampen her dry lips. His eyes darkened to the color of melted honey as he allowed his gaze to linger on her mouth. “Where’s your mother?”
“She went to the tree with her new Healer,” he said, his voice distracted as he lifted a hand to gently push a stray curl off her flushed cheek.
Her heart squeezed with a wistful regret that she wouldn’t be with the older female.
Cutting all contact might be for the best, but it didn’t make it any easier on this special night.
“You should be with them.”
“No.” He stepped close enough to wrap her in the heat of his body, and for the first time she noticed that he wasn’t wearing his usual suit. Instead he was dressed in a casual pair of jeans and a cashmere sweater that emphasized his dark beauty. God. He was…divine. “We should be with them.”
We
? She frowned.
“I told you, I’m not returning as your mother’s Healer.”
He cupped her chin in his palm, staring at her with an intensity that made her shiver.
“How about you return as her daughter?”
Molly’s mouth fell open, her heart forgetting to beat. “Garrick—”
“Wait.” He pressed a finger to her lips. “Just let me speak.”
Bossy Diplomat. She sent him a dry glance. “You do a lot of that.”
“Point taken,” he wryly conceded, his thumb absently brushing her bottom lip. “I’m going to show you that I can do something very, very good that doesn’t take any words at all. But first…” He grimaced even as Molly trembled in anticipation. She might be pissed at this male, but that didn’t keep her body from craving him again and again, and with a vigor that was downright indecent. “I have a confession.”
“I’m listening,” she said.
He studied her upturned face for a long, tender moment, almost as if he were memorizing how the moonlight played over her features.
“I’ve devoted my life to my career, always convinced that I could never be a good mate or father if I was thousands of miles away.” Regret was threaded through his voice. “But the thought of actually losing you has made me look at myself and admit that I’ve been a coward.”
Molly felt her cat crouch inside her, warily curious to discover where this was going. “Coward?”
His hand slid to circle her neck, holding her gaze as his thumb pressed against her thundering pulse.
“I loved my parents, and more than that, I respected them, but I never truly felt like I had a home,” he confessed, unknowingly echoing the words his mother had shared earlier. “When I was small I used to think if I could just be good enough, or smart enough, or talented enough, my parents would want to be with me. Then, one day, I just stopped hoping.” He leaned down, pressing his lips against hers in a kiss that made her knees weak. “Until you.”
Her hands grabbed his upper arms, her heart melting at the thought of the lonely little boy who was afraid to wish for a true home.