“Yes.” I hung up the phone and stared across the room at my mother. She was sick. And I’d had no idea, no earthly idea whatsoever.
***
When my father came home, we were playing Monopoly with Molly and Gray. Molly seemed to have forgiven me for what she saw as my “outburst” the day before.
“Some of the kids at school said their mommies said that sometimes you do that. I am just so sorry for CeCe.”
We’d talked about Ava’s death this morning before school. She’d taken the news very well. The thing about having the powers we did was we were, in some ways, better able to deal with death as a concept. Molly accepted it as easily as she did the idea that some kids could eat peanuts and some couldn’t. Some things just … were.
“They’re going to have a funeral.” She looked up from the board.
“I’m sure they are …”
Gray threw down his pieces. “I want to learn how to clear ghosts.”
Molly and I both stared at him as my father came through the door with Dex. My middle son ran to me to throw his arms around me before booking it for the backyard. Dexter had never seen a day he didn’t think would be made better by swinging on our playscape.
“So you want to clear things?” My father sat while I addressed Grayson. “Like I do? And Grandma?” I could hardly say the word without wanting to choke on it. Of course, I’d gotten so good at not talking to my kids about things; this was just another frightening thing I wouldn’t bring up. In truth, this was scarier to me than any encounters with ghosts. “Molly can do it, too. I see no reason why you shouldn’t learn, considering you have the same gifts.”
“So you’ll teach me then?” He raised his eyebrows in challenge. Did he think for some reason I wouldn’t, or was he just being very eleven-years-old?
I set down my piece. I was usually the car, but Gray had wanted to play that today, so I’d backed off and been happy with the hat instead. “Sure, I’ll teach you.”
“Does it have to be you?”
Maybe I was slow. I needed to figure out what was happening with mom. Still, I felt like I wasn’t quite following what my oldest child wanted. “No, I guess not. There aren’t that many of us that do this. Grandma might be able to show you.” Or maybe she couldn’t.
“Malcolm.” He raised his eyebrows in a way that reminded me entirely of Levi when he wanted to see if I’d go along with him. “I want Malcolm to teach me.”
Well … this was surprising. “Why Malcolm?”
“Because he said he was just like me at my age. I think maybe if that’s true, then I’d like it to be him. It’s not like dad can do this, which isn’t his fault.” He looked down, suddenly seeming less sure than when he’d asked for Malcolm. “Unless he doesn’t like me.”
“I …” I wasn’t going to tell my children Malcolm didn’t like kids. “Okay, I can ask him. I’m sure if he can’t help you, it isn’t because he doesn’t like you.” In fact, I’d found him checking on Gray the other night before Malcolm and I had our evening together. “He might simply be busy. He’s an extraordinarily complicated guy.”
Grayson’s gaze met my own. “He’ll help me.”
I certainly hoped he would. “If he can’t”—I deliberately didn’t say wouldn’t—“I will.”
My father waited to speak to me, so I quickly sent Malcolm a note over text. Grayson has reached out wanting to learn some of his abilities. Maybe he’s finally getting past the demon. If such a thing were possible. Nothing gave me more pain than thinking of the months he’d endured in silence. He says he wants you to teach him. Is this something you might think about doing?
Grayson didn’t know he’d stepped right into the heart of Malcolm and my issues. Exactly how far was my now-lover going to go to be part of my life?
I put the phone in my pocket and indicated to my father we should move into the dining room. “Mom’s resting upstairs.”
“I wanted to tell you. You must be so sick of hearing that from me. The lies we just keep telling. In this case, your mom didn’t want you to worry about her. We’d only gotten back together. Her visions, you must have noticed she has almost none anymore. We think it’s all related. Like a giant slide into oblivion. The doctors have nothing.”
I gritted my teeth. I was going to give myself a headache, and I didn’t care. “I’m not even going to deal with the fact you lied to me, Dad. I’m a liar too. I lie all the time. So many times a day I can’t even keep up with it. We have really good doctors here.”
He pulled me into a hug. “This isn’t medical. This is something else. Her vitals are all good; her brain has no sign of anything wrong with it. We don’t know if the years of using her powers as much as she did finally caught up with her or why exactly this happened. It’s slow. She wants to still be useful.”
“I just got you back. I don’t want to lose you.” Only I didn’t control the universe; I didn’t even have any semblance of jurisdiction over my own small portion of it.
My phone beeped, and I let go of my father to look at it. Malcolm had answered. Tell Grayson I’ll be there in an hour. I make no promises. If this goes like crap, I’m not doing it again.
“Daddy.” I caught his arm. “What should I do? Tell me. How do I stop the shadows?”
“They must have told you, darling. All those years in the Other space. Didn’t they tell you?”
No, that was exactly the problem. I sunk into one of my dining room chairs. “They taught us to fight. Not how to plan. Didn’t tell us what would happen. Or how I’d have to figure out how to keep people safe. They’re not human. They don’t think like us. They don’t care about small details. To them, anything that wasn’t battle was small details.”
“You’re going to figure it out. You’re always the smartest person in every room.”
I groaned. “You must love me.”
***
I sat in the backyard on one of my pieces of pool furniture and watched Malcolm with Grayson. To say Malcolm wasn’t a natural teacher was putting it mildly. He didn’t like dealing with newbies, and I could see why. So many things had come naturally for him he had no concept of how to explain them. When he’d tried to teach me how to get rid of shadows, he’d basically said, “Point and go,” as if the shadows were some kind of video game.
Still, he wasn’t yet getting frustrated, and Grayson seemed to enjoy his attention. Malcolm waved his hand, and a ghost approached. It wasn’t the ghost who had, when he’d been alive, murdered us. How many ghosts did Malcolm keep around?
My powers turned on, and it was everything I could do to keep my hands in my lap and not send it away. This was Grayson’s ghost. Molly had taken to the clearing in one lesson and never needed to practice again. But my oldest son still lived with trauma. This might go another way entirely.
Malcolm circled the ghost. I looked at the offering. The man had died some time ago and apparently in his nightdress. He wore a sleep hat more appropriate for Charles Dickens than my backyard.
“Where did you find him?”
Malcolm shook his head. “No commentary from the peanut gallery.”
Grayson didn’t even blink, all of his attention focused on the ghost in front of him. He seemed a little pale for my liking.
“This guy isn’t going to move. He’s under my control. I’ve got him. He can’t come near you or your mom. He can’t even turn his head unless I give him permission. Think of him as our ghost puppet. As you gain control of things, the ghosts I bring out will be less and less under my direction. For now, let’s start with this fellow.”
How did he do that? I couldn’t control ghosts. I could see them and fling them to wherever they went.
Behind Malcolm, for a split of second, I saw Michael. One flash of time he was there, the next not. I grabbed the side of my chair. Why had he shown? I looked left and right. Nothing seemed out of order.
Malcolm’s gaze met mine. “You okay, Sage?”
“Fine.” I wasn’t going to tell with Grayson the
re. My kids didn’t know I’d ever been dead. I preferred they remained in the dark, at least for now.
Malcolm turned his attention to Gray. “What do you feel like you want to do right now?”
My son visibly swallowed. “Like I want to throw up.”
Well, that wasn’t a good sign.
Malcolm nodded, slowly. “Don’t.”
Grayson wiped his brow. “Okay.”
It was everything I could do not to get out of my seat and run over to him. I wanted to tell him it was okay. He could do this another day. Ghosts were scary. Demons were worse. He never had to, ever, see them again. Only, that would be a lie. He’d asked for this. His seven year old sister was managing them, and I didn’t have the power to make Grayson not see the ghosts.
So I stayed in my seat, which ranked high on the list of hardest things I’d ever done. That was my baby wanting to throw up.
Malcolm put his hand on the top of Gray’s hair and smooshed it on his head. “What do you want to do besides puke? What do you feel?”
Grayson extended his hands in front of him. “Like I want to use the air to push him away.”
“All right. Have at it. Use the air to push him away.”
He swung his arms. It wasn’t graceful. He looked a little bit like he was trying out a strange dance move, but the ghost cleared off, disappearing into nothingness. Gray hollered his happiness, jumping up and down before he launched himself at Malcolm.
“Oomph.” Malcolm was clearly not ready to be jumped on as he caught Grayson mid-leap and toppled backwards onto the grass. Seconds later, Dex burst out the door and piled on top of them, too. I covered my mouth to stop laughing. Dexter must have been pressed against the door, secretly watching Grayson outside.
My oldest son sighed loudly. “That was the best thing ever.”
“Okay. Is this like a thing? Are you going to jump on me every time you clear a ghost?”
Grayson and Dex laughed. Finally, the younger one answered. “We probably wouldn’t have, only now that you said it …”
Malcolm sat, somehow removing my sons from his person when he did so. “Well, ah, that was exciting. Thing is, that ghost wasn’t moving. We’re going to get better and better at it.”
Dex smiled. “I couldn’t see the ghost. I can only see them in my visions. I saw Gray jump, so I jumped. He jumps, I jump.”
I stood. “Who wants ice cream?”
My sons sprinted into the house. They hadn’t had dinner yet, and I’d offered dessert. Tonight, I’d be cool mom. Malcolm didn’t move off the ground. “Your son tackled me. Actually knocked me onto my ass.”
I walked over to him and extended my hand. “I saw. Did you hurt yourself?”
“No.” He got up without my assistance and brushed himself off. I smiled at him. “You can have ice cream, too.”
“I …”He shrugged. “I was going to say no, but I actually love ice cream.”
I motioned toward the door. “Come on in. We have vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry.”
“That’ll do. I like pistachio. I’ll bring you some next time I come.” He paused. “Kendall, we only got through the minutest training.”
“Baby steps.” I grabbed his arm and squeezed it, letting myself press my forehead to his exposed skin.
He sucked in his breath. When he spoke, it was a whisper. “Haven’t been able to stop thinking of you all day and how we left it. Most miserable day ever.”
“Good.”
I’d continue to keep him unhappy because I was in love with him. There was no point in denying it anymore. I loved him. I fucking loved him.
Nothing had changed. In this world, when I’d been nine years old, I’d tried to stop him from dying while I, myself, bled out. He’d been lost and alone and so completely mine.
“Kendall.” He said my name softly. “You’re crying. What’s wrong?”
I backed up, wiping at my eyes. “Where’s the phoenix? I think more than just you should know. It’s too important.”
“Chase knows. They’re less likely to attack him. I don’t want you to know. They can’t torture out of you what you’re unaware of.”
“No, they can kill me for not knowing it.”
He walked toward my door to the entryway to the kitchen where my kids, my parents, and the ice cream waited. “Isn’t that preferable?”
Only we could think death a win. “I love you, Malcolm. That’s why I’m crying. Our ending becomes sadder and sadder every day.”
He didn’t pretend to not know what I was talking about.
Post-ice cream dinner turned out to be chicken, that my mother quickly cooked, and green beans. Molly called it backwards night, and we all liked the description. Malcolm hadn’t spoken much during dinner. My kids eyed him like their new favorite toy, and without even asking, my daughter climbed on his lap and asked him his top three colors. She was going to make him a painting. Black, red, and gold. After their dishes were cleared and the night had grown late, they made their way upstairs. Grayson stopped at the bottom to stare at Malcolm.
“I never thanked you enough. You saved me. I felt you, inside my head. I could hear you, what you said. I think I would have died that night without you.”
Malcolm shook his head. “Nah. Your mom would have figured out how to save you. You have very smart parents. You’re lucky. They love you; they’ll do anything for you.”
“I think we both know I’m not going to grow up to live like my Dad.” Grayson looked at the floor.
I had to jump into the conversation. “What do you mean by that?”
“I can’t be this and be like dad, right? Look, I’m not complaining. I’m not being rude. Or anything. You, Grandpa, Grandma, Malcolm. You all do what I’ll be able to do. Dad can’t do that. I’m going to have to be you, right? Fight the ghosts or whatever.”
I walked quickly to him, taking his hands in mine. “My best friend is a witch. She owns a store. Her husband can block energy coming in and out of rooms. He’s an artist. Do whatever you want. You don’t have a destiny written for you.”
Grayson kissed my cheek before he ran up the stairs the rest of the way. Malcolm leaned against the kitchen wall, regarding me with smoldering eyes. “You lied to him.”
“No, I didn’t.” There was one glass left in the living room, and I rushed to it and brought it to the sink.
“You did, honey. Victoria ad Henry, they can’t clear a room. They can’t even see a ghost. I don’t know anyone who has a glimmer of our talent and doesn’t use it to survive. I think there are some things we can’t outrun.” He got off the wall. “It’s not a bad thing to be you. Levi’s a good dad, a good man, sort of.” I shouldn’t let him talk about my ex that way, but I couldn’t bring myself to stop him right then. “He isn’t going to be who your kids become. Tomorrow night I want to go and see where the shadows are hiding out and why there. I still haven’t been approached about when and where for the duel. Do you want to steal Levi’s passkey or ask him for it?”
I turned off the water. “Yeah … I can see why it’d be great to be me. Here’s your future, Grayson. Have at it.”
Chapter Ten
I followed Victoria around her store the next day. I was on shadow watch. As the only one of our group who could see whether or not a person had a light, I had to determine who watched the others the way I had so clearly been observed. We’d had a new postman deliver that morning at my home. I hadn’t asked, so I didn’t know for sure, but my guess would be my previous one had died suddenly of a heart attack the night before. The shadow had done his job; he’d have a new body somewhere else, and we’d never know where.
A young woman in her twenties—not a shadow—came in, tried on ten pieces of clothing, bought eight of them, and left. Wanting to be useful, I went into the dressing room and started hanging up the two discarded pieces of clothing she had so charmingly left on the floor.
Movement in the mirror caught my attention. I’d gotten really good at ignoring little flutters of things
in my peripheral vision. With so many shadows dancing on the ground these days, I had no choice but to try to tune some of them out. Otherwise I was going to hide in my dark closet and never leave the house.
Still, something made me stand and pay attention. The little dressing room had three full-length mirrors so the customer could see themselves on all sides. In each mirror stood a figure regarding me. Michael, Rafael, and Gabriel. They stared at me, unmoving while they clearly waited for me to acknowledge them.
I put my hands on my hips. “Need something?”
“Did you say something?” Victoria called to me from outside the dressing room where she folded inventory she’d decided to take out of the front of the store.
“Just talking to the Others. They’re in your mirrors.”
Gabriel looked at Michael, and I could have imagined it, but Rafael might have rolled his eyes. Victoria pulled the curtain and rushed to my side. Her eyes got huge, and her breathing picked up. “I … I haven’t seen them except glances in your father’s eyes when Michael watches through them. I haven’t seen them like this since we came back.”
I put my hand on her arm. “It’s alarming. I know.”
Michael spoke. “You have located their lair. Why are you not there?”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “I can’t see storming the office building as a very good idea. We have to be strategic about it. Besides, Malcolm is fighting one of them on Friday sometime. This may all be over very soon.”
“What?” Rafael interrupted Michael when he would have spoken. He seemed to be doing this a lot. In all of my years of training, I’d never seen him do it once. Now, during the last two encounters, Rafael had yelled. He must be really, really stressed. “How did we not know?”
Victoria put her hands on her hips. “Are you watching us 24-7? Do you know everything?”
“You made it much harder when you summoned us. We were forced to move the timeline, give Kendall her knowledge earlier than we wanted. It took a lot of energy. We haven’t been as present this week.” Michael took his role as mouthpiece. “Malcolm fights the shadows on Friday. How does he seem?”