She punches me in the arm—a signature Suri Dalton move. “You acted like you hated it!”
I shrug and grin. “Acted.”
She makes a little hmph sound and folds her arm over her breasts, covering up her pert nipples, which stand out underneath my soft, gray night shirt. “I’m gonna get you back for that! Just wait!”
I laugh and thump her on the nose. “You telling me you’ve got a lot of juicy secrets?”
“Yes,” she says insistently. “I’m full of secrets. I’m Pandora’s freakin’ box!”
“Just so you know, Pandora’s Box was full of curses.”
She rolls her eyes. “Fine. I’m still full of interesting secrets. Like did you know I can speak three languages?”
“Counting English?”
She nods.
“Spanish,” I try.
She glares.
“You know pig latin doesn’t count,” I tease.
“It’s not pig latin.”
I purse my lips and look her over, pretending I can see right through her. I nod and put a finger on my chin. “I see…”
“What do you see?”
I grin. “It’s sign language.”
“What!?” She jumps up and hits me with a pillow, then folds her arms again. My gaze sweeps up her tights-clad legs, over the swell of her breasts, and over her lovely face. I grin wider. “Was I right?”
“Yes you were right! But how? That’s a hidden talent of mine. My aunt was born deaf. Everyone in my family knows— Gah! Everyone in my family.” She shakes her head. “I guess someone, sometime has written about my dad’s sister Lucy.”
I nod, feeling irrationally pleased with myself. “Someone, somewhere.”
“And you read it,” she pouts.
“What can I say?” I shrug. “I’m well-read, baby.”
She sits on my lap and frames my face with both of her hands. “How can you be smart? Pimps are supposed to be big, dumb, jocky types.”
“I’m jocky!” I stick out my lower lip, and she giggles. I grab a piece of her hair and twist it around my hand, pulling her a little closer to me. “Besides,” I whisper in her ear, “I already told you, I’m a mack.”
She giggles again. “That’s where the term ‘mack daddy’ comes from, isn’t it? That old fourth grade term the boys used when they wanted to be king of the jungle gym?”
I stroke her cheek. “And here I thought you went to private schools.”
“I did. But they were dirty little boys.”
“You like the dirty boys?” I take her hand and press it against the bulge that’s growing under my plaid pajama pants. She rubs her palm over me—and I’m stretching out on my back, lifting my ass for her as she yanks off my pants. I make quick work of hers and hold her over me while I explore her soft pussy with my tongue.
She’s groaning, her legs collapsing so she sags on top of me, in no time flat.
She’s got her arm stretched back underneath her legs so she can work my cock, but her fingers can’t reach me.
“Hold on,” she says, pulling away from me with a sexy little cry. She climbs on top of my face and takes my cock in her mouth and now it’s me who can barely think straight.
“Jesus…” She’s got this thing she does with her tongue and her lips that’s… “Oh, fuck!”
I’m coming in her mouth, worrying about her until she screams my name and I can feel her quiver underneath my tongue.
I lift her off of me, lie her out on the coffee table, and suck her tits for a few minutes till she’s writhing again. Then I lift her onto the couch, spread her legs, and plunge inside. She’s warm and soft and welcoming. She strokes my face and cries my name, and you know what? I fucking like it. I might even fucking love it.
It’s not until we’re eating ice cream half an hour later that it hits me like a fucking train.
“I didn’t use a condom. Holy fuck.” I’m off the couch and on my feet, pacing. “I didn’t use a fucking condom! FUCK!”
“Marchant, calm down, it’s—”
“You don’t understand. You could get pregnant!” I’m breathing hard. There’s not enough air in this room. In this house. “Suri, I always use a condom. I can’t believe it! Fuck me!” I’m covering my face with my hand, feeling the familiar coldness in my hands and feet that harkens a panic attack, when she grabs me by my elbows and says, “STOP! Stop freaking out, Marchant. I’m infertile.”
“What?”
Her hazel eyes are wide in a face that suddenly looks breakable. “I said I’m infertile,” she says softly. “It’s okay.” Her shoulders slump. “I’ve known it for a while. So I can’t get pregnant. You have nothing to worry about.”
She sits down on the couch, folding her legs underneath her.
In the last few days, we’ve fucked and worked together, and I’ve never seen her look like she does now. So…vacant.
I go over to the couch and sit on the floor in front of her, surprised by the depth of loss I feel on her behalf.
“I’m sorry.” I’m not sure what else to say. But her wide eyes are fixed on my face, so I swallow past the dryness in my throat. “Do you want children?”
“I don’t know. I never really got a chance to think about it. Probably, though. I think I’d like to adopt a little girl or boy.”
I nod a little. “Well…that’s something.”
“Something,” she says. “Yeah. I guess it is.” And, after a moment looking into my eyes: “You don’t want kids? Because of…your mother?”
“I don’t want an accidental pregnancy,” I hedge.
“Well, you’re safe with me.” She winks, but the smile she gives me is not real.
I wonder what she would think if she knew the truth about my problem.
I tell myself that I’m a fool for wondering.
*
SURI
I’ve been invited to dinner with ‘the girls.’ In the past four days, Marchant and I kept bumping into Juniper, the British one, and she eventually asked if I’d like to go to fajita night with the Love Inc. ladies who are still hanging around. (Some of them took time off, because there weren’t enough cottages for everyone to continue seeing clients).
That was yesterday—the day that turned into the night when I told Marchant about my inability to procreate.
I’m probably being crazy, but I can’t shake the feeling that he’s been more distant since I told him. Today he was at the cottage most of the day, doing book-keeping stuff, he said, while I began sorting through fabrics and colors to create the new look for the almost completely sheet rocked main house interior. I think I’ve got the floors and paints mostly decided, and I’ve got a tentative plan for furniture and plants.
I can’t wait to show it to Marchant, but that will have to wait until tomorrow. For now, I put on a strappy red dress, silver shoes, and my favorite low-key jewelry, then pull my hair into a casual bun and add lipstick.
When I walk into the living area, I’m hoping to be greeted by a low whistle. Instead, the place is empty. Or I think it is. I’m at the front door, planning to wait for Juniper on the porch, when I hear Marchant’s voice from the kitchen.
As soon as I walk in, he ends whatever conversation he was having and drops his phone into his pocket. His eyes find mine, and my sketch-ometer starts going off, because he doesn’t even notice I’ve dressed up. He looks distracted. Unhappy.
“What’s wrong?”
He blinks at me like he’s just waking up. “Umm…what?”
“You just…you look— Is everything okay?”
“Yeah.” He frowns at me. “Where are you going?”
“Fajita night, remember?”
“Oh yeah. Good,” he says definitively.
“Glad to be rid of me,” I tease.
“I can’t hang out tonight. Work stuff,” he tells me.
For once, he didn’t join me in the shower after work.
“Everything okay?” I ask.
“Nothing for you to worry about,” he says f
irmly. And there’s something about the way he says it… Like no way would it be my business.
It bothers me.
“Okay,” I tell him. “See you later tonight.”
As I wait on the porch for Juniper, I’m worrying about what will happen when this project is over—worrying about how hard I’m falling for him—when the door opens and he sticks his head outside. “I just wanted to tell you—you look good. Have a good time. They’re nice people.”
“I know,” I smile. “And thanks. Hope you get your work stuff sorted out.”
“I hope so too.”
There’s something odd about the way he says it. I’m still thinking back to it when Juniper and a few of the other girls arrive.
*
MARCHANT
My P.I. called today. So did my finance guy. Apparently someone has been attempting to log into my money accounts. I can only assume it’s a minion following orders from Rex Hawkins, who is still pissed off despite my self-fine.
I spend most of the morning pacing around the cottage, wishing I hadn’t re-paid the fucker an extra twenty-five percent of what I owed. Wondering if it was he who sent the text referencing the fire. I know I was late paying him back and I grazed his foot with a bullet, but shit. How far will the motherfucker go?
After weeks of reckless mania, worry is a strange, disturbing thing.
I have my money manager report the suspicious activity to a monitoring arm of the FBI, and he comes back with a long list of IP addresses from places like Tokyo, Lima, Paris, and San Diego. Of course he does. My hacker friend is probably using TOR, a black-market-friendly system that keeps their true location hidden.
I spend some time wishing I could hop on a plane and disappear. Lead my pursuants somewhere far away from here. Trouble is, Love Inc. is an easy target whether I’m here or not. And I guess I’m jumping the gun a little. No one’s made a threat. And I really have no idea who is snooping. I’m not exactly low-profile, and a lot of people assume I’m worth a lot more than I really am. Compared to someone like Hunter, I’m a pauper.
I take a long shower and jerk off thinking of Miss Dalton.
After my shower, I get a phone from a withheld number. Normally I’d ignore it, but because of all this other shit I answer, and after a second, I wish I hadn’t. Fuck. All I can hear on the other end is heavy breathing. For a second, I’m worried someone kidnapped Suri. Talk about an easy target. Her father is one of the most financially successful people on the planet. Makes me so fucking anxious.
But when I walk to the main house late in the afternoon, I find her safe inside, talking to Tom about ceiling textures.
I need to calm down.
I have an early afternoon session with Dr. Libby. Three times a week seems excessive, but apparently that’s the protocol after a manic episode—especially one that includes an adventure to the bottom of a pool. We talk about Riker, by some strange twist of conversation. She’s going to school at UCLA, majoring in environmental science. Libby tries to lead me down the path to my mother—do I remember her being hospitalized for mania?—but I veer the other way. I just don’t fucking feel like it.
By the time Suri returns to the cottage around five, I’m like a fucking puppy. I want to feel her. I want to talk to her. And that’s when Dave calls back. He doesn’t even tell me anything helpful, just confirms that he’s got a tracer on my phone line here at the cottage, and the extra security I had Richard bring on are all in place; all doing their jobs.
By the time I get off with Dave, I can hear Suri in the shower. My cock is hard, and I want nothing more than to join her. But I’ve been fanaticizing about confiding in her about my hacker. Ultimately, that’s why I don’t hop in the shower with her. This desire to share things with her is clearly against our rules. I just haven’t decided what to do about it yet.
Another call from Dave distracts me from making proper conversation with Suri before she heads out. I try to tell myself it’s no big deal. I’ve gotten through most of my life without the woman. I can rough it tonight.
I cook some bacon, eat an apple, and pull a Cuban out of my humidor. Everyone’s away tonight. I decided I’ll walk the grounds, then maybe the new building. That’ll make me feel good.
I walk the maze first. Like the libraries in the main house and the cottages modeled after my childhood home, I made the maze for me. Because I get anxious sometimes. Because even though I’ve only been full-blown manic twice, I’ve felt myself start to drift that way much more than twice, and when I do, I have to re-focus. To clear my mind and get rid of my anxieties. I like the maze, because I know it. No surprises.
The sun is setting, painting the sky a vibrant indigo. I can already see stars a few stairs blinking their way through the evening sky. For some reason, they make me feel good. You can see lots of stars from my place. You can take a deep breath and smell the grass. When there’s a breeze like tonight, you can hear the leaves rustle in the trees. This is my business. This is where I live, where others live, where others come for pleasure. It’s not a bad place. And despite how fucking close I came, I didn’t ruin it. I didn’t burn it to the ground. And even though I gambled away a shit ton of money, I’ve got more. So I am able to re-build. I might be fucked up—I might be shit for personal relationships—but I’m good at what I do. People like working for me. And I do well enough that even my own fuck-ups can’t bring me down.
The more I think about it, the more I think maybe it isn’t Hawkins messing with my stuff.
I walk out of the maze nearly an hour later with a weight flung off my shoulders.
As I skirt the pond, I remember being there with Suri, and I have the sudden thought: What if I wasn’t bipolar? How would I feel about her then? If I wasn’t a danger to her…?
Why am I even wondering? I am. I know I am. Just ask Marissa.
I’ll never not be a danger to Suri. Maybe I am good at business, but I’m bad for other people. I like Suri Dalton a lot. I like her not just for the sex. I like her for lots of other things. Like for the Wheel of Fortune. And that’s bad. That’s really bad.
Still, I’m fighting with myself. I’m remembering how good my mother was with Riker and I—how our childhood was normal and, as best as I can remember, happy. I don’t know how the plane went down—because much of the body and the control panel were burned. I don’t know what kind of mood she was in that day. Maybe it wasn’t mom’s fault.
For just a few minutes, I allow myself to remember her. How full her cheeks were when she smiled and how she always smelled like perfumed lotion. I remember the way she used to yank me up off the ground and spin me in a circle while she sang a silly little kid song when I scraped my knee, how one time when I got in trouble for sneaking out of class in high school—planning to kiss Julie Thomas in the janitor’s closet—she took the principal to task when he suggested I was a troublemaker.
“He’s the president of the beta team!” I remember her exclaiming.
My eyes water a little, because I can still hear the pride and the outrage in her voice.
I’m so overcome in that moment, I sit down on the back steps of the new main house. That’s where I am, sometime later, when I hear what sounds like a baby’s cry. I look around in the darkness, and I hear something rustle in the brush.
Did the sound come from inside the building, or somewhere nearby in the brush? If cats are inside… Has any of the new hardwood been put down yet? I don’t think so, but still. I don’t want those damn cats ruining what progress has been made. I look around once more and step through one of the rectangular spaces where the doors will be.
I’m in the lobby area, looking up at the scaffolding of the grand, curved staircase, when I hear a low thump nearby. I look left and right, and left again. Moonlight spills through the huge squares spaces where windows will go, but I can’t make out what’s on the floor.
I flip open my zippo and step slowly closer.
It’s a cat. A bloody cat. As my eyes adjust to the firelight, I reali
ze it doesn’t have a head.
22
SURI
“I’m telling you, you need to watch it. ‘Girls.’ It starts off a wee bit precious, but you’ll learn to love the little twerps!” Juniper grins and sticks up one hand in a parting wave as I walk to Marchant’s door.
I toss one more glance over my shoulder, and Loveless wags her finger. “Details, woman! Next time I see you, you will provide me with details. Even if they’re little baby ones.”
“We’ll see,” I laugh, waving. “Thanks for a good night!”
I step into the cottage in a great mood, already looking forward to telling Marchant about my night. I step into the den and sit my purse on a table beside the couch, and he steps out from the kitchen.
I can tell before he opens his mouth that something is wrong. His face looks stony, and his eyes don’t meet mine for a long moment. Then he pulls my packed bags from behind his back.
My stomach lurches. “What happened?”
“I’m sorry, Suri, but…you have to go. Tonight.”
“What? Why?” My voice is high-pitched.
He shakes his head and strides toward the couch. He sits, then leans over a little and squeezes the bridge of his nose without looking up. His shoulders seem tight. I can feel the tension rolling off him.
“Did something happen?”
When he meets my eyes, his are dark and angry.
“Did I do something?”
“Of course not!”
I jump.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to raise my voice. You didn’t do anything. It’s me. I’ve had some…things come up. A situation. One that changes things.”
“Oh.” At first I’m sure he means a woman. Maybe it’s Marissa. I bite down on my lip and try to keep my emotions off my face as I look down at my hands. Coming here was a mistake. A terrible mistake. I sink down on the couch beside him. Mostly because my legs feel weak.
His lips touch down on mine the next second. It’s a gentle, light kiss with the promise of something deeper—except he pulls away as I start to warm to it.