She turned and walked back, her head down, her whole body sagging like a flag of defeat. I took Baby Celeste's hand and hurried away before she saw us. Despite everything, I couldn't stand looking into her eyes soaking in such agony. She was like some wild animal trapped and contained, tortured by memories and the sight of the world she had known and loved. It was close, but just enough beyond her reach to torment her,
When we went into the house later in the day, I saw she was polishing furniture in the living roam. Panther was asleep upstairs in his crib. Betsy didn't look at us. She worked harder. deciding I imagined, to do what Mama wanted her to do so she could see if she would be rewarded as Mama had promised. She went from one chore to another without a single complaint. Mama followed and inspected. She raised her eyebrows at me to indicate her approval and satisfaction.
"You did well today. Betsy," Mama told her at dinner. "You are capable of making a good change in yourself."
"Can I have some money soon?" Betsy immediately asked.
"Soon."
"How soon?"
"Very soon." Mama said. smiling. "Let's just be sure this new change coming about is real."
Betsy's temper was a like a raging beast chained down inside her. She didn't say a single nasty thing even though her eyes could have served as launching sites for nuclear missiles. She swallowed hard and ate her meal. Afterward, she cleaned the table and washed the dishes and finished polishing silverware. Even though Mama hadn't told her to do it, she scrubbed the kitchen floor and took out the garbage.
Afterward, she sat quietly in the living room holding Panther in her arms until he was ready for bed. She took him up and returned because she saw that Mama had let me turn on the television set. Betsy was upset that we could get only a few channels, but anything was better than nothing.
You should both get a good night's sleep" Mama declared after an hour or so. "Don't forget tomorrow we do the windows, and you were acing to put a new coat of varnish on the porch deck, Noble."
I rose and turned off the set. Betsy sat there staring at the dead screen as if she still saw the program we had been watching.
"Good night, Betsy," Mama said pointedly.
Betsy turned to her sharply. "Can I have the privilege of using the phone after we do the windows tomorrow?"
"We'll set," Mama said, and went to the stairway.
Betsy looked at me. if she doesn't let me, would you ask after this boy I knew in the village when you go in on an errand? His name is Greg Richards."
"I'm not doing any errands tomorrow." "Whenever you do!" she pleaded.
I listened for Mama's steps on the stairway, then I said. "We'll see." I know I must have sounded exactly like Mama.
Betsy's face reddened. "Please," she begged.
"We'll see," I repeated, and quickly followed Mama up the stairway.
She was waiting for me just outside her bedroom door. From the look on her face, I was sure she had overheard Betsy's request. She smiled at me.
"Good night. Noble. Have a good sleep," she said, and went into her bedroom.
I was undressed and into bed before I heard Betsy come up the stairway. Since her arrival. I had taken to wearing pajamas and keeping my breasts wrapped even when I slept. I had no lock on the inside of my door. All the rooms in the house had the oldfashioned skeleton-key locks that could be turned from the outside or inside, but I had never had a key. Before she had run off pregnant. Betsy had often burst in on me. I couldn't help but be afraid she would do it again.
I had just closed my eyes and begun to drift off when I heard her scream. At first I thought it was the preamble to a dream. It was so muffled and quick, but then I heard it again and I sat up. She was in the hallway.
What now? I wondered, rose, put on my bathrobe and slippers and opened the door.
She was sitting on the hallway floor in front of her bedroom. Her head was lowered and supported by her hands with her elbows on her legs. She was in her bra and panties. Mama's door was shut. Betsy sobbed softly and gasped before looking up at me.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"All my clothes. My nice things, my jeans and blouses... they're all gone. Go in there and look at what's hanging in my closet instead."
I looked at Mama's bedroom door, then I walked slowly across the hall stepping past Betsy and into her room. Incredibly, despite the outburst. Panther was still fast asleep. The light was on and the closet door was open. I looked in and saw some of the dresses and skirts I knew had been stored in the turret room. They were faded. old garments with high collars, long hemlines and bland colors.
"What did she do with my things?" Betsy asked from the doorway.. She stood there with her arms folded under her breasts.
I shook my head.
"Now you can see for yourself that she's out of control."
"You can ask her in the morning."
"I don't want to wait until morning. I want my things back now." She turned toward Mama's bedroom door.
"Don't wake her. She'll be angry that you're waking her and Baby Celeste as well, who will surely wake up."
Betsy hesitated. "What will she do, fine me?"
"Maybe, You're doing so well. Don't mess things up. Soon, you'll get more privileges and--"
"What more? I don't have any!" she cried.
I looked at the clothes in the closet again. Once. I had secretly put on a few of these garments up in the turret room. I thought. For me it had been exciting and wonderful,
"What is she trying to turn me into?" Betsy asked as she came back into her room. "She even took my shoes and put those ugly clodhoppers in my closet.. Where does she get the nerve? Where does she get the ideas?" she asked frantically.
What was I going to say? What would I tell her that would make sense to her? "I'm sure she's doing what she thinks is good for you." I replied instead.
Betsy shook her head at me. "Isn't there anything she does that makes you angry?" "If she does, she doesn't mean it."
"Sure. Sure. She doesn't mean it." Betsy wiped the tears off her cheeks.
Panther whimpered.
"You don't want to wake the baby. You better get some rest," I said. "We have a big day ahead of us. The house has so many windows, and she likes to do the inside and the outside of each, as well as the sills and the frames."
"I thought I was doing what she wanted," Betsy told me, her lips quivering. "I gave up. I decided to do her stupid chores and do them well, but look what she did to me." She nodded at the closet. "This is my reward."
I said nothing. I started out of the room. She grabbed my arm and brought her face close to mine.
"I can't stand her," she whispered. Her fingers were squeezing tightly. "Don't do anything you'll regret. Betsy," I warned her. "Please."
She released my arm and went to her bed. She lowered herself slowly and then just fell to her side. She made no sound, but her shoulders shook with her silent sobs. I stared at her for a few more moments and then walked out, closing her door softly behind me. Mama was standing in her doorway.
She saw me come out of Betsy's room, but she said nothing.
Then she backed into her bedroom and closed her door. too. I returned to my room and got back into bed. After my eyes grew used to the darkness again. I heard a rustling near the window.
He was standing there staring at me.
Your mother is making it easier for me. you know," he said, "Easier for me to return." I held my breath.
I couldn't see his smile of satisfaction as much as I could feel it.
The wind stirred around the house and was then reinforced with a gust from the north. He shrank and slipped through the window to ride it and go off into the darkness, leaving me behind to ponder the meaning of his words.
In the morning Betsy put on the skirt and the blouse that was the least distasteful to her.
Some time during the night, she had stopped crying and feeling sorry for herself. I could see a hardness in her face. She was determined not to give Mama the
satisfaction of knowing how deeply she had been wounded. More than that though, she had other purposes. She stepped up beside me and whispered in my ear:
"I know exactly what's going on here, Noble. Your mother wants me to get hysterical and run off. That way she never has to give me any of my money. But it's not going to happen," she vowed, and went right to her morning chores.
"I just knew those clothes would fit you well," Mama told her at breakfast. They belonged to a cousin of mine who also had a baby out of wedlock."
Betsy looked at her with her mouth slightly open, her eyes suddenly brightening with some realization, Is that why you thought they would fit?"
Of course."
Betsy glanced at me. She wore a smile that was remarkably similar to her brother Elliot's. It put a chill in my heart. I looked at Mama to see if she saw what I saw, but Mama was already humming to herself and thinking of other things.
"She's crazy for surer Betsy told me later. "I'll bring this whole thing down around her yet," she swore. "You'd better tell her to let me have my money."
Panic spread through my chest like a large caterpillar stretching into an awareness of its own existence. I could see the same sort of awareness and confidence in
Betsy's face. She began to ask Mama questions every chance she had, questions to draw out Mama's secret world.
"When I hear you talking and there's no one in the room with you, you're not really talking to yourself, are you. Sarah?" she asked Mama after dinner one night.
Mama looked as if she wasn't going to reply, but then, she smiled and said. "No. I'm not talking to myself."
"Who hears you then?"
"Those who love us. Love binds them to us."
"Do they love me. too?"
"No, not yet, but in time they might."
"What do I have to do?"
"Become a responsible, caring person," Mama said.
Betsy glanced at me, her eyes filling with satisfaction. Couldn't Mama see how she was baiting her?
"Ill try. Sarah. I really will. I'd like to be able to talk to people who aren't there."
"They are there." Mama said.
"No. I mean, who other people can't see. They talk back to you too. right?"
"Of course."
"And that's how you know so much?'
"Yes," Mama said, her eyes finally smaller. Now she sees what Betsy's doing. I thought. "And if someone mocks them or in any way abuses them, they can be severe."
"Oh. I wouldn't mock them. Who am Ito mock anybody?" She looked at Baby Celeste, "Does Baby Celeste... can she see and hear them. too?"
"Baby Celeste is very special. She sees and hears much more than any of us do or even could."
Betsy nodded. "Yes, she is special. She's so smart. I hope Panther is as smart as she Mama didn't say anything. She smiled as if Betsy had said something very, very stupid. "I'd like to learn more about the spiritual world," Betsy said. "I really would."
"In time you will," Mama promised.
"Good. Noble sees and hears them. too. I imagine?" Betsy gazed my way. Mama smiled at me. "Noble does, and always will."
"Maybe I really am lucky to be here," Betsy declared, and began to clear off the tableware.
"Ill tell you what's really going to happen here," Betsy whispered to me later in the hallway. "Your mother is going to be committed and maybe you along with her, and then I'll get what's mine." she threatened, and went up to her room.
I wanted to run to Mama to warn her, but what would I tell her? Don't discuss the spiritual world with Betsy? Mama might think I was betraying her again. How could I believe anyone would think her mentally unbalanced for believing in our spirits? What difference could Betsy possibly make?
Much later, in the middle of the night. I was woken by the sound of my door opening and closing. I sat up and rubbed the cobwebs of sleep from my eyes.
"Who is it?" I asked the silhouetted figure.
"Who did you expect? One of your spirits?" Betsy said. "What do you want?"
"Did you think about what I told your she asked, drawing closer.
"I don't know what you mean. Go back to your room. Its late and you'll wake everyone."
"I can't believe you're such a zero. Noble. My brother must have seen something worthwhile in you to have been friends with you."
"We'll talk about it tomorrow. I'm tired."
Instead of leaving, she sat on my bed. "I can't sleep. This is the longest I've gone without even a beer. You don't listen to any music. You don't want to go to a movie or hang out with people our age. She's got you crazy. too. You should be on my side. Why don't you suggest she babysit one night and you and I go to a movie? I'll look up some of my old friends and we'll have a good time. What do you say?"
"I don't need to be with your old friends."
"Sure you do. You don't know what you need and what you don't need. I've decided that's your problem. If you don't know what you're missing', you don't care. It's as simple as that. right?"
"No. Just go back to your room."
"You've been kept locked up too long, Noble. You're not an ugly guy. You're actually very goodlooking, sweet. You have great eves."
I shifted away from her and she laughed.
"I remember how shy I used to be, but after that first time. I waved goodbye to shyness forever and I'm happy I did. You don't stay young forever. This is the best time of your life and you're letting it all go by, Noble."
"I'm not unhappy. Just go back to your room. Leave me alone." "You don't even know you're unhappy. I can make you happy." "I don't want you to do anything for me."
She stood up. A cloud slid off the moon and the glow brightened, practically illuminating my room as well as the ceiling fixture. For a moment she just stared at me. I thought she would simply say something nasty like she always did and then leave me, but instead, she brought her nightgown off her shoulders and then, with a slight twist of her body, let it fall to the floor.
She stood there naked, the yellow glow washing over her full breasts and her stomach. "Stop," I said, ashamed at how weak my voice sounded.
"No.Im going to show you what you're missing, and maybe then you'll be more interested in having some fun with me and my friends."
"Get away," I cried, but softly, so as not to wake up Mama. She saw that.
"If you don't behave. I'll scream and your mother will come in here and find us together,Ill tell her you invited me."
"Please, I don't want to be shown anything."
"I like it when you beg like that. Noble," she said, lowering herself to the bed, "It gets me more excited."
I thought I would leap out of the bed and rush out of the room. If I did that. Mama wouldn't think I had anything to do with Betsy coming into my room. I started to throw the blanket off me and turn to get out of the bed. but Betsy reached out quickly and put her arms around my neck, pulling me down and then bringing her lips to mine. She pressed hard and swung her left leg aver me. I struggled to free myself, which only made her laugh and kiss me again.
When I twisted to my left to turn my body, she threw the blanket off me and, before I could stop her, shoved her hand between my legs. For a long moment, she was still and I was still. Her fingers moved like the legs of some big spider and then she pulled her hand back sharply.
In the glowing moonlight, I saw her face contort, her eyes go wide, and then she. smiled, her lips twisted. The realization exploded in her brain and she shot her hands out, tearing my pajama top apart, the buttons flying every which way. She gazed in awe at my strapped bosom.
"You're..." The words gagged her. Disgust washed over her face and she fell back on her haunches. "Take that off." she ordered.
I shook my head, my voice having fallen so deeply in' side me. I was unable to raise it. "Do it!" she ordered. "Or I will."
She started to reach toward me. so I sat up and undid the strapping. It fell away and my breasts, like two squeezed balloons, filled to their full shape.
"Holy shit, you're a
girl." She laughed. "You're a girl!"
I brought the blanket up to cover myself, but she pulled it out of my hands. "Look at you! You're so weird. I feel so weird. Why did you do this?"
I fell back to my pillow and stared up at the dark ceiling.
"Did my father know about you? I bet he was shocked when he found out. huh?" She stepped off the bed and began to put on her nightgown,
"So what's this about? Does it have anything to do with the spirits? Your mother is making you do this?"
"No."
"No? What are you going to tell me? She doesn't know what you are?"
"I didn't say that."
"You're really nuts and so is she. You're both bonkers. I'll call that lawyer now. I'll tell everyone."
"Don't." I begged.
"Don't? Don't? No, I won't. I'll just continue to be a slave here." She turned to go out, then stopped and turned back to me. "Did my brother know about you?. . .Well? Did he? You might as well tell me all of it, the truth. Did he?"
"Yes."
She returned to my bedside.
"When did he find out?"
"I don't remember exactly when."
She continued to stand there and stare down at me. I could almost hear her brain clicking away. She glanced at the door and then she turned back to me.
"Whose baby is Celeste? She's yours, isn't she?" she said, answering her own question instantly. "And Elliot's. She's my niece. She's my father's
granddaughter. Well? Tell me!" she said, raising her voice.
My heart stopped. Mama could have heard her. If she came in now and saw this... "Please," I begged.
"Please? Please? When I begged you to help me, what did you say? We'll see? Huh? You let her treat me like this, take away my things, keep my money from me, and you say please?"
I bit down so hard on my lower lip, I could taste blood.
Elliot was standing by the window watching and listening, a big- smile on his face.
I shook my head at him and Betsy grimaced and then turned and looked at the window. "What are you looking at?"
I tried to breathe, but my lungs were so full of heat, they wouldn't expand any further. I felt the blood pounding in my temples. I started to gasp and wheeze and it frightened her.