‘WAIT!’ Nathan’s voice behind me stopped me in my tracks.
I turned. He was on his feet, staring at me.
‘Vee, hang on.’ The commander walked over to me. ‘D’you know what you’re doing?’
I nodded. ‘Of course. I’m going to manoeuvre the landing craft until I get close enough to the Mazon ship ahead of us and then I’m going to aim straight for their engine core. I’m a good pilot, Commander. Actually, I’m a great pilot! I can do this.’
‘It’s suicide,’ said the commander.
I smiled, feeling strangely at peace. ‘It’s my life and my choice. Like I said, the moment I cripple them, head for the wormhole.’
I turned to head for the door.
‘Vee . . .?’ Nathan called after me.
I took one last look at him – an expression of regret and remorse and love and longing. I took one last look at him to create a memory for myself, a memory to last me a lifetime. Maybe one day he’d be able to think of me without loathing.
Time to go.
‘Vee, I have another idea,’ said the commander. ‘And I want you to agree to it.’
Puzzled, I said, ‘There is no plan B. This is your only shot at escaping.’
‘I’m not proposing that we change the play,’ said the commander. ‘Just the player.’
And she turned to give my brother a significant look.
80
I am so full of shit.
Vee was ready to sacrifice her life for the rest of us and with each step she took to leave the bridge, fearful panic shredded my insides. She was going to give her life so the rest of us would have a chance and all I could think was that I was going to lose her. For good. I couldn’t let that happened and yet I was frozen on the spot and the words I wanted to say were lodged somewhere in my throat and wouldn’t budge.
Mum saved my life.
If Vee didn’t agree to Mum’s idea, I knew what would happen. Vee would give her life to save ours – and I would die inside without her.
‘You expect me to send my brother to his death?’ Vee argued, horrified.
‘Vee, listen to me. No one doubts your bravery but your brother’s reflexes are far sharper and faster than yours so he’ll be better able to make all the micro adjustments required to evade the Mazon weapons fire before ramming their engine core. He stands a better chance of completing this mission successfully and we both know it.’
‘I can do this,’ Vee insisted. ‘I’ve flown in and out of tighter spots before.’
‘I don’t doubt it, but this is a one-shot deal. If you fail, this ship doesn’t stand a chance. For your plan to have the best chance of succeeding, it needs Aidan. You’re only human.’
Vee wasn’t the only one to start at that last comment.
Only human . . .
‘You’re asking me to send my brother to his death,’ said Vee after a pause. ‘I won’t do it. I can’t.’
Mum took hold of Vee’s hands and looked her in the eye. ‘Vee, as a captain sometimes you have to ask others to make sacrifices. Sometimes the ultimate sacrifice. Your primary concern has to be the welfare of this ship and the needs of the many.’
‘That’s why I’m prepared to do this,’ said Vee. ‘I won’t be responsible for any more deaths.’
‘An effective leader needs to be able to make the hard decisions,’ said Mum.
‘And I am. I’m not suicidal, Commander, but my brother is of more use to you than I could ever be,’ Vee argued. ‘You need him.’
‘No, we need you. You haven’t let us down so far and I won’t let you start now.’
‘Let you down? Are you serious? I altered Aidan’s programming and look what happened because of it. How can you say I haven’t let you down?’ Vee’s derision was entirely directed at herself.
‘If it wasn’t for you, we’d all be dead,’ said Mum. ‘You need to remember that. Now we don’t have time to argue about this. You need to order your brother to fly the landing craft into the Mazon ship’s core. He’s our only hope. We’re all dead otherwise.’
Seconds ticked by. Vee closed her eyes, looking defeated. She pulled her hands out of Mum’s and headed over to her brother.
‘Aidan, I have a job for you.’
‘I heard,’ said Aidan. ‘Is this because I failed to disable both Mazon ships just now?’
‘No one’s blaming you, but we do need to destroy that other Mazon ship or we don’t stand a chance.’
‘You want me to do it?’
‘No, I don’t want you to do it,’ said Vee. ‘But I do need you to do it.’
‘Is this because I protected you against Darren and the others who wished you harm?’
‘No. I’m not punishing you, Aidan. I promise.’
‘Don’t you love me any more, Vee?’
The question made me start. A tear spilled over onto Vee’s cheek. She cupped her brother’s face in her hands. ‘Oh, Aidan, of course I love you. You’re my brother. You’ve looked after me and kept me safe for three long years and you’re the only one left who shares my memories of the past. You have no idea what that means to me, what you mean to me. But I need you to help save the lives of everyone else on board,’ said Vee.
‘You love me?’
‘I love you.’
‘True?’
‘True.’
‘Who will protect you if I die?’ asked Aidan. ‘Who will look after you? That’s my primary function.’
That should’ve been my job after Vee and I had joined together. I wanted to leap in and interrupt their conversation to tell Aidan it was still my job, but how could I? Vee had only ever told me that she loved me once and even then that had been in the past tense, but she could say it easily enough to her brother. My head was spinning. Thanks to her my pride was not just bruised but thoroughly battered. After everything that had happened between Vee and me, I had no idea where I stood any more. I had no idea where I wanted to stand either. Except . . . except I didn’t want to lose her.
‘I’ll be OK, Aidan,’ Vee smiled sadly. ‘If you succeed, then so will I.’
‘Vee, we need to hurry,’ Mum urged.
‘So will you do this, Aidan? For me?’
Aidan leaned forward to whisper something to Vee. She was suddenly very still as he spoke for her ears only. Aidan kissed Vee’s cheek before standing up and heading off the bridge without a backwards glance. Vee straightened up slowly, looking stunned and upset.
What had Aidan said? I didn’t have the right to ask any more. It took a moment or two for Vee to pull herself together.
‘Status update on the Mazon ship please,’ she turned to me to ask.
I checked my neglected panel. ‘They’ve placed themselves directly between us and the wormhole.’
‘The other Mazon ship is still disabled?’
‘Yes, Captain,’ I replied.
Vee headed back to her chair. ‘Let me know when the landing craft leaves our ship.’
I got up and resumed my original position in Aidan’s chair, monitoring our landing craft and the remaining functioning Mazon ship closely. The atmosphere on the bridge was tense to say the least. This was our last chance to put some distance between ourselves and the Mazon.
If Aidan failed . . .
Well, as Vee said, there was no plan B.
I turned to take a quick look at Vee, maybe for the last time. She was watching me.
‘Nathan, could you move us to a safe distance so that we’re not hit by any of the debris from the destruction of the Mazon engine core. Anjuli, the moment Aidan rams the Mazon ship, you need to get us through that wormhole quick, fast, and in an almighty hurry. OK?’
‘Understood, Captain.’ Anjuli was already plotting out the most efficient route to and through the wormhole. Me? I couldn’t take my eyes off Vee. She looked so sad, so alone. I stood up and went to stand before her.
‘Nate? Is . . . is something wrong?’ Vee asked as she stood up to face me.
I pulled her to me and wrapped my arms
around her. After only a brief moment’s hesitation, Vee wrapped her arms around my waist, her head on my shoulder. God, I’d missed this, the warmth of her, the feel of her in my arms.
‘What the hell, Nathan?’ Mum exploded from behind us. ‘Get back to your post.’
I put my hand under Vee’s chin to tilt her head so she could look directly at me. I smiled at her. She smiled back. It was tentative and hard to do, but it was there. I headed back to the navigation panel, ignoring my mum who was glaring at me.
‘Captain, the landing craft has left the ship,’ I announced half a minute later.
We sat in silence watching the landing craft head for the Mazon ship. The moment it was within range, the Mazon opened fire. Aidan made that craft dance like a leaf on the wind. Some of the Mazon blasts came close, but none managed to catch him. Aidan drew closer and closer to the Mazon ship which was firing at him in earnest now. Mum was right. No way could anyone but Aidan have reacted fast enough to dodge their weapons fire. The landing craft was now within kissing distance of our enemy.
‘Bye, Aidan,’ Vee said softly from behind me.
The landing craft disappeared, swallowed up by the Mazon ship. There was a huge explosion and then nothing. No Mazon ship, no landing craft.
Nothing. Just debris firing out in all directions into space. I thought the landing craft might disable the Mazon ship. It had destroyed it.
‘Captain, there was an anomalous reading just before the landing craft hit the Mazon ship,’ Anjuli said with a frown, her head bent over the instrument panel.
‘What kind of reading?’ asked Vee.
‘I don’t know. It was there for a split second and then it was gone.’
‘Could it have been an energy flux from the landing craft?’ asked Vee.
‘Yes. That was probably it,’ said Anjuli. ‘I’m sorry, Captain, I just thought I should mention it.’
‘Anjuli, don’t ever apologize for doing your job properly,’ said Vee.
Anjuli nodded and continued to check the panel before her. The bridge was silent for a moment as we all contemplated what had just happened.
The Mazon ship and Aidan were gone.
And all I could think was, that might’ve been Vee. She and I weren’t right, maybe we never would be again, but I wished her no harm.
That’s all it is, I told myself.
And maybe if I told myself that often enough, I’d start to believe it.
‘Get us the hell out of here,’ Vee ordered.
Vee, like the rest of us, had had enough of Mazon space to last a lifetime.
81
I’d only ever travelled through a wormhole once before. The last time had been a rare and beautiful experience that I’d shared with my brother. We had both sat at the navigation panel watching in awe as we travelled. It was like moving through a fluid light show and nothing I’d seen before or since could compare, not even the deadly beauty of the Zandari ion storm. But now I closed my eyes against the sight of it.
Aidan . . .
My brother was dead. His engrams and brain patterns were still stored on the computer but that was all my brother was now, data stored as bits and bytes. He should’ve been here to experience this with me, the sights, the sounds, the sense of acceleration and exhilaration.
But he wasn’t.
There was no reason I couldn’t try to recreate him, to acquire another robot and see if I could turn it into a sentient replica of my brother. But even as the thought entered my head, I dismissed it. He’d never have free will if he had to follow the three robotic laws and I’d never, ever tamper with those again. Without free will any android replica would always just be a robot, no matter how intelligent it may appear.
It was finally time to let my brother go.
I needed to grieve for him, mourn his loss – and move on.
The commander had been right, of course. Aidan had been our best chance of disabling the remaining Mazon ship to allow us to travel through the wormhole, but if this was the nature of the captain’s job, then I didn’t want it. I was captain by proxy only. I didn’t have what it took to ask anyone to sacrifice themselves.
But that was exactly what I had just done.
Aidan was gone.
Nathan wasn’t mine any more.
I had no one.
Minutes later, we emerged out of the wormhole and into the gamma quadrant. There was still a long way to go before we reached Mendela Prime but at least now we were less likely to encounter any Mazon ships. There would be pirates, and scavenger and Authority ships to avoid though, so it wasn’t going to be all plain sailing from here on in by any means.
And I’d have to navigate through it all without my brother.
‘Vee?’
I blinked out of my sombre reverie. I hadn’t even realized that the commander had moved to stand beside me.
‘I’m sorry. Yes?’
Catherine bent to address me so that no one else would hear. ‘Would you like to have some time alone? I can take over for a while.’
I nodded gratefully, then stood up. ‘Computer, Commander Linedecker is now in charge of the Aidan. Executive Command Code Authorization M.I.R.A. dash five four.’
The commander looked at me with surprise. Not only was she taking over from me but I’d just handed over full command of the Aidan. She and her colleagues could now do what they wanted with it – and me. I was no longer necessary to their survival.
‘My chair is yours, Commander,’ I told her, then headed off the bridge before she could say another word.
As far as I was concerned, the commander could have the ship and everything on board.
I’d had enough.
82
Vee disappeared into her room for over twenty-four hours. None of us saw or heard a peep out of her during all that time. More than once I asked the computer where she was. More than once I stopped outside her door, my hand hesitating over her door alert. Only I never pressed it and I didn’t disturb her. I wasn’t sure if I had that right any more. Besides, before I could help her, I had to straighten myself out first. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out which way my head was facing.
Did I care about Vee or not?
Did I care that she was hurting or not?
Did I still love her or not?
I’d spent the night in my own quarters, lying in bed, staring up into the darkness of my room and trying to find some answers. Come the morning, I was still no wiser. I was doing my own head in.
The following day, during a break in my shift, I headed down to the engine room with a long list of items Mum had asked me to check. Once down on the lower deck, I decided to have a word with Doctor Liana so I headed to the cargo hold first. To my surprise there was no security guard outside her detention cell. As I got closer I saw why. The cell was empty.
‘Computer, where is Doctor Liana Sheen?’ I asked.
‘Doctor Sheen is no longer on board,’ came the reply.
‘Computer, where is she?’ I asked.
‘Doctor Sheen is no longer on board.’
It had already told me that. Impatient, I said, ‘Computer, what happened to the doctor?’
‘Doctor Sheen is no longer on board.’
Only then did it click. A chill ran down my spine. I raced back to the bridge and buttonholed Mum.
‘What’s the matter, son?’ she asked when I dragged her to one side of the bridge for a private word.
‘Where’s the doctor, Mum?’
A wary, watchful look swept over Mum’s face, going some way to confirming my worst fears.
‘Mum!’ I said, appalled.
‘She was tried, found guilty and justice was meted out accordingly,’ said Mum.
‘Justice?’ I was surprised the word didn’t burn her tongue.
‘Grow up, Nathan,’ Mum snapped, though she was careful to keep her voice low so no one else could hear us. ‘What did you think would happen to her? She was a murderer who saw us all as expendable in her bid to get what sh
e wanted. We certainly weren’t going to take her back to Earth, and if she came to Mendela Prime with us, then what? She would’ve made it her life’s work to betray us to the Authority the very first chance she got.’
‘So is that how it works now? Anyone you deem unfit or expendable is ejected off the ship?’ I asked. ‘You’re in charge now and what you say goes?’
Mum shook her head. ‘One day you will learn that life isn’t just black or white with nothing in between. People aren’t either good or bad and that’s it. There are infinite shades, variations and possibilities between those two extremes.’
‘Then why kill the doctor? If that’s true, we could’ve talked her round to our side,’ I said.
‘And how many should she be allowed to kill before the decision is made that enough is enough? Some people and situations are beyond redemption.’
‘You keep telling yourself that, Mum,’ I said with disgust.
‘Get off your self-righteous high horse, Nathan. You of all people should know that we don’t live in a perfect universe with perfect people who achieve perfection in everything they do. You carry on thinking like that and people will always disappoint you.’
It was as if I was seeing this side of Mum for the very first time. Maybe this ruthlessness had always been there but I had chosen not to see it. And then a horrifying thought struck me.
‘Computer, where’s Vee?’
‘Vee is in the astrophysics lab,’ the computer replied.
I breathed a huge sigh of relief.
‘Oh my God! You thought . . .’ Mum frowned. ‘Nathan, what the hell—?’
‘I didn’t think you’d do what you did to the doctor,’ I told her. ‘I’m just beginning to understand what you’re capable of.’
‘I’m capable of the same things as your wife,’ Mum told me coldly. ‘I’m capable of making mistakes. I’m capable of sacrificing everything I want for the good of others. I’m capable of putting others first. I’m capable of doing the wrong thing for the right reason. I’m capable of regret and remorse. And I’m capable of taking responsibility for my actions even if it means I end up vilified and alone. I don’t know everything that went on between you and Vee, but I do know that you failed her.’