But what do it look like? I ast.
Don't look like nothing, she say. It ain't a picture show. It ain't something you can look at apart from anything else, including yourself. I believe God is everything, say Shug. Everything that is or ever was or ever will be. And when you can feel that, and be happy to feel that, you've found It.
Shug a beautiful something, let me tell you. She frown a little, look out cross the yard, lean back in her chair, look like a big rose.
She say, My first step from the old white man was trees. Then air. Then birds. Then other people. But one day when I was sitting quiet and feeling like a motherless child, which I was, it come to me: that feeling of being part of everything, not separate at all. I knew that if I cut a tree, my arm would bleed. And I laughed and I cried and I run all around the house. I knew just what it was. In fact, when it happen, you can't miss it. It sort of like you know what, she say, grinning and rubbing high up on my thigh.
Shug! I say.
Oh, she say. God love all them feelings. That's some of the best stuff God did. And when you know God loves 'em you enjoys 'em a lot more. You can just relax, go with everything that's going, and praise God by liking what you like.
God don't think it dirty? I ast.
Naw, she say. God made it. Listen, God love everything you love--and a mess of stuff you don't. But more than anything else, God love admiration.
You saying God vain? I ast
Naw, she say. Not vain, just wanting to share a good thing. I think it pisses God off if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don't notice it.
What it do when it pissed off? I ast.
Oh, it make something else. People think pleasing God is all God care about. But any fool living in the world can see it always trying to please us back.
Yeah? I say.
Yeah, she say. It always making little surprises and springing them on us when us least expect.
You mean it want to be loved, just like the bible say.
Yes, Celie, she say. Everything want to be loved. Us sing and dance, make faces and give flower bouquets, trying to be loved. You ever notice that trees do everything to git attention we do, except walk?
Well, us talk and talk bout God, but I'm still adrift.
Trying to chase that old white man out of my head. I been so busy thinking bout him I never truly notice nothing God make. Not a blade of corn (how it do that?) not the color purple (where it come from?). Not the little wildflowers. Nothing.
Now that my eyes opening, I feels like a fool. Next to any little scrub of a bush in my yard, Mr. ____'s evil sort of shrink. But not altogether. Still, it is like Shug say, You have to git man off your eyeball, before you can see anything a'tall.
Man corrupt everything, say Shug. He on your box of grits, in your head, and all over the radio. He try to make you think he everywhere. Soon as you think he everywhere, you think he God. But he ain't. Whenever you trying to pray, and man plop himself on the other end of it, tell him to git lost, say Shug. Conjure up flowers, wind, water, a big rock.
But this hard work, let me tell you. He been there so long, he don't want to budge. He threaten lightening, floods and earthquakes. Us fight. I hardly pray at all. Every time I conjure up a rock, I throw it.
Amen
DEAR NETTIE,
When I told Shug I'm writing to you instead of to God, she laugh. Nettie don't know these people, she say. Considering who I been writing to, this strike me funny.
It was Sofia you saw working as the mayor's maid. The woman you saw carrying the white woman's packages that day in town. Sofia Mr. ____'s son Harpo's wife. Polices lock her up for sassing the mayor's wife and hitting the mayor back. First she was in prison working in the laundry and dying fast. Then us got her move to the mayor's house. She had to sleep in a little room up under the house, but it was better than prison. Flies, maybe, but no rats.
Anyhow, they kept her eleven and a half years, give her six months off for good behavior so she could come home early to her family. Her bigger children married and gone, and her littlest children mad at her, don't know who she is. Think she act funny, look old and dote on that little white gal she raise.
Yesterday us all had dinner at Odessa's house. Odessa Sofia's sister. She raise the kids. Her and her husband Jack. Harpo's woman Squeak, and Harpo himself.
Sofia sit down at the big table like there's no room for her. Children reach cross her like she not there. Harpo and Squeak act like a old married couple. Children call Odessa mama. Call Squeak little mama. Call Sofia "Miss." The only one seem to pay her any tention at all is Harpo and Squeak's little girl, Suzie Q. She sit cross from Sofia and squinch up her eyes at her.
As soon as dinner over, Shug push back her chair and light a cigarette. Now is come the time to tell yall, she say.
Tell us what? Harpo ast.
Us leaving, she say.
Yeah? say Harpo, looking round for the coffee. And then looking over at Grady.
Us leaving, Shug say again. Mr. _____ look struck, like he always look when Shug say she going anywhere. He reach down and rub his stomach, look off side her head like nothing been said.
Grady say, Such good peoples, that's the truth. The salt of the earth. But--time to move on.
Squeak not saying nothing. She got her chin glued to her plate. I'm not saying nothing either. I'm waiting for the feathers to fly.
Celie is coming with us, say Shug.
Mr. ____'s head swivel back straight. Say what? he ast.
Celie is coming to Memphis with me.
Over my dead body, Mr. _____ say.
You satisfied that what you want, Shug say, cool as clabber.
Mr. _____ start up from his seat, look at Shug, plop back down again. He look over at me. I thought you was finally happy, he say. What wrong now?
You a lowdown dog is what's wrong, I say. It's time to leave you and enter into the Creation. And your dead body just the welcome mat I need.
Say what? he ast. Shock.
All round the table folkses mouths be dropping open.
You took my sister Nettie away from me, I say. And she was the only person love me in the world.
Mr. _____ start to sputter. ButButButButBut. Sound like some kind of motor.
But Nettie and my children coming home soon, I say. And when she do, all us together gon whup your ass.
Nettie and your children! say Mr. ____. You talking crazy.
I got children, I say. Being brought up in Africa. Good schools, lots of fresh air and exercise. Turning out a heap better than the fools you didn't even try to raise.
Hold on, say Harpo.
Oh, hold on hell, I say. If you hadn't tried to rule over Sofia the white folks never would have caught her.
Sofia so surprise to hear me speak up she ain't chewed for ten minutes.
That's a lie, say Harpo.
A little truth in it, say Sofia.
Everybody look at her like they surprise she there. It like a voice speaking from the grave.
You was all rotten children, I say. You made my life a hell on earth. And your daddy here ain't dead horse's shit.
Mr. _____ reach over to slap me. I jab my case knife in his hand.
You bitch, he say. What will people say, you running off to Memphis like you don't have a house to look after?
Shug say, Albert. Try to think like you got some sense. Why any woman give a shit what people think is a mystery to me.
Well, say Grady, trying to bring light. A woman can't git a man if peoples talk.
Shug look at me and us giggle. Then us laugh sure nuff. Then Squeak start to laugh. Then Sofia. All us laugh and laugh.
Shug say, Ain't they something? Us say um hum, and slap the table, wipe the water from our eyes.
Harpo look at Squeak. Shut up Squeak, he say. It bad luck for women to laugh at men.
She say, Okay. She sit up straight, suck in her breath, try to press her face together.
He look at Sofia. She look at him and laugh
in his face. I already had my bad luck, she say. I had enough to keep me laughing the rest of my life.
Harpo look at her like he did the night she knock Mary Agnes down. A little spark fly cross the table.
I got six children by this crazy woman, he mutter.
Five, she say.
He so outdone he can't even say, Say what?
He look over at the youngest child. She sullen, mean, mischeevous and too stubborn to live in this world. But he love her best of all. Her name Henrietta.
Henrietta, he say.
She say, Yesssss ... like they say it on the radio.
Everything she say confuse him. Nothing, he say. Then he say, Go git me a cool glass of water.
She don't move.
Please, he say.
She go git the water, put it by his plate, give him a peck on the cheek. Say, Poor Daddy. Sit back down.
You not gitting a penny of my money, Mr. _____ say to me. Not one thin dime.
Did I ever ast you for money? I say. I never ast you for nothing. Not even for your sorry hand in marriage.
Shug break in right there. Wait, she say. Hold it. Somebody else going with us too. No use in Celie being the only one taking the weight.
Everybody sort of cut they eyes at Sofia. She the one they can't quite find a place for. She the stranger.
It ain't me, she say, and her look say, Fuck you for entertaining the thought. She reach for a biscuit and sort of root her behind deeper into her seat. One look at this big stout graying, wildeyed woman and you know not even to ast. Nothing.
But just to clear this up neat and quick, she say, I'm home. Period.
Her sister Odessa come and put her arms round her. Jack move up close.
Course you is, Jack say.
Mama crying? ast one of Sofia children.
Miss Sofia too, another one say.
But Sofia cry quick, like she do most things.
Who going? she ast.
Nobody say nothing. It so quiet you can hear the embers dying back in the stove. Sound like they falling in on each other.
Finally, Squeak look at everybody from under her bangs. Me, she say. I'm going North.
You going What? say Harpo. He so surprise. He begin to sputter, sputter, just like his daddy. Sound like I don't know what.
I want to sing, say Squeak.
Sing! say Harpo.
Yeah, say Squeak. Sing. I ain't sung in public since Jolentha was born. Her name Jolentha. They call her Suzie Q.
You ain't had to sing in public since Jolentha was born. Everything you need I done provided for.
I need to sing, say Squeak.
Listen Squeak, say Harpo. You can't go to Memphis. That's all there is to it.
Mary Agnes, say Squeak.
Squeak, Mary Agnes, what difference do it make?
It make a lot, say Squeak. When I was Mary Agnes I could sing in public.
Just then a little knock come on the door.
Odessa and Jack look at each other. Come in, say Jack.
A skinny little white woman stick most of herself through the door.
Oh, you all are eating dinner, she say. Excuse me.
That's all right, say Odessa. Us just finishing up. But there's plenty left. Why don't you sit down and join us. Or I could fix you something to eat on the porch.
Oh lord, say Shug.
It Eleanor Jane, the white girl Sofia used to work for.
She look round till she spot Sofia, then she seem to let her breath out. No thank you, Odessa, she say. I ain't hungry. I just come to see Sofia.
Sofia, she say. Can I see you on the porch for a minute.
All right, Miss Eleanor, she say. Sofia push back from the table and they go out on the porch. A few minutes later us hear Miss Eleanor sniffling. Then she really boo-hoo.
What the matter with her? Mr. _____ ast.
Henrietta say, Prob-limbszzzz... like somebody on the radio.
Odessa shrug. She always underfoot, she say.
A lot of drinking in that family, say Jack. Plus, they can't keep that boy of theirs in college. He get drunk, aggravate his sister, chase women, hunt niggers, and that ain't all.
That enough, say Shug. Poor Sofia.
Pretty soon Sofia come back in and sit down.
What the matter? ast Odessa.
A lot of mess back at the house, say Sofia.
You got to go back up there? Odessa ast.
Yeah, say Sofia. In a few minutes. But I'll try to be back before the children go to bed.
Henrietta ast to be excuse, say she got a stomach ache.
Squeak and Harpo's little girl come over, look up at Sofia, say, You gotta go Misofia?
Sofia say, Yeah, pull her up on her lap. Sofia on parole, she say. Got to act nice.
Suzie Q lay her head on Sofia chest. Poor Sofia, she say, just like she heard Shug. Poor Sofia.
Mary Agnes, darling, say Harpo, look how Suzie Q take to Sofia.
Yeah, say Squeak, children know good when they see it. She and Sofia smile at one nother.
Go on sing, say Sofia, I'll look after this one till you come back.
You will? say Squeak.
Yeah, say Sofia.
And look after Harpo, too, say Squeak. Please ma'am.
Amen
DEAR NETTIE,
Well, you know wherever there's a man, there's trouble. And it seem like, going to Memphis, Grady was all over the car. No matter which way us change up, he want to sit next to Squeak.
While me and Shug sleeping and he driving, he tell Squeak all about life in North Memphis, Tennessee. I can't half sleep for him raving bout clubs and clothes and forty-nine brands of beer. Talking so much bout stuff to drink make me have to pee. Then us have to find a road going off into the bushes to relieve ourselves.
Mr. _____ try to act like he don't care I'm going.
You'll be back, he say. Nothing up North for nobody like you. Shug got talent, he say. She can sing. She got spunk, he say. She can talk to anybody. Shug got looks, he say. She can stand up and be notice. But what you got? You ugly. You skinny. You shape funny. You too scared to open your mouth to people. All you fit to do in Memphis is be Shug's maid. Take out her slop-jar and maybe cook her food. You not that good a cook either. And this house ain't been clean good since my first wife died. And nobody crazy or backward enough to want to marry you, neither. What you gon do?
Hire yourself out to farm? He laugh. Maybe somebody let you work on they railroad.
Any more letters come? I ast.
He say, What?
You heard me, I say. Any more letters from Nettie come?
If they did, he say, I wouldn't give 'em to you. You two of a kind, he say. A man try to be nice to you, you fly in his face.
I curse you, I say.
What that mean? he say.
I say, Until you do right by me, everything you touch will crumble.
He laugh. Who you think you is? he say. You can't curse nobody. Look at you. You black, you pore, you ugly, you a woman. Goddam, he say, you nothing at all.
Until you do right by me, I say, everything you even dream about will fail. I give it to him straight, just like it come to me. And it seem to come to me from the trees.
Whoever heard of such a thing, say Mr. ____. I probably didn't whup your ass enough.
Every lick you hit me you will suffer twice, I say. Then I say, You better stop talking because all I'm telling you ain't coming just from me. Look like when I open my mouth the air rush in and shape words.
Shit, he say. I should have lock you up. Just let you out to work.
The jail you plan for me is the one in which you will rot, I say.
Shug come over to where us talking. She take one look at my face and say Celie! Then she turn to Mr. ____. Stop Albert, she say. Don't say no more. You just going to make it harder on yourself.
I'll fix her wagon! say Mr. ____, and spring toward me.
A dust devil flew up on the porch between us, fill my mouth with dirt. The di
rt say, Anything you do to me, already done to you.
Then I feel Shug shake me. Celie, she say. And I come to myself.
I'm pore, I'm black, I may be ugly and can't cook, a voice say to everything listening. But I'm here.
Amen, say Shug. Amen, amen.
DEAR NETTIE,
So what is it like in Memphis? Shug's house is big and pink and look sort of like a barn. Cept where you would put hay, she got bedrooms and toilets and a big ballroom where she and her band sometime work. She got plenty grounds round the house and a bunch of monuments and a fountain out front. She got statues of folks I never heard of and never hope to see. She got a whole bunch of elephants and turtles everywhere. Some big, some little, some in the fountain, some up under the trees. Turtles and elephants. And all over her house. Curtains got elephants, bedspreads got turtles.
Shug give me a big back bedroom overlook the backyard and the bushes down by the creek.
I know you use to morning sun, she say.
Her room right cross from mine, in the shade. She work late, sleep late, git up late. No turtles or elephants on her bedroom furniture, but a few statues spread out round the room. She sleep in silks and satins, even her sheets. And her bed round!
I wanted to build me a round house, say Shug, but everybody act like that's backward. You can't put windows in a round house, they say. But I made me up some plans, anyway. One of these days... she say, showing me the papers.
It a big round pink house, look sort of like some kind of fruit. It got windows and doors and a lot of trees round it.
What it made of? I ast.
Mud, she say. But I wouldn't mind concrete. I figure you could make the molds for each section, pour the concrete in, let it get hard, knock off the mold, glue the parts together somehow and you'd have your house.
Well, I like this one you got, I say. That one look a little small.
It ain't bad, say Shug. But I just feel funny living in a square. If I was square, then I could take it better, she say.
Us talk bout houses a lot. How they built, what kind of wood people use. Talk about how to make the outside around your house something you can use. I sit down on the bed and start to draw a kind of wood skirt around her concrete house. You can sit on this, I say, when you get tired of being in the house.
Yeah, she say, and let's put awning over it. She took the pencil and put the wood skirt in the shade.
Flower boxes go here, she say, drawing some.
And geraniums in them, I say, drawing some.
And a few stone elephants right here, she say.
And a turtle or two right here.