CHAPTER 9
Taken from www.wrestlinghotline.com
Greetings slugs.
Today is Tuesday, April 25th, and this is your Tuesday Morning Hangover, barely 6 hours removed from the biggest bender we wrestling fans have ever had on a Monday night.
This morning’s hangover isn’t one of those drink a bottle of Evian and all is forgiven types, nor is it one that can be fixed with some pancakes and a nap. No, slugs, it’s going to take a morning of prayer to the porcelain god and 6 ibuprofens to get past last night’s soiree, which started with a classy gin martini and ended with a bad batch of tequila. After the fourth dry heave, we’ll all swear never to do it again, but come next Monday, we’ll be back where we started.
Well, let’s get this over with...
Ratings Report:
GWA Burn pulled an overall 4.4, with a 4.4 in the first hour, a 4.3 in the second hour, and a 4.5 in the overrun. These numbers are way up from last week. If the rumors we’re hearing of backstage trouble for Joey Mayhem are true, he can rest assured that if he keeps popping the rating, everyone will be nice as southern peaches. Unless they care that....
Revolution Riot got an overall of 4.5, with a 4.2 in the first hour, a 4.7 in the second, and an astonishing 4.8 in the overrun.
Statistically, the rating is basically tied. But on the chart this week, Revolution Riot is going to appear a spot higher in the ranks than GWA Burn. This will be a first.
What can we learn from last night’s historic victory for Riot? Let us begin with...
The High Points:
GWA Burn - Where to start? Last night’s edition was probably the best episode of Burn since Gene Harold left for Revolution. The tournament was surprising, exciting, and fresh. The best matches were:
1. Crusader vs. Joey Mayhem - Unbelievable. What a great story, and a great way to get the new guy over. Crusader puts Joey through the ringer for ten minutes before Joey kicks out of the first cover and eventually comes back to win the match. Simple, elegant, no-frills wrestling. What made it work so well is that we all were sure Crusader was winning the tournament, and the shift in momentum had me genuinely surprised, creating a nice mark-out moment. Joey Mayhem’s stock has risen in my book just for taking that beating, and Crusader gets huge props for doing the right thing and lying down.
2. Joey Mayhem vs. Jumbo - This is what wrestling should be, stories told out in the ring. Last week’s melee between these two set up this rematch nicely, and since it was the finals of the tournament, with a shot at the GWA Championship in the balance, the stakes were high enough that even Jumbo’s plodding style couldn’t ruin the fun. The rumors that Joey Mayhem is getting shit backstage for his huge push make this match even more interesting. Was it just me, or did Joey take an awful beating in this match and the one with Crusader? Wouldn’t it be interesting if these rumors were all a work, and the stiff matches were just part of the ploy? Of course, that kind of subtlety isn’t Duke’s style.
3. Joey Mayhem vs. Lord Mayberry - Without question, Joey Mayhem was the star of last night’s show. With three good matches and a tournament victory, Joey has instantly established himself as a credible main-eventer. The match with Lord Mayberry was formulaic but fun. When Tyson Turner began winding up that chair, we all knew what was going to happen, but that didn’t stop the crowd from loving it. A great way to open a great show.
On the other side....
Revolution Riot - Only one match from last night’s show makes the high points, but what a match it was.
Lucifer vs. Red Jackson for the Revolution World Title - Those of you who missed this match are fools! We knew it was going to be great. We told you it was going to be great. Guess what – it was GREAT!
Forty minutes they went. By the way, that’s a record on free television. And they kept it interesting the whole time. Lucifer is the most creative, skilled, unbelievable athlete I have ever seen. Last night he was in the ring with the legend, and what the two of them did was just magical. That high rating in the overrun comes from the blockbuster final eight minutes of the match, during which there were nineteen attempted pinfalls. The spectacle was so breathtaking I couldn’t sleep, and I wonder if it will ever be topped.
Congratulations to Lucifer, the new Revolution World Champion.
The Big Picture:
Slugs, if there was a lesson to be learned from last night, it’s this. Neither shocking spectacles nor puddles of blood nor funny sketches nor near-naked women can substitute for good wrestling. Last night we had some great wrestling, and the ratings were up on both shows because of it.
The News:
The Family Television Group appears to have made some inroads in its all-out war against GWA Burn. Last Wednesday, Fresha Cola announced it would pull all its advertising from GWA Burn in response to the FTG’s concerns. Electronic Artistry, makers of several popular PC games, is expected to follow suit.
I don’t know about you, slugs, but to me, this is downright horrifying. This seemingly harmless little group of fascists, who have been a nuisance for years, but never a real threat to our favorite industry, all of a sudden has major corporations pulling the plug on their sponsorship of GWA Burn? This development scares me to the core. We all know that it won’t be long before Duke is cleaning up his show just to please these pansies.
And don’t think that just because Revolution Riot is flying beneath the radar right now that it won’t be next. I suspect the FTG is leaving Riot alone solely so they can concentrate all their efforts on one big target. But as soon as they’ve decimated Burn, leaving it a shell of its former self, rest assured they’ll turn their guns at Riot. Also don’t think that these do-gooders will go away if Burn cleans up its notoriously raunchy second hour. The FTG won’t be done until professional wrestling is off the air entirely or relegated exclusively to late-night cable and pay per view. That’s why I’ve taken it upon myself to provide...
A Call to Action:
Slugs, it’s down to us to speak up against the evil of the FTG. They started the battle, but we have to finish it. Contrary to what we might believe, this is not a battle of words and ideas, it is a battle of noise. The winner of this battle will be the one who makes the biggest stink. The FTG is already organizing boycotts and negative publicity campaigns against the sponsors of GWA Burn. It is now our job to organize negative publicity against the sponsors of the FTG. As such, I am gathering a list of the FTG’s largest financial supporters and I intend to publish it on this web site. Next Tuesday, after I have completed collecting the information I need, I will post the list in next week’s Hangover. Once the list is up, it will be your job to dig in and start fighting.
Get ready. We’ve got work to do.
Until then slugs, this is Steve Garcia. Peace.