THE RATS OF NEW YORK CITY
Mitchell Mendlow
Copyright 2013 Zack Mitchell & Danny Mendlow
DBA: “Mitchell Mendlow”
All Rights Reserved
Short Stories by Mitchell Mendlow available at
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They say that there are more rats in New York City than people.
What they don't tell you, is those are just the scouts.
The population of New York City has hovered just over the 8 million mark for about a decade. The population of Scout Rats has remained about the same. So to be true, there are not more rats, just about the same number. More or less, one rat for every person. Being humans, the residents of New York City never once suspected there was a reason the rat population directly mirrored that of the people. Even if they knew just how close the numbers were, they would toss it up to coincidence, a miscount, or simply not care because they had more important things to do. Being important was very important if you wanted to live in New York City. If you weren't actually important, as all humans aren't, then you have to pretend you are, as all humans do. In essence, New York City is one big, giant, perpetual 'pretend how important you are' contest. The winners make the most money, but are too busy being important to enjoy it. It's a tough racket. But at least they get to live higher up in the buildings and look down upon the inferior humans at night from their balconies or penthouse railings.
Deep below the bustling sidewalks lies the infamous sewer system of Ninja Turtle and rat infestation fame. Deeper still, lies the Reporting Center for the Scout Rats, staffed at all times by a dedicated, crack team of 'Runner Rats' who take in the reports from above and scurry them through the intricate piping system down even further to the Main Processing Station (MPS). Due to the frequency of reports, and the need for all reports to be accurate and up to date, there are FIVE TIMES as many Runner Rats as there are scouts. The Main Processing Station serves as the central processing center for the non-stop flow of information coming in from the Runner Rats.
The MPS is a vast, open, warehouse style floor with forty-seven thousand layers of Processing Rats systematically working side by side, stacked up in what amounted to an inverse, underground, high rise office building with all floors easily connected by frequent holes in the perforated structure. Instead of isolated cubicles, the Processing Rats scurried up and down and across the giant labyrinth in a dizzying display of co-ordination and selflessness. It was a perfectly executed, organic communication network, with every rat playing his or her role and barely a conflict or a misfire to be had. It was more accurate, powerful, collectively intelligent and error free than every computer on earth combined. Every piece of information pouring into the organic, rat based MPS has to be analyzed from many different angles so there are TWENTY TIMES as many rats working in the MPS as there are Runner Rats.
This constantly accumulating barrage of information is then distilled and added to the overall wealth index of the Rat population. The knowledge is constantly applied to the two major facets of the Rat’s long-term plan: Operation Human Kill (OHK), and Operation Rat Takeover (ORT). Rats are not big on subtlety. As no one suspected the scope of their population, or their visionary potential for dominance, there wasn’t much need for subtlety in Rat communication. The benefits of being under-estimated and viewed as lowly scum are extremely high, so long as one was able to know ones true potential, as the Rats very much did. The Scouts bore the biggest brunt of the rough treatment and operational hazards; with rodenticides, gunshots, traps, electrocutions, flooding, sewage-related-drowning and feline attacks taking their lives on a regular basis.
But The Scouts knew how important their job was, and unlike the humans they were observing, The Scouts were treated with the utmost respect by the Rat Community. Underneath the sidewalks, The Rat community worked very much the opposite of the human social order above the sidewalks. This, the rats thoroughly believed, was the reason they would ultimately fulfill their destiny, overthrow the humans of New York City and install their long coveted Above Ground Rat Society (AGRS). The Scouts were the hardest working and most perpetually at-risk of all the Rats. However, they were the smallest proportion of the overall Rat population, and the most respected. In the human world above, the hardest working and most in-danger humans were the huge majority of the population, yet they were by far the least respected. They lived as close to the ground as possible, or often underneath it in basements, or perhaps crammed into small rooms. The important thing is that they remained out of sight of the ones who worked the least hard, and had virtually no risk of physical harm or death in their job description.
Underneath the Main Processing Station, pathways lead to the remaining 3 chambers of the Rat Society. Chamber the first, is a vast area dedicated to Operation Human Kill. Inside this chamber the Rats take all of the information flowing in from the MPS that is pertinent to OHK and use it to develop intricate, scenario-based exercises to prepare the Rats for all possible conflicts in their fast approaching clash with the humans. One scenario, for example, would involve a platoon of 500 rats scurrying through the ventilation systems of an apartment building, dropping through the air vents into a bedroom (ideally onto the bed for a soft landing) then 20 of the fastest rats locating the human residents, sending out signals and a swift, ferocious death-by-gnawing ensuing. A more elaborate scenario would involve the same thing happening except with a 500 Rat platoon for every single suite in a high-rise condo building. With precision, communication and incomprehensible teamwork, the Rats would shave precious milliseconds off of every scenario with every subsequent drill. Several of the more complicated scenarios had already reached Peak Time Performance Levels (PTPL), indicating that the Rats had consistently performed the assigned task in the most efficient manner possible.
Peak Time Performance Levels were the number one indicator of when the population was prepared to launch their grand assault. However they would never dream of activating Operation Human Kill for real, until the second giant chamber underneath the MPS was equally prepared. The second giant chamber was dedicated to the complicated details of Operation Rat Takeover, the Rats’ blueprint for maintaining and expanding their rational and reverent social order post-OHK. While indeed the best and brightest Rat scholars were working around the clock on this, the largest portion of the Rat Society, there was a cardinal rule that made the ORT the rapidly advancing juggernaut of planning and preparation that it was. Every Rat Counts was the motto of the ORT, and they meant it. Any Rat, at any time, from a Scout Rat trainee to the highest and most respected thinkers on the highest orders of the council, could at any time drop in and contribute to the Takeover Effort. All ideas were welcome, and some of the very best came from drop-in intellectual offerings. Several passing thoughts from Scout Rats had become central planks in the framework of the ORT. Observing behaviors and methods of the humans gave the Scouts an impeccable, almost reflexive, skill for what not to do.
And so, the rats were ready.