“Keep going…” he says, gesturing with his hand in circles.
I laugh again. “Seriously. You’ll find the right girl one of these days. I know you will. And I’ll go to the wedding and see you standing there all hot in your tuxedo and curse the day I didn’t jump your bones when I had the chance.”
He smiles, but there’s a hint of sadness to it. “Consider yourself at the top of the guest list.”
We walk out of the bathroom together and into the dust-covered living room
“You going to call him?” he asks.
“Maybe,” I say, shrugging. My heart is going crazy again as I picture the conversation Rob and I could have. Now that I’m admitting how I feel about him out loud to another person, and now that Jake’s practically convinced me that Rob’s feelings for me are mutual, it almost seems like something amazing could happen. The dream I’ve been dreaming since the day I saw Rob’s picture could come true. It’s like living on the edge of a fairy tale. Or maybe I’m standing at the edge of a cliff; it’s kind of hard to tell since the symptoms of dizziness and rapid heart rate are the same.
“I dare you,” he says. “Make a different choice than the one you’ve been making. What’s the worst that could happen? Something different than what’s been happening? That’s good, right?”
I pull my phone out and stare at it. “I don’t know. I really don’t.”
He shrugs, walking toward the front door. “Let me know how doing the same thing every day and expecting a different result works out for ya.”
I grab a piece of drywall off the floor and throw it at his back, but he’s out the door too fast to get hit by it.
I stare at my phone, wondering if I should take the risk.
Chapter Twenty-Six
I TRY ROB’S CELL PHONE first and get his voicemail. Pressing my lips together, I look at my screen. I could try his office. He often works late, and I have his inside line right here at my fingertips.
I press the button before I can second-guess myself. Here goes nothing. I listen as the line begins to ring.
“Arnold.”
Rob answering with his last name throws me off. “Uh, hi,” I finally say.
He doesn’t respond for the longest time. I start to check my screen to see whether I still have a connection, but he speaks again and I put the phone back to my ear really quick.
“Hello. Who is this?”
God, I love his voice so much! Even when I don’t know how he’s feeling when he speaks, I still would rather listen to him than anyone else in the entire world. Emotions roll around in my head like a tornado, swirling around and around. Is he rejecting me? Telling me he knows who it is but giving me a chance to walk away without hearing the words that he doesn’t want to talk to me ever again? Or does he really not recognize my voice after all these years of talking to me on the phone? Has he cut me out of his life that thoroughly? I’d know his voice anywhere.
I don’t know how to react. I could joke. I could act cool. I could hang up. What’s the right thing to do? Why did I call? What the hell is wrong with me?
“Uhhh…” I can’t get anything else out. I think I’m going to throw up. Why did I listen to Jake? He has no idea what he’s talking about. He’s a convicted felon for God’s sake!
“Jana, is it you?”
I breathe out a huge sigh of relief when he doesn’t sound angry. “Yes, it’s me. I’m sorry.”
He says nothing for a few seconds.
I open my mouth to fill up the space, but he cuts me off.
“What are you apologizing for? You haven’t done anything wrong.”
“I called you.” As if that makes any sense at all. Why am I apologizing?
“Yeah, you did.” He sounds disappointed. I want to crawl in a hole and never come out.
“I’m sorry.” I try not to let my sadness come out in my voice.
“Would you stop apologizing, please?”
“I don’t know what else to do!” I’m whining like a baby now. Forget being cool. Who am I kidding? I’m not cool. I’m never cool. I’m always awkward, always faking it, always dreaming about a man I can’t have. Argh! I hate this!
He chuckles. “Well, if you ask your brother, he’d tell you that you have to hang up your phone right this instant.”
I speak between gritted teeth. “If I had a dart board, I would put his picture on it and throw darts at it until it fell into shreds on my floor.”
He laughs really loudly and finishes with a sigh. I can hear the smile in his voice. “Can I come play darts with you?”
Suddenly my whole body is warm. “Yes, you can. Anytime.”
The line goes silent, but I’m not going to be the one to say the first word now that the walls are coming down. I’m too afraid I’ll say the wrong thing and throw them right back up again.
“So where do we go from here?” Rob finally asks.
I bite my lip. “I don’t know.” Please say you like me, please say you like me, please don’t be playing games with my heart!
“Maybe you should let me take you out on a real date.”
Screaming silently, I throw my arms wide and dance around the room, making myself dizzy with the spinning, spinning, spinning…
“Hello? Hello?” I hear a tiny voice coming from the end of my arm.
“Hi,” I say, throwing the phone up to my ear again. “Sorry about that. Dropped the phone thingy.”
“That shocking, huh?” He sounds sad.
“Shocking? Nooo, no, not shocking.” Do I dare say it? Say what I’m really feeling? Take the risk of sounding like an idiot? Aw, what the hell. Why not? “More like exciting.”
The smile is back in his voice again. “When?”
I’m almost out of breath. “Friday.” That gives me three days to find the perfect outfit and freak out completely. I’ll probably even grow some pimples if I’m really lucky. Ack! Already freaking out!
“Friday it is. Seven o’clock? I’ll pick you up?”
I don’t trust myself not to totally jump his bones if he’s that close to my bedroom, so I shake my head. “No. I’ll meet you.”
“Hmmm. Not sure if I like that.”
I’m flicking my hand around, trying to get rid of the tingly feeling in my fingers. For some reason I’m still out of breath. “Just do it.”
“Fine. You’re the boss. Where?”
“You pick.” Now I’m hopping up on my toes, making my calves burn with the unusual exercise. I have all this excess energy that’s ready to explode out of me. I think I could run a marathon right now and win.
“Hmmm. The pressure. Not sure I can hack it.”
I practice some booty muscle squeezes, wondering if I can raise my buttcheeks a half inch by Friday if I really put my mind to it. “I think you can. Text me with your choice by tomorrow.” I have to quit with the cheek-squeezing when I get a cramp that makes my leg buckle. I have to grab the nearby kitchen counter to keep from going down.
“I can’t have until Friday?”
“No, of course not,” I say, massaging my butt muscle and wincing. “I have to shop.”
“Well, all right then. I’ll text you by tomorrow.”
“Good.” I bend over in half at the waist, wondering if we’ll end up having sex. I’m going to have to stretch all my leg muscles for the next three days to make sure I’m limber enough to impress him. I might only get one shot at this thing.
“Good,” he says.
I smile. “Fine.” I’m standing now, tracing hearts on the countertop in the dust with my finger as the sweat pours out of me.
“Fine,” he says.
“Stop copying me.” I put his initials on top of mine and draw a heart around them both.
“I’m not copying you. You’re copying me.”
“I’m hanging up now.” I add an arrow to my heart drawing.
“No, I’m hanging up now.”
I wait but nothing happens. “I’m doing it.”
“So am I.”
&nbs
p; I want to curl up in a bed and draw hearts and flowers all over a notebook with his initials and my first name attached to his last name and all the silly things I used to do when I was in high school and dreamed of being his girlfriend.
“Goodbye, Jana.”
“Goodbye, Robinson.”
“I really hate it when you call me that,” he says.
My cheeks go warm when I realize what he means. “Goodbye, Rob.”
His voice comes back soft and warm. Sexy. “That’s better.”
My face is flaming red when I finally hang up two seconds later. I have to scream with all my might to get rid of all the crazy energy that’s making me feel like I’m going to explode at any second. I hope none of my new neighbors hears me and calls the cops. But if they do, who cares? I’ll just tell them that I’m in love and they’ll have to understand. A love like this doesn’t come around all that often.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
OF COURSE FRIDAY TOOK FOREVER to get here. I stand in front of my mirror, checking my new outfit from all angles. The dark blue and black dress fits me to a T, the low neckline showing off what little cleavage I have to its best advantage. The necklace my parents gave me for my college graduation sits right in the center of my chest, the diamonds and sapphire winking in the light of my bedroom. The black heels are gorgeous; I just hope there’s no ice on the sidewalks tonight or I’m definitely going to go down.
I don’t wear my hair up all that often, but I remember the one time Rob ever commented on my ‘do, and it was a day I had it in a clip. Ten years later, the memory is as crisp as if he’d said it yesterday: “Your hair looks good like that.” Not the most eloquent words ever used, but they stuck with me and made me feel beautiful for a really long time. Every time I put my hair up after that, even if it was just in a ponytail, I felt sexy.
The fact that I remember something so inconsequential and let it guide how I view myself tells me that Rob’s had a very strong influence on my life for a long time — more than I realized before. I just hope that the reality of being with him lives up to the decade and a half of dreaming I’ve done.
Ugh, the pressure I’m putting on myself is killing me. I had to buy some heavy duty cover-up at Sephora yesterday when the first of three new zits popped up on my chin. I glare at them in the mirror, but so far can’t see them under the three layers of blemish-erasing creams. I have the tubes in my purse just in case.
My phone beeps and a message from Leah pops up.
What are you doing tonight? Can I stop by?
I feel guilty. I haven’t told her anything, worried she’ll let it slip to James what Rob and I are up to. It’s not that I think my brother has the right to control my life, but I figured it’s better if Rob and I see if this thing will even work out before we get my brother all riled up about it.
Working. Maybe tomorrow?
I toy with the pieces of curled hair hanging down by my ears as I wait for her response.
I thought you’d say that. Buzz Buzz.
Buzz buzz? What’s that mean? Is that a new internet saying I haven’t learned yet? I’m about to type out some question marks in response when my intercom goes off. I stand there in my room with my eyes going round. Is it Rob? I told him I’d meet him at the restaurant he chose. If he comes up here, I know I’m going to be tempted to drag him into my bedroom. Ack! I’m not ready!
I rush to the door and press the intercom button. “Yes?”
“Hey, hey, hey! It’s me! Let me in.”
Oh my god, it’s Leah. Dammit! I press the button to let her in and speak simultaneously. “I’m on my way out. You can come up for two seconds.”
She doesn’t answer, probably already halfway down the hall. Pregnancy hasn’t slowed her down one bit.
I stand in the entrance to my apartment with the door open, my purse over my shoulder and keys in my hand. Hopefully, Leah will get the hint.
A minute or two later, the elevator doors open and she steps off, her face lighting up when she sees me. Then she frowns in confusion. “I thought you said you were working.” She stops a few feet away, her eyes going wide. “Tell me you’re not a prostitute.”
My jaw drops open in shock as a laugh bursts out of me. “Oh my god, you just said I look like a hooker.” I’m not sure it’s a bad thing where Rob and this whole first date thing is concerned, though, so I’m okay with the reference. Maybe if he’s too busy noticing how sexy I look, he’ll forget how many times he saw me as his younger sister.
She rushes at me with her arms open and flings herself into me, belly first. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it like that! You look amazing!”
I pat her on the back, sucking in my gut to give her baby more room to breathe between us.
She yanks her body backwards, keeping her hands on my upper arms. Her eyes are narrowed. “Where are you really going? I know you’re not working. Are you going out on a date?”
“Maybe.” I search her face, trying to decide if I can trust her with the truth or if I should just feed her a lie.
“Awesome.” She grins big. “You’ve been acting like a nun for way too long.”
I have to smile at that. “How would you know? I haven’t seen you in ages.”
“Are you telling me you’ve been having sex every night of the week?”
“Hardly.”
“So who’s your hot date?” She backs up so she can look at me from head to toe. “Someone you must like a whole lot if that dress is any indication. And those shoes! Oh my. You’d better hang onto his arm. It’s cold out there.”
My face is turning pink again. I sigh, frustrated that I’m so easy to read. “I’ll tell you but only if you promise not to tell James.”
“You don’t have to tell me. I already know.” She squeals and grabs me into another hug. “I’m so happy for you guys.”
“Thanks. I think.” I pat her on the back again.
She steps away and sighs. “It’s Rob, right?”
I nod, afraid if I say anything else I’ll ruin my makeup. Tears are ever-present where this situation is concerned. Too many emotions, so little time…
“I knew it!” She looks over my shoulder toward my door. “Are you going to invite me in?”
“I really can’t. I was just about to leave. I’m supposed to meet him at Eleven Madison Park.” I feel terrible. Now that she’s here, I realize how much I miss talking to her, especially about things like this.
“Holy moly, hotsy totsy. He must really want to get in your panties.” She gestures at my dress. “Good thing you’re making it easy for him. That’ll make him happy.”
“I’d slap you right now, but you’re pregnant.” I step forward and give her a hug instead.
“I prefer this anyway.” She rubs my back. “You have fun, okay? Don’t worry about James. I’ll handle his bossy butt, don’t you worry.”
I laugh as I release her. “I’m sure you will.” I look her in the eye so she’ll know how much I mean my next words. “I’m really glad I have you in my corner. And I’m glad James has you too. He really needed you to come into his life when you did.”
“You’re telling me. I finally met that hag he was dating before. What a piece of work she is.”
My eyes widen. “You did? What happened?” This might be worth being late to dinner over. To say I wasn’t a fan of that wench would be an understatement, but unlike my bossy brother James, I never stuck my nose into his business and told him she was wrong for him.
Leah turns to the elevator and presses the button. “I’ll tell you over lunch. Are you free tomorrow?”
I grab my coat just inside my front door and lock up, hurrying to join her at the elevator. “I’ll get free for you. Just text me the details of where and when you want to meet.”
She waits for me to get in and then releases the hold button, sending us down to the lobby. “Fair warning; I’m going to invite James.”
I frown, my mood instantly deflating. “I’m not coming.”
“Yes,
you are. I’m inviting him so we can all talk and get this over with.” She sighs, shaking her head. “So much time wasted on being silly. I never realized how awesome having a brother could be until I met Ralph. I don’t want to waste a single moment where he’s concerned. You guys are lucky. You’ve known each other your whole lives; but that doesn’t mean you get to be stupid and throw that relationship to the side whenever it gets difficult.”
I stare at her as she watches the elevator light up the next lowest floor. I could swear sometimes I hear a ghost speaking from her lips. “You remind me so much of Laura.”
“Really?” Leah grins at me. “That’s a high compliment.”
“It is.” I smile, looking at our reflection in the elevator doors. “She was awesome. Very insightful.”
“Boo says I’m like her, but on crack.”
I have to laugh at that. He’s right. But that nickname… “I can’t believe you call him Boo.” It’s so completely crazy. Who would look at my brother, the most put together, serious, brainiac butthead in the world, and see a Boo? Only Leah, that’s who. She’s perfect for him. I can’t wait to see how their baby turns out.
We reach the lobby and walk across it to the front doors together. Leah throws the end of her scarf over her shoulder and smiles at me. “Good luck tonight.”
“Thanks.” I’m nervous all over again. Dammit. I’m probably sprouting another pimple.
“And whatever you do, don’t worry about what James will think or say. He doesn’t matter in this equation. It’s just you and Rob. One plus one equals One.”
I hold the door open for her and give her the first cab that comes by. As I close the door on her, she smiles and gives me a thumbs up through the window. I’m still laughing when I get into my cab and head over to one of the swankiest restaurants in Manhattan to meet the man of my dreams.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
ROB IS WAITING FOR ME at the bar. I’d recognize the shape and breadth of his shoulders anywhere. His hair looks freshly cut. I wonder if he did that for me. He doesn’t see me at first, so I take a few seconds to ogle. If I didn’t know him and just happened to see him as a stranger from across the room, I’d do the same thing — stare like some kind of creeper. There’s just something about him that draws my eye, makes me want to get to know him, makes me wonder what’s going on inside that head of his. His profile shows off his strong jaw and his nose with the bump in it from a sports accident of some sort. My brother has teased him about it for years, always offering to fix it for him. My heart fills with warmth as Rob turns to look at me and his eyes light up in recognition.