CHAPTER SEVENTEEN.
THE DOCTOR AMONG THE GUINEA-PIGS.
The _Dominican_ appeared once more before the holidays, and, as mighthave been expected (besides its usual articles at the expense of theSixth Form), made itself particularly merry over the rebellion of theGuinea-pigs and Tadpoles.
Pembury was not the fellow to give quarter in his own particular line ofattack; and it must be confessed he had the proud satisfaction of makinghis unfortunate young victims smart.
The "leading article" of the present number bore the suggestive title,"Thank Goodness!" and began as follows:
"Thank goodness, we are at last rid of the pest which has made SaintDominic's hideous for months past! At a single blow, with a single clapof the hands, we have sent Guinea-pigs and Tadpoles packing, and can nowbreathe pure air. No longer shall we have to put up with the plague.We are to be spared the disgust of seeing them, much more of talking tothem or hearing their hideous voices. No longer will our morning milkbe burned; no longer will our herrings be grilled to cinders; no longerwill our jam be purloined; no longer will our books and door-handles bemade abominable by contact with their filthy hands! Thank goodness!The Doctor never did a more patriotic deed than this! The small animalsare in future to be kept to their own quarters, and will be forbiddenthe liberty they have so long abused of mixing with their betters. Itis as well for all parties; and if any event could have brightened thelast days of this term, it is this--" and so on.
Before this manifesto, a swarm of youngsters puzzled on the day ofpublication with no little bewilderment and fury. They had refused toallow any of their number to act as policeman, and had secretly beenmaking merry over the embarrassment of their late persecutors, andwondering whatever they would be able to say for their humiliated selvesin the _Dominican_--and lo! here was an article which, if it meantanything, meant that the heroic rebellion of the juniors was regardednot with dismay, but with positive triumph, by the very fellows it hadbeen intended to "squash!"
"What does it mean, Padger?" asked Bramble, who, never much of ascholar, was quite unable to master the meaning of this.
"It's all a pack of crams," replied Padger, not quite sure of the sensehimself.
"It means," said Stephen, "the fellows say they are jolly glad to getrid of us."
"Eh?" yelled Bramble; "oh, I say, you fellows, come to the meeting!Jolly glad! They aren't a bit glad."
"They say so," said Paul. "Hold hard, Bramble, let's read the rest."
It was all his friends could do to restrain the ardent Bramble fromsummoning a meeting on the spot to denounce the _Dominican_ and all its"crams." But they managed to hold him steady while they read on.
"The Doctor never did a more--pat--pat--ri--what do you call it?--patriotic deed than this!"
"Hullo, I say, look here!" cried Stephen, turning quite yellow; "theDoctor's in it, they say, Bramble. `The small animals'--that's you andPadger--`are to be kept in their own quarters.' Whew! there's a go."
"What!" shrieked Bramble, "who says so? The Doctor never said so. Ishall do what I choose. He never said so. Bother the Doctor! Who'scoming to the meeting, eh?"
But at that moment the grave form of Doctor Senior appeared in the midstof the group, just in time to hear Master Bramble's last complimentaryshout.
The head master was in the most favourable times an object of terror tothe "guilty-conscienced youth" of the Fourth Junior, and the sight evenof his back often sufficed to quell their tumults. But here he stoodface to face with his unhappy victims, one of whom had just cried,"Bother the Doctor!" and all of whom had by word and gesture approved ofthe sentiment. Why would not the pavement yawn and swallow them? Andwhich of them would not at that moment have given a thousand pounds (ifhe had it) to be standing anywhere but where he was?
"Go to your class-room," said the Doctor, sternly, eyeing the culpritsone by one, "and wait there for me."
They slunk off meekly in obedience to this order, and waited the hour ofvengeance in blank dismay.
Dr Senior did not keep them long in suspense, however. His slow, firmstep sounded presently down the corridor, and at the sound each wretchedculprit quaked with horror.
Mr Rastle was in the room, and rose as usual to greet his chief; theboys also, as by custom bound, rose in their places. "Good morning, MrRastle," said the Doctor. "Are your boys all here?"
"Yes, sir, we have just called over."
"Ah! And what class comes on first?"
"English literature, sir."
"Well, Mr Rastle, I will take the class this morning, please--insteadof you."
A groan of horror passed through the ranks of the unhappy Guinea-pigsand Tadpoles at these words. Bramble looked wildly about him, if haplyhe might escape by a window or lie hid in a desk; while Stephen, Paul,Padger, and the other ringleaders, gave themselves up for lost, andmentally bade farewell to joy for ever.
"What have the boys been reading?" inquired Dr Senior of Mr Rastle.
"Grey's _Elegy_, sir. We have just got through it."
"Oh! Grey's _Elegy_!" said the Doctor; and then, as if forgetting wherehe was, he began repeating to himself,--
"The curfew tolls the knell of parting day, The lowing herds wind slowly o'er the lea."
"The first boy,--what can you tell me about the curfew?" The first boywas well up in the curfew, and rattled off a "full, true, and particularaccount" of that fine old English institution, much to everybody'ssatisfaction. The Doctor went on repeating two or three verses till hecame to the line,--
"The rude Forefathers of the hamlet sleep."
"What does that line mean?" he asked of a boy on the second desk.
The boy scarcely knew what it meant, but the boy below him did, and wasquite eager for the question to be passed on. It was passed on, and thegenius answered promptly, "Four old men."
"Four rude old men," shouted the next, seeing a chance.
"Four rude old men who used to sleep in church," cried another, ready tocap all the rest.
The Doctor passed the question on no further; but gravely explained themeaning of the line, and then proceeded with his repetition in rather asadder voice.
Now and again he stopped short and demanded an explanation of someobscure phrase, the answers to which were now correct, now hazy, nowbrilliantly original. On the whole it was not satisfactory; and whenfor a change the Doctor gave up reciting, and made the boys read, theeffect was still worse. One boy, quite a master of elocution, spoiltthe whole beauty of the lines,--
"Nor Grandeur hear with a disdainful smile The short and simple annals of the Poor,--"
by reading "animals" instead of "annals"; while another, of an equallyzoological turn of mind, announced that--
"On some fond _beast_ the parting soul relies,--"
instead of "breast."
But the climax of this "animal mania" was reached when the wretchedBramble, finally pitched upon to go on, in spite of all his efforts tohide, rendered the passage:--
"Haply some hoary-headed swain may say, Oft have we seen him at the peep of dawn," etcetera, as--
"Happy some hairy-headed swine may say."
This was a little too much.
"That will do, sir," said the Doctor, sternly. "That will do. What isyour name, sir?"
"Bramble, please, sir."
"Well, Bramble, how long have you been in this class?"
"Two years, sir."
"And have you been all the while on the bottom desk?"
"Yes, please, sir."
"Sir, it displeases me. You are a dunce, sir."
And then, to Bramble's utter despair and to the terror of all the otherunprofitable members of the class, the Doctor proceeded to catechisesharply the unhappy youth on his general knowledge of the subjectstaught during the term.
As might be expected, the exhibition was a miserable one; Bramble wasfound wanting in every particular. The simplest questions could hardlycoax a correct answer out of him, whereas an ordin
ary inquiry washopelessly beyond his powers. He mixed up William the Conqueror andWilliam of Orange; he subtracted what ought to be multiplied, andfloundered about between conjunctions and prepositions in a sickeningway. The Doctor did not spare him. He went ruthlessly on--exposing theboy's ignorance, first in one thing, then another. Bramble stood andtrembled and perspired before him, and wished he was dead, but thequestions still came on. If he had answered a single thing correctly itwould have been a different matter, but he knew nothing. I believe hedid know what twice two was, but that was the one question the Doctordid not ask him. As to French, Latin, Grammar, and Euclid, the clock onthe wall knew as much of them as Bramble. It came to an end at last.
"Come here, Bramble," said the Doctor, gravely; "and come here, you, andyou, and you," added he, pointing to Stephen and Paul and four or fiveothers of the party who had been reading the _Dominican_ that morning.
The luckless youngsters obeyed, and when they stood in a row before thedreaded Doctor, the bottom form and half of the bottom form but one wereempty.
"Now, you boys," began the head master, very gravely, "I hadn't intendedto examine you to-day; but, from something I heard one of you say, Ifelt rather anxious to know how some of you are doing in your studies.These half-dozen boys I was particularly anxious to know of, because Iheard them talking to-day as if they were the most important boys in thewhole school. They _are_ the most important; for they are the mostignorant, and require, and in future will receive, the closest lookingafter. You, little boys," said the Doctor, turning to the row ofabashed culprits, "take a word of warning from me. Do not be silly aswell as dunces. Do not think, as long as you know least of any one inthe school you can pretend to rule the school. I hope some of you havebeen led to see to-day you are not as clever as you would like to be.If you try, and work hard, and stick like men to your lessons, you willknow more than you do now; and when you do know more you will see thatthe best way for little boys to get on is not by giving themselvesridiculous airs, but by doing their duty steadily in class, and livingat peace with one another, and submitting quietly to the discipline ofthe school. Don't let me hear any more of this recent nonsense. You'llbe going off in a day or two for the holidays. Take my advice, andthink over what I have said; and next term let me see you in your rightminds, determined to work hard and do your part honestly for the creditof the good old school. Go to your places, boys."
And so the Doctor's visitation came to an end. It made a very deepimpression on the youthful members of the Fourth Junior. Most of themfelt very much ashamed of themselves; and nearly every one felt hisveneration and admiration for the Doctor greatly heightened. Only a fewincorrigibles like Bramble professed to make light of the scene throughwhich they had just passed, and even he, it was evident, wasconsiderably chastened by his experience.
That evening, after the first bed-bell, Dr Senior requested some of themasters to meet with him for a few minutes in his study.
"Do any of you know," asked the head master, "anything about thisnewspaper, the _Dominican_, which I see hanging outside the Fifth door?"
"I hear a great many boys talking about it," said Mr Jellicott of theFifth. "It is the joint production of several of the boys in my form."
"Indeed! A Fifth form paper!" said the Doctor. "Has any one perusedit?"
"I have," said Mr Rastle. "It seems to me to be cleverly managed,though perhaps a little personal."
"Ah, only natural with schoolboys," said the Doctor. "I should like tosee it. Can you fetch it, Rastle?"
"It is nailed to the wall," said Mr Rastle, smiling, "like Luther'smanifesto; but I can get one of the boys, I dare say, to unfasten it foryou."
"No, do not do that," said the Doctor. "If the mountain will not cometo Mahomet, you know, Mahomet and his disciples must go to the mountain,eh, Mr Harrison? I think we might venture out and peruse it where ithangs." So half-stealthily, when the whole school was falling asleep,Dr Senior and his colleagues stepped out into the passage, and by theaid of a candle satisfied their curiosity as to the mysterious_Dominican_.
A good deal of its humour was, of course, lost upon them, as they couldhardly be expected to understand the force of all the allusions itcontained. But they saw quite enough to enable them to gather thegeneral tenor of the paper; it amused and it concerned them.
"It shows considerable ability on the part of its editor," said theDoctor, after the masters had returned to his study, "but I rather fearits tone may give offence to some of the boys--in the Sixth forinstance."
"I fancy there is a considerable amount of rivalry between the two headforms," said Mr Harrison.
"If there is," said Mr Jellicott, "this newspaper is hardly likely todiminish it."
"And it seems equally severe on the juniors," said Mr Rastle.
"Ah," said the Doctor, smiling, "about that `strike.' I can'tunderstand that. Really the politics of your little world, Rastle, aretoo intricate for any ordinary mortal. But I gather the small boys havea grievance against the big ones?"
"Yes, on the question of fagging, I believe."
"Oh!" said the Doctor. "I hope that is not coming up. You know I'mheretic enough to believe that a certain amount of fagging does not doharm in a school like ours."
"Certainly not," said Mr Jellicott. "But these small boys are reallyvery amusing. They appear to be regularly organised, and some of themhave quite a martyr spirit about them."
"As I can testify," said Mr Rastle, proceeding to recount the case ofStephen Greenfield and his sore cheek. The Doctor listened to it all,half gravely, half amused, and presently said:
"Well, it is as well the holidays are coming. Things are sure to calmdown in them; and next term I dare say we shall be all the wiser for thelessons of this. Meanwhile I should like to see the editor of thispaper to-morrow. Who is he, Jellicott?"
"I believe it is Pembury."
"Very well. Send him to me, will you, to-morrow at ten? Good-night.Thank you for your advice!"
Next morning the Doctor talked to Pembury about the _Dominican_. Hepraised the paper generally, and congratulated him on the success of hisefforts. But he took exception to its personal tone.
"As long as you can keep on the broad round of humour and pure fun,nothing can please us more than to see you improving your time in amanner like this. But you must be very careful to avoid what will givepain or offence to any section of your schoolfellows. I was sorry tosee in the present number a good deal that might have been well omittedof that kind. Remember this, Pembury, I want all you boys, instead ofseparating off one set from another, and making divisions between classand class, to try to make common cause over the whole school, and uniteall the boys in common cause for the good of Saint Dominic's. Now yourpaper could help not a little in this direction. Indeed, if it does nothelp, it had better not be issued. There! I shall not refer to thematter again unless you give me cause. I do not want to discourage youin your undertaking, for it's really an excellent idea, and capitallycarried out. And _verbum sap_, you know, is quite sufficient."
Anthony, with rather a long face, retired from the Doctor's presence.
A few days later the school broke up for the summer holidays.