Chapter 6
Cliff
I avoided going to the lunch room. Instead, I locked myself in the library. I didn’t want to go to class, and decided to see how I was feeling after lunch. For twenty minutes I mused myself with a book, fuming with all that happened, I didn’t read it, turning the pages with a degree of anger. All I could think about was Ethan fighting. I couldn’t hide the smile in seeing Brant gasp in pain—actual pain. Ethan didn’t do anything to him, but having the split lip proved he’d also been hurt, even if it was his own fang doing it. Whoa—back up. Fang? Tooth. Right. It was a tooth? I couldn’t block that part of the scene from my mind. His tooth—and yet, I was sure I saw a fang, not a tooth. Impossible. It was just his normal perfect white straight teeth. Not fangs. Pushing that thought out another popped into my head. His eyes. Ethan’s eyes looked dangerous in that fight—angry. No, anger wasn’t the word, maybe it was excitement or hunger. The fight or the blood? said a sneaking thought in my head. It was a question that wasn’t going to be answered because he wanted to fight Brant; he even hit the locker hard enough to cause a dent, maybe Ethan liked to inflict pain on others, including himself. It was animalistic to watch men fighting. Fighting in competitions, for trophies was one thing, but to be out right attacking others wasn’t cool. I shivered at the thought, considering he was trying to defend me, but that was stupid. The best it was going to do was have everyone watch me—us. Since he sits next to me in every class—and I didn’t want to go to class. As I rethought the fight over, I couldn’t understand why I’d seen it slow down. The tiny second of Brant hitting Ethan and it was the act of one single moment. In logic, it may have taken several milliseconds, but what I’d seen felt like minutes. Ethan had held a protection around me, to keep me safe.
How was fighting keeping me safe? How was making me join a stupid art competition keeping me safe?
The lamp above me flickered, I grumbled at the constant power surges in the school. Strange, they didn’t start until … Ethan showed up. Ugh, why do I have to keep thinking about him? It wasn’t what I needed and the fog of my world was. I didn’t need him and with luck, I can ignore him. That was easy, right. Good looks aside, gentle smile, interesting eyes that lingered on me constantly in the past six days of knowing him. It wasn’t going to be easy, but I was good at not answering people or talking to them.
“Thought I’d find you here,” said a calm voice from around the shelf.
I rolled my eyes and glared at my book.
“Kera … I came to apologise.”
For what? Making a scene? Making me like you or making me join the art competition? I hissed in my head. Either one or possibly all that I thought was reasonable to yell at him.
“I …” Ethan paused, distracted by the flickering lamp; he lowered himself in front of me, placing his hands on the armchair. “I’m sorry for all that’s happened, and if you want, you don’t have to do the art competition.”
What. I frowned. How did he know I was thinking about that? This is ridiculous. I shifted ready to leave. I wanted to go home. I knew I shouldn’t but most of all, I couldn’t decide if I wanted him to stop talking to me or not. I pushed his hands from the chair standing in haste. Ethan stood with a pleading look. Damn he was tall and … nicely formed.
“Kera, please don’t worry about the others.”
I don’t. I was fine until you showed up and you made it worse.
My unspoken words had an affect, since his jaw clenched. He wasn’t reading my mind, but my mood. That was easy to say.
“I know you’re upset with me. But … I didn’t mean it. I didn’t understand.”
Huh … understand? I grumbled, pulling for my note book. The light flickered at a higher rate, making it harder to see what I was writing. You don’t get it. I’m not liked, not known and better still, I want to be left alone. So please. Leave me alone. I tossed the note into his hand and pushed past him.
“But I want to know you.” His voice faded as I made for the exit. “Kera—” He’d caught up to me.
Damn he was fast.
What? I glared taking in his lip my anger vanished completely. Remembering he had been hit hard in the face. He should at least have something there. Not … nothing. It wasn’t cut, no mark, no bruise, and no blood. You lips healed. How is that possible?
His brow creased, his green eyes narrowed as he sucked in his lower lip, moistening it. “I’m sorry about what happened. I just didn’t like what they were saying about you, like I said before. I want to know you.”
Tuh, I rolled my eyes having my curtain of hair obscure him, mostly all of him.
Ethan stepped closer; he reached out with the slightest touch of his fingers on my chin tilting it upwards. Tingles and other excited emotions leaped into my head and stomach with that touch, I didn’t pull away.
“I want to know you,” he repeated, his voice held with a depth of truth. “I don’t know how, but I know I want to know you … to talk to you.”
You’d rather start a fight than know me. I thought harshly pulling from his fingers and dropping my gaze. I turned, avoiding the quiver at the nape of my spine delighted by his touch I had to make sure it didn’t happen again. I’m not someone he should talk to—or could. I’m mute Kera, I hissed.
“Don’t say that.” His tone startled me.
Say what? I narrowed my eyes. I didn’t say anything.
He shifted and gazed to the window. “I’m sorry about before,” he changed his tone and I knew he was hiding his emotions. It was as if he read my mind.
You can read my mind, I screamed inwardly.
He didn’t show any emotion to my thoughts.
Ethan. Answer me.
Nothing.
“So … will you—”
Huh. Now I was confused.
“Forgive me?” He asked holding my gaze for a second before turning away.
That depends if I’m not crazy.
His lips twitched for a fourth of a second, but that wasn’t because of my words, was it?
“You’ll see it will be okay now. I told the school about how everyone was mistreating you—”
You what? I glared at him. Any hope of discovering him reading my mind was lost. Great. That’s just great. Now I am spot light attention. I can’t believe you’d do this! I can’t believe you would ruin my life. I grumbled, storming off from him, heading towards the school gates.
Ethan kept pace. “What—what’s wrong now. You shouldn’t leave Kera.”
Yes, I should … Thanks to you, my mother won’t shut up. My life sucks. And you stole all my memories of her. It’s Your Fault. LEAVE ME ALONE. I turned with force, pressing my hand to his chest. A warm sensation touched the centre of my palm and he stood back.
My glare had him nod. “If that’s what you want.” He assumed my words, though I may have mouthed them in my anger and I was too irritated to notice. I turned and stormed the path home.
In the clearing of my garden, I crumbled. Tears streamed with the pain as it tore deep inside; I cried for Melody, I cried for the time lost and my lack of fog. I cried because I’d been insulted and that a cute guy helped me. I cried because I hated I couldn’t scream, I couldn’t shout, I couldn’t moan and I couldn’t whisper a word of my pain.
My head was filled with pain, my heart too and the words I wished to say. I thought Ethan had heard my thoughts, but it was wishful thinking. It was ridiculous because it’s been a week since he arrived and my fog was slipping from me. It had been slipping a lot more before he showed up, but now I wished for someone to talk too. I hated I couldn’t say what I needed. A note wasn’t talking and worse I had no one to turn to. Elizabeth didn’t understand. No one understood. No one cared. Melody was the only one that could understand, but she was gone, and I was alone.
My tears fell endlessly as I cried in my garden. I’d get in trouble from Elizabeth tonight for leaving school, but I didn’t care. I didn’t want to return to school and I wished I could die. The rustle of leaves had me pause in mid
sob. Padded foot steps came into view and the wolf paused. Its head bobbed.
Well, did you make up your mind yet? I hissed at the creature.
It stepped closer and I waited for it to lunge.
Good. Kill me then.
It took slow steps, idle in its attack. I tilted my head; since it towered above me, I was easy prey for it. The wolf made several more steps and I held my breath. This is it. This is my time. I can die and be free of this pain. I held no fear as the wolf closed the gap. Its breath was hot; it heaved with a cautious step not a foot from me, it tilted its head. Waiting. Watching.
Now … I whispered. Wanting to die. Wanting to end it all.
Its nose touched at my neck, sniffing my skin, getting a taste for the fresh blood that lingered beneath. As its jaw opened, I breathed with the release; it was going to end it all. I waited for the pressure of its fangs, its teeth would sink into my skin, and I would bleed in moments. I’d be dead a few after that. My tear streaked face was hot from the pain and sadness. I closed my eyes as another tear fell along my cheek. Instead, what I felt wasn’t teeth in my skin, but a warm tongue run along my cheek.
I snapped my eyes opened in shock.
What. I hissed.
The wolf backed off by several steps.
You’re going to leave me to suffer.
The wolf shook its head. Maybe it could read my mind.
This is just ridiculous. I can’t die, I can’t scream, I can’t live. Please kill me! I pleaded to the beast.
The wolf jutted its jaw and with a gentle step, it had walked towards me, not in a lunge, but in a hug. Its head bowed into my shoulder as I locked my arms around its neck.
Why can’t you kill me? I sobbed. I don’t want to live.
The wolf slumped in closer as if it knew I needed it. To hold to, to cry with. No. I needed to leave. To run away. I had no where to go. The wolf lowered itself to the ground. I was annoyed it wouldn’t kill me and wondered why. I climbed onto its back, locking my arms around its neck—my fingers knotted into its fur.
If you can’t kill me then take me away, I demanded.
The wolf rose, lifting me with ease and startling me—it read my thoughts—I was on its back, safely nestled in place. Its howl was of joy as it ran; swiftly it charged through the brush, branches scraped along my skin. I watched through blurred eyes as the wolf ran—hard, fast and far.
Hours melted away; the woods changed. We’d left Kenneth heading south, and away from all that was there. It was easy this way. To be free. To ride on the back of wolf. I didn’t want to stay there and since this wolf could understand me, it was effortless to run away.
It paused high on the top of a hill with a clear view of Kenneth miles away, but enough to take in the main points of the town. I slipped from the wolf’s back, lost in thought. He nudged me playfully.
I smirked. Guess you’re not like the other wolves, I mused.
Its jaw jutted as it turned its eyes to the setting sun. The golden rays sprinkled the dabbled clouds in streaks of colour, soft, bright hues of pinks and orange lingered as I sat on the cliff side, feeling freer that I was here.
It’s so beautiful, I whispered.
The wolf stepped closer, placing it’s nuzzle into my shoulder.
Yeah, you’re beautiful too; I shifted as I watched the wolf. So … if you’re not going to kill me, then what do you do?
It wasn’t a question I expected an answer, but the wolf showed little reaction, tilting its head to the horizon.
Hmmm … guess, I mused. Watching, that made sense, it wasn’t harmful. Wolves were supposed to be in packs. Guess you’re alone too. I pondered the thought as it leaned in closer. Well, I can’t go round calling you ‘wolf’, now can I—not If we’re to run away.
Its head jolted and a whine escaped its throat.
Hey, you’re the one who brought me here, I said waving to the high view.
The wolf nudged and tilted its snout to the sky, watching the sun set.
Oh, I see. I realised that’s what it had done. You’d brought me away for a little while; I said, realising just that, I breathed deep. Well, I’m not leaving yet.
The wolf shifted, its muzzle held on the edge of amusement and its tail wag told me it was impressed with my stubbornness.
I’m not and you can’t make me. I folded my arms.
The wolf flicked its ears and with a deep sigh, it laid down.
Guess you’ll be waiting awhile.
It shifted with a wink and watched the sun set.
I mulled over my situation. Talking to a wolf. Was I crazy?
The whine came from the wolf.
Well, you’re here, so I guess it makes me crazy. You shouldn’t be here. How did you get here any way? Maybe you’re not here. I puzzled.
It understood me. Was it here at all? I couldn’t tell. A faded memory of Melody came to my thoughts, talking to a wolf was the least of my problems. Last year a stray cat followed me for six months straight.
“And I know it was stalking you Kerr, it went everywhere you went …” I breathed deep. Maybe this was similar, it wasn’t the first time I’d been followed by animals, “Remember that strange looking rat the year before,” she pointed out.
“It wasn’t a rat, it was a possum,” I grumbled to her.
She shrugged and smiled with a well, still. “It followed you around for just as long as that cat. Seems this wolf might be the same kind of thing.” I frowned with some worry, I’d run from school, I’d run from Ethan wanting to know me and now I was talking to Melody as if she were here and assuming her actions too.
How bad could it be?
I stared at the wolf with a wave of curiosity. It was a lone wolf, one who was a free spirit.
Hmm … that’s what I’ll call you. Spirit.
The tail wagged at my unspoken words.
Huh … that’d be interesting if I ever did get my voice back. I wonder if it would work in voice. Doubt it. Maybe wolves don’t like the human voice and that was why it was here.
His whine sounded like, yes.
That’d be nice. Least now if it changed its mind, it could kill me away from town.
Spirit grizzled to my thoughts.
Do you have to hear everything I say … I mean think?
Spirit snorted.
Maybe it can pick up on emotions. The wind shifted around the hills, taking in the spotted homes in the distance from this height, I was amazed we’d come so far. The plaza was visible, the homes dotted here and there along with the largest, house in Kenneth. See—that’s where Ethan lives, I said. I didn’t need to know the street; the house was old, built of stone and in a time before it held some resemblance to a mansion. That means Ethan’s rich.
Bet he’d have three rooms to himself in a place like that. Probably even has a gym and a running track in the backyard.
It was strange to remember the fight, it all started because Brant said we were having a lovers spat. That was weird. I’d known the guy a week and people were noticing Ethan talking to me. No one ever spoke to me and the first person to do that was a new guy—who was really cute.
He’d openly admitted I didn’t answer in voice. Maybe he lied about reading my mind.
The wolf shifted. The sun edged further into the west, dusk light darkened the brush below as I glanced across the tall trees, endless streams, and hills rolling in all directions, that surround the outskirts of Kenneth, bordering Grangeville six hours north from here. Isolated is what this place was. I stood as too did Spirit, his whine was of concern.
No, I’m not going back. I can’t return. We’ll stay out here and I will find food and live here, without others around. I pondered the idea as I walked along the edge of the cliff.
I descended the cliff as safely as I could, wanting to get to the bottom and into the thick of the brush before night was here. It wasn’t that high up, or so I thought; until I started climbing down. Slowly and painfully, I made myself move along the hidden path Spirit had taken to
get here. His whines were of mockery. All I had to do was get on his back. But I didn’t want to go home. I didn’t want to return. I had nothing there, no friends, no life. After fifteen minutes, I touched the bottom. Or least, I thought I had. Instead, what I thought was the ground, was loose cliff.
My weight jolted and I slipped. My scream was unheard, and for a fleeting second, I was flying. Okay, I wasn’t sure I was flying. Falling—definitely falling.
Darkness swallowed around me.
Flashing light surrounded my thoughts. Somehow I was disconnected. A gasp of pain. A sudden vision of Ethan and even Caleb were there. The trees were above me. The ground below me. Clouds and the setting sun melting away in a reverse kind of motion and flooding and repeating. Repeating endlessly until thick murky water slithered down my throat, pulling me under, pulling me out.
No. No. No. Don’t do this. Please. The scream was mine, but no one heard. No. No—Nooo!
Gah! I leaped awake.
Blinking to the darkness around me—my garden. My safe place and Spirit—the wolf. He wasn’t here. The sound of insects and night life told me it was late. Crap. The whole thing was a dream. A stupid dream. He hadn’t been here. He hadn’t hugged me, or took me away. I dreamed the whole thing—really. Even naming the wolf—the ride to the south, to the cliff. All of it? Great. Now I was crazy.
I palmed my face, running my fingers through my tangled hair. Grass and leaves dislodged. That’s what I get for sleeping on the ground. I blinked to the lack of light. Crap. It was later than I expected. Remembering the cliff top, the sun set, and the motion of being on the wolf’s back—a dream. That’s all it was. My head was pounding, a headache was there, and my arms and legs were aching. It sure felt like I had been on him, the wind in my face, the warmth of the sun, the feel of his fur in my fingers. How vivid it all was?
I heaved a breath and started across the bridge, against my previous thoughts about returning. It wasn’t until later when I slept; my dream took me to the cliff top, and to my surprise, to the moment I fell. In my dream, Spirit leaped toward me, wanting to save me from the fall. I fell fast and hard down the side of the cliff. It was seconds of the tumble as my leg snapped, my hand slumped behind me, and my head collided with something painful. Darkness had taken me. Death was where I hoped I was greeted, but what blurred between the knowledge of falling and wanting to reach out for help wasn’t what I expected.
In my tumble, Spirit leaping towards me, but it was Ethan who appeared. His fingers missed mine by inches as I fell to my death and with it, the tormented dream of my torture. The hum lingered as too the bright light of Melody. I screamed in this pain. Endlessly lost with bottomless pain, and all I could think was.
I wasn’t dead.
And if it was a dream which was the real?
I bolted up right, startled. While death was what my dream offered, it too couldn’t make it happen. My dream—nightmare, was mixed up the longer I pondered it, the hazer it became and thankfully my fog was there to thicken it. Just a dream. Just a hushed thought of not possible. I lowered myself into my bed, pulling the blankets to my shoulders and turning into the soft pillow; I puzzled my problem for several moments longer and peeked the clock on my bedside table. It was three in the morning. The earliest I’d woken up before. I wasn’t tired, I wasn’t sore from my fake fall and as I stretched on my bed. I was buzzing. Strange that word came to mind. I’d not thought a buzz was possible to glimpse my death by a fraction and this was how I felt.
“You should be pleased you’re alive,” said the imaginary voice of Mel. “Even if you’d dreamed it … sometimes, dreams tell us what we need to know.”
Yeah, right. What am I supposed to know … I hissed.
“That you’re meant to live Kerr …”
Was it possible? A dream to show I was to be alive? But the dream ended wrong. I had slipped into the haze of real pain and I’d seen something that wasn’t possible. Ethan … a wolf? No, that was definitely a dream. And now I was slumbering into a different kind of dream.