But where did that leave her?
She didn't sleep much that night. The bed was empty and cold without him, and as she tossed and shivered, unable to sleep, tortured by confusion and lust, she wondered if he ever felt the same way, like the bed was too big for him without Sari curled up at his side.
Not Jason, of course.
Charlie.
II
Kathleen and Kevin spent Saturday night at the San Ysidro ranch in Santa Barbara and didn't want to rush back, so the girls moved their Sunday knitting circle to the evening, which meant that Sari could serve wine and guacamole instead of bagels and coffee.
As she poured herself a second glass of wine, Kathleen pointed out that it was almost Thanksgiving.
“You doing the whole family thing?” Sari asked her.
“I’m splitting it down the middle,” Kathleen said. She settled back in her seat. “Kevin invited me to come home with him—”
“Whoa,” Sari said. “That's a big deal.” She was flipping through a new knitting magazine. She had finished the baby blanket and was ready for her next project but was having trouble deciding what to do. Since Friday night, she hadn't been able to focus on much of anything.
“You don't bring a girl home for Thanksgiving dinner unless you're pretty serious about her,” Lucy said, looking up from her knitting.
Kathleen grimaced. “Put a little pressure on me, why don't you? Anyway, I said yes, but then Mom started leaving me messages telling me that I’m always too busy for them these days, and it's the holiday season, and don't I care about my family, and so on and so on. So I’ve got to at least swing by there at some point. Maybe even with Kevin, if he'll come.”
“Has he met the twins yet?” Sari asked.
“Once. We had dinner at the McMansion a couple of weeks ago.
“What'dhe think of them?”
“He said they seemed nice. And that I’m prettier than they are.
“Has he had his eyesight checked recently?” Lucy asked.
“Shut up.”
“Mom, Kathleen's telling me to shut up again,” Lucy said. “Punish her.”
“Does that make me ‘Mom’?” Sari looked up, her finger stuck in a page. “Because I don't think I’m emotionally ready to parent two grown women.”
“I knew you'd reject us one day,” Kathleen said. She dipped her finger in the wine and ran it along the edge of the wineglass. “So what are you guys doing for Thanksgiving? You going home, Luce?”
Lucy shook her head. “Too far.”
“What do you mean too far?” Kathleen wiped her finger on her shirt and picked up her knitting. “You grew up right around here.”
“Yes, and my parents moved to Arizona three years ago—which I’ve told you a million times.”
“You'll probably have to tell me again. I’ve already forgotten it. It's the way you drone on about things—I’m so bored I can't stay focused.”
“Mom,” Lucy said. “Kathleen's being a jerk.”
“If you two don't stop fighting, I’m sending you both to your rooms,” Sari said. She turned another page of her magazine. “There, are you satisfied?”
“Not really,” Kathleen said. “She started it.”
“I don't care who started it. Let Mommy get shit-faced in peace.” Sari took a sip of wine. “What about James, Luce? What's he doing?”
“Going to his uncle's in Long Beach. He offered to bring me, but it doesn't sound like much fun—too many old relatives.”
Sari said, “Any way I could talk you into coming with me to my parents’ house?”
“I actually don't mind being alone,” Lucy said. “I figured I’d go see a couple of movies, let myself eat as much popcorn as I want for once—”
“Sounds kind of wonderful,” Sari said. “Believe me, I’m not asking you for your sake. I’m asking you for mine. The last time I went home, it was a pretty bad scene. I had to leave after like ten minutes. But my mom's always liked you, and if you're there, she'll be on her best behavior and maybe we won't get into our usual fight.”
Kathleen said, “You're not exactly selling it, Sari.”
“Okay, wait—let me try this again,” Sari said. She plastered on a fake smile. “It'll be lots of fun! And don't forget about the delicious home-cooked meal!”
“Your mom once made me a bologna and mayonnaise sandwich,” Lucy said. “I almost threw up.”
“Yeah, okay, she's a shitty cook,” Sari said. “But please, Lucy, I’m begging you. For real. I don't want to go home alone. Please. Please please please please please.”
“Oh, fine,” Lucy said. “But this is depressing. I finally get out of having to go to my home for Thanksgiving, and I’m stuck going to yours. You owe me big for this one, Sari.”
“Name it,” Sari said. “It's yours. You want my firstborn son?”
“Kids are too messy,” Lucy said. “I’d take a puppy, though.”
“Yeah, because, dogs aren't messy,” Kathleen said. She swiped a chip through the guacamole. “They never shit on the floor.” She stuck the entire chip in her mouth.
Sari tossed the magazine onto the table with a sigh. “Maybe I had too much wine,” she said. “Everything looks ugly and wrong in there. It all seems like too much work for no good reason.”
“Wine usually makes things look better,” Kathleen said. “You sound more depressed than drunk.”
“Yeah,” Lucy said. “You okay, Sari?”
Sari just shrugged. The other two exchanged a look.
“What ever happened with Cute Asshole Guy?” Kathleen asked casually. “Last we heard, you were kissing him.”
“I don't know,” Sari said. Then, in a rush: “Things just keep getting weirder and weirder. I’m actually thinking maybe I should stop working with his kid.”
“Really?”
“I just can't deal with the situation anymore.”
“Well, maybe it's for the best then,” Lucy said.
“It's not for the best,” Sari said with sudden vehemence. “I like Zack a lot. And he's doing great. So it's not for the best, Lucy—it's all fucked up.”
“Then keep working with him,” Lucy said.
“I can't,” Sari said. “It's not a healthy situation. Not with his dad trying to—” She stopped.
“Just tell him to back off so you can keep seeing his kid,” Kathleen said.
“That won't work,” Sari said. “Because of me.” She put her hands up in the air and then let them drop. “I can't seem to just ignore him. It's like … seeing him made my life that much more interesting.” She stared miserably at the rug. “I don't know whether I like him or hate him, but not knowing kept things from being boring—and I like everything about him except that I hate him.”
“You need a real boyfriend,” Lucy said. “Someone decent who keeps your life interesting because he's kind and attentive and not because he used to shove poor old Charlie around.”
“Brilliant,” Sari said. “Know anyone like that?”
“Thousands,” Lucy said. “I’m just holding out on you.”
III
On Monday morning, Sari walked into Ellen's office and asked to have someone else take over Zachary Smiths program.
Ellen wanted to know why.
“I love the kid,” Sari said. “He's great. But I can't keep seeing him. For personal reasons.”
“You're going to have to give me more than that,” Ellen said.
“No, I don't.”
Ellen waited, but Sari just tightened her mouth and looked at the floor. After a moment, Ellen sighed and—for once—surrendered. “Is there anything I need to know about the family before I assign someone else? Anything you're not telling me?”
“No.”
“Because if there's something wrong—if the guy's a letch, or anything like that—you'd better tell me now. I’m not about to put one of my clinicians into an ugly situation.”
“He's not a letch,” Sari said. “I promise you, it'll be fine for anyone who's not me.
”
“You're not getting out of the hours,” Ellen said. “If I put the Smith kid with someone else, you'll have to take on some new kids.”
“I know. That's fine.”
“All right.” Ellen pulled a pad of paper toward her and picked up a pen. “Let me figure this out.”
“Thanks.” Sari moved toward the door.
Ellen looked up again. “Tell me, should I be pissed at you, Sari? Or worried about you?”
“Neither,” Sari said. “I’m a big girl.”
“Not if I’m cleaning up your mess, you're not.”
Sari blushed with sudden shame.
Ellen was already reaching for the phone to cancel that day's appointment for the Smiths when Sari left her office.
Sari checked her e-mail that afternoon. She had three messages from Jason Smith. She looked at the subject lines.
The first was, “About this weekend.”
The second was, “Dinner tonight?”
And the third was, “What the hell is going on?”
She deleted them all immediately.
IV
The first hint something was up came on Monday evening, when Lucy and David were walking out of the lab together and he asked her if she would be in her apartment the following morning.
“What kind of question is that?” she said.
“A yes-or-no one.”
“I may go to the gym,” she said. “Why?”
“Don't go to the gym,” he said. “Stay home.”
“And again, I say, Why?”
“No reason whatsoever.” And he walked off.
That made her curious. David had never come by her apartment before except to drop off work stuff.
She woke up at seven and was in a really bad mood by nine—she still hadn't heard from him and she could have gone to the gym and been back three times by then.
Then, a little after nine, she heard the buzzer. “It's me,” David's voice said, distorted by the intercom system.
“This better be good,” she said and buzzed him in.
She waited by the apartment door, her arms crossed, ready to be furious with him. He came up the stairs, holding something—a big white cardboard box with handles—and flashing an enormous self-satisfied grin. “Lucy,” he said, “meet your new best friend.” He put the box on the hallway floor, knelt down next to it and opened up the top, then reached inside and pulled out an extremely small gray ball of fluff. It had two big eyes and a pointy chin. At the sight of Lucy, it opened its miniature mouth, revealing several tiny uneven white teeth, and gave a squeaky little meow.
“Ow,” David said. “It keeps digging its claws into me.” He held the animal out to her. “So what do you think?”
Lucy squatted down next to him and carefully took the kitten. “Oh,” she said. It was incredibly light, like it was made out of fur and not much more. It fit on the palm of her hand, and she could feel its heart beating against her palm. “Let's go in,” she said and stood up slowly, cradling the kitten safe and tight against her body, then led the way back into the apartment.
David carried the box in and shut the door behind them.
“Where did you get it?” Lucy asked. She rubbed the top of the kitten's head. There was hard bone right under the fluff.
“He's cute, isn't he? I got him at the pound. You wouldn't believe what you have to go through to get a kitten there. They found him a couple of weeks ago, but wouldn't release him until this morning and by the time they opened, there was already a crowd of people all wanting him. Someone had actually been waiting there since five. So they held a live auction, with people bidding and screaming at each other and everything. It was pretty intense.”
“But you won?”
“Yeah,” David said. “I was determined.”
She lifted the kitten up high and peered at it from underneath. “It's a boy.”
“I could have told you that if you'd just asked. Or do you get off on looking at little animal penises?”
“I take what I can get,” she said with a laugh. She snuggled the kitten in both hands and put him against her cheek. “He's so soft.”
“Isn't he?” He was watching her, leaning back against the door, looking very pleased with himself.
“Are you just showing him to me?” she said. “Or actually giving him to me? Because—” Because she wanted him more than she'd ever wanted anything before. Why hadn't she ever thought of getting a cat before? She had thought about a dog, but never a cat. A cat made sense.
“He's all yours,” David said. “Although I’d like to retain some visiting rights.”
“Why?” Lucy looked at him, the kitten still caught against her cheek. He had started purring—it was like a tiny motor in her left ear.
“I got attached to him on the ride over.”
“No, I mean, why did you get him for me?”
“I don't know,” he said. Then: “I guess, ever since that night at the bar … you seemed so sad about having to kill animals for work and not having any as pets. I wanted to get you something. A dog seemed way too time-consuming and a fish just isn't all that much fun. Plus, I figured you could really relate to a cat, what with you both being rat-killers and all.”
“And cute,” Lucy said. “Cute little rat-killers, both of us.”
“Exactly. But if you don't want him, I could—”
“I want him,” she said. “He's perfect.”
“That's what I thought when I saw him. I thought about telling you, but I wanted it to be a surprise, and I didn't know for sure if I’d end up getting him or not.”
“Was it very expensive? I mean, if it was an auction—”
“It was a pound, Lucy,” he said. “People get animals at pounds because they can't afford pet stores. Don't worry about it.”
“That's not why people go to pounds,” she said. “It's for moral reasons.”
“Whatever. I could afford it.”
“I’d like to pay you back,” she said. “Tell me how much.”
For the first time since he'd arrived that morning, his grin faded. “Jesus, Lucy, just say thank you, will you? It's a gift.”
“Thank you,” she said. “Oh, David, thank you.”
There was a short awkward pause. She thought she should probably hug him or something, but she was holding the kitten in her hands and couldn't really. She looked around and said, “I’ll have to figure out where he can sleep and eat and everything. And kitten-proof the apartment.”
“Yeah, you might want to cover any live wires,” David said. “And no more inviting coyotes over for a cup of tea. Do you know if you're allowed to have pets in this building?”
“No,” she said. “It was never an issue, so I never bothered to ask.”
“If it's a problem—”
“I’ll move,” Lucy said.
“I was going to say I could take him in, but that works, too.” He leaned forward and touched the kitten's nose. “I knew you'd like him. Oh, and I have some stuff in the car. I’ll go get it. Some food and medicine for his eyes. They're a little gunky.”
She raised the kitten to eye level and peered at him. “Oh, yeah. I hadn't even noticed.”
“They said most of the kittens come in that way, but it clears right up with the drops. I also stopped at the drugstore for some other things—the pet store wasn't open yet. Let me go get it all.” He left the apartment and Lucy could hear him clatter down the stairs.
She sat down with the kitten on her lap. “Hello,” she said and rubbed the top of its bony-fluffy little head with her index finger knuckle. “I’m your new roommate.” The kitten pushed its forehead hard against her hand, then started to climb up her stomach, its long thin claws slipping through the knit of her sweater so she could feel their points prick against her skin. It was a delicious feeling.
She had thought the kitten was all gray, but now, as she studied it more closely, she saw that it had two little black lines between its eyes and two tiny black dots on the top of its nose.
She was still sitting there just looking at the cat when David reappeared at her open front door.
“Hey,” he said, dropping a couple of bags on the floor. “I got some kitten chow, too. By the way, they said to never give him milk or cream, because it could upset his stomach. Who knew?”
“I did,” Lucy said. “Because I had cats when I was a kid. But they weren't ever kittens.”
“Actually,” he said, “I’m fairly certain they must have been at some point. See, the mommy cat and the daddy cat love each other a lot, and he puts a seed in her—”
“You know what I mean. I only ever knew them as adults. I’ve never owned a kitten before.”
David sat down next to her. “Nothing cuter than a kitten.” He extended his index finger, and the kitten sniffed at it, then put his own paw on top. “He's shaking hands,” David said. “The world's most brilliant cat.”
The kitten put his mouth on the end of David's finger and tried to suck at it.
“He thinks you're a nipple,” Lucy said.
“I’m rethinking that whole brilliant thing.” They both watched the kitten mouth David's finger. “What are you going to name him?”
“I hadn't even thought about it yet. You sprang this on me pretty suddenly.”
“How about calling him David?”
“You want me to name my cat after you?” She raised her eyebrows. “That's asking a lot, don't you think?”
“Maybe,” he said. “But think of how much fun we could have with this. You could say things like, ‘David slept all curled up against me last night,’ in front of other people and make them wonder what's going on between us.”
“You'd take way too much pleasure in that.”
“Come on,” he said. “Throw me a bone. It's the only way I’m ever going to get into your bed. Besides, David is a great name. He defeated Goliath, you know.”