Chapter I:
Not For Happiness
Thedval in Alwan
Giretta would make a good match. That was the news in Thedval. She was not the prettiest girl in the village, but she was far from homely. She was not as thin as Meidi, and her hair was certainly not as perfectly straight and dark as the other girl's, but no man would be unhappy to call her wife.
She knew this well enough most of the time - except when Meidi herself was nearby. The other girl's presence was, to Giretta at least, like the first chill of winter, or the darkening sky before a thunderstorm. The moment Meidi entered a room, every eye turned and every young man rose from his seat.
The worst part of it was the fact that such meetings could not be avoided. The people of Thedval were of Theodysus, or 'Enthedus', as the Essenes called them. They had carried the teachings of Theodysus within their hearts and minds for nearly three hundred and sixty years, faithfully passing his doctrines from father to son, and from mother to daughter.
They were a small community, and one that only survived by drawing near one to the other. As a habit they met every two weeks at the Burial Place. And as sure as the turning of the seasons, Meidi was there, and where she went, so went the eyes of every young man. Even Nihls, as much as he professed his love for none other than Giretta, was not entirely unaffected. This was not something that Giretta found easy to forgive. But whether she forgave him or not, it was all but settled that one day Nihls would be her husband.
Hardly a conversation passed between them without her mentioning her rival's name and without Nihls finding himself in the awkward position of denying any affection for Meidi while refusing to say anything truly cruel or wicked about the other girl. Nihls never said anything cruel about anybody. He never scolded Giretta for her words; but he would not partake in her harsh criticisms. 'She is too proud,' he would agree. But he would not agree with her when she said, 'She is like a Theduan street-skulker, luring every boy every which way.' At such words he would just shrug, and try to let her rage burn away quietly. When she insisted upon agreement, he would only say, 'I understand how you feel.'
When she was calm, however, she really did think quite highly of Nihls. And he was not terrible looking; he would make a good match too. She knew this deep within herself.
But in her heart there was also a desperate hope that she might somehow and in some manner attract the attention and affection of someone else. Nihls would do; but he was not her first choice, not even close. I say, not close, not because he was not second in her mind, but because the distance between first and second in her affections was like the difference between day and night, or between glory and tragedy. But alas, all of this was for her father and the Wisemen to decide.
Thedval was located not dreadfully far from Thedua and Gilwel, where the sons of Parganas first began to make a name for themselves. It was well hidden in the deep valley from whence the Thedul River entered into the Kingdom of Alwan. They had come to live there in order to escape what remained of the god-hunters of Xanthur, who had made life for both the Essenes and the Enthedus impossible east of the Esse River where Agonas dwelt and ruled. Things were not terribly better in Alwan, however, as Pelas had his own form of god-hunters, the Doctrai, who made sure that no god but Pelas was esteemed in the hearts of the people of Alwan. Thedval, however, was located in a very remote place, where the warriors of Pelas dared not tread. It was, in their eyes, the land of the goblins.
There were, in fact, a great number of goblins living in the north, but the people of Thedval lived among their tribes without strife, giving them their excess and thereby satiating their bellies ere they were forced by hunger to raid their farms. They did raid now and again, but they were no more dangerous to the Enthedu than the god-hunters or the Doctrai. The goblins had nothing against them beside being envious of their food and of their maidens. The Enthedu took great efforts to make sure that their women were protected from the greedy eyes of the goblins. Their women were not permitted outside of the house with their hair loose at their shoulders. If they dressed plainly and kept their hair braided atop their heads, they had much less to fear from the goblins - if they should, perchance, be seen by one of the brutes.
The chief of the Enthedu's dwellings was situated along the banks of the Thedul River, and they had built a fort in the heart of the valley where most of their valuables could be stored and their excess food put away for leaner times. It was from this excess that they fed the goblins and whoever else might come to their village for help. The hunger and fear that were brought on by the seemingly eternal War of Peace drove many to seek refuge in the wilds, and so no small number of people joined with the Enthedus after receiving aid from their hands. Some came and ate, and then vanished, but others cast their lot with the people of Theodysus and adopted their peculiar ways.
There were many ancient families in Thedval at that time. Some, like Meidi and her dark-haired kin, claimed descent from Blest Candorion himself, who was, among the elves of Bel Albor, regarded as the founder of their strange cult.
Xanthur was firmly persuaded that it was Candorion who had gone by the name Theodysus, and that the appearance of the great star was nothing more than miserable good fortune for the fanatics - and misfortune for the god-hunters.
Giretta and her parents believed that their own ancestors had marched into the North with Theodysus, but had become lost in the wilds ere Candorion returned with the news that Theodysus had been raised to the throne of the Astral Lords. Nihls' family, on the other hand, had only lived in Thedval for three generations, though his parents and grandparents had done everything they could to bind themselves to the people of Theodysus. They labored harder than any other family to ensure that their children were instructed properly in the customs of the Enthedu. But for all that Nihls was never regarded with the same respect as the others.
North of the Fort lay the Burial Place, where they both worshiped the Eternal King and wept for their dead. They wept, not for the loss - for Candorion had taught them that the dead do not pass away, but merely out of view - they wept for the ignorance that, until their own passing, would separate them from both God and from their beloved. Those in Alwan who knew of the Enthedu named them 'Murlai,' which signifies, 'worshippers of the dead.'
Although every man among the Enthedu proclaimed themselves to be followers of Theodysus and his teachings as they were given by Candorion and the other ancients, divisions often arose among them, as they are wont to among all peoples. At the first Autumn meeting at the Burial Place the doctrines of a man named Abbon were being put before the Elder and his Wisemen. Many men came forward to speak against Abbon, the chief among them being the Wiseman Sazo, whose duty it was to oversea the upbringing of the young men of Thedval. But as the meeting progressed, Garam, Giretta's father, rose up and said to all those assembled, 'Let us have it from Abbon's own mouth!'
Sazo's face grew grim when he heard Garam's suggestion. It was not customary to have such a meeting without first informing the one whose teachings were to be discussed. The other Wisemen, standing before the whole assembly of Thedval, were forced to affirm Garam's wisdom, and runners were called forth. 'Amarin,' Sazo said to a young man with thick brown hair and long, thin limbs. 'Go find Teacher Abbon. I don't know why he is not here!'
Amarin shrugged and left the Burial Place, making haste at first, but slowing his pace almost as soon as he had passed out of sight.
The Wisemen could debate the Teachings as much as they pleased; he had his own interests.
'Ebbe!' he called out as he passed the place where the young women were gathered. Only on feast days did the whole people gather in one place. At most of their other meetings the women were separated from the men so that they could each worship without distraction, or at least so that, the women being occupied with the care of their infants, the men could worship in peace. 'What is this?' an old woman said with frustration.
'Mother Oridna,' Amarin said with a res
pectful bow, 'I am on an errand from the Wisemen. I have been sent by Wise Sazo himself.'
'And this requires that you steal dear Ebbe from her worship of the Eternal King?' Oridna said, not even attempting to mask her suspicion.
'I am doing as I was asked,' he said, quite honestly. The Wisemen did not say, after all, that he must go straight to Abbon, or go to Abbon alone.
Oridna sighed, finding that she could not find any reason to openly accuse him of lying. 'Ebbe, dear,' she said kindly. 'Go on and help a friend.'
A young girl with light brown curls rose eagerly from the place where she had been kneeling. She brushed the grass from her skirts and hurried away from the other girls.
Giretta, kneeling beside Ebbe, looked jealously at her friend as she departed. A sniff from Oridna quickly turned Giretta's mind back to things of the heavens.
Almost as soon as they had rounded the hill Amarin took Ebbe's hand in his own and swirled her around into his embrace. She laughed and pushed at him. 'Stop it!' she said. 'Are we not on a mission of the utmost importance! You do not want to anger the Wisemen, after all!' Her tone revealed that she thought he was very likely trying to do just that.
'I am on a mission; that is true,' Amarin said. He kissed her lips and gave her braided hair a gentle tug.
This earned him a slap across the cheek. The young maidens of Thedval let their hair down for no man but their husbands. 'You want too much!' she said, not nearly as angrily as she wanted to sound. 'My mother did the braid this morning; do you think that she would not wonder how it is that my hair came undone? She will certainly hear of your coming.'
That thought seemed to trouble Amarin, and that moment of fearfulness seemed to thrill Ebbe more than anything else. He had not thought about that. Still, he was confident that he would find some way of explaining things. 'I needed help finding Teacher Abbon,' he said innocently. 'You are friends with Nihls, so I thought you would be good help in the search.'
'I am not friends with him!' she protested. 'That filthy boy!'
'Filthy?' Amarin laughed. 'You don't forgive do you?' he scolded. The Enthedu were supposed to forgive every wrong.
'I forgive him,' she said icily, 'but that doesn't change what he did!'
'Ah, but that was a long while ago,' Amarin defended the young man. 'Besides, who can blame him?' he said, his eyes working their way down her dress and his hand moving toward her braid once more.
After another slap he let her go and the two began walking toward the village.
Amarin laughed, partly because of the slap, but mainly because it had now been nearly ten years since poor Nihls had been caught near the bathing pool on a women's day. In truth he had gone there to stop Amarin and some other boys from spying on Giretta and some of the other girls, but the boys punched him and pushed him into the water, leaving him to be discovered by the girls and their mothers' alone.
He said nothing to them about what had really happened, and so he was the only one who got in any trouble. He could not sit for nearly a week after that, though, and it made him quite the jest among his peers. Ebbe was among the bathers at the time, and never fully forgot the 'stupid, sheepish face' Nihls wore when he realized where he had been pushed into the water.
'You are just as bad, Amarin,' Ebbe complained, her pace quickening with her temper. 'Tell me the truth for once, Amarin,' she demanded. 'Have you ever gone peeping at the bathing pool?'
'I have told you before what I am telling you now,' Amarin said without any insincerity. 'I am telling you that I have never "gone peeping" anywhere.'
The answer seemed to satisfy her and they continued on in silence for a time as their minds shifted to other things.
Amarin owed Nihls a great deal, he recalled. Not only had Nihls taken the blame for what happened at the pool, he had also taught Amarin how to lie without lying - a most useful trick.
Ironically, Nihls never lied, but yet he had taught his friends how to deceive anyone for any reason with any story but without actually saying anything that was not true. He had meant it only as a jest, but Amarin and the other young men had taken up the practice with great enthusiasm.
The Enthedu, as people who believe that the Truth is more important even than life itself, do not think very highly of lying. There are stories told among them of men who would not lie even to god-hunters and Doctrai who searched for more victims. They would not necessarily give their kin and friends over into their enemy's hands, but they would not mislead them, regardless of the cost. One man even famously said, 'Let us all perish from the earth; I will not give life to the Dragon through my lips.'
The question arose among the young men once of whether or not it would be right to lie to such men. Sazo's favorite pupil, a tall and strong young man named Noro, argued most passionately that no man should ever speak a lie - not for any reason. 'It says in the Scriptures, "Lie not at all."' he had told them all, with enough fury in his face to silence any opponent.
But Nihls laughed and said, 'But that does not mean, "Deceive not at all."'
When the reasons of this strange statement were demanded, Nihls had said, with a hint of a grin upon his face, 'Even nature deceives, and in the Scriptures of the Essenes the Eternal King himself lays traps for prideful men.'
'But traps are not words,' Noro had argued. 'If the Eternal King speaks falsely, wherein can we believe anything that is said in the Scriptures?'
'Still,' Nihls said, 'it is in the Scriptures that the Eternal King laid a mat over the pit into which the evil king Ghrisgon fell, and laid it over the pit so that he would think the pit to be part of the road.'
'But he did not speak a lie!' Noro insisted.
'That is true,' Nihls had said. 'But you must confess that it is not an evil to deceive at least. Unless it is evil for the Eternal King as well.'
After some thought Noro reluctantly agreed, 'But nowhere in the Scriptures does it ever say that it as alright to lie!'
'But you do not have to lie to deceive, even with your words,' Nihls explained. 'If you add the words "I am telling you" or "I am saying" to whatsoever you wish to lie about, behold, it is no longer a lie, for you are indeed saying it, and telling it, whether or not it, by itself, is the truth. Either way, it is the truth that you are speaking it.'
After a few moments of thought Noro and the others burst into laughter, and each of them had since used the technique to avoid some kind of difficult situation. Amarin had made something of an art out of it, however, and could lead everyone in Thedval about by the nose without ever actually speaking anything that was less than true. Nihls, however, did not seem to be able to even use his own trick to save himself from trouble. It was partly because of this that Giretta could beat him down so terribly. He could not lie to her; and that would not make for a happy marriage.
After a while they came to the center of the village where most of the working people kept shops and storefronts. The village was all but empty due to the meeting, which drew nearly everyone to the Burial Place every second Thedsday, which was the day set apart for such things. Usually there would still be some people remaining in the village to get some extra work done or to get a little peace and quiet, but the people emptied the village when they heard that Abbon's teachings were finally to be discussed by the Wisemen.
Everyone had heard about the meeting, apparently, except for Teacher Abbon himself. 'Did Teacher Sazo really say he did not know why Abbon was not at the meeting?' Ebbe laughed. She hadn't quite figured out Amarin's trick, but she knew that one could not simply take everything he said to be the truth entire.
'Yeah, he did,' Amarin answered, 'as if it was not because he had asked him to stay away from the meetings in the first place.'
Ebbe shook her head. Most of the youths of Thedval at least liked Teacher Abbon, and he had never been any trouble to anyone. They did not understand everything the Wisemen discussed and debated about his teachings, but they saw no reason to dislike the man.
Ducking a
round a corner Amarin took advantage of their solitude to steal a kiss or two from Ebbe before they continued their search. As they rounded the corner to return to the street, however, they saw Ilder the Huntsman approaching.
'Your search would be quicker, Amarin,' he laughed knowingly, 'if the two of you were to split up, and if you first searched the Teacher's home before checking the alleys.'
Amarin smirked and Ebbe's face turned bright red. 'That is what I have been telling him, master Ilder,' Ebbe answered quickly. 'He said he heard a sound this way, and...'
'Let us check the Teacher's house,' Ilder interrupted her, obviously unwilling to suffer through poor excuses. 'The people are waiting, and Sazo is teaching in the meanwhile. That is reason enough to hurry.'
Ilder was a hard man, and stood somewhat aloof from most of what happened in the village of Thedval. He dwelt in the woods and made his living selling hides and pelts as well as lumber. He was old enough, in the eyes of the young men, to be thought of as one of the Wisemen, but still strong enough to be considered a young man by some of the older folk, though there were several specks of gray in his black hair.
With Ilder walking upon their heels Amarin and Ebbe quickly found their way to Abbon's home, where the teacher spent the majority of his hours.
Abbon had spent most of his life as a farmer, studying the Scriptures of the Enthedu every night and plowing the fields every day. He had insight, he was told in his younger days, and was encouraged to study to become a Wiseman.
The Wisemen were men who had read all the Scriptures at least twice and who had memorized at least three of the Discourses of Theodysus, including his final discourse with the Dragon before he was taken up to the stars. Having accomplished all this, Abbon was given the title of Wiseman and given men to teach - and anyone who taught from the Scriptures was called a Teacher.
But it soon became apparent that his strong mind was also an independent one, and some among the other Wisemen did not like the sorts of things he had been teaching, though none denied that he had a gift for it. When he was permitted to teach, the children loved his stories and his explanations, even seeking him out at other times of the week and on Thedsdays when no meetings were held.
But Sazo had asked that the children not be sent to him by the Wisemen, and that he only be permitted to teach those whose parents had given express permission. Nihls, whose parents had both died before these sorts of doubts were raised concerning Teacher Abbon, could not be consulted, and so Nihls was free to visit him as he pleased, and learn whatever he had to say. Most of the other parents simply remained silent, although Noro's father had expressly forbidden him from even speaking to 'the fool Abbon' - and Noro was very happy to obey him.
Amarin and Ebbe were not surprised, then, to find that Nihls was already at the Teacher's house. What did surprise them, however, was the fact that he was holding a sword.
The Sword And The Teacher
Blest Yulin the warrior, as the hapless youth who once foolishly raised his sword against the Black Adder Candor Proud had come to be called, had left the Enthedu with a short work entitled, 'The Sword.' In it he described the teachings of Blest Candorion concerning the use of violence and killing. This work was a portion of the Scriptures of the Enthedu, and expressly forbid what it referred to as, 'sword-slaying'. In obedience to this the Enthedu did not use any weapons, whether swords or spears, axes or bows. 'Axes are tools for the lumberman, bows are tools for the hunter, but spears and swords are tools for murder,' a common saying went among them. There were a few men in Thedval who owned swords despite this, but they were treated as ornaments or memorials of ancient battles, and they were not thought of as weapons of defense.
'Where did you get that?' Amarin asked in amazement. For his part he was more thrilled at the sight of something forbidden than he was concerned for his friend's possession of something almost universally condemned by the Wisemen.
'It was my father's,' Nihls said nervously, the look on his face making it plain that he had not expected to be found with it. He stood beside a great brown horse with a long black mane. Nihls patted the horse as he spoke. 'It is one of the few things that he had not received from the Enthedu.'
'Our power is in forgiveness,' Ilder said firmly, but not angrily. He did look somewhat uneasy near the sword. He was a hard man, and a hunter, but when it came to the harming of people his hardness melted away.
'I know,' Nihls began, the words pouring from his mouth rapidly. 'It is only because...'
'Where is your Teacher?' Ilder interrupted him. 'The Wisemen are waiting for him at the Burial Place; they are discussing his teachings today.'
'He is teaching right now,' Nihls said, tilting his head toward the back garden of Abbon's home. When he had grown too old to farm Abbon had sold his farm and everything on it to Garam, who now rented it to another family.
They passed Nihls by, each one of them staring at the sword as they went; Amarin with envy, Ebbe with terror and Ilder with a suspicious look in his eyes. They came to a lush garden with high fences to which were attached many vines bearing a tremendous load of ripe and nearly ripe squash. There were bushes with plump berries gently tugging the branches toward the ground and a smell of sweetness in the air. There were only three children there to be taught, and Abbon sat upon the edge of a small stone fountain with the children seated on cushions on the grass.
'But what does it mean?' one of the youths asked him. 'What is so bad about possibility? Why did Theodysus have to unmake the Dragon?'
'There was a man,' Abbon began, closing his eyes mournfully as he searched his memory for what he believed to be one of the saddest moments of his life. 'many years ago - a student of mine from a time when I was not very wise. I am, perhaps, not wise still, but I am, I hope, at least less unwise.'
The children looked at him with great interest as he continued his story. 'This man had a daughter,' his eyes looked as though they might burst into tears at any moment as he looked at the children, 'she was about your age, Donel,' he said. 'She was the most beautiful child. She was strong and healthy for all her life, and full of kindness and joy. She was a treasure. A treasure.'
'What happened?' Donel asked, discerning by his teacher's melancholy expression that this story did not hold anything good in store for this girl.
'She grew ill. A long fever at first, but nothing out of the ordinary. She did not regain her full strength, though, and soon she began to be sick more and more often, and then she fell asleep for a week. And then,' Abbon drew a deep breath before continuing, 'and then she died.' He spread his hands apart as if to say that there was nothing more to be said about it. 'She died, as so many do.'
Ilder and the others took seats nearby so as not to disturb him in the middle of his lesson. Nihls came in behind them, without the sword, and took a seat beside Amarin.
'The girl's father came to me and asked me, "Is the Eternal King good?" And I could only but answer him that I believed that he was good. But he pressed me further, asking, "Then why should my daughter have suffered? Why should she have died? What manner of King is he, who would make a child to suffer?"
'It was to answer such questions that Theodysus had come; it was because of such things that he came to teach us, and to unmake the Dragon. For the problem with this poor man was not that his daughter had died; the problem was that the Dragon's lies had not been fully driven from his mind. They worked within him and brought about death - not death to his body. Death is a trifle to the Enthedu. He lost sight of the Eternal King, who is truth.'
'But we wanted to know about what Theodysus said to the Dragon,' Donel reminded his teacher.
Abbon nodded and continued, wiping a tiny drop from his cheek. 'I am sorry. Now, let me think for a moment. You see, this man had a daughter, and that daughter grew sickly and died. How could he be outraged that she did not live longer, when it was impossible for her to do so. For it was true that she lived only a while, and true that she died. To
live on and without illness would make her something else. She would no longer partake in the truth, and she would no longer be his daughter. His daughter died. But this creature - the creature of wish - did not, and therefore is not his daughter. It is the Dragon who gives to us the idea that something could have been different from what it is or was. Look at the world, watch it from beginning to end, there is only Truth - there is never a "could be," a "maybe," or a "might have been." There is only the Truth, as Theodysus said to the Dragon. What is this "could have been" and this "it was possible" but a lie? It is not truth, for truth always is. Seeing other girls live, and calling them all by the name "girls," he said to himself, "girls can live on." And so when his own daughter perished, he thought that, like the others, she could have lived. But it is not our names that make things as they are. He said to me that he wanted to give his daughter away in marriage, and dance at the Burial Place for her wedding, and not weep there over her rotting corpse!'
The children were silent and their faces grim and sad.
'Do you see, children, what the Dragon had wrought within him, and how it had darkened his mind. His daughter; his actual daughter, whom he professed to love, he rejected and despised, clinging to the idea of a daughter that was not, could not be, and would never be his. He rejected his daughter for a phantasm of the Dragon - for an illusion of the Great Liar. And if this was not bad enough,' Abbon's face filled with anger as he thought about it, 'the Dragon is never content with destroying a man's hope by lies - saying to him that his daughter, who died, could have lived. But the man left the Enthedu cursing, not only the Eternal King who, he felt, had taken his daughter from him, but also cursing himself,' Abbon laid great stress on this last word, 'He cursed himself for failing her, for the Dragon convinced him that there were many things HE could have done differently. And so he, thinking of all those wretched possibilities, lost the peace that Theodysus had brought to the world.
'The Eternal King, my children,' Abbon said, tears now streaming from his face, 'has made all of us, just as we are. He has made us and specially chosen each of us, to live, to grow, and even to die. Sometimes to die young. But death is no evil to those who are in the Eternal King's hand. For he, being in all times, cannot be robbed. For even if a man passes away, he does not pass out of the hands of he who holds all men without changing. To know him is to know Truth, for he is the Name - the Hidden Name of Truth. But to know of all these "could be's" is to know nothing, for "could be's" are nothing, and they do not partake in the truth. They are born from the Dragon's mouth and planted in our hearts by careless and idle thought.
'My children,' Abbon finished, 'Do not lose sight of the Truth as that poor man did. Do not follow after the Dragon and his lies. They are tempting and sweet - a better wife, a better dinner, a daughter that does not leave you in death - who could not desire such things? But each of them leads you away from the Truth. Do not follow the lies of the Dragon, which tempt you to follow with empty promises. They and they alone are the path to despair.'
'But you said that Theodysus unmade the dragon,' Donel protested. 'But how can the Dragon still deceive us?'
Abbon answered saying, 'The Dragon, being nothingness, cannot be defeated any more than he can be triumphant. But to the soul who is blinded by his lies he is very real. And though Theodysus walked the path ahead of us, and marked the trail as it were, the Dragon is not dead until he is dead within you as well as in the Far North where he is said to have met his end. Until each and every one of you faces the Dragon,' his eyes rose and fell on Nihls as he finished, 'he lives.'
Ilder himself was brushing tears from his eyes when at last the children were dismissed. Abbon rose from his seat with an effort and came forward. 'Ah, Ilder,' he said, addressing the eldest of his guests first, which was in accordance with the customs of the Enthedu. 'Amarin and Ebbe too,' he said with a look of joy upon his face.
'We have not come to visit, I am sorry,' Ilder said, not wanting to mislead the old Teacher.
'I know, I know,' Abbon said. 'You have come to fetch me for the meeting.'
'You know about the meeting?' Amarin said with surprise.
'I do, I was told quite clearly that they would be discussing my lessons today,' Abbon replied.
'But you did not come?' Ilder asked.
'I was told of the meeting,' the old man laughed, 'but I was not told, or asked for that matter, to come to it.'
'But you know what they mean to decide?' Ilder said, not entirely making it clear whether it was a question or a statement.
'If I had gone to the meeting, unbidden though I was, I would have had my robes torn and my title stripped from me by now. But then what of Donel and his friends? How would I teach them if I was no longer a Teacher? I would not go against the Wisemen,' Abbon said.
'But even if you do not go you will be forbidden to teach,' Ilder said confusedly.
'Indeed, but had I gone earlier, I would not have been able to explain the doctrines of Theodysus to these children this day.'
'You are a true Teacher in heart, Abbon,' Ilder said, rising from his seat. 'But the others are waiting for us, and these youths were sent to find you.'
Ebbe's face turned red and Amarin shrugged - one of them had indeed been sent.
Abbon nodded, he did not want them to get in trouble. He was likely to lose everything he had worked his whole life for, but he did not want a few youths to get in trouble.
'Do you need Urian, Teacher?' Nihls asked, making his way back toward the horse.
'No,' Abbon said as he left the garden. He walked over and laid his hand gently upon the horse's neck. 'No, I don't think that I will need Urian any longer. Will you look after him, Nihls?'
'I will, Teacher,' Nihls said, not understanding Abbon's strange words.
Into Exile
About half an hour passed before Teacher Abbon made it to the Burial Place. The people seemed happy to see him, both because he was generally well liked and because it would make an end of Teacher Sazo's lesson. Sazo was speaking impassionedly, which meant that he was nearing the end of his talk. This was no comfort, however, as the people knew that he would just start another lesson and then another until Abbon arrived.
And so the trial of Teacher Abbon began.
Each of the village Wisemen asked at least one question of him; Sazo asked at least a dozen, and most of the questions asked by the others had clearly originated with him.
They had a lengthy discussion about the use of wine, and Sazo made it a point to emphasize that, of all the Wisemen, Abbon was the only one who would not drink any wine at all. 'Wisdom,' Abbon said, 'is what makes a man a man and not a goblin. That is your own doctrine, Teacher Sazo, as well as mine. I will not surrender reason for any reason. You and the others can do as you wish. I don't know how to make this sound better to your ears. I do not speak against you, however, I speak only for myself. If you press me, how can I respond but by censuring you - which is the very last thing I intend. I must obey conscience. Leave it at that, and we will have no further controversy.'
A number of questions were utterly ridiculous, and, Nihls thought irefully, meant to make a mockery of the man so that, by the time any real issues were to be discussed, he would be thought a fool.
'It is said that you teach that there is nothing after death, is this so?' Sazo asked him with a sneer.
'It is not so,' Abbon answered gently, 'and I have never taught so. He who accuses me has misunderstood me.' It was Sazo who had come up with that question, and so the questioner quite rightly took offense at his answer.
'I heard you with my own ears, Teacher Abbon,' Sazo said, almost spitting out the word 'Teacher.'
'Hearing and understanding are best when they work together,' Abbon answered, 'but though you cannot have understanding without hearing, you can have hearing by itself.'
'You said that the soul does not ascend to the heavens after the death of the body. But yet we have been promised a life unending,' Sazo conti
nued. 'What have we striven for all these generations, if you now are to teach us that our hope is a lie?'
'I have taught no such thing...' Abbon began.
'But I heard you myself!' Sazo protested.
'Heard, yes,' Abbon said. 'You are what you are and you are living now, right now,' Abbon attempted an explanation. 'No man can know perfectly what is to come in the future. We can trust, and hope perhaps, but our hope is not in what might be, but rather in what is - our hope is in the truth, which does not permit of moments, either before or after. If we have hope it is because the Eternal King holds all times in his hand, and cannot lose anything. And the Scriptures say much the same, when this life is ended, we go to him, not he to us, as if he needed to enter the world and raise us to our feet again. Maybe he will, I cannot say - but that is not the hope that is within us. Our hope is not a hope like the elves and men of Alwan have, where they think to themselves that, perhaps this year, or maybe in ten years, peace will come and happiness with it. If our hope was such a looking for things to come in the world, then we would be as other men, pining after the future – and always fearing it. But Theodysus did not teach that we could, someday, somehow, find the abode of the Eternal King like a man discovers a new valley or a new plane. No, we can find him now, and we can live where he lives now - for every moment of our lives stands before him, and he cannot lose a single day of our lives, though we can lose many for ourselves.'
'Do you see?' Sazo said, 'It is much the same in every line of questioning. He has no regard for our Scriptures, which teach that when death has come to the body, the soul goes to the heavens.'
'I have,' Abbon said with a pause, 'a proper regard for the Scriptures.' His face grew hard and grim as he spoke, for he knew that he had spoken something the Wisemen would not be willing to overlook.
'Do you doubt,' the village elder, an old man named Inslen, said cautiously, 'that our Scriptures were spoken to the Blest ones by the Eternal King himself, who said that his truth would remain with us and in us?'
'He spoke that of the truth,' Abbon said, almost pleading with them for understanding, 'The truth which the Scriptures constantly declare to be the Hidden Name itself, and not any books or creeds.'
There was a riotous clamor from the onlookers, and a great murmur arose. Some of the men began calling for his exile that very moment, and others turned to one another and said how glad they were that they had not sent their children to be taught by him.
'The Scriptures are true, and without them we would not be,' Sazo said, and the elder nodded approval at his saying. 'How else shall men learn the truth of Theodysus, if they cannot trust the record of his teachings.'
'His teachings are within every heart already,' Abbon said. 'And I cannot make the Scriptures say what they do not say - that the Scriptures themselves were spoken by the Eternal King. I would rather men look to the Truth which stands imperishable within, than look to that which, we who have seem the pages thereof, know to have seen decay over the years. The truth is imperishable, but pages fade and burn.'
'Get him out of here!' Inslen shouted, rising from his seat with a red face.
'A vote! A vote!' Sazo shouted, and all the Wisemen rose quickly, their sudden movement silencing the crowd.
'I have only ever tried to speak the Truth,' Abbon said quietly, but no one heard him, and certainly no one but Nihls understood him.
The Wisemen rose and faced him, all but one of them raising their left hand toward him - a sign of rejection. From that hour forward, no man was to speak or dine with him, until he condescended to the commands of the Wisemen.
'I labored for many years to become a Wiseman,' Abbon laughed. 'Shall men take my wisdom from me? Did men give it to me when I was raised to the council?' He shook his head and breathed slowly and carefully. 'I love every one of you,' he said firmly, 'And I hope with all my heart that I have erred, and that it is for your good that I depart. But I do not believe it to be true. Farewell, Enthedu. Farewell, brother Sazo.'
Sazo looked at him with anger and said only, 'My brother is he who abides in the truth.'
Nihls made as if to follow his teacher, but Abbon shook his head. 'No, child. You have learned well from me. Do not cast off these people for my sake. I have lived my life and finished my work, if any among you know the teachings of Theodysus better for having sat at my feet. Stay; they will need men like you in the days to come. That much my old eyes see clearly, even if I am wrong about everything else. Flood and fire comes to this land, as our Scriptures say.'
'If you doubt yourself,' Noro said, rising from his seat and approaching the old Teacher, 'then how can you say that you have taught the truth?' He was not supposed to speak to the exile, but he was irate, and did not think of the customs.
'What is doubt, dear Noro?' Abbon asked gently. 'How can a man doubt what is knowledge? Doubt shows a man that what he knows, he does not know well enough. But what can show a man that his thoughts are insufficient but that which is sufficient - I mean, that which is truth itself? Doubt is the voice of Truth. If you silence it, then, whatever you believe, you believe blindly. And blindness is not the way of Theodysus.'
'Teacher Sazo is right to banish you, then,' Noro said, approaching the old man angrily, 'If you speak so highly of doubt, when we are to know the Truth and not doubt it.' Nihls moved as if to stand between them and for a moment the two young men locked eyes. 'Be gone, and take all of your nonsense along with you.' Noro clearly meant Nihls when he said 'nonsense.'
Abbon bowed low to the ground, his old bones bringing his forehead to touch the ground. He rose and walked slowly down toward his house, and from there into the south and out of memory. Nihls wept and fled from the Burial Place while the Wisemen attempted to restore peace to the puzzled and confused audience.
Scandals
The Enthedu recovered from the loss of the old Teacher rather quickly, most of them feeling that he ought to have been exiled long ago for teachings such strange things. Some thought that perhaps age had overtaken his good sense, and that he ought to have at least been permitted to dwell in the village, though not be permitted to teach. All of Abbon's pupils who were yet under twenty years of age were sent to Sazo to be instructed. Nihls, however, refused, and since his parents were no longer living, was left alone. He also no longer attended the meetings at the Burial Place.
'He just sits at his home working with that sword,' Amarin said when the young women of the village asked about him before the meeting one week. Giretta laughed nervously as she walked alongside Amarin and Ebbe.
'What does he do with it?' Ebbe asked.
'He sharpens it, I think,' Amarin said, though he wasn't sure what Nihls could be doing with the sword. If he was sharpening it, it ought to be sharpened already, he thought. But Nihls never seemed to be finished with it. 'He practices with it too,' Amarin added. 'Perhaps he means to use it to slay the Dragon.'
'Does he even know how to use a sword?' Giretta laughed, feeling embarrassed by the entire conversation. She laughed, but only to show the others that she, also, found the whole thing ridiculous. She was intended to marry Nihls, according to the agreement that had been made between her father and Nihls' parents. It was not impossible for them to alter this arrangement, but to break an agreement with a dead man would bring scandal upon both their houses - something that Garam would avoid at any and all costs.
'Don't the Scriptures forbid swords?' Ebbe asked.
'He says,' Amarin answered, 'that they forbid only killing with the sword, though I do not know what else they could be used for.'
'And he has not been seen at a meeting since the exile,' Ebbe said, as if she were making a tally of his faults.
'He has always been a strange one,' Noro said as they approached the meeting place.
When he looked at them Giretta blushed and looked at her shoes. 'Noro must think I am quite ridiculous to be bound to the fool Nihls,' she thought bitterly to herself.
And there
beside Noro stood none other than Meidi, whose family was as honorable as Sazo's and who had inherited the beauty of her ancestor, the Blest Leai Eslunana, consort of Blest Candorion himself.
'What are you talking about?' Meidi asked with an eager grin on her face. She always seemed to be looking for someone to mock, as if her unrivaled beauty would be all the more lofty the lower her fellows were beaten down.
'What do you think we were talking about?' Ebbe snickered.
Amarin's fingers had crawled up toward her braids but Ebbe grabbed them in her fist and squeezed, her face growing red and wrathful.
Noro laughed heartily.
'Oh yes,' Amarin said, shaking his newly freed fingers and wincing. 'We were talking about Nihls and his sword.'
'I don't understand why it is permitted,' Meidi said. 'You know what the Scriptures say.'
'They say,' Amarin began, doing his best imitation of Nihls' quiet tone, 'that you can do whatever you want with a sword, so long as you don't kill anyone with it.'
'How will you ever manage him?' Meidi asked, the soft skin of her palm resting on Noro's strong forearm as if she were steadying herself while she giggled.
Giretta knew exactly what she was doing, and she wasn't holding onto Noro for stability.
Giretta stood silent for a moment, but she could think of nothing to say. Tears very nearly broke out of her face as she stood there humiliated.
Ebbe, seeing her distress, said quickly, 'Wives have ways, my father says. If they really want something, there is little a man can do about it - except make his entire life a misery. He will come to see sense, I am sure.'
'If anyone would be willing to make their whole life a misery,' Noro chuckled, 'it would be Nihls!'
The others laughed, and nodded as they conceded his point.
Some time ago Nihls had argued openly with Teacher Sazo about a lesson he gave on the goodness of the Eternal King.
'The Eternal King,' Sazo had said, 'wants nothing more than that his creatures be happy and well. If he wanted something else, then he would not be the greatest of all gods, and we would, therefore, be quite wrong to worship him.'
Nihls had protested that, 'What we might see as good for ourselves might not be what is good in the eyes of the King, and so giving us what we want for the sake of our happiness might be, in his eyes, an iniquity. Moreover, happiness does not always come. It did not come for the Essene holy men, nor did it come for the Blest, who only through great sorrow and difficulty found their way to Alwan and built this village.'
'You speak ignorantly,' Sazo had said, 'because you do not know the power of the Eternal King, who can and will do everything his worshippers ask him to do. That much is written in the Scriptures!'
'But he who worships him will ask according to the wishes of the King, and not his own desires. He who wills against the King, worships him not,' Nihls had added, quietly. He could not bring himself to oppose the Teacher any further on the matter.
'In that case,' Giretta said to the others, trying to regain her composure, 'I will have to make him a VERY happy man.' She looked straight at Noro as she spoke, and in her heart she meant for him to see that she was capable of forwardness like Meidi. But she felt sick almost as soon as she had spoken.
Meidi just laughed politely; Noro and the others looked at her with surprise, though they seemed amused by it on the whole.
Giretta then added sheepishly, and by way of explanation, 'so that he will be as miserable as he wishes to be.'
As they stood there looking at her, the voice of Sazo himself rose over everything else, and the youths realized that it was time for them to separate. Amarin gave Ebbe a little kiss on the cheek after making sure that no one, aside from his friends, was looking. Meidi released Noro's arm at last, but she slid it ever so gently down toward his wrist before parting from him.
Giretta shook her head and followed the girls toward Oridna's grove, where the young women were to be gathered.
Meidi took her arm in her own and leaned in toward her with a bright smile. Even her teeth seemed to be perfect, Giretta thought bitterly. Her own teeth were not bad, she knew, but when Meidi opened her mouth it was like starlight set within a lush red apple. The young women of Thedval were forbidden to wear paint upon their faces - lest the goblins be drawn to them despite their plain attire. If Meidi was not wearing paint upon her lips, Giretta swore, then she must be some kind of goddess.
That, at least, she did not believe to be the case.
'It looks like I am the only one not spoken for,' Meidi said quietly as she gestured toward Ebbe and Amarin. 'What do you think of Noro?'
Giretta's heart sunk. That was a question that she could never answer truthfully. She could not say how Noro filled her thoughts and dreams day and night, and that she felt weak kneed and foolish in his presence. She could say none of those things because her father had been overly friendly with Nihls' parents more than a decade ago. Nihls' father had done a few favors for Garam, and so Giretta had to marry Nihls. 'Perhaps Nihls was right,' she thought to herself, 'we are not meant for happiness.' Then, looking at Meidi's wicked grin she added, 'Not all of us, at least.'